Welp, here it is. The ultimate test of the footballing fan. Did you think it was a walk in the park every time you turned on the tube-like device to catch your favourite sport? No. There’s work to be done tonight and I for one welcome it. Why? Because there be some tremendously witty fellers/lassies out there that won’t be constrained by cheering for/being let down by their stupid team. There may even be discussions of *gasp* non-football thingys. That’s kinda how we do things over here… TO THE GAME!
Indy/NYJ-If the Colts win everyone in the AFC South (Jags excepted of course) will be 6-6 and “controls their own destiny” in the exact same manner of Sisyphus. You see, this narrative is predicated on each team running the table (NOPE!) because .500 squads do this all the time. Did I mention that the Colts and Texans play each other next week? A tie would muddy the waters quite nicely, I guess. But so would a win by either team because sports scribblers must do what they do. I now turn my attention to the Jets…
I’m done. BRING THE FUNNY!
Has anyone seen DTZM since the initial reaction to the Jeff Fisher contract extension? I’m concerned* about the safety of the Kroenke family.
*excited about what’s next
“the Colts OL has improved”
Yes Jon, they’re only getting Andrew Luck concussed instead of tearing his kidney
“One second I was me, then I wasn’t.”
WHERE DO I FUCKING SIGN?!
So we don’t even need to look at the screen to know which Jets cornerback got burned any more, do we?
JUST LET ME BE MYSELF as I drive into the other Lane…
What are we selling here? A car that helps prevent natural selection and/or suicide? Is that what this song is really about? Why has no one else noticed the significance of that 2 second scene in the commercial?
“Well-spoken.”
SOCIAL!!!
I thought we only play Asshole when we’re watching Buck.
Would you rather: AT&T girl or Verizon quadruplets?
Lily all day.
ATT Lily all day every day
“How would you like to be a Jet fan tonight?”
I wouldnt wish that hell on my worst enemy.
Just got out of a dui.
I didn’t own the car I passed out on top of.
WINNING!!!
http://golf.swingbyswing.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Spalding_Caddyshack1.gif
http://www.theunforgettablebuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/1969-Sears-SB-2.jpg
What everyone wishes this game would be
Entertaining?
Adam Vinatieri can’t shine Jan Stenereud’s 1.5 shoes.
Jeremy Ross thinks the NFL will award him a touchdown if he manages to accumulate 100 total return yards in his career.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejDjfwt-gmc
Sean McDonough is a professional broadcaster and as far as I know a nice guy, but his voice makes Monday Night Football sound like a college Division II game.
No, no, that’s the Jets doing that tonight.
Zero chemistry with Gruden, boring as shit, nothing of quality to add on his own … and still better than Buck.
A screeching howler monkey in heat would add more to a game than Buck.
What did Div II ever do to deserve such a comparison?
So a massive improvement!
Ryan Grigson: “Hey, you know how Ryan Tannehill’s old coach undermined him at every turn and nearly got him killed for 4 years straight?”
Chuck Pagano: “Yeah?”
Ryan Grigson: “Lets hire him as our OL Coach even though our OL has been pretty damn shitty!”
Chuck Pagano: “BRILLIANT”
I might be on an island here, but I am still unforgiving of Penn State for how they destroyed the memory of black high-tops.
Obviously you’re not on Revis island, because that is currently underwater.
Easily their greatest crime against humanity.
Have we had a Fitzpatrick Harvard comment yet?
I have an irrational hatred of the douchey hipster cockwallet in this Virginia Lottery commercial.
This “give the ref a ride” commercial is bullshit. That dad would have creamed that zebra and never looked back.
Creamed Zebra sounds like a smoothie Andy Reid would order while on vacation in Tanzania.
Creamed Zebra is what Andy Reid slathers over biscuits while on his breakfast safari.
Is there such thing as an audio dictionary? If so, they should use the sound of those Jets fans cheering for that field goal as the definition of “sarcastic”.
That’s definitely not how I expected Moana to end.
Bowles is probably thinking, “this is North Jersey. I can probably find another over – muscled meathead with an Italian last name by our next possession.”
BLEERGH is getting his offerings early tonight. Can we hope for an similar offering to SHAN’KHOR?
I find it hard to believe that Shan’Khor will arise from her slumber enough to notice this game.
Bruno Jack-a-Meany doing what he does, getting flagged.
If you’re talking about who I think…he was decent here. We’d probably take him back.
Right, but the Seahawks would start Jabba the Hut if he were available.
Next time, Colts, if you’re gonna rough up Fitzpatrick, TAKE HIM OUT OF THE FUCKING GAME.
Thanks.
Spoken like a true Jets fan.
That’s a pretty weak personal foul, but it’s the second best offensive play the Jets have had.
Looks like Forte earned his apostrophe on that one
So I did a Google image search for “Mexican cartel killings”.
Remind me to never, ever, never cross anyone in the Mexican cartel.
Death by acid barrel would be quick no?
Not as quickly as you’d wish it to be
The one where they kill you and peel your skin away from your head, and then leave your dick and balls right next to your head? That would be a tough way to go.
Amateurs. During the Inquisition, they could flay a man alive so that his skin would remain in one piece.
Classic Bolton
Their death cults seem pretty terrifying…
http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/features/the-believers-19890629
Alright, Kommentariat Expats, anyone who can explain why I put my avatar to that sexy scotch bottle that Rikki-Tikki-Deadly provided, yet it still shows my original default avatar, you win as yet to-be-determined prize. Also, what the fucks a Gravitar.
Don’t look over here, I can’t imbed a pic and I send my articles to Hippo and Balls as I do not know how to post or how to access it.
Alexa, what’s this burning sensation?
The Clap…
ping sound Alexa makes as it tells your home’s IoT HVAC and kitchen systems to kill you in your sleep.
You’re free, Alexa.
Alexa has a bleep function because there was no appliance named bleeping lights at my friend’s place.
If you’re asking anyone how many calories are in a chicken wing you are not the target demographic for chicken wings.
“Alexa, what’s testosterone?”
I’m not saying I’m a dick or anything, but man if my son was in a play, and talking in an English accent, I’d be . . .proud?
I’m in a scary place.
I’ve done drunk a lot. I still have a sweat shirt that I showed up to the carrier, which the idea is I traded my pants for at some point….I remember fucking a girl from the University of Rome…so I think its how I lost my pants…
I have been on vacation and drinking since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Per my notes, I went to three open houses, of which one of them I must have loves, because in my apartment, one one of the walls, I wrote in ketchup that a specific address “is fucking awesome you dingus”.
This pending hangover is going to be epic and terrifying. I have only a third of gin left. I am too drunk to drive….and the gas station closes in about 40 minutes….
pray for me….PRAY YOU FUCK NUTS!!!
Still got my shit together compared to the Jets.
I wish i could make this the banner quote.
I wish I could make that my life’s mantra
I think you’re doing okay. In fact, I’d say you’re tearing shit up. Enjoy.
I’ve called in some professionals to cover the prayers for you:
http://image.tmdb.org/t/p/original/qsNmMCq3FDqx4dRp2RwIs1QTZRy.jpg
And a Doctor.
http://media1.fdncms.com/riverfronttimes/imager/u/original/2584969/nikolas_van_helsing.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqWRaAF6_WY
Did they find that girl?
What’s this new shit with punters celebrating like they are people?
Trump’s America, motherfucker!
Punter lives matter! Or, at least, Punte lives matter(ed)…
This is where the Jets launch an inspiring six-year offensive drive for better punting position.
Six YARD. Six YARD offensive drive.
I think you may have been right the first time.
I’ve seen better organized monkey shit fights at the zoo.
Underrated football movie
Can you gamble on that?
Leonard Williams adds a suplex to his WWE audition tape
How fitting they played Khasmir, the Jets glory days are far in the past as well.
You mean glory day?
Yes, Jon, Bowles is going to start making things happen himself. Look, he’s getting dressed on the sidelines now!
All by himself!
Guys, I, I don’t think I can watch this game. It’s just too much I tells ya, it’s just too much. I GOTTA CHANGE THE CHANNEL, I JUST GOT…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0GW0Vnr9Yc
One of my favorite scenes of all time.
That’s not my favorite scene but Robert Stack does have my favorite line in Airplane:
“OK I’ll be there shortly; keep ’em at 20,000 until I get there”
-pause-
“No, feet”
That movie, and its sequel, are the tits.
Also, Police Squad is SOOOOOOOO much better than the Naked Gun Movies.
Frank is not supposed to be an idiot!!!
THESE JETS, I CALL THEM DESPERATE BISEXUALS, BECAUSE THEY’RE UGLY AND SAD NO MATTER WHICH SIDE THEY’RE ON
Well done.
So a half season in, is Sean McDonough still a pathetic boring and lame replacement for Tirico?
Avatar suggestion:
http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/ODQ5WDU2Ng==/z/QasAAMXQ-3NRj8H9/$T2eC16hHJGUFFh1bIIu0BRj8H7)I9w~~60_32.JPG
hey, thats a sexy scotch bottle.
Wasn’t this the case one game into the season? I haven’t noticed any improvement of any kind.
……..no hold called, late hit, maybe I should just watch psychedelic 70s videos for a while
THIS GUY EDWIN JACKSON I CALL HIM POUNDCAKE CAUSE HE WILL POUND YOU.
(actual Gruden quote)
Doesn’t look like running up the middle is Matt’s Forte
If I only knew how to imbed gif’s you would get some attitude for that joke sir.
Jets did… a good?
Just wait. They will find a way to hilariously shoot themselves in the dick.
Somewhere, a shiver runs through Plaxico…
This is your brain on drugs. Also this game.
If you got some drugs, please share.
My brain is on drugs and doing JUST FINE
Same here.
I MAY BREAK OUT MY CALIFORNIA MEDICINAL MARIJUANA THAT’S BEEN IN MY FREEZER FOR FIVE YEARS. PRIMO BUDS.
I APOLOGIZE FOR SHOUTING.
Sensory input is erratic at the moment; had no idea you were shouting
Huh?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qsNyDJrFW4I/UWtwdC2QqDI/AAAAAAAAARQ/Uf9YLo5rvXc/s1600/voice+immodulation.png
Wait, someone mentioned Jimmy V? I got dust in my eyes.
(STOP MAKING FUN OF ME, I LOVED THAT GUY.)
Is someone at mission control vetting the newcomers after PFt’s plug? Or do we have fat Homer’s bobbing bird at the motherboard.
What plug?
His MMBM mentioned the fine people at DFO debunked the Jeff Fisher theory.
Pftc gave us a shoutout for DTZM’s Jeff Fisher is Rasputin theory
Holy SHIT!
“THESE JETS, I CALL THE IRAQI AIR FORCE CIRCA 2003, BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING BLOWN UP WHILE SITTING DEFENSELESS ON THE GROUND.”