Your “Let’s Further Muddy The Playoff Waters This Week, Shall We?” NFL Football Early Slate Open Thread

There’s much to get to so let’s go directly… TO THE GAMES!

Pit/Buf-The Steelers look a lot like a team rounding into playoff shape. During their recent 3 game run they’ve recorded 13 sacks which has doubled their season total. That’s quality quarterback-getting! Add an improving D to an O that is becoming increasingly reliant on rb Bell and his average of 140 yards from scrimmage per game and yet still has the wondrous Antonio Brown in its arsenal and that looks to me like a delicious recipe for post-season success. Meanwhile the Buffalo “Absent from the playoffs for 16 years and counting” Bills beat reporters are beating the hell out of qb Taylor, badgering him about his stats, his big contract and his utter lack of whiteness-though that last part is implied.

Den/Ten-Qb Siemian was limited in practice for much of the week but will get the start today. Denver is 4-2 on the road and needs this one badly because they’ve got the likes of the Raiders, Chiefs and Pats lurking on the horizon. The Titans “meh” 6-6 record is good for first in their division. It’s all or nothing for them because if they don’t end up winning the AFC South (and let’s be honest-a quick exit from the playoffs) they’ll have no shot at a wild-card berth.

Was/Phi-Philly has lost 7 of their last 9, allowing their fans to be their truly horrible selves. That 3-0 start was just The Fates having their fun, wasn’t it? We all knew that the partial tear-down of a Chip Kelly-engineered team would be a painful process and we ended up being correct. The Redacteds are a half-game behind Tampa for the second NFC wild-card despite being 6-5-1. Yeesh!

Ari/Mia-The Fins must be the least intimidating 7-5 team in ever, especially after getting exposed as the charlatans they are by the Ravens last week. That said, Arizony can’t win on the road and will be waving bye-bye to their (rightly) pathetic playoff hopes when this game is over. Just curious, has Berman used Adam “Foot on the” Gase yet because I don’t want it.

SD/Car-This game means nothing to anyone. No, wait. It does mean something to all those weirdos that are putting together their 2017 Mock Draft 3.2 or whatever.

Cincy/Cle-[tentatively pencils in Cleveland as having the first overall pick] “Hey, cut me a break-I’m new at this!”

Chi-Det-The Lions have a solid 2 game lead in the NFC North. [checks standings for the fifth time] Yep, 2 games. They’re still there. How they’ve gotten to where they are without a credible run game and the loss of a sure Hall of Famer at wideout sure does tickle the old cortex. The Bears wr’s Jeffrey and Royal are out and Wilson is dicey to play due to being hamstrung. I have no idea who qb Barkley will throw to, or if throwing the ball is part of the game plan, or if there is a game plan or if the coaches were even told that there is a game this week.

Hou/Indy– 666 may be the mark of the beast but 6-6-6-6-6-6 is the mark of an AFC South division putz, er, leader-all three of them. Perhaps we get a tie in this tilt and the mark could change to 6-6-1? Crossed fingers have been engaged.

Min/Jac– The 2-10 Jags were eliminated from playoff contention “just last week” according to somebody with much too much time on their hands. Great job hanging in there, Gus. Whatever you do, don’t let that win/loss record hit you on the way out the door, ’cause that would be remarkably painful. Any bets on him being the first coach fired on the Monday after the regular season finishes up? Say, 6 am local time? Despite a winnable game vs. the Cowboys ending up as an L, the Vikes 5-0 kickstart is looking to be as much of an aberration as the Eagles “out of the gate” 3-0. “But they could still turn it around!”, some will say-and yes, that is in the realm of possibility and will gain credence after they whoop the Jags but, no. You had your chance in the middle of the season and you blew it.

There. Let’s pretend you’re all caught up. Now, GIMMEE SOME OF THAT WORD/GIF-BASED LOVIN’!

 

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Curse of Marino

Tannehill out for the year, torn ACL

Curse of Marino

announcers better stop saying its not snow falling

Curse of Marino

Come on Carson Palmer pick 6

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What, no faith in Matt Moore?

Curse of Marino

He’s better as the front man of the Foo Fighters

King Hippo

let SD have the garbage time!!

WCS

Stillers are 8-5, and leading the AFC Shitstormnorth, WVU is 10-2, and playing Miami (!!!) in their bowl game, Penn won the Ivy League again, Track Suits are kicking ass at hoops, and the Ice Stillers are fucking dominating right now.

2016 has sucked an amazing amount, but, at least the sportsballs haven’t been bad.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not gonna tell you to fuck off. But if I WAS going to tell you to fuck off, it would sound like this….

Fuck off.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Does this remind anyone else of Aaron Rodgers?
http://funnystack.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Funny-GIF-36.gif

ThursdaySkyGoddess

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cardinals score what would have been the go ahead touchdown if they hadn’t handed Miami two points on a blocked PAT.

King Hippo

But POSSIBLE TIE WOO?

Horatio Cornblower

OK, off to the gym to watch the afternoon game on the elliptical.

That’s right, I’m gonna take up a machine for three hours while keeping it set at 1s across the board and still barely moving. And I’m not wiping it down afterwards either. Or bathing before.

Gym etiquette!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was going to work out earlier but then remembered how lazy I am.

...

You’re disgusting.

I mean, the Cowboys are your favorite team?

Spur

Philly derp to end the game

Senor Weaselo

THIS REX RYAN I CALL HIM THE OLD TOP GEAR BECAUSE HE CAN BE DESCRIBED AS AMBITIOUS BUT RUBBISH.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Baby shan’khor in Buffalo.

Spur

Wentz needs better receivers

litre_cola

I have some Fozz level anger today, normally I am red wine all day err day but the liquor cabinet is calling my Scottish anger.

Horatio Cornblower

Uh-oh, an onsides kick coming in a blizzard! Who knows what hijinks will ensue!?

/Buffalo kicks it out-of-bounds in less than 10 yards.

Yep, should’ve seen that coming.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ he really fucking did exactly that.

Welp, I’m off to buy lottery tickets!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m like a minute behind….I thought you were joking.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am apparently on a delay even though I really am watching a legitimate source. That thing only made it 3 yards downfield. That was amazingly awful

ThursdaySkyGoddess
theeWeeBabySeamus

d’awwwwwww

King Hippo

pretty much. Mariota completes 6 lousy passes, Siemian goes for 330+ and we somehow LOSE!! I shall busy mahself with laundry and pills.

Spur

Come on you Philly Fucks win the game

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess not even Semen could make that ball stick to his hands

blackroseMD1

From a 100 yard pick six for to a safety against in less than a minute.

Ladies and gentlemen, your ̶S̶a̶n̶ ̶D̶i̶e̶g̶o̶ Los Angeles Chargers!

Horatio Cornblower

Tyrod Taylor is really not good.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I hate to even suggest it. Maybe Rex Ryan can’t run an offense. I’m sorry, it was stupid for me to even suggest. I apologize. I should post a foot fetish photo as an apology.

Old School Zero

AH HA HA HA HA HA I FUCKING KNEW IT

blackroseMD1

Welp, fuck this.

Old School Zero

Yuuuuuuuuuup.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Phil….phil.
Wolven nation gets just a little more shamed on that one.
Meh, significant difference it is not.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, too much DERP at once. Did Arizona score but give the defensive 2 pointer to Miami on the PAT?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Redzone time. That was not a watchable game.

Curse of Marino

FRAG FOR THE FRAG GODS

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Phins getting in on the goddess!

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Old School Zero

You’re doing good work here today.

...

These offerings please her and y’all know how hard it is to please a woman.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

When we have our 6th-9th string wide receivers out there you know you can’t throw it to their hands or body with the game on the line. The only chance they have is with a terrible throw.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mike Perreria (or however the fuck you spell it) >>>> Mike Carey?

I sense another battle of Mikes to the death!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit….I am killing on the flips today.
I’m fucking awesome.

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