Does your College Bowl “Confidence Pool” count the “Heritage Bowl” between Grambling and NC Central? Mine fucking does. Raise your fists proudly and pretend like you had a fucking clue before you googled and googled until you found a sportsbook with odds on this sumbitch.
But first, we have some Lesser matters to attend to, ya know??
Chelsea hit the road bright and early to start us off, taking on Crystal Palace (7:30, NBCSN). Palace are reeling in 16th at present, but a goal differential of only -3 says they shouldn’t be quite this bad. Then again, as loyal readers would know…Alan Pardew is a cunt.
Stoke host Leicester at 10:00 (Extra Time), and none of the rest really qualifies as footy at all. DO BETTER, PREM. Does the 12:30 spotlight dance make up for it? It’s WBA hosting Man U (NBC), so I should say fucking not.
Sunday gets a little better, with Bournemouth/Soton (8:30) and City/Arsenal (11:00) making quite the fine NBCSN double dip. Assuming Spurs take care of Burnley (11:00, CNBC), the loser of the pitched 3 vs. 4 battle had better watch they ass for the precious CL lace, let alone losing sight of Chelsea tail lights in the far horizon.
Monday Night Footy is Derby under the Lights at Goodison, Everton vs. the Shite (3:00, NBCSN). Be there, or be a proper bellend.
TO THE SHITTY BOWLS, SCOOBY!!
New Mexico Bowl – New Mexico vs. Texas-San Antonio (2:00, ESPN)
In what must feel like the personal limbo of the Lobos, if only they were capable of feeling at all. That’s what happens when Bob Davie coaches your squadron. They name a bowl after your state, and you are stuck there. Forever. What the poor fucking Roadrunners have to do with it? They managed to finish 6-6 in whatever podunk conference sends their 6-6 team to Bob Davie’s living room game. BEST POST-SEASON IN ALL OF SPORT, FOLKS!!!111
Las Vegas Bowl – San Diego State vs. Houston (3:30, ABC)
Hey, they snuck in an actual prettay, prettay good fixture on us here. How does such a thing happen?? It will be 28-nil by 10 minutes into the first quarter, naturally. PRO TIP from a terrible confidence pool playa – I betcha YOOOOOUUUUUSTON done quit and packed it in fo’ the season.
Camellia Bowl – Appalachain State vs. Toledo (5:30, ESPN)
I betcha all things considered, Happy Appy wishes it were back in 1-AA where it belongs, whipping ass in a REAL playoff system. Instead of the limp handjob of a finale this offers. No fucking clue what Toledo’s opinion might be, if any. Probably just glad not to be in fucking Ohio for a few days.
Cure Bowl – Central Florida vs. Arkansas State (5:30, CBSSN)
Robert Smith says you can just skip this one and cut yourselves for 3.5 hours. I probably made this joke before, but fuck you, I will update it when the UNC-C 49ers finally make it.
New Orleans Bowl – Southern Mississippi vs. Louisiana Lafayette (9:00, ESPN)
Just be honest and call this face-off “A Four Hour Ode to Brittfarr’s Jism.” Also, pass the time by counting the number of teeth in the stands. Or flip to Fins/Jest and really question your life decisions.
So yeah right, Balls of Steel, Son of Spam, Rikki Tikki Deadly, Low Commander and Why Eagles Why walk into a brewery…
Hello from The Bruery in Placentia.
Another one for Crime BEAT:
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/ncaafb/the-video-of-oklahomas-joe-mixon-punching-a-woman-in-2014-is-now-public/ar-AAlERWT?OCID=ansmsnnews11
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IasCZL072fQ
OCEANSIDE, N.Y. — A New York couple was horrified when a UPS delivery that they thought was a Christmas present turned out to be a semi-automatic rifle.
Newsday reports that Joel Berman opened the keyboard-sized case in front of his wife and 6-year-old granddaughter Wednesday night in Oceanside, on Long Island.
Instead of a toy plane they were buying for their friend’s son, they found a semi-automatic rifle, scope, stand, ammo magazine and copies of an Arizona man’s driver’s license and concealed-weapons permit.
They hustled their granddaughter out of the room and called police, who picked up the weapon.
Atlanta-based UPS says it’s investigating the “highly unusual incident.” The company says it accepts legal shipments of some firearms. It says shippers must meet certain requirements.
Did they think the rifle was going to jump out of the case and murderdeathkill them?
I’m staying woke on this one: it’s clearly a plant story by the Atlanta chamber of commerce.
God is dead …
I ain’t care.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgffRW1fKDk
“Well, I watch purple tits move and sway; it helps a LOT.”
#31 for Indiana basketball (Bryant??) is one aggressively ugly motherfucker. The kinda baby that gets left at the hospital sans note…
So who won the Apathy Bowl? And should I be relieved or enraged that my phone didn’t correct that to the Apartheid Bowl? I’ve been teaching since 11:30 so I’ve missed everything.
I think we all did. Or we all lost. Whatever.
I don’t think the blacks ever got around to winning that one ,, no ofence
Blacks Lives Matter?
/Assuming the Apathy Bowl is rugby-related
I think it’s missing the…uh phallus. Surely it plans to bend us over after the beating is fini.
House LemonJello caught the matinee of Rogue One – consensus is it’s a gott-damned awesome movie.
Ice Cowboys seal the deal with an empty netter!
Huggy is actually showing human emotions other than rage during this ceremony.
I am jelly your side played today. Mine decided to compete with the NFL tomorry instead. Making this a habit, too.
But I mean, who could bear to miss the Fairfield tilt ,, amirite??
Ah, the Boobic Column of Caligula!
So I got my mom to decide what colors she wants the rooms painted. I got her to decide on a kitchen color. I got my dad to understand that mom is getting a new oven and fridge…or I am having him committed against his damn will.
One of the things that is making this work so nightmarish is my dad’s hoarding and my mom’s enabling of said hoarding. Its not nearly as bad as it has been in the past. I am still amazed at my friend Pork Chop that convinced my dad to get ride of a lot of stuff (like half a basement of shit).
But a lot of stuff is still left. We got a living room, a kitchen, a basement, and three bedrooms. My mom at least gets control of the living room and the kitchen. But everything else was packed with shit when I showed up.
So I have been prepping the one room to start priming the walls. (I have to put a LOT of coats cause of lead paint). Basically everything is piled up in the middle of the room, so I can barely get to the walls. I have almost no room to work.
My dad keeps walking in, taking stuff, and then leaving…which I really don’t want him to do because he is just moving junk from one room to another. Finally, once I get the first coat done, I move to the next room, expecting the same mess.
The fucking room is empty (minus a bed and a dresser). So naturally the other rooms must be filled with even more shit.
Its empty…same fucking story.
Oh god…the basement! I RUN down there…there is nothing really there. Some tools. a dresser…but not piles of junk. Now I am fucking confused.
I see my dad coming inside from the kitchen.
“Um…Dad…what are you doing?”
He asks me to go outside with him to the backyard. You can’t really move around at all. We are just standing in the doorway with the door shut. The stuff basically piles up past my height as soon as you try to walk down the tiny deck. Its a tiny yard just filled with junk…and stuff has been getting added. You can tell because it isn’t covered in ice.
“I think your mother really appreciates you doing this. You know you don’t have to”
“Yeah no problem pop”
“You think Pork Chop would get rid of this stuff?”
“I can get a dumpster in the alley and a crew within a day. It will be gone. If you are cool with this…Pop…I can make this all go away in 48 hours. You won’t have to even leave the house”
“It would be nice to have people over again”
“I think the neighbors will stop hating you at least….”
“Its not THAT bad”
“THERE’S THE DENIAL I KNOW AND LOVE!” and I put my arm around him.
Its like a hallmark movie…only with years of mental and emotional dysfunction.
ts;rt
(too short, read twice)
Crew Chief: “Jello, we’re just about over the drop zone…put the laptop down and put on a fucking chute!”
Me: “OK, we jump high, open chutes low…drugged treats for any dogs we encounter, silenced weapons only…we grab JSD, then….here’s the latest post on his situation…wait! FUCK! Turn the bird around.”
Seriously, JSD, you are a legend among men right now. You are doing some great things for your folks. Consider your ass slapped, HARD.
It’s a Moosemas Miracle!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCL94-MsxYc
And now Dinosaur Jr.’s “Bug”.
Ed? http://cdn.uinterview.com/wp-content/uploads//cms/uinterview/slideshows_image/9f357509f7cff54b051465a0646f7048.jpg
FOUR STAAAAAHHS!!!!
My kid’s home from college for the break and I just sent him out to shovel, citing the tuition check I just wrote.
He asked to see a paper trail. I asked if he wanted to see my foot in his ass.
I think I owe Fozz $1 for that one.
Also I need to buy a second shovel but it’s going to be near 60 and raining tomorrow, so I’mma go ahead and put that major purchase off.
King of Tracksuits is aiming for his 800th win, provided the Mountaineers can squeeze past the University of Missouri-Kansas City Kangaroos.
WVU currently leads, 47-18 with 2:10 left in the first half.
The REAL King of Tracksuits. Now and forever.
http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/2/23298/1058388-paulie_walnuts.jpg
Listening to Guadalcanal Diary for the first time. The “2×4” album. Not bad. Like a poor man’s R.E.M. with an extra muscly bass player.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLqj05WNdj4
Syracuse Blows. So much individual talent. Gah.
OK….time for Mars documentaries.
Wooooo….I’m a party animal.
Mars Attacks is a documentary, right?
My voices have been gone for over two months.
That’s pretty good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPakxPoaeIA
At least I have a girlfriend during the holidays.
Do you guys see a lot of each other?
/leaves
Yes and no.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNeV0hU3ZSY
http://the-clothing-shed.com/wp-content/uploads/imported/6/Variation-of-Im-Stoned-Not-Stupid-Funny-Mens-Drug-Marijuana-Tshirt-Womens-High-T-shirt-Dope-371240068036-5c2d.jpg
http://www.wordans.ca/wordansfiles/products/2015/9/5/961945/23/front/961945_original.jpg
Larsen could have retired on this one and I’dve been OK with it.
So work was good this week.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST AT CHRISTMAS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjc-z_H-oyM
Portrait with my Human.
Suck it, kid!!!! That’s what you get for standing there showboating, admiring your own shot.
You little fucker you.
BREAKING NEWS!!!!!
The world still sucks.
That is all.
More and more, Skeletor is my muthafukkin spirit animal.
Yes, , agreed; let’s take a moment for the little victories…
Like Kylie Minogue’s dress.
Her best asset
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oWHLaKPjps
Fun Town, eh?
Ooh ooh, I know! North Dakota!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIIxlgcuQRU
Not unlike a limp handjob, I can’t blame anyone for taking in a bad bowl game on a Saturday afternoon. However — and, again, not unlike a limp handjob — attendance at a bad bowl game is not something to advertise ever again after leaving the stadium. Yet, sadly, people do.
http://westbocanews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/boca-bowl-shirt.jpg
Random sweatshirts from the thrift shop are what the teenagers do as fashion trend, especially the girls. My HS sophomore daughter just LOVES my random-ass NC State/Meeechigan Hall of Fame Bowl sweatshirt from like 1993, which I bought from the student bookstore for $1 upon return to campus for the spring semester many, many years ago (the wolven sort got absolutely shit-hammered by the pissed off and out for blood Wolverines, who had hoped for a much better bid and opponent).
Think maybe it was Tim Biakabatuka?? Or one of the myriad other UM washout tailbacks, but he put up nigh 300 yards on us.
She got hot friends who have been held back a few times?
we keep gettin’ older, yada yada…
What is Biakakkake?
Oh yeah, post by yours truly in a couple hours. MOAR COOKIES.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d4RtvMQp10
My wife like does photography (I know…I know) and has a couple nice cameras but they’re super expensive so she’s always babying them when we go do stuff, especially around water. I was thinking of getting her one of the Go Pros that can go underwater and stuff for Christmas. Are they any good?
I’m told they are quite durable. But you MUST get the special underwater case.
Round one of snow clearing done. If the city don’t like my blowjob, they can come on over and demonstrate their technique.
I’m just waiting for the rest of the leaves to fall off the trees so I can get out there with my blower and mower and be done with landscaping until March.
This just in-Seagal is still a tubby bubba.
God damn Avalanche Sharks are terrorizing all the pretty blonde girls at the ski resort. Where’s that wall, Trump?
Things get better-Sniper:Special Ops with Steven Seagal is up next.
I loved the Robert Smith joke, and I will love it again next year too!
He’s gonna make a “C & C Music Factory” joke (“y’all want thus Bowl Season started right? Y’all want this Bowl Season started….. quickly….. right?”) When UNC-C makes it in.
BANG!
Holy Bananas! Believe it or not, I forgot there was a shitty game that I have to do an intro for this evening.
It were 11pm last night before I remembered I had to write up THESE shitty games. Something in the air, perhaps. Old age?
Scotch and Hippo, DO YOUR JOB. These $12 shares aren’t going to appreciate on their own.
I haven’t been able to sleep yet and my stomach is gurgling like one of Dok’s beakers. Oh, and because I’m still mad for not moving harder on the 6’2″ blonde.
Oh, and while the New Mexico Bowl sucks and so do the Lobos (and they always will), Bob Davie is miles ahead of the last asshole, a man who made Jeff Fisher look like the fucking Dark Hooded One himself.
Is this the 6’2″ blonde?
http://man.bf-1.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pic01153.jpg
That was fuckin funny
Yet … Unsurprising.