This is it. It’s your next-to-last Monday Nighter of the season. To be honest, I don’t recall many of them but that’s just the way I dementia, er, roll. Far back in the day when I tended bar in a dining room spot, every Monday myself and all the male servers would turn away sit-down customers at 8pm and tell them that “Sorry, we’re done for the night but there’s a bar menu on the second floor”. One millisecond after the last table had left I was cashing out and running over to a bar by the name of “Tramps”. (the running joke at the time was that the owners were our ex-girlfriends-we were so clever back then) The shine has been off the rose for many a year now but some residue remains. I still get slightly pumped at the thought of a football game, any football game really, being played. I hope that many of you sorta, kinda feel that way as well. TO THE GAME!
Car/Was-The Panthers aren’t tanking but lb Kuechley is not playing despite being cleared from concussion whatchamacallit. As well, wr Benjamin will be in a limited role and de Johnson is not playing ce soir and most likely won’t be donning cleats for the remainder of the year. I wholeheartedly agree with this from both the player and the team’s perspective. Just let shit unfold, guard that draft spot and let the injured guys have some time off. Needless to say, many of the many injured Redacted players are being hustled back onto the field because of the possibility of getting to the next round. Rb Kelley should have his way with a broken down D-line that is still able to get to the qb but still gives up 3.7 ypc. If you have the slightest amount of interest in this game you’ve already come across numerous, “IT’S ALL ABOUT JOSH NORMAN PLAYING HIS OLD TEAM” articles so I’ll let that be.
That’s about it. TELL ME WHAT YOU GOT!
also must say I am LOVING all these JV’ers saying “thanks but I will pass” to the meaningless bowl games, when they have real money on the line.
Also hilarious how one of the first major players to do so is white, so the media won’t really say shit.
There’s way too many meaningless and pointless bowl games out there. When you have to scrape around for some 5-7 team out of the MAC to get all the slots filled…
The are enough bowl games for over 60% of D-1 teams to play in one. That’s bullshit of some incredible magnitude.
Remember when Elway whined that what became known as the Stanford Band Game was “a really unfair way to end my college career?”
And then he refused to get drafted by Indy, and held out playing baseball until it could be rigged so he could get his choice to go play in Denver.
I expect McCaffrey to follow a similar route
Fuck Elway. Wish he’d be gelded
That taunting flag on Newton pissed me off too. Fuck Goodell.
Roger Goodell Is A National Disgrace.
Truth.
So a lock for a Trump Administration job?
Not lucrative enough.
On one hand I feel Cam’s pain. On the other hand if you have a reputation for being too flamboyant after plays, just fucking don’t do anything that could be called. It isn’t hard not to throw the ball at the defender lying on the ground.
Yeah, fuck that shit.
[raises bar graph indicating how many ‘roughing the passer’ penalties are called against Brady and against Cam as a percentage of total plays played]
-Dok Zymm
Newton should just up and retire. The league is never going to fucking protect him, and he should make sure he says so when he leaves the NFL.
He should legally change his name to Tom Brady, Drew Brees or Aaron Rodgers for one season.
“I don’t remember Brett Favre being that black, JEEM!”
you have to keep things classy, like all the white folk in the stands in full headdresses. You know, in case CHILDREN are watching, Cameron.
It’s all about promoting the right Trail of Tears.
Personal Foul. Unneccessary Blackness, #1
That call on Cam was worse than the unsportsmanlike conduct calls on the cons in “The Longest Yard”.
“Unsportsmanlike conduct on number thug I mean one…”
FUCK THESE REFS. AND I DON’T EVEN LIKE CAM NEWTON!
Good thing he didnt break his Freakin Neck
I was thinking he was gonna get called for that taunting as soon as he did it. I thought he would at least get offsetting with the head to head
I think a flag on both would have been correct. You can’t flip the ball at people.
Jesus Fucking Christ. If I were Newton, I’d just let the league have it in the press conference. Who gives a fuck if he gets suspended for a game or two?
The league doesn’t like Cam at all, does it?
Hunting season on Cam’s head is still open apparently.
Holy shit. If anyone still needed convincing that Cam is getting fucked this year, there you go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s not TB12…oh, never mind, Cam called for taunting. Carry on.
When Gruden talked about Christmas when he was a kid and how his dad would pass out gifts, it reminded me a lot of my own dad except for the part about gifts.
Same here, except with the part about Dad.
Personal Foul. Unneccessary Blackness. #1.
Same here, but with asbestos instead of rocks.
[raises pie chart indicating how many of Jamison Crowder’s catches go for 1st down]
-Dok Zymm
I picture Jon Gruden being overjoyed to get HotWheels … So he could use the track to beat his brothers
Of course its Jay, Jon and Jim, Grudens parents were phonetically frugal.
Jim Irsay is sitting anxiously by the phone, hoping for either Director of the DEA or FDA, whichever will get him closest to the “good stuff.”
DEA
ATF?
Hey Jerks, what’s the haps?
tWBS!
http://umad.com/img/2016/6/adele-hello-gif-18221-18770-hd-wallpapers.jpg
Mark Davis has been nominated to head the National Barbering and Cosmetology Department
“THIS KIRK COUSINS, I CALL LISA ANN, BECAUSE HE’S DOING A GOOD JOB FUCKING HIMSELF.”
I feel like a tomato. http://www.imagebam.com/image/6914e9506812445
I feel like a nut.
Sometimes, I don’t.
Good Job Cousins. Great JOB!
Does anyone honestly like Scott Van Pelt?
Eh.
Followup: I’ve seen his late night show and I actually like it. It’s strike the balance between talk show and highlight show well enough that I’m not put off and still get a good feel for the sports stories of the day. I don’t have any strong like for him, but I generally find that he doesn’t lean on HOT TAEKERY to drive his show and that’s worth respect in an era where HOT TAEKERY is the standard play.
He is tolerable, which is more than can be said about 95% of other national sports radio hosts
I agree with this.
Better than A LOT of the alternatives.
I don’t like anyone, really.
http://thumbnails117.imagebam.com/52112/f9f3ac521116148.jpg
— Dok Zymm
[raises sign indicating Josh Norman’s success against slot receivers on 3rd down]
-Dok Zymm
I’m in the Democratic People’s Republic of Portlandia. I’m going to be fine, and so it’s pretty funny seeing how badly the people who elected Trump are going to be fucked by him. And just, too.
I pretty much have a voice in the back of my brain commenting on this election that is you.
Oh, you should hear the shit I won’t even type here. I’m practically rooting for Armageddon.
Hey neighbor. Hows that Cascadia secession looking? (Seattle here)
You boys are more than welcome to join us up here.
Maybe for the Cascadia Cup.
Can Nevada come or does Cali have 1st rights of refusal? We have hookers, blow and poker.
Trump is going to appoint Jerry Jones, Whorehouse Czar.
Ambassador to Mexico?
“YEEEHAAWWWW, I AM FUCKING SYPHILITIC!!!111!!!!!!1”
-Ol’Dubble J
I tried a McRib once in high school. Well, the beginnings of one bite. It remains the most revolting thing I’ve ever voluntarily ingested.
Omelet with ham MRE. It’ll make a McRib taste like filet mignon.
It’s all real pork, just not from the parts you normally eat!
Who wants to watch another Cowboys prime-time game? Raise your hand.
[raises a certain finger]
Will Jerry be on camera getting a handy?
So I just tuned in. Have we gotten a cutaway of a drunken Dok cursing at the camera yet?
She is probably trying to break in to Richardsons box.
We can only hope.
Jesus Tapdancing Christ, is he going to pick Mike Brown next?
http://deadspin.com/trump-nominates-florida-panthers-owner-as-secretary-of-1790298280
Well, he does have experience running FEMA through a catastrophe …
Oh, or did you mean the Bungles owner? Because both of them are terrible.
In fact the only competent Mike Brown that I can think of is the dead kid from Ferguson. At least he can’t fuck up anything on account on him being, you know, dead.
If he hadn’t already selected a SecTrans, I would be afraid Jimmy Haslam’s name would be next…
Nothing like playing your own person game of “DID YOU GET THAT THING I SENT YOU?”
I didnt realize Cam’s numbers this year were that bad
/checks fantasy football team.
/shakes fist
/gets another bottle of wine
Aaand Cam is broken.
I just got here!
And now Cam is dead.
I’ve got Cousins, Kelley and Reed tonight with a twenty point deficit to erase in my money league semifinal, so of course the first two plays went to Vernon Davis and Chris Thompson. I’m fucked aren’t I?
How the fuck you doin’ boys!?
I reckon you should be ok.
How I’m feeling:
http://img.pandawhale.com/180424-snoop-dogg-champagne-cheers-gi-bIxe.gif
You?
Can I fuck this Norman narrative hard?
/I’ve got a single pack Viagra…
REALLY?? This is the first I’ve heard of such a novel packaging idea!!
As long as you use Berman’s skull as a condom…
I’ve plans to drink martinis from that body part, thank you very much.
Hello
Hi there, lookin good.
http://rs155.pbsrc.com/albums/s302/fabiola7_2007/Gif%20Party/DamonsWave.gif~c200
Try this instead:
http://media.giphy.com/media/ZFGtOflRCro88/giphy-tumblr.gif
Which team rule did Cam break this week?
“Umm well, you know.” – C. Kelly
“That? Even I find that disgusting.”
-R. Kelly
looked a white lady directly in the eye?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAKksqKR3pI
I see Tom Jackson is on MNF tonight. Does this mean they’re going to put Berman down Viking funeral style?
God I hope so.
I want to see a fight, which Panther player is likely to take a swing at Norman?
Cam.
He’s a thug.
Suddenly I miss Sill
We all do, man.
If I were a betting man, I’d wager Stewart. He seems like a player who will (1) get into SLUR secondary; (2) have zero tolerance for Norman’s BS.
Why did he depart our confines? O usually am drunk or stoned here in the safe place so my memory is a bit fuzzy.
Rumour has it that he ran for dog-catcher in East Rutherford and wanted to scrub his on-line presence.
I thought that was Otto-Man?
Isnt he congressman Ottoman from Kansas?
He disliked the new format and auditory additions in addition to whatever else he had going on. Rumor is he can be found on twitter.
Gotcha. Thanks.
My POS iPhone has dropped 32 percent battery life in the last 20 minutes. Anyone have a view on the pixel so I can launch this pigfucker into the Potomac?
I’ve got the Pixel and the battery is fantastic.
There’s no Bowl game on?
^ A Very Pete Carroll Legacy Story
Folks
?v=1451950767.51
Tteenneesssee State is hanging with Duke so far.
What is “A phrase with an entirely different meaning under a Trump presidency?” Alex?
The only reason to watch this game is fantasy. Of course, I anticipate getting fucked.
Btw, Tramps is an awesome name for a bar.
It’s the spot where I may or may not have seen Dexter Manley looking for his coke dealer…
Jim Tomsula would be a regular there.
(Assuming they let him clean up in the bathroom without having to buy anything)
Is anyone buying you dinner first?
There’s a gay/bear bar near me called Pat O’s Bunkhouse Saloon. Most of the other gay bars have weird names Zoldorf’s, Cash Inn Country, or Kobalt.
Frankly, I was amazed that Pulse night club shooting occurred at a venue with a fairly generic club name. I have a hard time imagining there would have as many, “We stand with Oz Bar” or “We are all The Manhole” support stickers had the shooting location been at one of these outfits.
Kockring in the red light district in Amsterdam would have really made that narrative awesome.
A legit local news story coming up later: “Wonder what gets flushed? See what one local water works has collected over the year!”
2016: We out.
Man, what a shit-show that will turn out to be.
?
I love you, Lemon but…BOOOOO!!!!
/have you tried the veal?
If there’s anything the Marine Corps gave me (beside arthritic knees & shoulders, a bad back and probably PTSD) it’s a Pavlovian appreciation of poop jokes.
What? You the one USMC who didn’t get a tat?
I am.