Your “Why Don’t They Call It Buddha Eve?” Second Slate of NFL Games Open Thread

So many questions, so very few answers… TO THE GAMES!

Ind/Oak-Indy is looking to save their season and Oakland’s young and powerful O is licking their chops looking at the opposing D. [record scratch noise] Qb Carr has struggled mightily since his finger got all banged up. The last two games he’s throwing about 50% and averaging a pitiful 150 yards. Another horse in the ointment is that the Colts have won their last 4 on the road. Perhaps we have a more competitive game than the respective teams’ records would suggest.

TB/NO-TB or not TB-that is the wild card question. Win out and get in-simple as that. Aside from that I can’t find anything of interest to pass on.

Ari/Sea-Seattle gets a first-round bye with a win and that likely Lions loss. Arizony shouldn’t put up much of a fight-they’re down both starting tackles, wr Floyd, (excessive cele-libation) a starting lb and both starting safeties. They do have King Hippo’s most prominent man-crush in rb Johnson though. According to our most pill-centric commenter, “David alone is worth all those guys plus a new pair of pyjamas eight days a week!”. That guy doesn’t make much sense when he’s smitten.

SF/LA-There’s no one more interested in this game than the Titans front office. You see, the Rams gifted their first rounder in 2017 to the Titans for the honour of drafting their next franchise qb, the ‘not-even-remotely-ready-for-prime-time’ Jared Goff. And we all know how that played out in a certain multiverse-under the tough but fair tutelage of HC Fisher (who credits his never having sported a mustache as the key to being the league’s winning-est winner) Goff goes on to complete a near-miraculous turnaround and lead the Rams to the playoffs and is voted Rookie of the Year. Back here in RealityWorld, Jared hasn’t even reached “diamond in the rough” status and isn’t a game-ready player. CRIKEY! Uh, I mean, KROENKE!

I’m done. Now it’s your turn. UNLEASH THE TYPING HOUNDS!

 

 

 

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whew….so football is over for the day now.
Wait, what?
OH GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FUCK YOU 2016 YOU COULDN’T EVEN LET ME HAVE ONE FUCKING THING? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU!I!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmmmm….hi.

blaxabbath

I thought you were a Trump guy.

Brick Meathook

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I require that Chip Kelly grabbing gif to be in Quotables this week.

blaxabbath

Grabbing what?

King Hippo

They see me grabbin’
They hatin’

King Hippo

Christ, what a fucking duck of a pass. It was what, FIFTEEN yards??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Rams, that was gorgeous. Sincerely.
Don’t ever change.

Doktor Zymm

If a third QB breaks his fibula we really ought to go back to the original text of Revelations and make sure that 666 isn’t a mistranslation of fibula fibula fibula

blaxabbath

“Tiny Tim! Did you see that shredded leg hanging in the butcher’s window?”

“You mean Lockett’s leg, sir?”

“Yes, go get it for me!”

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Has Scott Hanson been wearing that outfit all day?

...

Well that’s horrifying.

Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

Doug Baldwin is a piece of shit too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Still WAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than his brother Stephen Baldwin.

Spur

Romo should go to Denver then Arizona. I love you Romo

Doktor Zymm

I thought the Browns was where injury prone QBs go to die…

Horatio Cornblower

No Romo.

King Hippo

The play clock clearly would have expired otherwise.

blaxabbath

Of course I prefer for ARI to win this game but lockett’s shredded leg makes it all worth it.

laserguru

Howdy folks!

It’s smelling mighty tasty in the kitchen today.

Can’t wait to tell you all about it.

Soon.

Unsurprised

FUCK YOU

King Hippo

The Rams. Oh yeah, they gon’ get swept.

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OMG THERE’S NOTHING THERE TO OVERTURN SHIT LET’S GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!!!

Spur

Fuck Seattle! Singles blow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

All World Tight End?

What the fuck is All World? We’re the only country that even plays football (sorry CN).

Doktor Zymm

Hell, in that case, ALL FUCKING UNIVERSE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah yes….understanding better now why Rams fans are so…..self loathing? Is that the correct term.
It’s close, but not exact.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Kids are so cruel. I’m hoping that five seconds later he went from grossed out to vomiting out the meanest, most brutally frank observations about how disgusting the human body (namely the male body) is even under the best of circumstances.

ThePirateSloth

What in the god damn fuck was that

Unsurprised

That’s when you forget about the key and and stab the shit out of that lock with a pick

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So all my fucking comments are awaiting moderation?

OK, I can understand that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve not only said that to myself before….I’ve said that to myself tonight.

blaxabbath

That’s a pass?

Russell Wilson is a fucking bitch.

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone give me a list of excuses to duck out after dinner with my parents. The gf and I are fucking done with these conversations.

Doktor Zymm

Say you’ve had an erection for more than 4 hours and need to go to the hospital

theeWeeBabySeamus

IT’S ONLY BECAUSE OF THE DEMONS….I SWEAR!!!!!!
OUCH!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ass Herpes?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Your girlfriend can always tell them

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

A close second to Dok’s suggestion.

blaxabbath

Tell them your thermostat suddenly went on the fritz and you need time to check on it before you get home late and freeze your ass off all night.

Unsurprised

That you fucking hate them all and would rather do anything else than be around them. Why lie?

ThePirateSloth

Well god dammit

blaxabbath

Sherman seems to have difficultly tackling guys when he’s doesn’t get his grasp on them before the ball is caught.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Everyone responsible for this photo should be flayed and then set on fire.

blaxabbath

Go to hell, the entire Seahawks organization and fan base? Yes, go to hell, the entire Seahawks organization and fan base.

Unsurprised

That’s good hate

Doktor Zymm

Amari Cooper : Good at catching stuff

blaxabbath

“Challenge accepted.”

-Gronk, unzipping

Doktor Zymm

I saw Gronk on some dumb MTV show where he was stating his belief that it’s easier to win a fight if you aren’t wearing a shirt

blaxabbath

I’m concerned about the validity of your PhD after hearing you watching MTV.

Doktor Zymm

I’m home for the holidays. My father is an inveterate channel flipper

blaxabbath

You owe me no explanation.

...

Gronk vs. J.R. Smith

Loser is forced to wear a shirt forever.

ThePirateSloth

Where’s BeastMode at? Imma smoke some Beast Mode indica to give the Seahawks some TOUCHDOWN!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

blaxabbath

He’s ’bout that, Boss.

Unsurprised

It extends and vibrates

Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

ARI needs to strike Russell Wilson in the head. Hard. And then have said head hit the ground. Hard.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I don’t think anyone wants the wild card spots in the NFC…

Unsurprised

What’s feline for Mojado?

blaxabbath

I got up this morning and my thermostat battery is dead (it’s supposed to last about a year and I just replaced it last night). I go to check on the unit just now and I find water about half a tsp of water drip out when I pull off the cover. We’ve been getting rain so I’m most concerned that I’ve got some kind of leak and the water is trickling all the way through to the thermostat. But this seems to be the only location in the house that is having any issues at all so I don’t know what’s up. I just changed out the batteries again and am, I guess, gonna just keep an eye on it?

Unsurprised

Sweet. That sounds more frustrating and potentially murder-inducing than a full-blown flood

blaxabbath

It’s weird. It makes no sense that this would be the water source — but I don’t have any better ideas. Plus I don’t know if the unit is shot now (it works but the power for the screen obviously has an issue if the batteries are draining) or what.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

Picture: Every goddamned thing I felt during the Cubs postseason run this year.

blaxabbath

I see no use for anything to the right of the origin.

Unsurprised

Use has nothing to do with it

blaxabbath

I should have said – anything to the right is simply theoretical.

Unsurprised

The holiday melancholy just hit me like a ton of bricks

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow…are you fucking late to the party or what.
I’ve been suicidal for 24 fucking hours dude.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She was also rather luscious in the film classic, Weekend at Bernies.

theeWeeBabySeamus

holy shit….being a Rams fan is more fun than I expected.

Unsurprised

This sentence has never and will never again be uttered

Brick Meathook

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Clipboard Jesus

Drew lied and said he played football not the sax.

Unsurprised

No alcohol and no sugar makes me … Feeling fine …

Doktor Zymm

Anyone got any favorite pot roast recipes? Was there ever a pot roast Sunday Gravy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve done hundreds of roasts, but no particular recipe.
Coat with italian seasoning and old bay. Fill pot with carrots and potatoes.
let it cook.
It ain’t rocket science.

...

I like it when someone said that they wish that they could love something in life as much as Josh Gordon loves weed.

blaxabbath

Cards will likely give this game away but that Fitz catch and Lockett’s injury make it a worthwhile performance.