Salutations to all you mighty bastards/bastardesses that constitute the lurker/viewer/commenter-ship out there. Despite what my gut instinct tells me, I think I still have the ability to be surprised and awestruck by events that unfold in this universe that we share. Hopefully some of those reactions will be accompanied by a smile or light laugh rather than the usual “WTF!?”. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a sin to be cautiously optimistic-especially at this time of year. Remember the good things in your life-whether it’s the fact that your kids aren’t in jail, your pet’s undying devotion to your ability to feed it, a reduction in your cable bill, that girl with the big tits that always smiles at you when she gives you back your change, the batteries in the remote are still good, those pills still blot out the pain and, oh shit, I’m unraveling over here aren’t I? [shakes head vigorously] Sorry. Look, things aren’t that bad-you’ve got a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, a roof over your head, food to eat and enough money/spare time to make dick jokes. In my estimation you all are very well off. Cheers to you! TO THE GAMES!

Bal/Cin-The Ravens get a better chance at a .500 season because Cincy doesn’t have wr Green, te Eifert or lb Burfict on the field. Say goodbye to Steve Smith Sr-my hope is that he is magically transported to the broadcast booth immediately after the game.

Hou/Ten– Cassell? Savage? Let’s call the whole thing off. This could have been a division-decider but the Titans were ball-blasted by the Bradley-less Jags last week. smgdh…

Car/TB– Tampa needed a win last week for this game to matter. They can still make the playoffs if feathers fly out of recently-suspended Doug Martins butt.

Jax/Ind– The Jags need a new head coach with a rep for handling young talent almost as badly as the Colts need to focus on their O-line and D in the up-coming draft and free agency period.

NE/Mia– The Fins need this one badly as it would mean pushing over Houston as opposed to getting crushed by the Steelers next week. The Pats only losses have come at home, so there’s that. As always, fuck the Patriots.

Chi/Min– Drag out the old “playing for pride” chestnut for this one. Oh what could have been for the Vikes this year. Oh the stench coming off the Bears reminds me of a dead cat.

Buf/NYJ– Interim Bills guy Anthony Lynn is in the unique spot of auditioning for the HC position of both teams on the field today. He turned around a turgid Bills O after getting promoted to OC and he also has a six year run as the Jets rb coach on his CV. Tons of folks will tell you that the Jets Bowles is safe and sound despite the fact that many of those same people also maintain that he lost the locker room several weeks ago.

Dal/Phi– As much as Eagles fans thought that the playoffs were likely this year, 6/10 or 7/9 was written all over this team. Still, they’ve got some pieces of the puzzle in place and they will progress next year and that means that the NFC East will be quite the jungle for the next few years.

Cle/Pit– I see at least one more player injury affecting the playoffs. So if the coaching staff could get Ben, Bell and Brown out of the game as quickly as possible that would be great.

Some of these teams have nothing to play for but you, my friends have everything to type for. SO TYPE AWAY!!!