Salutations to all you mighty bastards/bastardesses that constitute the lurker/viewer/commenter-ship out there. Despite what my gut instinct tells me, I think I still have the ability to be surprised and awestruck by events that unfold in this universe that we share. Hopefully some of those reactions will be accompanied by a smile or light laugh rather than the usual “WTF!?”. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a sin to be cautiously optimistic-especially at this time of year. Remember the good things in your life-whether it’s the fact that your kids aren’t in jail, your pet’s undying devotion to your ability to feed it, a reduction in your cable bill, that girl with the big tits that always smiles at you when she gives you back your change, the batteries in the remote are still good, those pills still blot out the pain and, oh shit, I’m unraveling over here aren’t I? [shakes head vigorously] Sorry. Look, things aren’t that bad-you’ve got a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, a roof over your head, food to eat and enough money/spare time to make dick jokes. In my estimation you all are very well off. Cheers to you! TO THE GAMES!
Bal/Cin-The Ravens get a better chance at a .500 season because Cincy doesn’t have wr Green, te Eifert or lb Burfict on the field. Say goodbye to Steve Smith Sr-my hope is that he is magically transported to the broadcast booth immediately after the game.
Hou/Ten– Cassell? Savage? Let’s call the whole thing off. This could have been a division-decider but the Titans were ball-blasted by the Bradley-less Jags last week. smgdh…
Car/TB– Tampa needed a win last week for this game to matter. They can still make the playoffs if feathers fly out of recently-suspended Doug Martins butt.
Jax/Ind– The Jags need a new head coach with a rep for handling young talent almost as badly as the Colts need to focus on their O-line and D in the up-coming draft and free agency period.
NE/Mia– The Fins need this one badly as it would mean pushing over Houston as opposed to getting crushed by the Steelers next week. The Pats only losses have come at home, so there’s that. As always, fuck the Patriots.
Chi/Min– Drag out the old “playing for pride” chestnut for this one. Oh what could have been for the Vikes this year. Oh the stench coming off the Bears reminds me of a dead cat.
Buf/NYJ– Interim Bills guy Anthony Lynn is in the unique spot of auditioning for the HC position of both teams on the field today. He turned around a turgid Bills O after getting promoted to OC and he also has a six year run as the Jets rb coach on his CV. Tons of folks will tell you that the Jets Bowles is safe and sound despite the fact that many of those same people also maintain that he lost the locker room several weeks ago.
Dal/Phi– As much as Eagles fans thought that the playoffs were likely this year, 6/10 or 7/9 was written all over this team. Still, they’ve got some pieces of the puzzle in place and they will progress next year and that means that the NFC East will be quite the jungle for the next few years.
Cle/Pit– I see at least one more player injury affecting the playoffs. So if the coaching staff could get Ben, Bell and Brown out of the game as quickly as possible that would be great.
Some of these teams have nothing to play for but you, my friends have everything to type for. SO TYPE AWAY!!!
The bad news is, I took too long to get the pork in the slow cooker this morning, so I’ll be up late tonight waiting for my carnitas to be ready.
The good news is… midnight carnitas.
Carnitas
I would murder an entire family for some right now.
THESE EARLY GAMES, I CALL THEM THE CHRISTMAS RUSH, BECAUSE EVERYONE’S MAILING IT IN
I see the Bears continue to waste excellent performances from Jordan Howard. Hooray high draft pick to be squandered!
Dear God. I’d rather have Sanchize than Landry Fucking Jones.
Jeremy Roenick sure seems still shitfaced at the Centennial Classic.
If he can make Milbury’s head bleed, all will be forgiven.
You can’t get blood from a stone
Is there an early game worth a fuck to watch?
Seriously, this shit is worse than preseason.
It’s just as well, I’ve got to get my ass in the kitchen anyway.
Well, it’s almost time to watch the Frost Lions take on the Ice Argonauts
Nope. I’ve switched to hockey – the outdoor game in Toronto.
I have no recollection of walking home from my neighbor’s house last night.
Hey, beats playing “find the car” with the kids!!
I hope “car” isn’t a euphemism
“what’s that thing banks is riding on?”
-Adrian Peterson
They had to build up equity on the stadium, then loan, THEN cart. You know those Wilf’s…financially responsible.
hahaha there is a TV show called Hunted? didn’t Always Sunny do a parody of that?
Currently in my head for no good reason:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D4gRq4_aAQ
THIS WEEK 16, I CALL IT ONE MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE NO ONE IS REALLY TRYING AND ITS WASTING MY TIME
Michael Floyd with an intoxicating block!
knocked him back into 2016
Miami safety just got rocked
Michael Floyd hit him so hard he thought he was Michael Floyd drunk at a stoplight.
Also, yet another resident evil movie?
I regret ever liking milla jovovich. Seriously, those films shitty quality all but ruined the credibility of the games. Horror/action is more profitable than horror? led to shit like this:
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ogrl51bk1r9cjqxo1_500.gif
Barkleyception 2: The Secret of the Lose
That might be too obscure
http://www.gstatic.com/tv/thumb/movieposters/13113/p13113_p_v8_ae.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSvTkMPB9mI
He looks like BEN ROETHLISBERGER walking out of the women’s restroom
I think most of us here be old enough to remember. For better or worse.
My God. Ufford linked to this in a post he made ten years (and one month) ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3neh58NhnA
Classic!
The article was appropriately titled “BEN ROETHLISBERGER SUCKS”
10 years. That’s a long time. Also probably what sentence Ben should have received.
http://usedwigs.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hc-bert-ernie-skin-suit.jpg
WHY, GOD, OH WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US!?!
man if the Fins win, then my Donks REALLY better take a dive this evenin’
Nelson Alghalor out with knee injury. Doubt Eagles will notice
http://totallynotnaterod.tumblr.com/post/67220196413/anytime-i-get-injured
WTF, OSZ …
http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/KF/2014/04/09/70s_kid_game_smile.gif
Steve Beuerlein commenting on the Bills/Jets game like he’s completely unaware that he and Muhsin Muhammad cost me the fantasy championship back in 2004. Smgdh.
they WON me $$ for 2nd in total points my very first year, but I still missed the playoffs
I feel like there’s a story here…
She’s a welder
Irina Shayk in a Givenchy ad.
Say what you will…Sanchez didn’t fuck up taking the knee…
dumb question:
does ape or anyone from the old site have an archive of lol nfl pics?
I really want to revisit ben listening to his ipod
I’m looking. I did find this in the meanwhile.
Indeed!
Eagles meaningless TD!!!
all things considered, I really felt all the coverage of margot robbie was overshadowing suicide squad’s other model turned actress
Weird eyebrows.
2/10 would not bang
That movie could have been so much better. Joker was completely unnecessary (actor, portrayal, plot) and enchantress misused. Ugh. Zack Snyder and his influence is a comic universe’s disgrace.
I’m going to blame the page switch on everyone missing my “Nacho will always be #2” joke
“Romo did well.” [shakes head knowingly]
-racists in Texas
No way they use the proper adverb
Can the Cowboys activate Kellen Moore?
It’s nice to know there are still constants in this world, such as El Shitbox throwing interceptions.
My brother graduated from Penn State, so he & my father (who is visiting today at 6:00) are all fired up about the Rose Bowl tonight. Wanted to be sure I’d be able to get it on TV tonight & everything. I don’t know how to tell them that everyone else in the world is disgusted by Penn State. Forever.
I hope USC runs a train on the Penn State ass.
See?
Show him this ^^^^
I always wondered what would make me root for USC and it turns out that the other school having covered up and/or denied a massive child rape problem does the trick.
Feel free to share that or not as you see fit.
Oh look, Bradshaw is playing the part of the clown.
Probably not Pagliacci.
DAMMIT NACHO TWO: ELECTRIC FUCK YOU
JUst put Beasley under center already.
I think its safe to say that Nachos is not good at anything beyond holding a clip board.
A quality 3rd string QB skill set…
Oh, if you need any high school girls “dated,” Nacho’s your man….
Cowboys fans are two hits away from Nacho taking the field.
See…not a penalty…
http://cjzero.com/gifs/SimpsonHipThrust.gif
Only two pumps. Its the third pump that is a penalty.
http://1.images.comedycentral.com/images/shows/key_and_peele/GIF/Season3/KeyPeele_308_gif_ExcessiveCelebration01_400x225.gif
Sanchez just fucked up that record of teams having 5 interceptions all year
https://gfycat.com/SpotlessBreakableBuckeyebutterfly
Nacho thinks it’s still Christmas.
Shouldnt unsportsmanlike conduct penalties after a TD affect the PAT?
Yeah, it would make it a very hard try.
Texans benched Savage
Apparently their efforts to “civilize” him have failed.
Perfect. Especially coming from this handle.
(Poor White Man. Always so burdened.)
He’s in concussion protocol, I think.
Rex Burkhead is going to get himself a lot of money in the offseason.
seriously nacho?
I think it would be the most wonderful thing ever if you were in a fantasy league that still had games this weekend and won thanks to starting Michael Floyd and the margin of victory was exactly equal to his BAC from when he was arrested.
your comment made me remember I do in fact have a league like that. straight points instead of wins.
I tanked weeks ago.
pretty much any time I see a decent run by a team that’s not the patriots/packers/cowboys I assume theirr is going to be a holding call impending.