Wait, that doesn’t seem right…
That’s more like it.
NFL News:
- Doug Marrone will stick around the Jaguras, getting the “interim” removed from his title.
- And they’ve hired Tom Coughlin as an Executive VP of Football Operations.
- Depending on your perspective, Joey Porter had a good night or a bad night.
- That’s for him, God, the police, and The Reverend to sort out.
- Odell Beckham got inspiration from the Eagles and put a spyhole in the wall at Lambeau after the game.
- Joke’s on him – no cheerleaders!
So, tonight’s game. I don’t know much about college football anymore, so let’s look at what I gleaned in passing today:
- I will always enjoy this gif:
- odds are Tide -6.5
- over/under is 51
- Clemson did us all a favour by beating Ohio State
I’m going to say Clemson, in a fantasy scenario, 33-30.
Although, winning might then make Saban decide to become the next Chargers coach.
Get to game!
Tonight’s sports:
- College Basketball: St. John’s at Georgetown – 6:30PM | FS1
- only as an aperitif
- College Football Playoff National Championship: Clemson vs. Alabama
8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- Monday Night RAW – 8:00 | USA / Sportsnet360
- only if the game goes bad
LET THE MOCKERY BEGIN!
Are they going to fire the cannons or did Warren Sapp ask them to keep it down?…Since he lives in that pirate ship.
He’s already invited all of Clemson’s cheerleaders over to his pirate ship post-game, I’m sure of it.
Welp, it was fun while it lasted.
Nick Saban’s pre-game speech to Steve Sarkisian:
The Rule Tied Ryan brother?
INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD
Touchdown BAMA!
Rolls off the tongue…like “Momma I love you” or “Son…let’s go track down that one queer boy in town and beat him up”
And so it begins…
STRAWNG TAEK:
I’d rather be sober than drink wine. All things grape-related are shitty. Except for raisins.
Wine is great. You’re a pleb.
I don’t know, throwing grapes at people is fun for the way they can bounce off.
I read that as asians, not raisins…I need more beer
Not my favorite but it works in a pinch.
SCARBRO sounds like it would be a good name for a superhero whose origin story somehow includes a fraternity hazing prank gone wrong.
Running on 4th down against the Tide is like Hildog trying to run against Emperor Trump…
Baby Jesus ain’t gonna let that there fly son! MAGA!!!
Am having cheese and crackers with my wine because I’m fucking classy. Also, its all the liquor i have left. I drank all the beer, whisky and vodka.
Jug or box?
CHUH CHUH*
*with pinkie extended
Piss off, Dabo, Dabo! DABO!
Now ladies, if’n that don’t git yer ovaries pumpin’ overtime I jest dunno…
The ole club to the head. It’s a state of Alabama classic.
15 yards? That’s plum nigh a mating ritual down Bama way.
A call *against* Alabama?!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a45c2fcde4611dfdac1cc84d9fc6c3a9/tumblr_n41sczYXo41r5c73no4_250.gif
If this game was played in Wichita it would be a completely different game.
Good lord. I won’t bitch about Joe Buck for half a game.
Well for one thing…it would be a cat show…
Turn on to ESPN 2 for the future of sports broadcasting and what everything is wrong with America.
is that the PAAWWWWWLLLLLLL-cast?
TWWL needs to get their shit together and put ESPN Classic in HD.
right it’s the one “alternate” feed I would watch
Didn’t realize that they hired Michael J. Fox to be the main camera operator for this thing.
He must be shocked the score isn’t already 21-17.
I found some Soviet Life mags. at my school and I used to read them with a CCCP1 inner voice by myself. In fact, now that I think about it, all-male schools should be burned to the ground.
For anyone without ESPN, very nice stream available at hehestreams.xyz
Big 12 refs?!?
Get ready everyone. Big 12 refs pick one team to fuck over each game.
When I hear “Big 12” I assume you’re talking about a beauty contest in Wisconsin that features a dozen contestants.
Yuuuuggggge 12 is more liek it, amirite?
Jesus! Between Boulware’s lame motivational speech and Dabo’s incoherent pregame interview, things aren’t looking good for Clemson.
How many kittens has Nick Saban eaten getting ready for the game? Two, a dozen, ALL TEH KITTEHS??
YES. Puppy blood is FOAR halftime adjustments
I’d say he drank the blood of virgins, but he does coach in Alabama, so…ALL TEH KITTEHS it is.
Poor teh kitties. Being born in bama. Theys in a better place now.
So that is what Peyton Manning looks like. I haven’t seen him in awhile.
Ever been to Seattle? They throw fish there.
as always, hating every minute of what he is asked to do.
That’s the Mk XVI. The real Pey-Pey I is in cryo-sleep as his new neck is grown in a cloning vat.
If I’m not seen, I lose strength.
He’s gotten scrawnier. Except in the forehead. That thing is as big as ever.
In respect of the game, I should have added a mullet theme to the post.
STUPID BEERGUY!
Ah yes, the infamous “Elephant toe”, reserved for a very select demographic of the population…
Her boots look like the trophy.
Don’t know if this is real, but if so… HAHAHA.
What a dense cunt.
People wonder why I think Trump will only be a serious problem for two years instead of four. It’s because when the MAGA folks who needed the ACA figure out the GOP fucked them, they’ll once again vote for “change” and flip the House the Senate at the mid-terms.
You poor bastard
smells worse – Jalen Hurts’ hair, or Ben Boulware’s beard??
Yes.
That fucking pregame “Countdown to Kickoff” was blatant false advertising.
I wish the Heisman House would be firebombed by the US Air Force like a North Vietnamese village in 1970.
I actually think if it’s a blowout…more likely to favour Clemson.
Sweet Baby Jesus the National Championship trophy is fucking hideous…
The Dr. Pepper guy wants to fuck it.
Wants to? Has. Will again.
yeah, “wants to”
Still better than the World Series trophy.
Yanno, it kind of looks like a cage that something busted it’s way out of
Which is funny, because I wanna fuck it.
http://beerspeculator.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Sweet-Baby-Jesus-Chocolate-Peanut-Butter-Porter-DuClaw-Brewing-e1432937719772.jpg
dear lord that looks fucking delicious. also, what does WCS stand for?
Is his initials.
It’s better looking than a crystal football.
They should fill the crystal football with it, to make it worth something.
National Championship trophy looks like a giant tube of lipstick.
Its real bullshit that the NCAA is once again trying to screw the TIDE and the rest of the SEC by having the championship in a northern state. BULLSHIT! It should be where REAL COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS PLAYED! IN THE SOUTH!!!
YEEEHAAAAAWWWWW!!!!
What’s the line on this game? And by how much will Bama completely destroy it for us??
I’ve seen 51 and 51 1/2.
Whatever the line is on “Fuck Lane Kiffin” pick the over.
Also pick the over on Steve Sarkisian’s BAC.
Super secret tip for Clemson: Cover OJ Howard.
Also, I really want OJ Howard on the Cowboys next year.
just keep him away from tall blondes. and Jewish waiters, just to be safe…
Double J can keep anything out the paper if the kid can ball.
If he is any good he won’t be coming to my Iggles. We like em with no hands.
My prediction is Alabama wins 55-6 and Nick Saban spends most of the post-game interview bitching about missed tackles that lead to those two field goals.
We’ll get that cleaned up. If that’s the last thing I ever do.
Those tittayz.
hey pal, Sexy Friday ain’t fer 4 mo’ days yet
So, Saban’s tattoo; on his ass or near his crotch?
Given big feller’s size, I’m guessing his taint says “Nicholas Lou Saban Jr.”
Boob Bryant?
Although, winning might then make Saban decide to become the next Chargers coach.
If they move to LA:
However, if they stay in San Diego:
Clemson HAS NOT BEEN THE UNDERDOG ALL YEAR.
They were like 25 point favourites when they lost at home to Pitt.
Or 17-18 when they needed a shanked chip shot to get to OT (again at home) against fucking NC State.
Methinks Saban is going for 60 on the board to show that Lane was holding them back…
ROLL TIDE! I got my wife beater on, got my bud ice, got my wife beating on…SUUUUUUUUIEEEEEEE!!!
Alabama 63 – Clemson 3…because even though Baby Jesus is a Bama fan, he will have some pity on them godless varmints and give them a field goal late in the 4th.
Could have titled this post “Your Sarkisian-Drunk Monday Night Open Thread” cause DRINKING.
oh YEAH. It would be much MOAR fun for him to go off the wagon with a gaggle of coeds in celebratory fashion than just angrily plowing into a schoolbus tomorrow morning ,, amirite??
That would have taken more than the 10 minutes I effort I set aside.
I’m going with the devil I don’t know tonight. Plus Joey Freshwater jinxed them on the way out.
I guess I could tolerate Clemson winning, but I don’t like it.
Folks!
Hail Satan!
Gentlemen, to evil.
New NFL ad campaign?
I hate smugness therefore DABO DABO DABO
Fuck Saban, but, uber-ultra fuck Dabo, Dabo! DABO!
pretend I’m naive:
why the hatred for each coach and program in particular?
My hate is very valuable you see.
honest, straightforward evil >>> hypocritical faux-humble “Christian” schtick evil