Your “Just Goddamn Your, Goddamn it!” “AFC Division Game Open Thread

Chiefs GM John Dorsey: “Hey Andy, I called you into my office so that we might have a small chat before the game.”

Reid: “Yes, chef.”

JD: “Uh, right. Look, the organization has no issues with your results during the regular season. To be honest, I must say ‘well done!’.”

Reid: “As far as the steaks are concerned, ‘well done’ is not the best result.”

JD: “I’m so glad we’re on the same page here. The stakes are so much higher in the playoffs.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to add Steaks On A Plane to Netflix queue’] “Gotta agree with you there, chef.”

JD: “With just a little TLC I think you can get this team over the playoff hump.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to download (Don’t Go Chasing Chocolate) Waterfalls on spotify’] You’re so right, chef.”

JD: “Huh. Anyway, it’s very important that you go out there and battle. Battle really hard. You know what I’m getting at here? Embrace the battle”

Reid: “Sure do, chef. Sure do.” [mind’s eye fills with visions of Mario Batali making Mushroom Orzotto followed by Bucatini All’ Amatriciana]

Pit/KC– Hey, look at me-I’m cheering for the Steelers for the second time in 50 years. The last time? Last week. You see, if KC pulls this out a certain A. Reid (if it’s close towards the end of the game next week-highly unlikely) will commit some heretofore never-before-seen blunder that will sink the Chiefs Super Bowl hopes vs. the Pats. This is written in stone-DO NOT QUESTION IT. I’m a bit worried about the Chiefs wr wildcard that manifests itself in the form of Tyreek Hill. That kid has “early career Desean Jackson game-breaker before he got full of himself” written all over him. Between him and te Kelce they’ve accounted for 45% of total O yardage over the last six games. The Steelers have the firepower/balls to stick with the Pats and the Pats MUST. GO. DOWN.

Done. GIMMEE THAT THING THAT YOU GOT!!!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
731 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Curse of Marino
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“The dreaded pump fake from Ben Rothlisberger!”

There are a lot of women that agree with that sentiment, Cris.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

So, Trump takes office on Friday, correct? So what are the odds he sells the country to Russia on Saturday so that we can avoid watching either of these teams get killed by the Pats on Sunday?

Old School Zero

2:1

...

He’ll gift Putin the Patriots so that ring Putin stole will become legitimate.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m okay with this. Would make them slightly less evil.

Old School Zero

I’m pretty sure Trump is ignorant to the fact like he’s the guy Jaime Lannister sent into the castle to open the drawbridge and let the enemy into slaughter everyone.

...

So basically, Cold War 2: Electric Boogaloo?

Curse of Marino
WCS

Definitely approaching that drunk threshold where one doesn’t really care about what happens if one snorts Xanax.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This game is gonna end up 16-15 so we never ask for a close game again

Wakezilla

More like 18-16.

Though, I have a feeling Pittsburgh is scoring 7 this drive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please don’t humanize Alex Smith.

Redshirt

So based on tonight’s game, do the Patriots even practice this week or do they just rest up for Sunday?

Dunstan

They practice their end zone celebrations and smug looks.

Wakezilla

They’ll watch the hidden tapes later in the week.

makeitsnowondem

I know this isn’t a popular opinion but I think Travis Kelce’s fucking hilarious.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

makeitsnowondem

My favorite.

Wakezilla

15-10. Two possession game!

Brocky

comment image

Brocky

I want to make a joke about this thing’s size without it sounding like an innuendo.

The Maestro
King Hippo

150 TOTAL yards AT HOME, and they are very much in the game. Fucking absurd.

Wakezilla

TBF, there’s no way on earth an NFL player should have gone down faster than a gold digger in the Champagne room like that player that just got pushed by Kelce.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Floppers gonna flop.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Checking in from America’s wang.

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4566/1022/320/AMWang.gif

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING, BOYS?!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Otto’s Brain (rolling into the room): Hey, guys! Great game, huh? Say, is there a volcano nearby that maybe one of you can throw me into…?

Curse of Marino
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Being played in the middle of an ice storm would vastly improve this game.

Senor Weaselo

What about a big ice hole?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v4sOvEa7AM

LemonJello

Well, the Chefs have given me no sign that they’ll overcome this insurmountable lead of the Stillers, so…much like Andy Reid’s plastic chair at the all-you-can-eat buffet, I’m done.

Later, Taters!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

But Alex Smith just completed the longest pass of his career!

ThursdaySkyGoddess
King Hippo

Travis Kelce, still an asshole.

/fuck me, I just agreed with Cris

Wakezilla

He’s just too gritty for you, you commie pinko!

Gratliff

why is alex smith

Curse of Marino

comment image?w=620&h=414&crop=1

WCS

This is fine.

comment image

herodotus450

So eye black is like the institutionalize religion of the NFL: mostly useless but continued for the sake of tradition.

Dick E. Phuck

Fake Gronk derp.

Dick E. Phuck

To be fair to Kelce though, he probably wasn’t expecting the pass to travel that far.

King Hippo

“Black Nationwide” ad is less terribad than “Cornpone Nationwide”

But I still jump FOAR the mute button as soon as I hear the jingle start

makeitsnowondem

The Nationwide musical ads are so fucking terrible.

King Hippo

(see above)

/Donks minds think alike!

...

♫ They’re stuck in my fuck-ing head. ♫

herodotus450

Zombo with the stop? ZOMBO WITH THE STOP!!

Dunstan

See, Ben, it’s no fun being pinned down somewhere you don’t want to be

Curse of Marino

comment image

Laveon Bark

Wakezilla

So, does anyone think Seattle management will clue in that they’ll never win anything until they spend more than a 1/3rd of what the rest of the league does on an O-line?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

They’ll have a bit of money to spend in the upcoming season.

Granted, it will likely go to DB’s and D-linemen…

blaxabbath

Kam Chancellor is going to be wanting a new contract. Think he’s in his last year.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It’s good to want things.

Honestly, i’m not sure where their priorities are going into next year. If ET does retire, that D is going to be hurting.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yes, acupuncture is BIZARRE, Cris.

Oh, wait. No it’s not.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

My brother-in-law was a Chargers fan and is shuffling off to join the Chiefs. I’m hoping this game will convince him otherwise because SHEESH.

Old School Zero

What a maroon.

herodotus450
King Hippo

how could you join a DIVISION RIVAL??

/especially THAT ONE

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s not a bad drive to take his kid to a game (he lives in STL) and I know that was a big consideration. I still can’t believe that KC has a team and we don’t. It’s mind boggling.

Wakezilla

You should tell him about Otto Man and how that one Chiefs collapse a few years ago ended with him killing himself.

Old School Zero
King Hippo

But to be fair, BOTH these teams eat all the ass compared to DAL and GB earlier.

Curse of Marino

comment image

King Hippo

there should be MOAR HATE for this boring chucklefuck of a Chefs side

Wakezilla

Give these dogs a football and we’d have a more exciting game than most of the playoffs.

Wakezilla

Well, that failed miserably

https://vine.co/v/h3UVgQPjv9F

ThursdaySkyGoddess

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Cheifs have replaced Alex Smith with Kyle Orton. Nobody noticed

King Hippo

the lonely bottle of Jim Beam Black on the worn out sofa did

Wakezilla

I’d say it’s more akin to checkdown Chad Henne

Brick Meathook

comment image

Wakezilla

All week, analysts kept swearing up and down Alex Smith was a gunslinger now and more than a game manager. Those fuckers lied. Alex Smith is the same as he ever was.

King Hippo

when does Rick and Morty come back? Anyone know?

herodotus450

“Soon” is the best I’ve heard. That’s the way the news goes.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Smithchez

In tonight’s episode of “Things that have never happened before”: A receiver was overthrown by Alex Smith to the point where someone with football knowledge considered the pass uncatchable.

Unsurprised

I’m going to bed. Later taters

Dick E. Phuck
blaxabbath

I thought KC was supposed to be having a blizzard or something.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

NBC really sold the NFL on that idea so they could eat into the ratings of the other networks prime time ratings

King Hippo

as it turned out…just kinda chilly! potato potahtoe

King Hippo

Don’t forget to mix Thursday Sky Goddess and Balls one (each), WCS!!

/another goddamned FG

//this is how the fucking Chefs get left alive week after week after week

Wakezilla

This is a really good game of California Kickball.

Shogun Marcus

comment image