Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob
Everybody loved this logo.
Everybody loved this logo.

I was tempted to just type, “I HATE THE FUCKING PATRIOTS! forty times to just get to 200 words. But I forced myself to look at why, exactly, I hate the Patriots so, so much. So I tried to remember their history. Please forgive the length of the journey.

It’s hard to remember a time when people didn’t actively hate the Patriots.

For a long time, they were little more than an afterthought in the AFC East. Prior to the 1980s, they had only made the playoffs three times since 1961. Casual NFL fans only heard about them because Jack Tatum crippled Darryl Stingley.

They went to their first Super Bowl in 1985 and promptly got walloped by the Bears. Most people remember that game because of Buddy Ryan’s defence, and that Ditka didn’t get Walter Payton a touchdown but gave one to The Fridge.

They went to their second Super Bowl in 1997, but got Favre’d because they didn’t think kicking to Desmond Howard was a bad idea.

Even their first Super Bowl wasn’t exactly a “bad thing”, unless you are from St. Louis (sorry Internet Dad), because they promptly went 9-7 and missed the playoffs the next year.

But a funny thing happened on the way to obscurity. They won the Super Bowl in 2003, finishing 14-2 and knocking off the Titans, Colts & Panthers minimalist fashion. Boston got a parade.

Then the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, ending “The Curse”™. More than just New Englanders were happy, because most sports fans enjoy the end of a pathetic streak. Because the Sox beat the Cardinals, even Chicagoans who remembered DA BEARS! could enjoy this victory (something they would eventually savor in 2005 & 2016). As such, Boston got a giant parade.

The Patriots followed along and finished the 2004 season 14-2 again, and won another Super Bowl – this time versus the Eagles. Boston got another parade, and people there started talking actively about a “dynasty”.

And from that talk of dynasty grew a sense of entitlement, among the fans and the team. That is was their destiny to be on top; divine right had gifted New England this talented coach & quarterback, through whose sheer intellect and talent. The media obliged with obsequious coverage, and continued success created a bandwagon of fans.

We all know the type.
We all know the type.

And here’s where admiration can give way to hate.

Proverbs 16:18 states that “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.” In modern, secular English, we call that 2007 and “Spygate“.

FINALLY, Pats haters had proof that nothing New England won was deserved. And it rationalized all sorts of visuals.

But there seemed to be no karmic retribution. Either God favoured the Patriots, or the deal the devil made with Bob Kraft was absolute.

However, in 2008, Tom Brady was hurt in the first week of the season, tearing two ligaments in his knees. This effectively cost the Patriots the 2008 season, the last time they missed the playoffs, and seemed to be the payback most haters were seeking.

But invented another standard.
But invented another standard, a standard to hate.

But what did the Patriots and their fans do? Why, they doubled-down on the hate, now casting themselves as victims,

which served to only increase the hate towards the Patriots and their fans.

But the hate for the Patriots seemed validated by the fact that between 2005-2013, they never advanced beyond the Conference finals. It made their fans mad, which gave the haters joy, because the sense of dynastic entitlement was being tempered by the fans’ and team’s own arrogance. The coach, always aloof & irritable, became seen as an obsessive control freak; the “Patriot Way” became a byword for manic attention to detail, scrutiny of rules & regulation for advantage, and summary dismissal for failure to abide an unwritten code.

Belichick-Big-Brother (courtesy Low Commander)

But what about my hate?

I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed the Patriots first Super Bowl victory, mostly because it was a good ending to the game. (Again, sorry Internet Dad.) I really enjoyed them beating the Eagles, because life should forever fuck over Terrell Owens.

It's okay - He blessed Jeff Garcia.
Fair trade – He blessed Jeff Garcia.

Did my hate culminate in 2014, with the Patriots Super Bowl XLIX victory over the “Seadderall” Seahawks, who managed to situate themselves as equal cheats in Patriots Nation’s eyes?

No. I blame Pete Carroll for that. I’m allowed; I have season tickets. But the Patriot fans sure make it hard to overlook that one.

Or was it 2016, with the “Deflategate” or “Ball-ghazi” findings and punishment, too late to take away their Super Bowl XLIX victory, but was a moral victory for non-Patriots fans.

No.

After careful consideration, my hatred of the Patriots is all-encompassing, having aged like a fine wine over the years. It is not one thing, it is everything. It’s the organization, because they refuse to admit any wrongdoing, ever. It’s their coach, because he’s a conniving shithead who will cut guys on a whim but then sign a waived WR who got cut because of a DUI. It’s their fucking poster boy quarterback, who gerrymanders his contract so they can keep certain players & whines like he’s never supposed to be touched.

I honestly don't even care about this.
I honestly don’t even care about this.

It’s their fans, because 99% of them couldn’t name Steve Grogan, let alone Darryl Stingley or John Hannah. It’s the media, because this shit has been on my TV for the last 10 days.

Mostly, though, it’s because the combined hubris and victimhood of all of the above makes this man

look like a sympathetic figure, despite his staggering incompetence. He knows, or has ignored, what the Patriots are doing, coming down only when he is discovered to have pooched the initial incident, or destroyed the tapes where possible. There is no way any other team could get away with what the Patriots do to the salary cap.

It makes me ashamed for having enjoyed watching their earlier success, kind of like finding out years later that that “mutual parting” just allowed her to continue the affair without consequence while I bourbon’d myself to sleep alone. And that sends me reaching for the blood pressure medication. So, now I can feel justified in saying **deep breath**

I HATE THE FUCKING PATRIOTS!

WHAT SAY YOU?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Tuesday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]LemonJellojjfozzCuntlerMarc Trestmans Windowless Van Recent comment authors
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Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Tuesday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] going back a year to quote […]

jjfozz

This is how you know you are raising your sons the right way.
Oldest son: “Yeah, Jordan [next door neighbor] is rooting for the Patriots.”
Middle son: “Because he’s bandwagon all the way. He also roots for the Steelers.”
Oldest son: “What a loser.”
Middle son: “No, he’s an asshole.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Did you correct them? The correct answer is “loser asshole,” though we would also have accepted any of the douche-‘item’ terms; douche-rocket, douche-canoe, etc.

Cuntler

This is a hard choice to make. Massachusetts and most of New England (the fuck, New Hampshire?) has a much lower concentration of Trump fans. Fuck the South and Georgia, who overwhelmingly put this asshat in charge. BUT, Belichik, Kraft and Brady are all very publicly Trump-humpers, while the actual city of Atlanta and its residents are not. In conclusion, go low ratings and/or meteor.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why am I still awake? You all are bad influences.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

M’lady

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Mythbusters: The Search. How mad you you think Adam and Jamie are?
/Probably not that mad considering they don’t have to deal with each other anymore

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it; that is a giftastic rabbit hole.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am thinking Mozzarella sticks at 2 am, it will take 30 min and I don’t need it. I think it is happening anyways.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Of course Lloyd Kaufman was involved somehow.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have used my being actually sick for weeks to excuse my weird sleep schedule where I am in bed during the afternoon. This is half true, I realize it also has to do with avoiding my dad who watches Fox News now all day and repeats lies and while on steroids screams at me if I don’t agree with Trump’s latest plan to drown all Mexican babies. He has gone full evil against non-whites which is ironic because his only friends are not white. Only his soccer buddies like him. I have learned a bunch of new slurs about various people since the inauguration.

/ I lied he has one white friend, he is a 400 man that once got drunk and dove head first into an empty pool, broke his neck, biked home on a kids bike, then went to the hospital
// Ok I like him too.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They want to get rid of every non-citizen, and they are trying or are going to try.

I think we need to make it easier for immigrants to become citizens. We should do that. 200% of the exact opposite of whatever Trump and his Republican lickspittles propose. Every time.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I was listening to these kids (well, they’re half my age, so they’re kids to me) and I wanted to tell them to just talk to their parents and be honest about the shit they were telling each other about to said parents rather than just griping to each other and keeping silent because when they’re gone is when they’ll wish they had been more honest and open with their parents and had more time with them. But I didn’t because nobody needs a 40 year old nothing telling them shit about fuck.

Anyway, I would say the exact opposite to you.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am actually 33. I just moved home because I lost my shitty job now a few years ago because the sub boss was robbing the place and got rid of anyone that wasn’t cool with him using it to sell drugs out of. He actually framed one of my friends for felony theft that he did, ended up in rehab with everyone he hired 2 months later. The owner still is on his side.

I am still here because my dad is sick, can’t even make store runs so I have to help him out. My mom has had 4 3+ month injuries in the last 2 years so I have to help her out (separate households) along with taking care of her foreign exchange student, volunteer work she can’t do anymore, etc

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s going to be hard. It’s going to suck.

But it’ll be fine. Once we find our balls again, everything will be fine.

Gratliff

Jerry fucking Falwell Jr to lead Trump’s higher education initiatives. We’re literally looking at the framework for a theocracy. From education to business to congress to the Supreme Court. The nationalist fucks will applaud as they set the stage to enact the equivalent of Sharia Law if they say they’re doing it in the name of Jesus.

WCS

All in the name of #MAGA and #KeepingUsSafe

laserguru

Way ahead of their time.

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

The Supreme Court nomination was actually the most reasonable thing Trump has done so far in my opinion.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-watch/wp/2017/02/01/in-gorsuch-trump-gave-democrats-a-gift-they-should-take-it/?utm_term=.eada691cbe6a

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

As an addendum, I highly recommend Radley Balko. Dude is an amazing journalist.

Gratliff

Fuck that noise. That seat was stolen. I won’t accept the pretense of not giving it to a comically evil person as a compromise.

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

Then you and I just disagree, brother.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m with Gratliff. I don’t care if he nominated Obama himself or Jesus Christ. Fuck Trump and every nominee.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Scalia was often very good on the Fourth Amendment”

Fuck that shit. He never saw a boot heel he wasn’t afraid to lick.

Senor Weaselo

And using the church/state separation as its reasoning!