Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob
Everybody loved this logo.
Everybody loved this logo.

I was tempted to just type, “I HATE THE FUCKING PATRIOTS! forty times to just get to 200 words. But I forced myself to look at why, exactly, I hate the Patriots so, so much. So I tried to remember their history. Please forgive the length of the journey.

It’s hard to remember a time when people didn’t actively hate the Patriots.

For a long time, they were little more than an afterthought in the AFC East. Prior to the 1980s, they had only made the playoffs three times since 1961. Casual NFL fans only heard about them because Jack Tatum crippled Darryl Stingley.

They went to their first Super Bowl in 1985 and promptly got walloped by the Bears. Most people remember that game because of Buddy Ryan’s defence, and that Ditka didn’t get Walter Payton a touchdown but gave one to The Fridge.

They went to their second Super Bowl in 1997, but got Favre’d because they didn’t think kicking to Desmond Howard was a bad idea.

Even their first Super Bowl wasn’t exactly a “bad thing”, unless you are from St. Louis (sorry Internet Dad), because they promptly went 9-7 and missed the playoffs the next year.

But a funny thing happened on the way to obscurity. They won the Super Bowl in 2003, finishing 14-2 and knocking off the Titans, Colts & Panthers minimalist fashion. Boston got a parade.

Then the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, ending “The Curse”™. More than just New Englanders were happy, because most sports fans enjoy the end of a pathetic streak. Because the Sox beat the Cardinals, even Chicagoans who remembered DA BEARS! could enjoy this victory (something they would eventually savor in 2005 & 2016). As such, Boston got a giant parade.

The Patriots followed along and finished the 2004 season 14-2 again, and won another Super Bowl – this time versus the Eagles. Boston got another parade, and people there started talking actively about a “dynasty”.

And from that talk of dynasty grew a sense of entitlement, among the fans and the team. That is was their destiny to be on top; divine right had gifted New England this talented coach & quarterback, through whose sheer intellect and talent. The media obliged with obsequious coverage, and continued success created a bandwagon of fans.

We all know the type.
We all know the type.

And here’s where admiration can give way to hate.

Proverbs 16:18 states that “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.” In modern, secular English, we call that 2007 and “Spygate“.

FINALLY, Pats haters had proof that nothing New England won was deserved. And it rationalized all sorts of visuals.

But there seemed to be no karmic retribution. Either God favoured the Patriots, or the deal the devil made with Bob Kraft was absolute.

However, in 2008, Tom Brady was hurt in the first week of the season, tearing two ligaments in his knees. This effectively cost the Patriots the 2008 season, the last time they missed the playoffs, and seemed to be the payback most haters were seeking.

But invented another standard.
But invented another standard, a standard to hate.

But what did the Patriots and their fans do? Why, they doubled-down on the hate, now casting themselves as victims,

which served to only increase the hate towards the Patriots and their fans.

But the hate for the Patriots seemed validated by the fact that between 2005-2013, they never advanced beyond the Conference finals. It made their fans mad, which gave the haters joy, because the sense of dynastic entitlement was being tempered by the fans’ and team’s own arrogance. The coach, always aloof & irritable, became seen as an obsessive control freak; the “Patriot Way” became a byword for manic attention to detail, scrutiny of rules & regulation for advantage, and summary dismissal for failure to abide an unwritten code.

Belichick-Big-Brother (courtesy Low Commander)

But what about my hate?

I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed the Patriots first Super Bowl victory, mostly because it was a good ending to the game. (Again, sorry Internet Dad.) I really enjoyed them beating the Eagles, because life should forever fuck over Terrell Owens.

It's okay - He blessed Jeff Garcia.
Fair trade – He blessed Jeff Garcia.

Did my hate culminate in 2014, with the Patriots Super Bowl XLIX victory over the “Seadderall” Seahawks, who managed to situate themselves as equal cheats in Patriots Nation’s eyes?

No. I blame Pete Carroll for that. I’m allowed; I have season tickets. But the Patriot fans sure make it hard to overlook that one.

Or was it 2016, with the “Deflategate” or “Ball-ghazi” findings and punishment, too late to take away their Super Bowl XLIX victory, but was a moral victory for non-Patriots fans.

No.

After careful consideration, my hatred of the Patriots is all-encompassing, having aged like a fine wine over the years. It is not one thing, it is everything. It’s the organization, because they refuse to admit any wrongdoing, ever. It’s their coach, because he’s a conniving shithead who will cut guys on a whim but then sign a waived WR who got cut because of a DUI. It’s their fucking poster boy quarterback, who gerrymanders his contract so they can keep certain players & whines like he’s never supposed to be touched.

I honestly don't even care about this.
I honestly don’t even care about this.

It’s their fans, because 99% of them couldn’t name Steve Grogan, let alone Darryl Stingley or John Hannah. It’s the media, because this shit has been on my TV for the last 10 days.

Mostly, though, it’s because the combined hubris and victimhood of all of the above makes this man

look like a sympathetic figure, despite his staggering incompetence. He knows, or has ignored, what the Patriots are doing, coming down only when he is discovered to have pooched the initial incident, or destroyed the tapes where possible. There is no way any other team could get away with what the Patriots do to the salary cap.

It makes me ashamed for having enjoyed watching their earlier success, kind of like finding out years later that that “mutual parting” just allowed her to continue the affair without consequence while I bourbon’d myself to sleep alone. And that sends me reaching for the blood pressure medication. So, now I can feel justified in saying **deep breath**

I HATE THE FUCKING PATRIOTS!

WHAT SAY YOU?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yay! Cookies and milk and incest and murder!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Boston already has racism being fine to be just outright blatant with again, they don’t need a Super Bowl.

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

Uh, hey rioter people in Berkeley, hey, hi! You do know you are keeping Milo relevant and giving him a ton of free publicity, which you know, he craves?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Newsflash: Liberals are fucking idiots.

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

Every time I see people losing their mind over him, I just think “Streisand effect, people.”

Gratliff

I’m really torn by this. On one hand, I agree it’s giving him attention I’d prefer him not having. On the other hand, he does do the occasional evil shit at live events like publicly outing unsuspecting college students in front of rabid conservative crowds. So, there’s the possibility that one of the burning things in the pictures may actually be him, and that’s not such a bad thought.

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

I swear, I could saunter through Berkeley with a pink codpiece with a Judy Garland henna tattoo on my ass, and not be the most flaming thing there tonight!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m tired but don’t want to go to sleep. Someone entertain me.

WCS

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hope Houston Texas Everything explodes come Sunday.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s cold and icy outside, and I’m not even in Canada. Trying to decide between scotch and a(nother) glass of milk with a chocolate chip cookie in it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Have both.

I just ate a ton more pizza and in spite of my better judgement and because I am stupid, going out for cookies and milk to enjoy while I watch Taboo suddenly seems like a smashing idea.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hello boys.

I just ran home from a four hour training session on immigration law fueled by way too much caffeine, pizza, and righteous indignation. I’m ready to kick some ass and kick some more ass. Don’t care about the names. What’s up?

Big Black Richard
Big Black Richard

Portland office of US Dept of Immigration/Homeland Security has a longstanding reputation of being dicks to people for absolutely no reason. Moreso than similar offices in other cities, I mean.

Please feel free to ruin their shit.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

With pleasure.

Fronkenshteen

How much $ can I get for a 45 year old kidney all filled with drugs and bad food, but lots of distilled water and NO CIGARETTES? It’s my only hope!

Senor Weaselo

About tree fiddy?

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

If you were willing to bundle said kidney with a right liver lobe and maybe an autographed nude pic of Lisa Loeb I’d go for about four hundo … perhaps more … negotiable.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

ballsofsteelandfury

That write-up was beautiful. Well done!

WCS

Samantha Bee is tearing Drumpf a third asshole tonight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Love her.
Also forgot that was on tonight too.
I’m kinda fucking shit up, guys.
I need alcohol and weed….not necessarily in that order.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Curse of Marino
Curse of Marino

https://twitter.com/apblake/status/826937158007193600?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Well shit, Nazis defending nazis, who would have thunkit?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Onion is being put out of business by actual headlines.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Sky blue, water wet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Republicans have always defended and protected Nazis. This ain’t new.

WCS

Switching from Bay-Bay-KU to Sunny.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit, I forgot it’s Wednesday.
DVR better not have shat the bed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not only did the DVR NOT shit the bed, but it also has the first ep of the new season of The Expanse recording right now. I am significantly less unhappy than I might have otherwise been.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We are Eskimo brothers.

Assuming the Eskimos have DVRs.

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

In response to the executive order this weekend, Donald Trump has had a fa-twat issued against him by a Syrian mullah.

litre_cola

Fa-twat? Is that like big labia?

litre_cola

Anyone watchin Rape U v Kansas?

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

Temple?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It is on my TV, but I can’t say i’m really watching it.

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

I logged on because your likes are e-sheckels to me, or as it is also known, Bitcoin. And worth just as much too.

Senor Weaselo

Is that a lot? Is that a little?

WCS

laserguru

Quick informal poll time:

Brother and I were discussing the anniversary of the Big Mac the other day and I told him that I’ve never eaten a Bic Mac. He was amazed.
I’m an old ass man who first ate at a McDonald’s in like 1974 and I’ve never had one.
Of course i haven’t eaten at one since about 2001.

Have you ever eaten a Big Mac?

Senor Weaselo

I have also never eaten a Big Mac. I’m a Quarter Pounder, no onions person. Sorry, I don’t like onions. Or tomatoes.

Or soup. Or… *fade out*

WCS

I would rather starve to death than consume anything with mayonnaise associated with it.

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

I am a big ol’ bastard with lots of eating vices, but mayo is something I won’t do.

I will do Cleveland Stadium mustard because that tingles my penis and really makes the pubis monis glisten.

Senor Weaselo

I didn’t know it had exfoliating purposes! Now I know.
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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

TROOF!

Shogun Marcus

Me neither.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes many, in my youth. These day’s I’ve given up the fast food more or less, however.

laserguru

Same here.

Once or twice a year I can get behind some Popeye’s but otherwise I cook my big calorie items at home.

laserguru

It seems to be drawn on generational lines since none of my kids, grandkids or nephews/nieces have ever had one.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Never eaten a Big Mac. The special sauce sounds disgusting and I don’t like vegetables (except pickles) on my burgers/sandwiches. Salads go on the side.

laserguru

Damn right!

Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO
Buddy Cole, Toilet Wine Enthusiast CEO

I have eaten tons of Big Micks, does that count? They even had their own special sauce!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

No seed in their buns

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I ate Big Macs as a young man. They don’t have mayo the ‘special sauce’ is thousand island dressing. The last one I had must have been in Japan about 1996.

litre_cola

I have not eaten a Big Mac. QPC guy all day long. No pickles. Pickles are awful.

ballsofsteelandfury

How the fuck you not eat a Big Mac? That’s like saying you don’t eat pussy.

laserguru
WCS

Credit to the PA guy at NC State for playing this during a timeout.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too bad we decided to start sucking again at just the wrong time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

It would have been a wonderful St. John’s wins/Syracuse loses day!

WCS
theeWeeBabySeamus

THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR MY RAGE!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is why Wolves can’t have nice things.

WCS

This game is bonkers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So apparently the internet likes making gifs of Tommy getting sacked for some reason.

http://cdn3.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2411302/ne_von_miller_sack_brady.0.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Seamus and Hippo’s Wolvensort are cornholing Syracuse right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah they are.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rut roh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450
herodotus450

Soooo…., we DONT like the Patriots?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450
herodotus450

Well now we know where all the molly went

WCS

I would rather repeat cleaning the poopy-stew my daughter just blew all the up her onesie, into the arm sleeves, with a smell that can only be described as open sewer meets rotting dog carcass for the next seven days straight than see New England win another Superb Owl.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

“You’re right, but still go fuck yourself.” -The Maestro

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

…I have no defense for this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Or that. Or the Trump thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s not alone with the Trump thing, but it sure helps my rage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly’s eyes re-focused on the page. He discovered that while he sat helplessly musing he had also been writing, as though by automatic action. And it was no longer the same cramped, awkward handwriting as before. His pen had slid voluptuously over the smooth paper, printing in large neat capitals

DOWN WITH NEW ENGLAND!
DOWN WITH NEW ENGLAND!
DOWN WITH NEW ENGLAND!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

You forgot a pretty important reason for the hate.
http://cdn3.thr.com/sites/default/files/2015/07/bill_simmons.jpg

Fuck the fuck out of those fucking fuckers!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Jesus Christ this French customer I have been dealing with. Un-fucking-real. He started mouthing off at my Polish coworker in French and my coworker informed him that both him and I speak French. My coworker then just left the room and the fucking French guy demanded my boss so he could bitch about my coworker and myself being rude.

He is demanding to see our pricing for spare parts and wants them at cost from us. So effectively we pay for all the shipping to Canada and assume full liability without a Purchase Order.

He started arguing with our head of Customer Support that we are suppose to fly in people at our cost to do site troubleshooting without a purchase order…just because. Keep in mind, this site has never bought anything from us. We never did their mill.

He has made us basically decode their entire automation system…and then gives us shit when we can’t explicitly tell him why automation engineers from a completely different company did something.

Oh and instead of tuning a drive tomorrow, he wants me to spend the day explaining to him grounding and cabling standards.

This guy is an electrical engineer. HE SHOULD FUCKING KNOW THIS SHIT.

ONE MORE FUCKING DAY….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we get an audio recording of your year end review?

Senor Weaselo

He’s gonna get so angry he’s gonna—no, I can’t finish that one, that’s awful even for us.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Quality hate. LOFTY hate, although it could have used a little more about the media deepthroating Brady and Beli so long that the entire football desk of SI passed out from oxygen deprivation.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tony Eason is a little girl.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

The Superb Owl they beat the Iggles has fueled my hate forever. 1 Superb owl appearance in my adulthood and I get that shit burger.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass