A Night at the Opera: BOLTMANIAN RHAPSODY

♫ Set to the music of “Bohemian Rhapsody” from Queen ♫

FANS:


Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a cash grab,
One escape from re-al-ity.

Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see…

DEAN SPANOS:

I’m such a rich boy, I want your sympathy,
Because Dad-dy came, I will go,
Pretty high; lots of blow,

Anywhere the team goes, doesn’t really matter to meee,
To me.

Papaaa, I just killed a fan,
Put a gun to the city’s head,
Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.

Papaaa, the move has just begun,
But I’ve already gone and pissed it all away.

Papaaaaaa, o-o-o-o-oh,
I don’t care if I made them cry,
Cause we won’t be back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on,
Where they go doesn’t really matter.

FANS:

Too late, he’s paid the fine,
Sends shivers down our spines,
Mind’s reeling all the time.

DEAN:


Goodbye, San Diego, I’m gonna go,
Gotta leave you all behind and distort the truuuuth.

Papaaaaa, o-o-o-o-oh (Anywhere the team goes)

FANS:

Weeeee want you to die,
We’ve always wished you’d never been born at alllll.

DEAN:

I see a yellow oversized foam head.

BOLTMAN:


YOG-SOTHOTH, YOG-SOTHOTH, I WILL TEAR YOUR SOUL APA-ART!

DEAN:


Thunderbolts and lightning,
Very, very frightening me!

BOLTMAN:

(SAN DIEGO) SUPER CHARGERS.
(SAN DIEGO) SUPER CHARGERS,
SAN DIEGO LIGHTNING BOLTS!
HOW COULD YOU GO-O-O-O-O?

DEAN:


I’m such a rich boy, everyone should love me.

SPANOS CLAN:

He’s such a rich boy from a rich family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

DEAN:


Daddy came, I will go, will you let me go?

BOLTMAN & FANS:


AZ-ATH-OTH! NO, WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! (Let him go!)
AZ-ATH-OTH! NO, WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! (Let him go!)
AZ-ATH-OTH! NO, WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO! (Let me go!)
WILL NOT LET YOU GO! (Let me go!)
NEVER, NEVER LET YOU GO!

DEAN:


Never let me go? Ohhhhhhh!

BOLTMAN:


NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

DEAN:


Oh papa please, papa please (Of course, you can go)
As Boltman has some jumper cables just for me, for me, for me…

BOLTMAN:


SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOMP STOMP CLAP AND SPIT IN MY EYE?
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BEHEAD ME AND LEAVE ME TO DIE?
OH, TRAITOR, CAN’T DO THIS TO ME, TRAITOR!

DEAN:


Just gotta get out, just gonna get right outta here.

BOLTMAN:


OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!
OOOOHHHH YEAHHH!
OOOOHHHH YEAHHH!

ROGER GOODELL:


Nothing really matters,
Everyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters, but moneyyyyyy.

(Anywhere the team goes…)


I hope you can all join me tomorrow at Petco Park for the Celebrate San Diego Rally.

h/t to Old School Zero for his always fantastic input

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.

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[…] FAVORITE PERSONAL POST: BOLTMANIAN RHAPSODY […]

sunrisesunrise
Member

I’ll be at the rally with my wife and daughter. Can’t decide if I am going to wear Padres, Gulls or Aztecs gear. Have a bag of Chargers clothes to donate as well.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Frickin’ AWESOME, man!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Most movies don’t portray real people with any kind of accuracy or relatable-ness, however the wealthy complete fucking asshole stereotype is fucking spot on.

*Doesn’t know anyone that is wealthy, but their actions speak for them.

Enrico Pallazzo
Member

This is tremendous. Spanos does not deserve his name attached to this.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Goddamn, that’s good.

SonOfSpam
Member

Truly inspired work. You should turn this into a short film for Oscars consideration.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

There are literally tears in my eyes right now.

litre_cola
Member

“Pretty high, Lots of Blow”

That was absolutely fantastic.

blaxabbath
Member

http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/7/5/5/6/1/webimg/617747787_o.jpg

I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work ’til I ache my bones
At the end (at the end of the day) I take home my hard-earned pay all on my own.

Don T
Member

Hell of a curve ball, blax. That has Tie Your Mother Down written all over it.

Senor Weaselo
Member

I don’t think finding Boltman somebody to love is a good idea for humanity’s sake.

blaxabbath
Member

Can we get a GoFundMe to have Boltman & The Rippers perform at SB 52?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Beautiful. Terrifying, but beautiful.

ArmedandHammered
Member
ArmedandHammered

Holy Fucking Shitsnacks! That was fantastic!

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