[2:33 am, Interior, Bedroom]
The telephone rings, interrupting tWBS’s masturb…..errrrrr, waking him up.
tWBS: Hello?
Man on Phone: It’s time.
tWBS: Time for what? Dude I was just in the middle of masturb…..errrrrr, sleeping.
Man on Phone: Just pack a bag and get out here. It’s time.
tWBS: Time for wh….
CLICK
tWBS: Dammit
–
Three Days later, tWBS sits in a parking lot inside his truck. He’s just finished driving 2500 miles. He’s tired, he’s hungry, he’s cranky. And he needs to pee.
He dials the phone.
Man on Phone: Hello?
tWBS: It’s me, I’m here.
Man on Phone: Sit tight. I’ll be right out.
tWBS: Wait….I’ve just finished driving 2500 miles. I’m tired, I’m hungry and I’m cranky. And I need to pee.
Man on Phone: Sit tight. I’ll be right out.
CLICK
tWBS: Dammit.
–
Ten minutes later….
[DOOR FLIES OPEN]
The lovely and talented ballsofsteelandfury climbs into the passenger seat and closes the door. He has a stern and serious look on his face. He’s holding an old tattered paper shopping bag. He stares forward blankly for a few moments, without speaking. Finally, tWBS breaks the silence….sort of….
tWBS: So, are we going to Disneyland?
balls turns to look at tWBS, not even trying to hide the look of contempt on his face.
balls: da Fuq is your problem, dude?
tWBS: What?
balls: Just shut up, this is serious. So this is your truck, huh?
tWBS: His name is Dave. Be nice.
balls: You name your vehicles?
tWBS: Do you not?
balls: Dave?
tWBS: Hey look…I just drove across the country because YOU told me to. I drove MY truck because you’re too goddamned cheap to go halfsies on a rental. I don’t wanna hear it. And I’ll tell you one thing…you’re gonna split gas with me.
balls: No, I’m not.
tWBS: Well….you’re gonna buy lunch then.
balls: No, I’m not.
tWBS: Snacks and sodas?
balls: Nope.
tWBS: *sigh* Fine….so what’s with the bag?
balls: It’s my luggage. Don’t worry about it.
tWBS: Your luggage…
balls: Yep. Now shut up and drive.
tWBS: Where?
balls reaches into his paper luggage and pulls out a picture. He hands it to tWBS….
tWBS: WHOA!!!!! DUDE!?!?!?!?!?!?!
balls: Hehehehehe, sorry. Wrong picture. She’s hot tho, right?
tWBS: Yeah, she’s hot. Who is she?
balls: Hell if I know. OK, here…..
balls hands tWBS another photo. This one is older, faded, blurry. tWBS is wary of looking this time, but finally does….
tWBS: OK…and?
balls: DUDE!!!! That’s her!!!
tWBS: That’s who?
balls shakes his head in disgust.
balls: Sometimes you really piss me off.
tWBS: I piss YOU off???? I told you I’m tired, hungry and cranky. And I still have to piss. Just let me go inside for a sec and then….
balls: DRIVE.
tWBS: Dammit. Drive WHERE?????
balls: Just stay in the yellow.
balls reaches into his paper luggage once again and this time, produces a map.
tWBS: Are you shitting me?
balls: No.
tWBS: So she is….
balls: Yes.
tWBS: And we’re….
balls: Yes
tWBS: Where?
balls: Somewhere in the yellow.
tWBS: Somewhere in the yellow….
balls: Yup.
tWBS: Dammit.
balls: Yup.
tWBS: We ARE splitting gas.
balls: No, we’re not. Now drive.
tWBS: Can we at least go to Disneyland afterwards?
balls: No. Well, maybe. Let’s do this thing first then we’ll see.
tWBS: You’re lying, aren’t you?
balls: Yes.
tWBS: Dammit
tWBS puts the truck in gear and rolls slowly out of the parking lot. He’s still tired, hungry and cranky. He still has to pee.
balls holds his paper luggage very close as tWBS merges out onto the highway.
To be continued…..
–
[…] Prologue […]
Somehow, if someone in this story can stand up in the moon roof of the vehicle and jerk off a load on the windshield of the car you are passing that is filled with conservative elderly women….. that would be great.
“GERTRUDE! THAT NOT A BUG!!”
[Eleanor gets some in her eye]
This may actually happen.
Dave doesn’t have a moon roof. But you can stand in the bed and I’ll drive slow. The bed liner hoses out easily enough.
Drive fast and put a dog collar and lease on Dave so he doesn’t fall out at ejaculation.
I am very intrigued.
You will be receiving the news letter shortly.
I wanna join and find a sexy goddess!
Yes, it’s a sexual thing. Don’t judge me.
That’s great in theory; the actual punishment for blasphemy is a little rough; it’s called Bobbiting.
Is this ending in mass casualties or total casualties?
I dunno what everyone is worried about.
It hasn’t even gotten weird. Yet.
Which one of you is Hawkeye?
FYI on the scroller, since I didn’t know what it meant (definithing)
kalsarikännit
drinking by yourself at your house in your underwear with no intention of going out
i’m gonna kalsarikännit at home tonight
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http://www.gifbin.com/bin/032012/1332441334_dog_driving_car.gif
http://iruntheinternet.com/lulzdump/images/gifs/owl-car-crash-soon-stuck-in-car-hiding-13607225557.gif
This is one of those things that surely doesn’t end well.
Specially considering that you live in the yellow…
Alex; where does Donald Trump wants to live?
Reminder to self: do not view any post by Seamus on my work computer. I should know better than this.
Yeah, I know what you mean; I SURE AM GLAD NO ONE WAS LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER WHEN THAT FUCKING NISSAN FRONTIER PICTURE POPPED UP!!
Hey, at least I black boxed it.
(phrasing)
http://crazyhyena.com/imagebank/g/funny-gif-fat-cat-stuck-cat-door.gif
and you think I use pharmaceuticals.
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