Your “YA BETTER SIGN SOMEBODDDYYY!!!” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the photoshop)

Tomorrow afternoon is when things start to go nuts. So it’s pretty quiet today. A little too quiet. Lots of rumours, but why waste time on speculation?

CFL News:

  • rumoured for weeks but expected tomorrow (& confirmed by my source at the BC Lions), Vince Young is comin’ to the CFL!
    • The 2017 Vince Ferragamo experiment will be taking place in Regina this summer with the Green Riders.
    • his agent is Leigh Steinberg, who also represented Warren Moon and Ricky Williams when they played in the CFL.
      • “[H]e’s got a yearning to play more football.”

NFL News:

  • Brandon Marshall is staying in the Meadowlands, signing a two-year deal with the Giants.
    • as part of the arrangement, his demons will stay property of the Jets
  • Brice Butler has re-signed with the Cowboys.
  • Mike Glennon possibly getting $15 million has Aaron Rodgers looking for a new deal.
    • Because he’s due $13.65 million for 2017, and he ain’t Mike Glennon.
  • Vernon Davis has re-signed with Washington, a three-year deal (terms unannounced).
  • Tyrod Taylor has re-signed with the Bills.
  • Tony Romo will be cut tomorrow at 4:01PM.

Finally, I was unaware that they existed, yet it makes perfect #branding sense. ESPN had a story about “regional combines” run by the NFL where prospects pay $160 for the chance to work out in front of NFL scouts. Doing a modicum of research, they sound more organized than Dick Vermeil’s Philly open tryouts:

With 100% less Marky Mark.
  1. The National Football League launched the NFL Regional/Super Regional Combines program in 2012 to serve as a supplement to the League’s National Scouting Combine. They are designed to provide an opportunity for participants to display their pro potential.
  2. NFL Regional Combines are conducted specifically for persons eligible for the 2017 NFL draft that are not participating in the National Scouting Combine.
  3. NFL Regional Combines are not fantasy camps. Applicants must meet NFL eligibility rules and be able to perform at a high skill level. The NFL reserves the right, in its sole discretion, to reject any applicant it determines to be unqualified or unfit to compete.
  4. Participants’ measurements and Combine results, including video of their drills, are compiled and entered into a database accessible to all 32 NFL clubs. This data will be posted to the Regional Combines website after each event.

Stipulation #3 was bolded on their site, so shitheads like me can’t just walk in and demand to show off their punting skills. They probably also have hidden codicils about “non-refundable” fees, because Roger Goodell.

The NFL takes pains to point out that “at the conclusion of the 2016-2017 season the NFL Has (28) 2016 NFL Regional Combines Players on NFL Rosters; 96 in total from 2012-2016 Regional Combines.”  But still,


Would you like some nightmare fuel? Well, someone clearly tired of watching reruns at Grandma’ s took the laugh track out of a “Big Bang Theory” scene and replaced it with Ricky Gervais. The result is something (even more?) startlingly unfunny:

I guess that was their point. **Don’t show this to Mom**


Finally, Happy International Women’s Day!

      

 

      


Tonight’s sports: so much non-football action!

  • NHL:
    • Red Wings at Bruins – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Penguins at Jets – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Senators at Stars – 8:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • NBA:
    • Pistons at Pacers – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Raptors at Pelicans – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Celtics at Warriors – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA tournaments:
    • Big 12:
      • Oklahoma vs. TCU – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Texas vs. Texas Tech – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • Big East:
      • Georgetown vs. St. John’s – 7:00PM | FS1
      • DePaul vs. Xavier – 9:30PM | FS1
    • ACC:
      • Wake Forest vs. Virginia Tech – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Pittsburgh vs. Virginia – 9:00PM | ESPN2

Plus, there’s a new “Sunny” tonight:

Dennis reveals he has a baby from his Wade Boggs layover in North Dakota, and everyone offers a solution for how to get him out of this jam.

Tomorrow will have an afternoon “Free Agency Open Thread” starting at 3:30 ET/12:30 PT, to accommodate the signing window opening at 4:00/1:00, so we can all rave/rant at the money & players being moved about.

ALL SMART MOVES!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess folks were posting songs about Jesus?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rcyAF4lz04

herodotus450

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JerBear50
Shogun Marcus

Heh…now it’s on you…
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MXvthgkZ2yQ

herodotus450

Down 4+ goals all game, and clearly out of the playoffs despite anyone’s delusions, yet none of this from Detroit tonight
comment image?b64lines=SEFDSyBUSEUgQk9ORSEgCkhBQ0sgVEhFIEJPTkUh
Hmm, supposed to say “Hack the Bone!”

Gratliff

The Atlantic playoff spots should all be wildcards at this point. Montreal is currently 4 points behind the first wildcard in the East.

Senor Weaselo

Senor is okay with the Ice Giants in the first WC spot.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have been spacing out the Free Agency Request Line playlist and just now got to I’m Like a Bird and got mad at tWBS all over again

herodotus450

Every time I look over at this muted Bruins-Red Wings game and see a highlight it looks like some Wings player just got boarded into a career ending concussion, but then it turns out that the Bruins just scored instead.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

ATTENTION: I am eating another sweet potato for dinner. Come make fun of me in the poker room and/or be like snow and poorly advise me on sweet potato and beer pairings

King Hippo

c’mon, all the 9pm fixtures suck. Need 2+ more card playas. I am heavily medicated and will suuuuucccccckkkk 2nite

Shogun Marcus

The app don’t like my tablet, otherwise I’d sacrifice myself.

Gratliff

But I don’t like Poker. How about some Overwatch?

herodotus450

Will it run on my WOPR?

Gratliff
Shogun Marcus

I hate multiplayer in general. I want good story and myselfness. Explains my general batman love and the like.

King Hippo

To combat all the Yinzer shade…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLlsjEP7L-k

litre_cola

They be from my hometown

Gratliff

Alright. Time to groove the fuck out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wAPTsjhrjM

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Today sucked. Poker?

Sharkbait

It most certainly did.

King Hippo

Tis the darkest timeline. All days will suck forevs.

King Hippo

ROMO! as pictured/photoshopped in Donks mango and navy:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BRY5bP8lus1/

Sharkbait

Will the thin air make him less breakable?

King Hippo

Legal weed to mix with his opiates! He won’t feel a thing and will be good to go until he really quits feeling a thing below the waist around Week 7…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening.

litre_cola

Hello sir. Fuck the NHL referees.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Seems like the only acceptable non-polite Canadian greeting.

litre_cola

I am not normally that guy, but the refereeing in the Ice Bombers Ice Stillers game has been horrific.

Sharkbait

That is a very apt description

herodotus450

It’s been about horrific all season, in all games I’ve watched. It’s like the refs were told to call more holding and interference penalties to increase scoring, but only if the sum of the digits on the clock is equal to a number whose prime factors are all purple, otherwise let em play like it’s 1972.
/And none of the refs are even synesthesiacs!

Shogun Marcus

Sometimes it’s all you can hope for.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=uzxaSUqa_5U

King Hippo

I would settle FOAR just a series of small defeats at this point in my life.

WCS

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Sharkbait

As if I needed more reasons to hate pittsburgh

King Hippo

oh, somebody’s gettin’ a handy

Gratliff

Alright, from Jesus and Vampires to hillbilly swamp cultists with great fucking themes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC8PL_4zUmc

herodotus450

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF CALLING A PENALTY AND DIVING ON THE SAME PLAY!

Gratliff

I’ll take Gary Bettman for $200, Alex

Sharkbait

THANK YOU!

/just logged in, not watching
//but still…

Curse of Marino

Oh my god, the Dolphins killed, er Kept Kenny!

Stills gets a 4 year, 32 million dollar deal, apparently he was offered upwards of 12 million a year by other teams.

8 Million a year for a good 24 year old deep threat is fair.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Probably Marc Anthony’s doing

Curse of Marino

Ehh we’ll probably give Donta’ Hightower a bajillion dollars at midnight

Shogun Marcus

Sometimes you just don’t feel…anything.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=U1oVfjlrGV8

Gratliff

Surprisingly hard to find a decent version of this. Her lawyers maybe?
https://vimeo.com/13775992

King Hippo

Wow, tOSU is teh butt

herodotus450

Yeah it’s been 3 months and they still haven’t scored

Shogun Marcus

I make study hall kids translate this if they annoy me…they suddenly stop and smile evil at me.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6TR12QnOAzE

WCS

Two-thirds of the way to the Gordie Howe HT.

herodotus450

And just one overruled instigator-turned-suspension penalty left for the Geno Hat Trick
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/190899-reversal-of-malkins-suspension-the-continuation-of-a-bad-trend
/Not bitter

King Hippo

A Trump pardon??

herodotus450
Gratliff

I hate this fucking song so bad. So, one of the great ironies of my life is that, despite being atheist, Jesus Christ Superstar remains my hands-down favorite musical of all time (disclaimer: not a huge musical person), in large part because I was saturated with the Ian Gillan version, possibly due to the hardcore Deep Purple fans in my family. Comparatively, Ted Neeley’s version of Gethsemane was the whining of a sad little boy who was bad at singing.

EDIT: FFS. I need to actually watch videos before I post them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVR3C6giOIw

King Hippo

Me to WF buddy: “Wow, Wake turned to ass.”

WF buddy: “Yeah, at least State was ass the whole way and didn’t get your hopes up!”

/this is seriously how life is on Tobacco Road the last 25+ goddamned miserable years.

LemonJello

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King Hippo

oh my God, he remembers me!!

Shogun Marcus

Shush…we are all this right now…
https://youtube.com/watch?v=dW6RXTjm4iA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

When without pants, do as the Commentists do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14r7y6rM6zA

King Hippo

My “get hyped up for bad pickup basketball, honky muthafucka!!” song all through undergrad. GOOD TIMES!!

/Thank you 88.1 WKNC for this song being my intro to Soundgarden, the first Seattle band I truly loved.

Shogun Marcus

No argument but Slaves and Bulldozers was mine.

King Hippo

Slaves and Bulldozers might be my very favourite track of theirs, agreed.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Burden In My Hand, followed closely by My Wave. But Badmotorfinger is by far my favorite album overall, no question.

King Hippo

Burden has some kick-ass lyrics fo sho. “Like Suicide” is a great track as well.

Gratliff
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Are we doing Jeebus songs? I like this one lots!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gVmWsOXOJA

King Hippo

oh to have April Ludgate be so motivated to actually say that to me, in relation not to a restraining order…

Shogun Marcus

Anyone want to know what it it’s like to have jebus look like you and try to teach children? Coming soon…
https://youtube.com/watch?v=DAKDHeuZ_ek

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Humans really are the most peculiar animal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Did you mean perpetually awful?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

The Broncos will sign Romo exactly 19 minutes after the Cowboys cut him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

But how will he taste?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At first I thought that was a Pat Bowlen Parkinson’s Disease joke…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

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Curse of Marino

Lawerence Timmons’s name is being hurled into the ring as a Dolphins signing

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They could just heave him into the lineup.

LemonJello

Are the Stillers purging their roster?

JustStopDude

I am about halfway through the training I am giving this week…so do I celebrate with alcohol and show up hungover in the morning?

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Unsurprised

Show up still drunk. Hangovers are for quitters.

JustStopDude

Ever have one of those days at the office where you just shouldn’t have left the bed?

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

Ooooh. Santa Clara is Hoyer Country for the next two years.

LemonJello

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Not if The FLOW has anything to say about it!”

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/Promptly scrambles out of bounds for a sack

King Hippo

WHERE IS TEH TOMSULA GIF??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You really think ol’ Jim would leave his bindle unguarded on the sidelines!? That’s the first place Spare Tire Teddy would go lookin’!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Dennis reveals he has a baby from his Wade Boggs layover in North Dakota, and everyone offers a solution for how to get him out of this jam.

How many ways can you really vary “throw her in front of a thresher?”

WATCH AND SEE!

Unsurprised

You gotta teach kids how to be bored. If you’re at a movie and the kid doesn’t like it, then they can stare at their hands for an hour, or they can tuck into a ball and think about dragons. Whatever. Learning to be bored is a crucial life skill, and you won’t acquire it if everywhere you go has a goddamn Ferris Wheel on the side.

Ol’ “Thumbs” Magary still has a bit of the sage left in him. It must’ve gotten rubbed into his awful Top Chef shirt.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I finally watched that episode of Chopped the other day with him on it, and I have to say, if you really expected anything other that what you saw from him on there, I don’t think we were reading the same BDD posts.

http://www.azquotes.com/public/pictures/authors/ff/20/ff20f438a0170ecc3080759962a92a93/5642574e1458f_drew_magary.jpg