Your “It’s Quiet…A Little Too Quiet” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob -
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NFL notes:

  • TJ Lang is leaving the Packers for the Lions. Three years at $9.5 per season.
  • The Jets have spoken to Jay Cutler, or at least to his agent. That wallflower will be perfect in New York, especially now that De Niro is against vaccines.
  • Le’Veon Bell had groin surgery. It’s for a “core muscle” (whatever that means) and has a 6-week recovery timetable.

Finally, PFT is reporting that TMZ is reporting that Ezekiel Elliott is under investigation for pulling down a woman’s top at a St. Patrick’s Day parade in Dallas on Sunday.

        

It’s not a good look at the best of times, even if it was claimed to be consensual, but especially when you are already under League investigation for conduct in regards to women, and specifically for “five incidents of domestic violence in a six-day period”. Methinks he’ll be missing a couple of games at the start of the 2017 season. Jerry Jones will claim to be shocked.

SHOCKED!

Tonight’s sports: kinda sparse, in advance of The Madness

  • NHL:
    • Blue Jackets at Flyers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Hurricanes at Islanders – 7:30PM | NBCSN
    • Blues at Kings – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Mavericks vs. Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN
    • Hawks at Spurs – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Lakers at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT
  • WWE Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • The Goldberg Era 2.0 continues apace towards Wrestlemania

It’s Day-1 of Spring Break, so I will be at tonight’s Bruins – Canucks game in Vancouver. FREE TICKETS! $10 BEERS!! WORTH IT!!!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

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entropy

In order to create my first “review,” I have to assemble a rough cut of the random pages of a given classic to read and then produce said review.

My first choice was something called Nightmare Abbey, a satire written in the 1880s, mocking the ghost stories popular at that time. The original story is a bit dull, somewhat inaccessible, and pretty boring.

The reconstructed tale is a Lovecraftian Horror Story full of incantations, bizarre speeches, and contextless dips into foreign languages with no warning. In short, it has become awesome.

I kinda want a whole book of this now.

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laserguru

I’ll read that.

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Unsurprised

Tell me more

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Senor Weaselo

Please tell me someone’s posted this. Especially since the snow started before midnight so it counts as the 13th.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bncCV7z-lPI

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So I had to fix my dad’s computer today to get Office to work because his trial of Office 365 expired and he needed a new license. I got it working on my student license but he was an absolute dick about it the entire time because I didn’t know the intricacies of the specific program he was having problems with. I swear to god he expects me to know every file of every program ever created on sight. I mean I fixed it quick but he was still an asshole about it

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The Maestro

This is why rule number one is to never, ever do tech support for family for free. My dad actually has me on retainer any time shit fucks up. I’ll take that $50 an hour without a second thought, and he doesn’t mind because it’s all a business expense to him anyhow.

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Senor Weaselo

Oh shit, the women’s basketball team where I went to grad school/still do shit here and there is in the D-2 Elite Eight. That means… almost something!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am seeing BoS is in charge of monitoring the poker group, if someone else can add me I will join up tonight. I am just watching Luke Cage on Netflix so I have nothing really going on tonight.

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Brocky

did you sign up? gotta do that before he can approve ya

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Brocky

and i see its already been acknowledged. hopefully he sees it tonight

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still see just applied status

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just like everything in life, it takes Balls to make it happen

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Brocky

obligatory, assuming i haven’t already posted this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJLDK8j_HnA

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I applied Ayo. Used my real name instead of Marc or MTWV. I will fix that eventually

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait your name isn’t really Marc Trestman’s Windowless Van?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4gfeeaNAa1qlcru4o1_500.gif

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Angry tWBS. Where do you guys play poker? Not gonna play tonight but just for future reference

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m almost home, anyone down to play?

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Beerguyrob

Y’know, even though the 24 oz beers at the Canucks game cost $16, I consider them worth it based on the fact I bought 4 20 ounce beers for $4.25 each before the game.

Also, weeeeeeeeee!

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Beerguyrob

I have so far intaken 112 ounces of beer this evening. The second period is aboot to start.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One thing I love about Wisconsin is beer is cheaper even at sporting events. It might actually be the only good thing about living here

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy God, this new Amy Schumer special is dog shit. She has a gift of making raunch seem boring and tedious.

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Beerguyrob

So, her game is like my first wife’s: there for the taking, but unimpressive once you’ve had it.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s still playing in the background, I am BSing on the computer and my father was watching it.

It’s not even halfway through, and my he is snoring through it now.

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Unsurprised

Yeah, I let it play in the background but it was so milquetoast it makes Joe Flacco look like Johnny Cocaine.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I liked both her and Kevin Hart before they got big. It is almost like some comedians when they get married and lose the bitter edge. Although the internet hates those two far more than necessary; “What? You don’t HAAAAAAAATE Schumer?!?! MEH IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH; YOUR TASTE SUCKS!!”

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entropy

Good evening, people. How is your Snowpocalypsageddon Eve treating you?

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Senor Weaselo

Just bought a shit-ton of… lozenges.

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LemonJello

Welp, calling it a night. Let’s see if I have to dig out from Snowpocaggedon or if I get to work from home (pantsless) tomorrow.

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?IkxhdGVyIFRhdGVycyEi

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JustStopDude

One more for the road…

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?Ik5pZ2h0IERpY2sgRnVja3MhIg==

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LemonJello

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“Where can I get some more of this?”

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Senor Weaselo

It has 288 keys and comes in 4 modular 72-key pieces. And the Gaga pianist helped design it with the guy who actually made it. (Source: Padre Weaselo at NAMM this year.)

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herodotus450

NAMM!? I thought we nuked their ass back to the stone age?

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Unsurprised

No, and no doing so is why we lost.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Zorak did it in 1994.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/958505de8dcd82189d94b85aed542852/tumblr_nbx7keqFNe1re247jo1_1280.png

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theeWeeBabySeamus

good lord, playing poker against those simpletons is like playing croquet against my grandmother….

Slow as fuck and I have to try to lose on purpose or it’s not fun.

I hate all of you.

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JustStopDude

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Senor Weaselo

Evening all, I subbed and I think I’m on the cusp of having a cold and not having a voice. BRING IT DEATHSTORM!
/It’s not gonna be a deathstorm, it’s just fun to say

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LemonJello

Seems like MTWV has been busy since the Superb Owl.

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litre_cola

Ice Stillers and Ice Stampeders are all tied up!

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Lastly, Buddy’s book recommendation:

Redeemable by Erwin James; This one challenged me for reasons that had nothing to do with being recondite or simply difficult. It’s uplifting but the journey to the payoff is very emotionally taxing.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Now the levity. Did you guys like this episode?

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?IkJ1ZGR5IEplcmtzIEZhdCBNYWMgT2ZmIGF0IENoaWNraWUncyBhbmQgUGV0ZSdzIg==

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m up to 69 badges on untapped.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

First, some seriousness: This story makes me ill all over for all the reasons.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/13/brazil-football-bruno-fernandes-de-souza-murder-girlfriend

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Spur

At least the police will know where he’s at for most of the day.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So when I accused tWBS of tapping dat ass, I didn’t really accuse tWBS of tapping dat ass, and it was very clear that I didn’t. Tapp that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ah lol…sorry.
I didn’t follow. Not high enough or too high? Hmmmm…..

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JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

Good

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fine, I don’t need any of you anyway. Never mind that I’ve tilted for you before and got you to the podium. Never mind that I need you now.

I’m gonna beat PokerStars on my own. YES THE WHOLE WEBSITE DAMMIT!!!

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LemonJello

I’m gonna beat PokerStars on my own

I thought “PokerStars” was a euphemism for something else…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Can be

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LemonJello

Giggity.

http://i.imgur.com/tJK2heV.gif

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obscurejones

Be on after work. Probably.

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Sharkbait

I would be. Stuck at work. Blame women’s tennis.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

How Dare You Sir????
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herodotus450

More of a baccarat guy, myself.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Rich pussy.
(wow sorry for that…but still hitting post anyway)

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herodotus450

Well, the minimum bet IS one rich pussy, so…

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LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You better not have one of those made up for me goddammit.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://www.cened.it/html/portlet/enterprise_admin/img/progress_bar.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now HATES De Niro too. Fuck those fucking idiots; antivaxxers are the only retard (used in the willing retarded sense) epidemic.

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herodotus450

Apparently the length of your text directly affects the length of the url. That’s bad hashing smgdh

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Sharkbait

There’s always tiny URL: https://tinyurl.com/grh96v5

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herodotus450

It crashed when I tried it. My url may have been 1000+ characters and crashed my browser

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Hello, Imaginary Internet Friends!

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?IkhvdyB0aGUgZnVjayB3ZSBkb2luZywgYm95cz8i

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herodotus450

Why the witch hunt for zeke? He’s clearly improving: first he beat up his girlfriend, and now he’s downgraded to de-clothing some random woman.

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LemonJello

When reached for comment, Ol’Dubble J responded as follows:

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?IkhlJ3MgQSBHb3R0LWRhbW5lZCBTdGFyISBZRUVFRUhBV1dXV1cgSSBBbSBGdWNraW5nIENyYXp5ISI=

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herodotus450

There’s music if you let it load. THERE IS MUSIC IF YOU LET IT LOAD!

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Unsurprised

Fuck ’em

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Spur

As the Dallas Cowboys starting running back, Zeke is a honorary mayor of Titty Town.

But really, Zeke what the fuck are you doing? Just wait until that girls friends speak to her about getting a lawyer $$$$$. I feel sorry for Zeke, he’s a 21 year old millionaire with enough testosterone in him to transition a B level movie actress.

Use your head young man.

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JustStopDude

Are you telling me that being a running back for the Ohio State Buckeyes did not prepare him for the difficult day to day decisions of life?

The NCAA and the entire farce that is the term “Student Athlete” needs to die in a fire.

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...

I like how a three-way tiebreaker used in the WBC is runs allowed per inning pitched and people are complaining that it’s too complicated.

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JustStopDude

I think I just discovered my favorite thing ever on the internet…

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?Ik5pY2sgRm9sZXMgR29lcyBCYWNrIHRvIHRoZSBFYWdsZXMi

From now on, all my communication online will be in this format.

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JustStopDude

This works for EVERY THING!!!

http://alexanderlozada.com/iasip/?Ikl0IEJ1cm5zIFdoZW4gSSBQZWUi

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Sharkbait

I love this site.

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JustStopDude

Despite the snow, its definitely spring…why do I say that? Because my head feels like its exploding with sinus pressure.

I would walk to the corner drug store, but its miserable outside and I don’t have the three forms of identity necessary to purchase sudafed thanks to the local meth enthusiast community.

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King Hippo

From the peeps who brung ya Cough Syrup…a pillhead anthem!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NytGzDhMnA0

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laserguru

I love this band and never made the opiate connection but it’s pretty obvious if you look for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQYpF2pCkLI&list=PLAae0lVtcVF0fiI5qn1U1WzTnfTyv0js-

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Sharkbait

Sports are kind of sparse. There’s always this fucking tennis tournament that is still going on. Of which my boss is 50/50 on making me come in during the snowpocalypse tomorrow!

Anyone hiring?

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Beerguyrob

The bar I am at turned one of the TVs off of the tennis and into a keg inventory. It’s actually more riveting.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I think the bigger question is why that woman next to him is wearing 3D glasses…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://media.giphy.com/media/FjQXFr65wg9RC/giphy.gif

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

St. Patrick’s Day parade on Sunday? Huh. Well, it’s not like Dallas has a pattern of celebrating things early.

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http://web-tattoo.com/wp-content/uploads/parser/cowboys-super-bowl-tattoo-1.jpg

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I, too, consider my groin to be a core muscle.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Mine doesn’t get used enough to get injured…

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King Hippo

sheeeeeeit, mine might as well be prehensile ,, smh

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