Your “Scoring Is Down But Celebrations Are Up!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Cortez Kennedy died today, age 48. No cause of death was announced.
    • I just remember him eating people up during the 90s, when blackout rules meant Seahawks or nothing on Sundays.
    • He is one of 9 Seahawks in the Hall of Fame, although that number also counts famous Seahawks like Jerry Rice & Franco Harris. He is one of four Hall members who played the majority of their career with the Seahawks.
  • Speaking of the Hall of Fame, the “Concert for Legends” lineup, brought to you by Ford, has been announced.
    • It appears the Hall has decided to go full-#MAGA.
    • In case you can’t restrain yourself, all price-points are still available!
      • Ticket prices: $45, $60, $80, $99, $130, $180, and $230.
      • Premium and Club Access seats are available for $100 and $185, respectively.
    • In its third year, the Concert for Legends series previously featured Aerosmith in 2015 and Tim McGraw in 2016.
  • The weather delays plaguing Stan Kroenke’s construction schedule have cost him Super Bowl 55, which will now move to Tampa.
    • NO WAIVER FOR YOU! It shows real faith in the LA ability to get things up & running on time.
    • LA will instead get Super Bowl 56, which was supposed to be Tampa’s.
    • No word on what Greek squatter Dean Spanos will do in the interim.
  • Cowboys DL David Irving will miss the first four games for a PED violation.
    • The issue stems from a supplement Irving had a marketing deal with.
  • The Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook has released odds for all 32 teams to win their respective divisions for the coming season.
    • In case you’re wondering:
      • Best odds: Patriots: 1/14
      • Worst odds: Browns: 80/1
      • Long shot with a shot: the NFC East & AFC South
        • both divisions are essentially “pick ’ems”
    • Among the attractions to the non-smoking Westgate, the Superbook encompasses 30,000 square feet and offers more than 300 seats, and has the largest indoor LED video wall in the world, measuring at 220 feet long and 20 feet high,

Finally, rule changes!

  • Overtime is now 10 minutes.
  • Teams will be allowed to bring a second player back from IR.
  • The initial cutdown from 90- to 75-man rosters prior to the last pre-season game has been eliminated.
    • Teams will now go from 90- to 53-man rosters after the last pre-season game.
      • Making the last pre-season game a sure-fire donation to charity for any season-ticket holder.
  • Celebration rules have been relaxed.
    • Group celebrations & snow angels” will be allowed.
    • Offensive demonstrations & violent acts will still be penalized.
      • So, no throat slashes of full-McCringleberry’s


Roger Moore died today. He was 89.

He was the James Bond of my youth. I grew up on his Bond films, which were always a family viewing occasion around the Beerguy household. My old man would bitch that he wasn’t Connery; my mom would wistfully agree he was no Connery.

I loved his films because they put as much emphasis on the travelogue aspect of the movies as the double-entendres.

And his stunt work was proof of his preference for verbal rather than physical prowess.

    

Of course, I also found his conquests to be similar to my prurient interests.

       

So, in honour of him, I shall have martinis at dinner.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Game 6: Penguins at Senators – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
      • Pens up 3-2.
  • NBA:
    • Game 4: Celtics at Cavaliers – 8:30PM | TNT / TSN3
      • Cavs up 2-1.
  • MLB:
    • Giants at Cubs – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Blue Jays at Brewers – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Cardinals at Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • WWE:
    • SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • It’s the Jinder Mahal era now,

  

ALL HAIL THE (Canadian) MAHARAJAH!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
275 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
King Hippo

The dream is…alive

Unsurprised

Am I alone in thinking all of the Daniel Craig Bond movies suck ass?

I also think it’s a stupid franchise that should be taken out back and shot, but it still makes fuckloads of money for some reason.

King Hippo

Daniel Craig can’t act for shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hippo turns on Vin Diesel movie “Man, I love these.”

King Hippo

No, I pretty much hate everybody. You should know that by now ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I enjoy his and the franchise; it is just simple escapist stuff. I don’t enjoy many of the comic book inspired noise, explosions newer movies.

King Hippo

With you on that comic book ‘splodey stuff. I am probably just being over crumudgeon-y.

Explains why I watch so few movies nowadays…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, maybe; but they can’t stay on my lawn either.

I’ve enjoyed a few; some of the Hulks and Watchmen, but none of the recent ones. The really old ones are kinda fun; where Superman wear actual underwear.

Senor Weaselo

Darker and edgier!

Gratliff

Anyone but you, Pittsburgh.

Redshirt

Its Pittsburgh. Its always fucking PITTSBURGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

This is a lifetime of Reds and Bengals fandom talking.

scotchnaut

Senators looking to filibuster the third period.

WCS

Begin the thawing of Strom Thurmond.

Unsurprised

Is his punishment in Hell to be frozen because he was from South Carolina?

King Hippo

While white women walk by holding hands with black men.

Redshirt

…and walking to the voting booth.

Redshirt

Oh, great. Now we’ll get Ted Cruz spending literally a whole day talking about how he loves his country, the size of the crap he just took, or whatever the hell he talking about in his filibuster.

JustStopDude

Recommended Spy Movie for the Commentariate.

“The Spook Who Sat by the Door”

Dan Freeman is hired by the CIA because they need a token black guy. What they don’t realize is that he isn’t the push over, safe, token negro they wanted but is actually leading a violent uprising of military African Americans to overthrow authorities of Chicago and create their own nation.

Filmed almost completely in Gary Indiana because Mayor Daley refused to allow filming in the city. Almost immediately the FBI had the film pulled from theaters because of the political message. For a number of years, it was impossible to actually see the film, though now its in the National Historical Registry for Films.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BynXfREPG8

Its seriously a really good movie, with good acting from actors at a time when black films were really turning into utter crap.

Unsurprised

The double entendre is a nice touch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But are we allowed to talk about this movie in public?

King Hippo

WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

King Hippo

Already MOAR qualified and serious than the 45th US President…

WCS

Bigger hands, too.

WCS

comment image

The Maestro

The fucking Sens. You dense goddamn idiot team. DO A THING

King Hippo

At least Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals v. Dodgers will allow me to skip the final stanza.

The Maestro

THEY DID A THING

King Hippo

Thing 1 followed by Thing 2!

WCS

This Jagura commercial should be tried at The Hague for crimes against humanity.

King Hippo

It DO make me yearn FOAR blood in the streets. Like, even more than usuals.

JustStopDude

Sir Roger Moore was underappreciated as Bond. I would take him over Brosnan and Dalton.

Dalton always came off as extremely creepy to me. Brosnan couldn’t even compete with the screen present of his N64 counterpart.

Like he was the most British of the Bonds. But I digress…

Canton is a fucking shithole. I have to go there from time to time because we have a REALLY shitty supplier that makes electrical cabinets for us. I keep trying to explain to my employer that even though they are like 70% cheaper than the next guy, we kind of lose all that money when I have to go there like twice to tell them to fucking get started and then a third time to tell them to stop fucking up and actually read the drawings before they start making the shit.

Last time I was in Canton, the entire city was without power. It was night raining or windy. I think they just forgot to pay the bill or something.

Shogun Marcus

Well we know they don’t know how to manage and care for a football field.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

LAZENBY!

scotchnaut

I see the writing on the ice…

Unsurprised

No Tanya Roberts?

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Hermana Weaselo, home for a total of one day, bought a bottle of wine. So between that and the remainder of my Brooklyns, yes, we gon drank.

WCS

“I gets puck. Good shoot. Makes goal.”

King Hippo

Glory to Putin!! Strong leader!!!!

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

“he says I supply the power from the bottom! I am so proud!!”

King Hippo

Le Boooooooo

Unsurprised

It won’t shock anyone here to learn that in my experience Krebs has never been anything but a giant piece of shit.

https://deadspin.com/report-new-mexico-ad-paid-for-64-949-golf-trip-to-sco-1795484358

Brocky

It’s weird when you’re in a bar, and you have to ask to put the hockey game on,

Yeah the cubs are on, but still

scotchnaut

/10 TV’s in bar

Me: “Could you turn one of the tv’s to the hockey game?”

Bartender: [rolls eyes] “Yeah, sure.”

Me: [to myself] “WTF? THERE ARE 9 TV’s ON THE GAME YOU WANT TO WATCH!”

King Hippo

the outside world is NEVAR worth the effort

Unsurprised

The DFO motto. That and “No pants are the best pants.”

Shogun Marcus

SERIOUS QUESTION THAT ISN’T: Heading to Indy for our yearly visit. I’m told our guests are taking us for sushi…in Indy. I’m not saying it won’t be fine, it’s just fish isn’t the first food that comes to mind for that city. Which got me thinking.
Our local sushi places all have a taek on a Packer roll (some form of green and gold colors). Lady Shogun informs me San Francisco had the same with a 49er roll.
So…what is in YOUR team’s roll? I said Indy’s was covered in gravy regardless of actual fish content. TYPE YOU GLORIOUS IMAGINARY BASTARDS!

scotchnaut

The “Eli Roll” is served to another table.

/Giants fan

Redshirt

Pretend your allergic to fish.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There has to be at least one; I’d suggest downtown, busy, and expensive. If it is in a suburb, isn’t popular I’d bet it would suck or worse.

Unsurprised

Downtown Indianapolis exists to serve convention-goers, so I can kind of imagine there’s a decent sushi place there. Or not. Both options seem likely (Appeal to outsiders vs. fleece the rubes.).

Unsurprised

The Seahawk is a tuna roll thrown at you with full force from 6 inches off the table.

LemonJello

The Jaguras roll is just meth in a paper bag.

blaxabbath

Man- people are so hard on JVille around here…

blaxabbath

Cards rolls actually vary from desert sushi joint to joint. Most places already have a southwestern style roll with jalapeños and that mayo sauce stuff. So the Cards roll usually is heartbreakingly good one year but has never been and never will be that impressive again.

Brick Meathook

comment image

scotchnaut

I’ll never forget that car chase scene in “Bullitt”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is why Blockbuster went out of business; they could never get the movie right…. NO WONDER.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think you can still download his “Hart to Hart” series.

scotchnaut

Time for a gotdamn fish penalty?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lana lived up to her name.

scotchnaut

[that feeling you get when you wish she did porn…]

scotchnaut
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Possibly…. debatable.

Senor Weaselo

Subtract 4 from the number, then we’ll talk.

King Hippo

stupid asshole post

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What?!?! I think Beerguyrob did very well with this one, quit being so nasty.

scotchnaut

So you found me on “Deliciousstarfish.com”. I don’t know how you did it-how much money do you need to forget this whole thing?

/starts counting hundreds

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hunerts?? Well lookie at meester high falutin’ tootin’!

scotchnaut

No love for George Peppard in Our Man Flint?

LemonJello

“You keep a pack of gum in there, too?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Some mix tapes go over better than others.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

That time he escaped that situation and then banged that chick? I’ll never forget that.

Brick Meathook

Remember that thing he used? Classic!

LemonJello

How about some god-damned spoiler tags, you savages?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which Bond got more quality pussy over his lifetime?
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

I could watch this for hours…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

“As far as Bond portrayers are concerned, less is Moore.”

-Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello

comment image
Hi Imaginary Internet Friends!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

The Sens have a hitch in their giddyup. Nice change.

herodotus450
Brick Meathook

Except that actor died a month ago.

WHO’S LAUGHING NOW? NEITHER OF THEM!

herodotus450

He and Bond were probably secret gay lovers who just couldn’t live without each other.

scotchnaut

He taught a young scotchnaut to not take any southerners seriously.

King Hippo

as a Southerner, you done learnt wisely

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unless you are black.

King Hippo

Then there ought be a lot of “yes SIR” involved ,, smh

scotchnaut

The Sens have to win this “BECAUSE ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN A GAME 7”. So says every sports farthead in existence.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
The Maestro

Fuck me, am I ever nervous for this game. COME ON, YOU SENS!

/almost forgot to put the comma in there which would’ve launched a barrage of Archer GIFS my way and deservedly so

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Britt Ekland; mmmmmm
comment image

Redshirt

And my cable is acting up. Either Spectrum is sucking again or it is refusing to acknowledge Jinder Mahal as champ.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

•Cortez Kennedy played for the Seachickens when they were in the AFC West; he MURDERED the Donks O-line twice a year for his entire career. He was injured one year, and went in all games but one otherwise.

http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/K/KennCo00.htm

Redshirt

Sometimes in the long, hot summer, the Derp Gods leave a hidden gem to be found:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S5zlfv3-7Y&t=2m56s

Unsurprised

God, the Eagles suck.

That second Bengals pass, though. That thing floated like in Marmalard’s dreams, or my toilet.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bond?
Dammit, who got arrested this time?
http://media.merchantcircle.com/29953805/bail%20bonds_full.jpeg

Redshirt

Yeah. Its me. I made a “Wow. I heard Ariana Grande bombed last night, am I right?” joke.

It didn’t go over well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Didn’t go over well; SUCCESS!

King Hippo

Well, I for one am proud of you, Redshirt.

Which prolly means you need heavy psychiatric intervention…

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image?quality=85&strip=info&w=600

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Roger Moore was indeed a great Bond. Hee took the role and really made it his own. Yeah, he was no Connery, but there was never another Moore either.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hmmmm, martinis in honor of Bond, you say? As long as I don’t have to pour any out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least he got him in the 2 hole.
Wait…..

1 2 3