Your “Object May Be Closer Than Appears” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Derek Carr got paid. Five years, $125 million.
    • He’s now the highest-paid QB.
  • Jaws isn’t sure if ESPN will have him back for the 2017 season.
    • He feels there are more layoffs coming, and the network hasn’t yet said what his role will be going forward.
  • Mild Crimebeat! – Packers DT Letroy Guion caught himself a DUI in Hawaii.
    • no word yet on whether this will add to the 4-games he’s already suspended from in 2017, for a prior violation of the League substance abuse policy.
  • Roger Goodell can now claim he’s been to Boston.

Finally, Dreamboat’s UnderArmor sponsored promotional tour of Asia continues apace with a stop in Japan & visit to the Sakaigawa sumo stable in Tokyo. For posterity and/or his son’s future embarrassment, many pictures were taken.

Only one thing was missing from that visit, and…BAH GAWD KING, IS THAT YOKOZUNA’S MUSIC?!

   


Don’t forget, CFL season starts tonight. Maestro has you covered with the best analysis outside Regina, and ESPN has you covered with a story on former NFLers or college stars in the CFL looking to get their Flutie, Moon or Wake on.

Speaking of working hard, my buddy Matt is the BC Lions digital media rep, and so has all the good stories. He decided to revisit the Las Vegas CFL experience as a way to tie into the NHL expansion draft. He included all the good stuff, including the worst national anthem not sung by Carl Lewis. Then he expands it to talk about the whole failed idea. It’s quite the trip down memory lane.


Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
    • Saskatchewan vs. Montreal – 7:30 PM | TSN / ESPNNEWS
  • NBA:
    • Draft – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2 / Sportsnet1
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Cleveland at Baltimore – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • NCAA:
      • Louisville vs. TCU – 8:00PM | ESPN2

When the CFL starts, it means the NFL isn’t far behind. BIGGER BALLS = SHORTER WAIT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

Oh, piss off, JJ Watt.

Cripes, fucking Stillers. One of the best-selling jerseys in Yinzburgh already is his brother’s. #RiseAndGrind #NoOffDays

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Anyone in a poker mood?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Give me 5 min

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll even give you ten.
So to speak.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In the rear?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Depends on what kind of mood MTWV is in tonight.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I always thought he was male…….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why not both?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe consider storing that elsewhere?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

He looks different with clothes on

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was pretty fucking funny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

She looks different with clothes on

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

Wow. Las Vegas really screwed the pooch last night with their team.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t say either way, but my dad was watching the whole/most draft and thought they did pretty well for themselves with their lower end people

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Future tWBS? Possible, very possible.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I didn’t know you were Groot

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I will never understand TV logic. Can’t kill the evil guy. This guy is gonna kill thousands of people and we know it. Ok, now he did that. Wait, still we can’t kill him? What the fuck logic is that?

Unsurprised

AKA Batman Is An Idiot

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Wakezilla

Not on the movies. He’s a killing machine in all the Batman flicks

Wakezilla

Something something morality

Brick Meathook

Because if you killed him the show would only be five minutes long.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Needs to be set to harp music I think.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, people watch the NBA Draft? Other than Adam Silver’s mother to complain about him not being a doctor?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish all wars were Restaurant Wars instead of wars where lots of young people kill each other for no particularly good reason.

Gratliff

The only war America recognizes from this point forward is InfoWars.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess Robot Wars would be okay. Assuming it’s entirely robots vs. robots. I suppose when society progresses enough we’ll have a Geneva Convention type treaty where that’s codified. And then instead of actually having the robots fight since their behavior would be so predictable we could just do computer simulations to see who wins.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

How dare you send innocent robots off to their death just to fill your lust for violence.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Innocent? No, only robot felons would be conscripted for the robot army.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I presume in this RTD utopia, Rap Battles are still perfectly legal.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You would send this innocent soul to battle? Just because he committed 50 felonies?

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Gratliff

America will opt out of the treaty due to the rest of the UN blocking America’s attempts to make it so the robots only prevent the deaths of white people.

Senor Weaselo

It’s cool, Matilda’s okay with kids! (Kids’ robots, less so.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsaJZBXmwk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Note to self: FIRST make the hole, THEN comes the glory.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Jesus. Norm MacDonald is catching up with Bob Dole in a hurry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

This touch screen analyst is fucking miserable

Spur

Length you say, better add some thickness to it

Spur

Calipari could sell salt to a snail

Brick Meathook

IN LIKE FLYNN: Actor Errol Flynn arrives in Los Angeles from his trip to Vancouver, October 1959.
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Unsurprised

Does it make me a bad person that I saw Tony Dungy has a children’s book titled “You Can Do It” and my first thought was “make a noose?”

blaxabbath

“….if you’ve ever looked at a man with lust.”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Vampires can’t die by hanging.

/ I am saying he looks exactly like Nosterfatu

Unsurprised

His son could.

Senor Weaselo

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Michael Kay made a “He Hate Me” reference on the Yanks telecast. So… DRINK!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have no idea who that is so I refuse. Though a drink seems like a good idea anyways.

Spur

When i become a sports personality I will describe white athletes as “raw” and black athletes as “students of the game”.

Unsurprised

And call all these corn fed hicks glory boys.

Brick Meathook

When I become a sports personality I’m gonna squash eggplants all over my face.

Unsurprised

Interesting euphemism for a gay interracial blowbang

Brick Meathook

I do what I gotta do

blaxabbath

You’re on [DFO]. You already ARE a sports personality.

The Maestro

The halftime show at the Alouettes game is confusing. Essentially one gal balancing on some thin plank doing aerial stuff, and French-Canadian electronic music that’s making me think I’m on drugs.

So essentially, just another average weeknight in a Montreal strip club.

Spur

Utah just added one black guy to their census totals.

Unsurprised

Jesus. If you thought Bill Russell was scared living in Boston …

Horatio Cornblower

Nice to see a Louisville player getting 15 seconds of attention for a change.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s about how long he’ll have to stay in the paint to get himself a 3 second violation in today’s NBA.

Spur

Adam Silver looks like Tony Dungy’s albino brother

Horatio Cornblower

Jay Bilas says that Luke Kennard is an athlete in the “old school way”, which is true in that back when black guys weren’t allowed to play Kennard would have been a fucking All-Star.

Spur

Luke Kennard’s sister can get it

Horatio Cornblower

Explains why she didn’t want him to go to Kentucky.

Spur

I bet Monk falls to Detroit. Poor bastard.

Senor Weaselo

I imagine the capital of Saskatchewan (holy shit I spelled it right first time!) has a very large municipal pool so people can say they’re swimming in Regina.

Spur

Why haven’t the Spurs gotten rid of that bum LMA yet? Surely the Knicks, Kings or Bulls could take him.

The Maestro

I just read an article about a Canadian sniper making a confirmed kill on an ISIS fighter from 3,540 metres… That’s over two miles away. Absolutely fucking preposterous.

http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/a-different-level-of-military-sniper/

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SNIPER: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…

BULLET: [arrives]

Horatio Cornblower

Well if you were in a battalion named “Princess Patrica’s” you;d be looking to set some pretty bad-ass records too.

The Maestro

They’re honestly pretty bad-ass, which, yeah, I suppose might be compensating, but they’re one of the best regiments anywhere on the globe.

They also have a great campfire song involving a Rick-a-bam-boo. What is that? Well it’s something made for the Princess Pat. (We sang that shit nonstop on death marches in Boy Scouts.)

Spur

No fucking way Kings take Monk… Too many good things in one day for them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kings take Monk? What the hell kind of chess are you playing?

/but seriously if they ever added a piece “monk” would the the perfect name for it.

Spur

“Knicks are one of the most irrelevant teams”
The roast of the Knicks starts now.

Senor Weaselo

Between the Knicks and the Jets, it’s going to be a LONG autumn, so the Ice Giants better not suck this year or else I might finally start taking up heavy drinking over the winter.

The Maestro

Hey, if you end up getting the shakes while becoming an alcoholic, it’ll make your vibrato all the easier…

Spur

The universe is still evening out the Bulls’ good fortune for having Jordan.

Spur

Get Calipari off my television screen.

Spur

Josh Jackson looks like he is either 40 or 20 years old

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Fuck you, I’m only thirty-nine!”

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Spur

Tatum’s mom can get it

Spur

FUCK BOSTON

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough about Michelle Beadle’s plan to immunize herself from getting laid off by ESPN…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

banner worthy!!

Spur

Folks. NBA draft time choo choo

The Maestro

This is the greatest band name I’ve ever heard of, and I literally just learned about it now – Buddy Wasisname and The Other Fellers. They’re from Newfoundland and holy shit, are they both funny as hell and also sound awesome.

https://youtu.be/qMstlfYgsQQ

ballsofsteelandfury

Does your buddy Matt have some swag we can give to the person that wins the CFL picking pool?

And by swag, of course, I’m only thinking of orange pencils with the BC Liouns logo on them….

Unsurprised

So he’s still as unathletic as the scrawny fuck in the combine photo? And so’s his weiner kid?

How much PEDs must the rest of the Patriots be on to compensate for his sorry ass? (Answer: ALL OF THEM. It’s not like the NFL is testing those fucking shitweasels.)

ballsofsteelandfury

“BIGGER BALLS = SHORTER WAIT!”

Have you been reading what I wrote on my ex’ headboard?