Your “Daylight Upon The Horizon” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Two big highlights of the day:

  1. All teams have their main training camps opening today or tomorrow; and
  2. The Hall of Fame Game is one week today.

Funnily, the increasingly shorter days seem a little bit brighter.

NFL News:

  • Problems on the elite front: Joe Flacco, depending on which story you read, may miss between 7 days and 6 weeks of training camp. It seems he’s got a bulging disc.
    • If he misses all of training camp, he’d still be ready in time for Week-1, so get the excuses ready.
    • Elite backup might be coming in the form of Colin Kaepernick, who is being cons– … you know what? I’m just going to stop right there, beause we all know it’s not happening.
  • Ravens center John Urschel, whom most only remember from this commercial

is retiring from football so he can finish his pursuit of his Ph.D in Mathematics. The other guy in the commercial, the one who is constantly hurt, will continue his career. Because he’s a MAN, not some math nerd!

  • Aaron Rodgers admits to being back in love with football again.
    • It’s really just a puff piece about how he’s more motivated going into the season, and has the requisite comparisons to Tom Brady & his diet & training regimen.
    • Leave it to ESPN, however, to go the extra mile and ask the Dongslinger for a couple of quotes. Because nothing says “I’ve moved on” than bringing up the guy who held the other one back.
  • RGIII now knows how Colin Kaepernick feels, because the Chargers traded for Cardale Jones rather than sign him after his “successful” workout.
    • The exchange was a conditional 7th round draft pick, if you’re scoring at home.
  • The Steelers signed Alejandro Villanueva to a four-year, $24 million extension.
    • I’m guessing he now thinks Pittsburgh is safer than three tours of Afghanistan.
      • At least Trump can claim he helped one ex-soldier keep a job.
  • The Jets are the winners in the Lucky Whitehead waiver sweepstakes.
    • The loser? The guy nicknamed “Lucky”, who might be better off pursuing the grievance than getting destroyed by AFC East defences.

Finally, in the realm of puffiest of puff pieces, and just a day after their piece on the intricacies of being Tom Brady’s dietitian, you have the MMQB talking about the time the Seattle Mariners brought in a 17 year-old Tom Brady for a baseball tryout, and him trying on Ken Griffey’s jersey in the empty locker room.

  • Turns out, Dreamboat was a legitimate catching prospect. He was even drafted in the 18th round by the Expos.
    • During a meet & greet when the Expos were playing in San Francisco, the scouts had Brady meet some of the players, and this apparently happened:

Brady was sitting at a locker, holding court with six or seven Expos asking him questions. “We were telling him,” Santangelo says, “ ‘Why would you make $800 a month in the minor leagues when you can be the quarterback at the University of Michigan? You’re a good-looking guy, you can probably have a lot of fun off the field, too.’ … We told him: ‘Go play football at Michigan! Are you kidding me?’ ”

  • So, that cemented Brady’s decision to go play football. The scout’s reaction?

“If I could’ve signed this guy, I would’ve changed the entire history of the NFL,” Hughes told his friends. “The NFL would’ve never been the same. Who would’ve known?”


If it’s still active when the thread goes live, please click through to the twitter feed & note how the Jaguras managed to burn themselves with HAWT TAEKS!

 


It’s not football-related, but, c’mon…WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
    • Montreal at Winnipeg – 7:30PM | ESPN2 / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Rays at Yankees – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • Women’s Soccer:
    • U.S. vs. Australia – 9:00PM | ESPN

Fear not, fellow Commentists. For while there may not be much to entertain this evening, tomorrow there be sexiness, and then the weekend. And, soon – THE GAMES!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

I napped too long after drinking. But at least I was smart enough to feed the rice cooker before. Midnight stir fry.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Daft Bebop

Unsurprised

Yep, the NFL sucks.

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK you fucknuts, I actually have to go do some work now so you pinheads have something to make fun of tomorrow night.

Sleep well, dicknuts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Good fucking thing they put the huge yellow arrow in there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit, I told my family to stop shooting those fucking home movies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The cat gif get moderated by the moderating bot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gimme a sec and I’ll get that fixed….my machine is acting up. Too many tabs open.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I dreamed, I met a Galilean…..
(wooooo, showtunes ftw!!!!!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex0YEDcIZU8

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

FOX News is currently going out of their own way to dissuade and/or undercut what this vote means.

The problem, obviously, is the Democrats, not wanting to vote for the bill. Also, the three Republicans who voted against it are clearly traitors to the country.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fox News?? GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN, MISTER!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sean Hannity appears to be on the Karen Carpenter diet.
(YES!!!! THREE STRAIGHT NIGHTS OF KAREN CARPENTER JOKES!!!!)

/should not be proud of this

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

He has to slim down. He’s going to be White House Press Secretary by Halloween.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

If Jupiter keeps mooning me, Imma have to kick his ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu77Vtja30c

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jupiter storms are a hoax invented by the Chinese.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“The jack is in the trunk.”

“There is not trunk.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

something something jack it into her trunk something something

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Either congress will enact legislation or Trump will sign an executive order to make this gif disappear.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Balls’ house is well maintained.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, this is awesome.
So awesome.

/shuts mouth
//ask me in about 18 hours

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently McCain wants to make sure the Maverick switch is flipped to “ON” when he kicks it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wouldn’t take much at this point.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s not a lie if you believe it when you say it. I merely changed my mind.
(This really is it tho….probably)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOqsj88kkKo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Mitch McConnell is a sad turtle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why do you fucking hate turtles so much? What did turtles ever do to you?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

Those are NAWT THE TRUE TURTLES, NO ONE DENIES THIS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t worry, this is the last one….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCr_ZttR-R4

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you ever told me I’d be feverishly refreshing a thread (in another tab) to see how a vote in Congress was turning out, I’d call you names that would make Scaramucci blush. But here I am.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Really interested in getting those tax breaks, huh?

WCS

It’s toast.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You called it.

WCS

This whole Hugh Freeze thing is absolutely wonderful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Purple names:
ELITE!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Rewatching Community. Genius still.

blaxabbath

I’m trying to follow the senate live stream but, fucking balls, talk about boring. If I were a Senator, I’d never show up either.

Gratliff

The segway creator’s fate is too good for Mike Enzi

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The bronze bull creator’s fate is too good for Enzi.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me know when they pass this bill that numerous Senators are absolutely insisting not actually become law before they vote yes on it.

blaxabbath

100% sure David Johnson gets injured in HOF game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’ll make it into the Hall of Lame Game.

litre_cola

Or gets pied in the face.

Sharkbait

Informal poll

What happens more by the end of the season:
A) DFO articles shared via the Linkedin button
B) Browns wins

Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna say B, because do any of us want to post our stuff on Linkedin? Self included.

Gratliff

“I’m IT for a school district in rural Michigan. Here’s my top 10 times Philip Rivers probably called someone a cunt in a huddle.”

herodotus450

A, but only on the assumption that you meant to type PornHub instead of Linkdin.

Senor Weaselo

I’d believe it more if it was Penthouse. “Dear Penthouse, It started as a parody of ‘I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General’ naming all of Gronk’s STIs, but you wouldn’t believe where it ended up!”

herodotus450

I’m very well acquainted too with matters of virality
I understand outbreaks both acute and periodically
About chlamydia and aids I’m teaming with a lot of news,
With many cheerful facts about rainbow colored ooze

/Is simultaneously shot by Christopher Marlowe, the entire town of Stratford, and the Collective formerly known as Willaim Shakespeare

Senor Weaselo

Shit… I think someone has to write this during *checks google* hmm, there’s an STI Awareness Month?

herodotus450

And now my search history is littered with “gonorrhea” “list of oozing std” and “rhymes with dipplococcus,” hope the wife doesn’t find out.
/Secretly hope she does
//Wife is a anime body pillow

blaxabbath

a

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can I write in C) Browns games where they give up a lead in the final two minutes?

ballsofsteelandfury

Browns lead??? ????

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose’s fault, don’t blame me.
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Wakezilla

That’s the look of someone who fell asleep during Scared Straight

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

2/10, name is an adjective

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She doesn’t look all that busy to me – she’s just standing there!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe, maybe not. I can’t see her hands. She could be very busy back there.

Sharkbait

….Members?

Gratliff

And here is kinder, gentler Noted Psychopath Bas Rutten providing a public service
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mosX7L25HV8

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Ah, Minoru Suzuki, the 50 year old psychopath who’s still part of the main event scene in NJPW. Back in the 90’s, Suzuki and fellow pro wrestler Masakatsu Funaki created Pancrase, an MMA company, when they felt that Japanese shoot wrestling (Like pro wrestling, but you’re legit trying to hurt people) was too soft. It was mostly known for things like Bas Ruten trying to murder people with his palms. Now, he’s a legend probably doing a victory lap at the end of his career. The goofy as fuck haircut belies the fact he could probably murder your family without breaking a sweat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSE3uAmn7yA

Gratliff

Here is Noted Psychopath Bas Ruten doing Pancrase better than anybody.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JITHsqi5Uk8

Senor Weaselo

“Posers.” -the ancient Greeks

Gratliff

And here is Suzuki’s unnecessarily stiff kayfabe murder of Asuka nee Kana in an apparent sign of respect for the time they worked together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oS6OpRGXVo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Alright, let’s do some NJPW entrances aka Random Arena Rock Solos on loop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHmfxszYC_w

...

I need to go see some games on the South Side. New Comiskey has much better concessions than Wrigley does.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s the air.

Unsurprised

Leaded or unleaded?

...

WOOO I’m a member of… something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Haven’t been in the neighborhood for awhile. i see changes have been made. Is everyone a “Member”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

I haven’t had a member since the “incident”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No one gave me a jacket.

Wakezilla

Some are more bigger than others

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mostly. Brett is only halfway there.

Spur

ONE week to go and college is 30 days away. I can make it. I can make it. I can make it.

blaxabbath

Make sure your loan provider loses your promissory note!

Unsurprised

I’m drunk. Initial impressions of the Oregon Brewers Festival.

* Surly Barrel Aged Darkness

* Lost Abbey
* Avant Garde – IPA done perfectly

Dragon’s Milk Thai Curry – tasty, subtle coconut curry flavor. Tangy.

Brettanomyces is Not A Dinosaur – fruit and tart. Lemony. Weird. Very light and smooth like a saison. Eclectic collection of ingredients.

KGB – really good. Fruity and sweet. Citrusy. Beer of the festival. I’ll be getting a full mug on Saturday and or Sunday

24/7 – IPA when you do everything right

Tiny umbrellas – feels/drinks as heavy as it looks. Thick, weighty but good.

Espacio – excellent Mexican beer

G&T – strong juniper flavor. Good beer

Ky kolsch – good, strong flavor. Kind of flat but fits the description. Tasty.

Beautiful trouble – strong IPA. Heavy in a good way

Unicorn – sweet and tart. Fruity

Knuckle buster – line of big guys. Heavy beer with high abv for big men. Tasty and not heavy. Hint of leather.

30th – damn tasty. Hoppy.

#Merica – fuck yeah!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

: taps microphone:
::clears throat::
:::takes prepared remarks out of pocket:::

Fuck Tom Brady.

Thank you

/Leaves

Unsurprised

Eats, cum, and leaves

blaxabbath

Tear in my eye….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thanks for that banner image, BeerGuyRandy.

I thought I was gonna have to wait another month before getting depressed again about being a Ratbirds fan, but you’ve gotten it out of the way early for me. You’re the best, man.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I said* it yesterday and I’ll say it again today: If RGIII cannot beat out KELLEN CLEMENS for a backup position, he should just retire immediately.

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*muttered it to myself

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Were you ever in a crowded store and muttered under your breath “THAT IS SOME QUALITY FUCKIN’ PUSSY, RIGHT THERE, PAL!” only to discover that you weren’t muttering and it wasn’t under your breath?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/wants to get Busy
//wonders who besides Moose will get that?

Wakezilla

As long as it’s Busy and you don’t feel like a Rebel

theeWeeBabySeamus

Something about her really annoys me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just like the incredulous “WTF did you just say??” look.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I meant Rebel.
I’d do evil things for (and with) Busy.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, he’s still in the league?

Gratliff

He’s a white subpar quarterback. He’s set for life.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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