Two big highlights of the day:
- All teams have their main training camps opening today or tomorrow; and
- The Hall of Fame Game is one week today.
Funnily, the increasingly shorter days seem a little bit brighter.
NFL News:
- Problems on the elite front: Joe Flacco, depending on which story you read, may miss between 7 days and 6 weeks of training camp. It seems he’s got a bulging disc.
- If he misses all of training camp, he’d still be ready in time for Week-1, so get the excuses ready.
- Elite backup might be coming in the form of Colin Kaepernick, who is being cons– … you know what? I’m just going to stop right there, beause we all know it’s not happening.
- Ravens center John Urschel, whom most only remember from this commercial
is retiring from football so he can finish his pursuit of his Ph.D in Mathematics. The other guy in the commercial, the one who is constantly hurt, will continue his career. Because he’s a MAN, not some math nerd!
- Aaron Rodgers admits to being back in love with football again.
- It’s really just a puff piece about how he’s more motivated going into the season, and has the requisite comparisons to Tom Brady & his diet & training regimen.
- Leave it to ESPN, however, to go the extra mile and ask the Dongslinger for a couple of quotes. Because nothing says “I’ve moved on” than bringing up the guy who held the other one back.
- RGIII now knows how Colin Kaepernick feels, because the Chargers traded for Cardale Jones rather than sign him after his “successful” workout.
- The exchange was a conditional 7th round draft pick, if you’re scoring at home.
- The Steelers signed Alejandro Villanueva to a four-year, $24 million extension.
- I’m guessing he now thinks Pittsburgh is safer than three tours of Afghanistan.
- At least Trump can claim he helped one ex-soldier keep a job.
- I’m guessing he now thinks Pittsburgh is safer than three tours of Afghanistan.
- The Jets are the winners in the Lucky Whitehead waiver sweepstakes.
- The loser? The guy nicknamed “Lucky”, who might be better off pursuing the grievance than getting destroyed by AFC East defences.
Finally, in the realm of puffiest of puff pieces, and just a day after their piece on the intricacies of being Tom Brady’s dietitian, you have the MMQB talking about the time the Seattle Mariners brought in a 17 year-old Tom Brady for a baseball tryout, and him trying on Ken Griffey’s jersey in the empty locker room.
- Turns out, Dreamboat was a legitimate catching prospect. He was even drafted in the 18th round by the Expos.
- During a meet & greet when the Expos were playing in San Francisco, the scouts had Brady meet some of the players, and this apparently happened:
Brady was sitting at a locker, holding court with six or seven Expos asking him questions. “We were telling him,” Santangelo says, “ ‘Why would you make $800 a month in the minor leagues when you can be the quarterback at the University of Michigan? You’re a good-looking guy, you can probably have a lot of fun off the field, too.’ … We told him: ‘Go play football at Michigan! Are you kidding me?’ ”
- So, that cemented Brady’s decision to go play football. The scout’s reaction?
“If I could’ve signed this guy, I would’ve changed the entire history of the NFL,” Hughes told his friends. “The NFL would’ve never been the same. Who would’ve known?”
If it’s still active when the thread goes live, please click through to the twitter feed & note how the Jaguras managed to burn themselves with HAWT TAEKS!
Reply with a GIF to describe how excited you are for #JaxCamp17 pic.twitter.com/HrahemnZyq
— Jacksonville Jaguars (@Jaguars) July 27, 2017
It’s not football-related, but, c’mon…WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOO!!! It's official… Our #30for30, #NatureBoy, on @RicFlairNatrBoy will debut November 7th on ESPN.
Details: https://t.co/xRepS0jTGC pic.twitter.com/Pua4OZcdK3
— 30 for 30 (@30for30) July 26, 2017
Tonight’s sports:
- CFL:
- Montreal at Winnipeg – 7:30PM | ESPN2 / TSN
- MLB:
- Rays at Yankees – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Women’s Soccer:
- U.S. vs. Australia – 9:00PM | ESPN
Fear not, fellow Commentists. For while there may not be much to entertain this evening, tomorrow there be sexiness, and then the weekend. And, soon – THE GAMES!
I napped too long after drinking. But at least I was smart enough to feed the rice cooker before. Midnight stir fry.
Daft Bebop
Yep, the NFL sucks.
OK you fucknuts, I actually have to go do some work now so you pinheads have something to make fun of tomorrow night.
Sleep well, dicknuts.
Good fucking thing they put the huge yellow arrow in there.
Goddammit, I told my family to stop shooting those fucking home movies.
The cat gif get moderated by the moderating bot.
Gimme a sec and I’ll get that fixed….my machine is acting up. Too many tabs open.
I dreamed, I met a Galilean…..
(wooooo, showtunes ftw!!!!!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex0YEDcIZU8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX009sWzRQg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJlN9jdQFSc
FOX News is currently going out of their own way to dissuade and/or undercut what this vote means.
The problem, obviously, is the Democrats, not wanting to vote for the bill. Also, the three Republicans who voted against it are clearly traitors to the country.
Fox News?? GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN, MISTER!!
Sean Hannity appears to be on the Karen Carpenter diet.
(YES!!!! THREE STRAIGHT NIGHTS OF KAREN CARPENTER JOKES!!!!)
/should not be proud of this
He has to slim down. He’s going to be White House Press Secretary by Halloween.
If Jupiter keeps mooning me, Imma have to kick his ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu77Vtja30c
Jupiter storms are a hoax invented by the Chinese.
“The jack is in the trunk.”
“There is not trunk.”
something something jack it into her trunk something something
Either congress will enact legislation or Trump will sign an executive order to make this gif disappear.
Balls’ house is well maintained.
Oh, this is awesome.
So awesome.
/shuts mouth
//ask me in about 18 hours
Apparently McCain wants to make sure the Maverick switch is flipped to “ON” when he kicks it.
Wouldn’t take much at this point.
It’s not a lie if you believe it when you say it. I merely changed my mind.
(This really is it tho….probably)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOqsj88kkKo
Mitch McConnell is a sad turtle.
Why do you fucking hate turtles so much? What did turtles ever do to you?
Those are NAWT THE TRUE TURTLES, NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Don’t worry, this is the last one….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCr_ZttR-R4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUdz55FgVcY
If you ever told me I’d be feverishly refreshing a thread (in another tab) to see how a vote in Congress was turning out, I’d call you names that would make Scaramucci blush. But here I am.
Really interested in getting those tax breaks, huh?
It’s toast.
You called it.
This whole Hugh Freeze thing is absolutely wonderful.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/fbi-man-says-he-killed-wife-on-cruise-over-her-laughing/ar-AAoTJGA?OCID=ansmsnnews11
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/cowboys-david-irving-says-he-injured-nipple-after-losing-nipple-ring-at-camp/ar-AAoUQ1a?OCID=ansmsnnews11
http://netzfundstuecke.gq.de/content/uploads/sites/13/2015/07/Bildschirmfoto-2015-07-09-um-17.37.31.png
Purple names:
ELITE!
Rewatching Community. Genius still.
I’m trying to follow the senate live stream but, fucking balls, talk about boring. If I were a Senator, I’d never show up either.
The segway creator’s fate is too good for Mike Enzi
The bronze bull creator’s fate is too good for Enzi.
Let me know when they pass this bill that numerous Senators are absolutely insisting not actually become law before they vote yes on it.
100% sure David Johnson gets injured in HOF game.
He’ll make it into the Hall of Lame Game.
Or gets pied in the face.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzJekwEAMMc
Informal poll
What happens more by the end of the season:
A) DFO articles shared via the Linkedin button
B) Browns wins
I’m gonna say B, because do any of us want to post our stuff on Linkedin? Self included.
“I’m IT for a school district in rural Michigan. Here’s my top 10 times Philip Rivers probably called someone a cunt in a huddle.”
A, but only on the assumption that you meant to type PornHub instead of Linkdin.
I’d believe it more if it was Penthouse. “Dear Penthouse, It started as a parody of ‘I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General’ naming all of Gronk’s STIs, but you wouldn’t believe where it ended up!”
/Is simultaneously shot by Christopher Marlowe, the entire town of Stratford, and the Collective formerly known as Willaim Shakespeare
Shit… I think someone has to write this during *checks google* hmm, there’s an STI Awareness Month?
And now my search history is littered with “gonorrhea” “list of oozing std” and “rhymes with dipplococcus,” hope the wife doesn’t find out.
/Secretly hope she does
//Wife is a anime body pillow
a
Can I write in C) Browns games where they give up a lead in the final two minutes?
Browns lead??? ????
Moose’s fault, don’t blame me.
That’s the look of someone who fell asleep during Scared Straight
2/10, name is an adjective
She doesn’t look all that busy to me – she’s just standing there!
Maybe, maybe not. I can’t see her hands. She could be very busy back there.
….Members?
And here is kinder, gentler Noted Psychopath Bas Rutten providing a public service
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mosX7L25HV8
Ah, Minoru Suzuki, the 50 year old psychopath who’s still part of the main event scene in NJPW. Back in the 90’s, Suzuki and fellow pro wrestler Masakatsu Funaki created Pancrase, an MMA company, when they felt that Japanese shoot wrestling (Like pro wrestling, but you’re legit trying to hurt people) was too soft. It was mostly known for things like Bas Ruten trying to murder people with his palms. Now, he’s a legend probably doing a victory lap at the end of his career. The goofy as fuck haircut belies the fact he could probably murder your family without breaking a sweat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSE3uAmn7yA
Here is Noted Psychopath Bas Ruten doing Pancrase better than anybody.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JITHsqi5Uk8
“Posers.” -the ancient Greeks
And here is Suzuki’s unnecessarily stiff kayfabe murder of Asuka nee Kana in an apparent sign of respect for the time they worked together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oS6OpRGXVo
Alright, let’s do some NJPW entrances aka Random Arena Rock Solos on loop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHmfxszYC_w
I need to go see some games on the South Side. New Comiskey has much better concessions than Wrigley does.
It’s the air.
Leaded or unleaded?
WOOO I’m a member of… something.
Haven’t been in the neighborhood for awhile. i see changes have been made. Is everyone a “Member”?
I haven’t had a member since the “incident”
No one gave me a jacket.
Some are more bigger than others
Mostly. Brett is only halfway there.
ONE week to go and college is 30 days away. I can make it. I can make it. I can make it.
Make sure your loan provider loses your promissory note!
I’m drunk. Initial impressions of the Oregon Brewers Festival.
* Surly Barrel Aged Darkness
* Lost Abbey
* Avant Garde – IPA done perfectly
Dragon’s Milk Thai Curry – tasty, subtle coconut curry flavor. Tangy.
Brettanomyces is Not A Dinosaur – fruit and tart. Lemony. Weird. Very light and smooth like a saison. Eclectic collection of ingredients.
KGB – really good. Fruity and sweet. Citrusy. Beer of the festival. I’ll be getting a full mug on Saturday and or Sunday
24/7 – IPA when you do everything right
Tiny umbrellas – feels/drinks as heavy as it looks. Thick, weighty but good.
Espacio – excellent Mexican beer
G&T – strong juniper flavor. Good beer
Ky kolsch – good, strong flavor. Kind of flat but fits the description. Tasty.
Beautiful trouble – strong IPA. Heavy in a good way
Unicorn – sweet and tart. Fruity
Knuckle buster – line of big guys. Heavy beer with high abv for big men. Tasty and not heavy. Hint of leather.
30th – damn tasty. Hoppy.
#Merica – fuck yeah!
: taps microphone:
::clears throat::
:::takes prepared remarks out of pocket:::
Fuck Tom Brady.
Thank you
/Leaves
Eats, cum, and leaves
Tear in my eye….
Thanks for that banner image, BeerGuyRandy.
I thought I was gonna have to wait another month before getting depressed again about being a Ratbirds fan, but you’ve gotten it out of the way early for me. You’re the best, man.
I said* it yesterday and I’ll say it again today: If RGIII cannot beat out KELLEN CLEMENS for a backup position, he should just retire immediately.
*muttered it to myself
Were you ever in a crowded store and muttered under your breath “THAT IS SOME QUALITY FUCKIN’ PUSSY, RIGHT THERE, PAL!” only to discover that you weren’t muttering and it wasn’t under your breath?
/wants to get Busy
//wonders who besides Moose will get that?
As long as it’s Busy and you don’t feel like a Rebel
Something about her really annoys me.
I just like the incredulous “WTF did you just say??” look.
I meant Rebel.
I’d do evil things for (and with) Busy.
Wait, he’s still in the league?
He’s a white subpar quarterback. He’s set for life.