Your “It Seems Like The Super Bowl Was Just Yesterday” Thursday Night Football Season Opener Open Thread.

I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.

Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.

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Senor Weaselo

Achilles injury? Uh-oh, I was just hoping for a charlie, um, donkey?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Really would have preferred it to have happened to Tyreek Hill.

Brocky

I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that blade runner wasn’t that good a film, and it’s only getting a reboot from nostalgia.

Brocky

I’ve seen it twice, I just don’t get it.

I won’t claim to have the best taste movies, but sheesh.

I just mentally catorgize it like the Baywatch film: it’s just something from the past that was never that good, but nostalgia means classic!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m a fan of it, admittedly, but it was probably the first “cyberpunk” film, and in ’82 it was a real breath of fresh air.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

My business partner is fleeing hurricane Irma and every hotel in Georgia is booked. This is a pain in the ass.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Anybody in Gainesville/Valdosta/Jacksonville that can help me out?

Horatio Cornblower

Tim Tebow?

ballsofsteelandfury

Is the partner circumcised?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I’ll check. I know that’s a deal-breaker for Jesbow.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

A miracle would be AWESOME. He has his Mom who just had a knee replacement, his baby, and his dog.

Duchess

Sorry my sis and bro in law haven’t lived in Valdosta in 4 years

Spur

That new Star Wars film looks weird

Brocky

I am fully okay with charlie as a bears fan

ballsofsteelandfury

The glue sniffing fits.

...

He fits right in with the limited cognitive capacity of my people.

King Hippo

Eric Berry out. Gee, that wouldn’t change matters much…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We need to do an edition of Better Know the DFO Pantheon for the Turf Monster.

Horatio Cornblower

Either that or he has to show up in HRTN

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen the Patriots take this much abuse from a khunt since Benedict Arnold’s wife demanded a better lifestyle!

make it snow

fuck

King Hippo

You been takin’ same cold meds as blax, ain’t ya? Funny bastard.

Spur

Kuntar?
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Eckeaux

“Looks like a good slate on Sunday!”

::skips mentioning the Jets/Bills game::

Dunstan

Hey, you have to love the classic battle of the unnoticeable force and the immaterial object

Eckeaux

The only use of that game is for gambling purposes. The Jets are +10. Pretty good bet considering that game is going to end 2-0.

WCS

DREAMBOAT SACK FINISH YOUR DRINKS

King Hippo

Finished all mines already. Could finish mah pill bottle, but wud prolly die

Spur

Mahomes would have 5 TDs if he got to play.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I first read that as Mahones would have STD’s.

Duchess

This just doesn’t feel right enjoying this game with out Hillary Clinton Ottoman here

Senor Weaselo

Oh, what happened in that election?

Duchess

A Bill Otto of Missouri lost his election.

Senor Weaselo

Aww…

Duchess

yeah screw Ann Wagner!

make it snow

I’m programming a surplus Predator drone to airstrike the next person to say “Hunt for Red September.” When Chris Berman dies tomorrow, you’ll know who to thank.

Duchess
Horatio Cornblower

(withdrawn by author)

ballsofsteelandfury

Ooh, that’s…damn

Horatio Cornblower

It’s actually a pretty big developing story here in CT. Lot of investigation about where and how much she was drinking before the accident. I have a feeling it’s going to get a lot uglier.

Dunstan

I don’t understand. Donald Trump told Belichek that all you have to do is just reach out and grab a Khunt.

Doktor Zymm

The Giants lost their opener after winning a SB, MAY THE PATS BE THE SAME

ballsofsteelandfury

With all these KHunt jokes, I’m thinking we’re gonna get a lot of Scottish and Irish readers.

Brocky

Remember KC beating the tar out of NE, insulting NE to win another super bowl?

I hate the fact I remember

King Hippo

Pepperidge Farm remembers

/Trent Green says he’d like a cookie

Eckeaux

Collinsworth sounds so disappointed with the TD.

NATO Pats Fan

Lice?

Dick E. Phuck

I haven’t seen a Khunt stay this composed while taking a beating since Holly Hendrix on HardX.

Senor Weaselo

KHuntdown! Again!

King Hippo

That KHunt has shined brighter than a diamond tonight!

Doktor Zymm

He broke the pylon. According to Stabby a few years ago, TD

Sharkbait

Do. Not. Want.

ALXMAC

Hell yeah boys!!

Horatio Cornblower

Scored that TD by a Khunt hair!

King Hippo

Best pun!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How does a Super Bowl winning team let Alex Fucking Smith put up 350+ yards and 4 touchdowns on them?

...

IT’S PRETTY GREAT THOUGH

Smithchez

“Why it’s almost as if when the Patriot offense doesn’t score more than 35 points, Matt Patricia seems like a mediocre or even subpar defensive coordinator.”

make it snow

Michaels and Collinsworth will absolutely not let us forget how mediocre the Chiefs were last year.

ballsofsteelandfury

wait, were they NOT a playoff team?

Dunstan

Oh, I think Andy Reid took a lot from watching the Super Bowl. A tub of wings, some chicken, all the leftover pizza….

ballsofsteelandfury

NO WING LEFT BEHIND!

Horatio Cornblower

Brady’s jersey.

Oh no wait, that was the South American fella.

Brocky

That crowd shot really shows why we hate the patriots fans so much:

You’re trailing by a literal fucking point in the 4th, and you’re sitting on your hands?

Puns aside, what the fuck are you worried about?

...

What do you expect from a fan base that has a fucking chip on its shoulder after winning FIVE FUCKING SUPER BOWLS?

Dunstan

WE NEVAH GET ANY BREAKS! NOBAHDY KNOWS OW-AH SUFFAHIN!

Dunstan

How the fuck you boys (and Dok) doin’?

Doktor Zymm

Legally incapable of driving, but totally capable of yelling!

Spur

Hunt reminds me of Lynch

Smithchez

I’m sorry, was that a Whitey Bulger joke only about 6 years late?

...

I want to force feed strawberries to Brady.

Doktor Zymm

One point. These whiny goddamn bitches.

Senor Weaselo

Trent Dilfer had 5 300-yd games? That’s about 4 more than I expected. (One was fluky.)

ballsofsteelandfury

1000 comments! Well done motherlovers!

Horatio Cornblower

grumblegrumbleI’mbusyrightnowgrumbleI’l”love”yourmotherlatergrumble.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Senor Weaselo

Are we closing in on a record? What is the record?

Doktor Zymm

Surfin’ Bird

Doktor Zymm

DAMN YOU GAME I WANT TO SLEEP AND I KNOW YOU WILL ULTIMATELY DISAPPOINT ME

Horatio Cornblower

Oh I am so in that same boat. It’s like the Titanic if the Carpathian sank too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen someone so disappointed by game since they made the mistake of talking to Neil Strauss at a bar.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are the Patriots going to LOSE? I don’t think I can handle seeing the Chiefs winning yet another damned game they have no business winning.

...

Yes but Brady will be sad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh what do I care they will lose their first game in the playoffs anyway.

Dick E. Phuck

Where’s Martyball when you need him.

make it snow

Well they’re not going to go 0-16, man.

make it snow

You know this game’s a work because Hogan can’t get a call.

theeWeeBabySeamus

*Note to self: Idea for punk rock band name: The Known Concussions.

Horatio Cornblower

With their limitations at WR maybe the Patriots can bring back Aaron Hernandez, now that’s been declared innocent and all.

Eckeaux

Already been picked up off the wire by Oakland.

WCS

Or the Bungles.

Dick E. Phuck

Honorable Mention: Ravens

Dick E. Phuck

He’s been pretty cold as of late.

make it snow

New England scouts praise his disciplined route running and his “cold, dead hands.”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Although he makes far too many dead ball penalties.

Brick Meathook

Amendola’s been zonked since the 2nd quarter. I’m surprised he lasted this long tonight.

Smithchez

“‘Partly to honor his friend Julian Edelman’ who died storming Normandy, I guess?”

Eckeaux

Scrappy white receivers like to honor scrappy white receivers by staying in the game for every snap.

Because they are scrappy, you see.

Doktor Zymm

Amendola has a concussion in his collar bone

Doktor Zymm

“Delay of Game? I’M BACK, BABY!”
-Andy Reid

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Eckeaux

Just got here.

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS!

King Hippo

Equal parts antsy and crunk. You?

NATO Pats Fan

It’s closing in on midnight East Coast time, and we’re all drunk and sleepy.

WCS

WCS is getting drunk, Lil’ WCS is definitely sleepy. Got to keep awake as long as I can, because WCS is gonna be hungover tomorrow.

Doktor Zymm

DRUNK AND SLe….wha?! I’m up, I’m up!

WCS

Of course.