I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!
Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.
Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.
Eric Berry with a terminal stop?
Okay, so KC’s not completely out of this game, right? I mean, we are talking about the Red Walrus here.
Kansas City don a good?
They’ll Fuck it up somehow
Woof! Nice.
NAWT FACKIN FAHHHHHHHHHH
I’m surprised Collinsworth can talk nicely with his mouth full of Tawmy’s dick.
Now, no need to be so coarse.
Are you critiquing Dreamboat’s bikini wax?
I heard Gisele got turf toe on her nose.
He draws a lot of comparisons to Adriana Chechik in terms of maintaining cumposure under pressure.
It’s really, REALLY fucking annoying that the KC defense wasn’t ready for that stupid hurryup Brady dive even fuckin Collinsworth knew was coming. How is that possible?
We had to negate the touchdown so we have to give the Patriots another shot at the play… Repeat 3rd down
He’s short.
No 1st down, either
Too easy. You should be ashamed of yourself.
enough about Bret Farves dick picks folks
Who expects defensive holding on this play?
NAWT FAYUH!!
Which hero is gonna cut a hole in the back of that surface box?
No catch!
If they call this a catch, the NFL refs are more crocked than NBA refs.
Or more crooked than my dick in class filled with freshmen.
Booing something that’s standard for every single scoring play? Oh Boston fans, you never cease to underwhelm.
No catch unfortunately
I MISSED THIS SO SO SO SO FUCKING MUCH.
Update: correct call, but still: BOOOOOO
That’s no catch. Right now we’ll find out just how far in the tank the refs are.
Do you really want to know?
At least I have booze.
Who wants free GronkDOWN?
/shoots self in head
I would have been here earlier, but my new laptop has the clock management skills of Andy Reid and decided to call a timeout.
So far, fuck this shit, and amused at how every time they say “about this guy here” they circle his butt.
What’s the point? I mean, really? What’s the fucking point?
This game is a microcosm of life, ain’t it?
You wait forever for it to start, loathe it once it begins, and can’t wait for it to be over?
THAT’S IT
The back of every Patriot reciever’s jersey should have the addendum “-looksforaflag”
Jesus, KC. A 7 yard third down conversion on a delayed draw? That’s fucking embarrassing.
THAT’S SO ANDY
Marty Schottenheimer loves it.
you might say there’s a gleam
There is no God.
Maybe it wasn’t Jamall Charles’ fault for all those fumbles it’s just the turf monster.
Nah he fumbled for UT too
Jesus I hope the Chiefs look this pathetic when the Raiders play them.
How DARE they not throw a flag for a ball George Muresan couldn’t have touched?!
Well that didn’t take long.
Not the patriots scoring. I meant the refs already favoring new england
I feel like Job, except only i’m not gonna get rewarded for my prolonged suffering at God’s hands.
/Hi fives self for keeping Hunt on FF bench
Burn it down
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I have to remind myself to be happy about this cause I fucking hate the Chiefs.
Naturally.
Kareem not-Abdul Jabaar, you had ONE JOB!!
Yeah…sure.
OH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT
Me when the DFO server won’t let me log in to make fun of Marky with you guys.
GOD WILLING
69 year old offensive line coach, nice.
I’m entirely convinced the Pats will finish at 14-2, with their only two losses coming against the Jets as they sit all their starters both weeks to intentionally fuck New York out of the #1 pick. That seems like something that would happen.
Here’s a template, but someone can change the colors to Patriots Blue
https://twitter.com/CincyProblems/status/777601641965035521/photo/1?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cincinnati.com%2Fstory%2Fsports%2Fnfl%2Fbengals%2F2016%2F09%2F18%2Fboomer-esiason-bengals-got-kneegated%2F90628220%2F
All right, Alex Smith. Time for 26 consecutive checkdowns to Kareem Hunt.
Orrrrrrr……
Delayed internet stream = delayed Whoooooo!
You’re close enough for me to throw a shoe at you now.
Yes, Eddie Murphy’s Mom.
Speaking of delayed streams, didn’t you hear we left NATO?
keep this one in the holster PLEAZ