Your “It Seems Like The Super Bowl Was Just Yesterday” Thursday Night Football Season Opener Open Thread.

I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.

Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.

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herodotus450

Eric Berry with a terminal stop?

Dick E. Phuck

Okay, so KC’s not completely out of this game, right? I mean, we are talking about the Red Walrus here.

Redshirt

Kansas City don a good?

Sharkbait

They’ll Fuck it up somehow

WCS

NAWT FACKIN FAHHHHHHHHHH

Redshirt

I’m surprised Collinsworth can talk nicely with his mouth full of Tawmy’s dick.

JustStopDude

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Now, no need to be so coarse.

Doktor Zymm

Are you critiquing Dreamboat’s bikini wax?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I heard Gisele got turf toe on her nose.

Dick E. Phuck

He draws a lot of comparisons to Adriana Chechik in terms of maintaining cumposure under pressure.

Smithchez

It’s really, REALLY fucking annoying that the KC defense wasn’t ready for that stupid hurryup Brady dive even fuckin Collinsworth knew was coming. How is that possible?

Duchess

We had to negate the touchdown so we have to give the Patriots another shot at the play… Repeat 3rd down

Dick E. Phuck

He’s short.

King Hippo

No 1st down, either

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Too easy. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Duchess

enough about Bret Farves dick picks folks

Senor Weaselo

Who expects defensive holding on this play?

King Hippo

NAWT FAYUH!!

Gratliff

Which hero is gonna cut a hole in the back of that surface box?

Gratliff

No catch!

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Redshirt

If they call this a catch, the NFL refs are more crocked than NBA refs.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Or more crooked than my dick in class filled with freshmen.

Smithchez

Booing something that’s standard for every single scoring play? Oh Boston fans, you never cease to underwhelm.

Gratliff

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Sharkbait

No catch unfortunately

The Maestro

I MISSED THIS SO SO SO SO FUCKING MUCH.

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The Maestro

Update: correct call, but still: BOOOOOO

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s no catch. Right now we’ll find out just how far in the tank the refs are.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Senor Weaselo

Do you really want to know?

Dick E. Phuck

At least I have booze.

King Hippo

Who wants free GronkDOWN?

/shoots self in head

Duchess

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Doktor Zymm

I would have been here earlier, but my new laptop has the clock management skills of Andy Reid and decided to call a timeout.

So far, fuck this shit, and amused at how every time they say “about this guy here” they circle his butt.

...

What’s the point? I mean, really? What’s the fucking point?

King Hippo

This game is a microcosm of life, ain’t it?

herodotus450

You wait forever for it to start, loathe it once it begins, and can’t wait for it to be over?

King Hippo

THAT’S IT

Smithchez

The back of every Patriot reciever’s jersey should have the addendum “-looksforaflag”

Smithchez

Jesus, KC. A 7 yard third down conversion on a delayed draw? That’s fucking embarrassing.

King Hippo

THAT’S SO ANDY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Marty Schottenheimer loves it.

King Hippo

you might say there’s a gleam

King Hippo

There is no God.

Duchess

Maybe it wasn’t Jamall Charles’ fault for all those fumbles it’s just the turf monster.

Nah he fumbled for UT too

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus I hope the Chiefs look this pathetic when the Raiders play them.

Smithchez

How DARE they not throw a flag for a ball George Muresan couldn’t have touched?!

Brocky

Well that didn’t take long.

Not the patriots scoring. I meant the refs already favoring new england

Dick E. Phuck

I feel like Job, except only i’m not gonna get rewarded for my prolonged suffering at God’s hands.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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NATO Pats Fan

/Hi fives self for keeping Hunt on FF bench

Gratliff

Burn it down

The Maestro

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have to remind myself to be happy about this cause I fucking hate the Chiefs.

WCS

Naturally.

King Hippo

Kareem not-Abdul Jabaar, you had ONE JOB!!

Smithchez

Yeah…sure.

...

OH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

Mother Puncher

Me when the DFO server won’t let me log in to make fun of Marky with you guys.

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JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

GOD WILLING

Dick E. Phuck

69 year old offensive line coach, nice.

Smithchez

I’m entirely convinced the Pats will finish at 14-2, with their only two losses coming against the Jets as they sit all their starters both weeks to intentionally fuck New York out of the #1 pick. That seems like something that would happen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, Alex Smith. Time for 26 consecutive checkdowns to Kareem Hunt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Orrrrrrr……

NATO Pats Fan

Delayed internet stream = delayed Whoooooo!

King Hippo

You’re close enough for me to throw a shoe at you now.

NATO Pats Fan

Yes, Eddie Murphy’s Mom.

herodotus450

Speaking of delayed streams, didn’t you hear we left NATO?

WCS

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King Hippo

keep this one in the holster PLEAZ