Boy howdy has this been a day. I bid a very warm welcome to the new commenters that have done some quality yakking on this here blog earlier today. Strong start, fellas. Keep up with the funny. Me? I spent the majority of the day ignoring my family’s wants and needs. They’ve come to expect that beginning (continuing?) in the fall just as the leaves turn. We’ve come to a nice arrangement. The games themselves today were equal parts extraordinary physical displays and mind-bending mental errors. Thankfully I’m equally entertained by both. This football fan did not go hungry. Well, the last tilt of the day is before us. Shall we? TO THE GAME!
The Mighty Giants/Dall-ass: Difference-maker Old Dirty Beckham is a game timer but I sure hope he limps on to the field if only to serve as a distraction for the Cowboys D. His presence alone will make things easier for the Giants. If he’s not there using up the double team then Dallas can free up another defender to attack the basically immobile Eli. That wouldn’t be good. DAK!, Dez and Zeke ran roughshod over everyone else in the league but managed to put up only 26 points against the G-men last year. That said, both games were easily winnable last year. Dallas has lost some guys in the secondary while New York has upgraded at rb, te and wr. I hope that’ll be enough to squeeze out what will no doubt be a tight affair. I’ll say 21-17 Giants. Oh, and Eli will definitely throw an interception. Book it.
Damn. I had all kinds of fun today-let’s keep that ball rolling. LET’S DO THIS!!!
Speaking of hot taeks, next time you make hamburgers, mix a beaten egg into the meat before making teh patties. Trust me on this.
First you had my curiosity. Now you have my attention
It works.
Are those fake air intakes on that Camry?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXFThPcYGAE&ab_channel=JonVellini
That Jones boy’s birth was probably similar to an Uruk’hai birthing session.
The thing about working for tech companies….no one watches football. Seriously, there are like….2 people I can talk to about football shit. I doubt this will get better at my new job.
That’s why you come here during work. We all do.
young Jones there looks like a Menendez brother.
Which one?
Danny and Jose, Jr.
http://media.zenfs.com/en-US/video/video.snl.com/SNL_0812_04_The_Menendez_Trial_EST.png
That’s intentional. Corporate symettry between the NFL and NBC
Oh look, another Jones spawn that should be drowned.
Ok Hot Taek
Does anyone else think JJ Watt is getting as bit too much credit for putting his name on a website? As an expat Texan I do appreciate the giving, but that money was more than likely going to be given anyway.
JJ Watt can fuck himself to death.
As an expat asshole who when paying for goods at Walgreens with a debit card pressed no when asked to donate money to the red cross, I appreciate doing anything.
A true case of “less is more” right there
Cowboys hold the Giants to a FG
I never understood the show because I kept thinking wait so Aria is dating her teacher and everyone is just kind of cool with it. Like really yeah I know in real like the actors are all in their 20’s but Ezra should have been on “To Catch a Predator”
Bob Macadoo is darkest timeline Pat Riley.
way to make that chip shot a…chippier shot
Designed sack!
The worst part? The Cowboys totally fell apart without Romo, but now they’ve rebuilt in such a way that taking out a particular part won’t cripple them. It’s sense and it’s annoying as fuck and I hope they all eat some e. coli spinach and zeke slips on his own puke and busts an ACL
So…not a fan?
I’m a totally different bladed spinning device
Richard Gere considers gerbils that, so it’s open to interpretation.
The puke will be charged with battery.
And Janae Rice will apologize for her role in the whole episode.
The top of the McAdoo playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZNo4odMHLM
Giants doing a good?
Have we achieved Full Eli yet? I need to know because I still have the glasses from the eclipse. You never want to view Full Eli with the naked eye.
wait until Q4 when he’s in the hurry-up
And in the role of bored person : ODB
Is he on the outs with the kicking net?
I’m back. This is the LAST fucking time I agree to cook before the Dallas Texas Football Cowboys home opener. I was watching the game, but no reindeer games with you fine folks.
You can relax and enjoy the game now, including my witty, and slightly distracted (beer) banter.
I HATE YOUR TEAM BUT YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING TO WIN WELL DONE BUT ALSO FUCK YOU!! 🙂 🙁 😀 :!
So a blowjob is out of the question?
NAME THAT MOVIE AND GET A PRIZE!
“Good Will Hunting”
Matt Damon talking to Ben Affleck behind the scenes.
No, but also probably yes.
Grey is a great color for football pants. It’s great at hiding FAILURE
And sharts
GREAT MINDS, Buddy…
Spinct alike?
Hahaha
Great? Really?
/also sharts
Eli is gonna need a BIG glass of chocolate milk tonight.
No chance. Chocolate milk is for closers.
“You’ll get skim, and you’ll like it!”
No wintergreen flavored ice milk for Eli. Olivia says it gives him the toots and nightmares.
“You see this pack of Milanos? They’re worth more than your car!”
The car is a Matchbox.
unflavoured malk!
ABC = Always Bring Cookies!
Strawberry is for failure
That commercial should have ended with Trump signing an EO dissolving FEMA
Much like my liver and my colon: I don’t give a shit about this game.
I’m totally in line with my liver on this one, SO MUCH BILE
If only the car stopped your football “career” Tim
I remember being nine years old when I had my first adult experience during Week 1, 1999. The confusion of seeing someone bust in person, an old Italian man screaming in passion, and all the soft green satin that hugged my chest. Sigh…
I was sad when Vinny Testaverde tore his achilles.
I simultaneously do and do not want to ask for more details. Or did you just watch Blue Velvet?
Oh no, innuendo aside, it went down.
Hey, CB, who are the 49rs rivals? Also, once I move to where you’re at, we should get beers.
Jed York
Lindsey Von is still skiing? I thought she retired to give crappy handjobs.
Moose!
That was a creepy episode
I don’t know who this is, but I want to add her on snap chat
IF I did become a Raiders fan, who would I be supposed to hate?
Also, who would write the DC previews?
Dan Snyder
Eek!
That’s Mr. Snyder to you, sir.
Denver/Hippo and Moose
Or not
Eh, I can’t hate a team named after horse stuff. I don’t think this will work.
chiefs/ bbq?
I see your dilemma.
No, that would basically be the same as becoming an Eagles fan. Just….no.
“Coach McAdoo how do you adjust after a brutal first half?”
“Oh I just go in my office and move my sac from left to right so it doesn’t chafe, Pam.”
Hello. I heard that this is where the funnies are for talk of the foosball?
When the Cows are winning, humor is our only refuge
Eh. Only when Lil’ WCS hits a bunch of random keys on Lappy here.
Also, hello.
The best thing about having a kid? No one is really sure what you mean when you say Lil’ WCS
Howdy, CB! Welcome back!
Gotta say, the Giants D is arguably the best in the league… that the Cowboys scored 16 unanswered in the first half is a big deal. Cowboys need TDs not FGs.
THESE GIANTS I CALL THEM MY WHISKEY BOTTLE BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH FUCKING EMPTY AND IT PISSES ME OFF
Time to open that wine, and continue to make bad decisions!
Laundry reminder. Go move your stuff to the dryer.
Washers need buzzers like dryers!
I never understood why they dont alert you when they’re done.
Hey look a voice of sanity.
Mine makes a dinging noise
Ben McAdoo looks like a male prostitute in a Harmony Korine movie.
Dallas is going to lose this, right?
IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DRINK ABOUT IT!
Man, I hope so. If only to see Jerral’s eyes pop out of his skull in rage.
As sure as Eli is munching on an orange right now.
Ben McAdoo: [Writes a petition boycotting the ‘IT’ remake because they cut out the Gangbang scene.]
Gottdamnit! How about some spoiler tags next time?
Gints are failing, but I don’t see any knees bending the wrong direction. What’s even the point of this game?
Right?!
The point is in Ben McAdoo’s pants facing the high school band performing at halftime.
Ol Dubble J: “Halftime? Well, let’s git to the hookers & blow buffet!”
“YeeHawwww, I am fuckin crazy!”
I should probably test out this shot glass before I donate it. It would be cruel to donate a non-functional shot glass
Solid logic.
JPP came up just a finger short on that play.
He really blew that one.
Goddammit.
/tosses half-finished handsbreadth joke into the trash
DAK DAK DAK
Ben McAdoo trades Facts of Life hentai with Trevor Siemian.
OH LOOK, Los Gigantes are punting. Haven’t seen much of that tonight, have we?
This bar has Star Wars on VHS playing.
Is it just a loop of the catina scene?
No full movie with CC on.
Have a drink for Gold 2 for me.
That may be one of the last working VHS players in existence.
Are you at Delilahs? I don’t know where else hase VHS
At Samson’s in Toronto we have Brokeback Mountain on a cum-stained DVD. Can’t get the bugger out!
*single Family Fuel X appears across screen*
Announcers are right, if i’m OBJ i ask for a raise and then cut my hair.
No ice cream for Eli tonight.
“Hey! Karate Kid’s on. AH! Its the crappy Jaden Smith version.”
And that’s the story of how I broke my TV.
WItten’s success can have only one result. Hipsters will want to emulate his salt and pepper beard, and you can’t use some sort of normal bleach or whatever, USE MERCURY. And they all go crazy and die.
If only he played for the 49ers…
Nothing good comes from the Cowboys being the best NFC East team. BRING FORTH THE ANCIENT HORROR TO EAT THE SUN AND THE MOON AND THE WORLD AND DROWN US ALL IN THE SEA
counterpoint:
DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!
Why not both?
Dakashima Disaster
Dak is on my bench. HE SHALL NOT BEAT CAM OR FUCK AN AVOCADO JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKS TASTY AND FUCKABLE!
Spoken liked a true Redacteds fan.
You should really should become a Raiders fan when you move out west.
Should
The Dok Hole
I think that’s something else…
Hope it’s not filled with spikes and East Bay stoners.
Not yet!
I heard Dr. Death is a vajazzler in his spare time.
Honestly, my main reservation about switching allegiances…..I don’t think I could learn the rivalry hate for a new division.
FUCK THE COWBOYS BUT NOT IN THEIR FUCK HOLES!
I’m confident in your ability to adjust.
Having “reservations” is such a [*Redacted] thing to do.
I was waiting for someone to make that joke, congrats! You are the winner!
At least my weed guy will be happy.
So I got that going for me.
Old Man Witten rides again!