I’m tired and grumpy. And somehow also both drunk and hungover simultaneously. That doesn’t seem fair, just sayin’.
And I hate teh Clots. This could get interesting.
OK, maybe not “interesting” so much as “awkward”.
Just kidding. I do hate the Clots, but I’m too tired to spew venom. Or anything else, for that matter. When they’re 1-3 later tonight, that’ll be good enough.
(but fuck the Irsays)
–
It’s been a long day of football. A long weekend for those of us who also drug ourselves into catatonia with the college games on Saturdays.
But thank Christ we’re almost home. Just one more game tonight and then we get a reprieve until next week.
(Hey Dumbass, there’s still MNF tomorrow!!!!)
Dammit.
/begins drinking moar heavily
//rolls a blunt
–
Indianapolis @ Seattle
8:30pmEDT – NBC
Tonight, the pride of the AFC faces off against the pride of the NFC in a contest which will be pivotal for…
Sorry, I can’t even finish that sentence with a straight face.
Tonight’s featured matchup pits two teams currently sitting at 1-2. And deservedly so (just barely).
The Clots suck on both sides of the ball. Or they have so far at least. They barely managed to beat #thePauls last week at home.
The Hoxx haven’t really wowed anyone either yet, their lone win coming against the 69ers (you see where I’m going here, right?). But their losses are at least slightly more respectable, and they even showed signs of finding some semblance of an offense last week at Tennessee. They’ll find it at least a little more tonight, more than likely. Problem for them is that their run D ain’t so stellar, so if the Clots can manage to get a run game going, they could chew up some clock and keep it close. Then when things open up, Jacoby Brissett can pick his spots here and there in the air.
Either way, it’ll probably be a fairly ugly game. Big shock, I know.
Vegas has this game Hoxx -12.5, o/u 42.
Pretty big line considering, and there is a reason for that.
But as much as I hate to say it, take the Clots and the points on this one (also probably take the under).
But I do still think the Hoxx win outright. But even if they do it won’t be by much. Is that OK with you, Pete?
If you missed earlier sessions today and need to catch up, here’s your Scoreboard.
Now get your degenerate butts into the clubhouse and say useless and offensive things we can all laugh at before our livers shut down later tonight.
Artist’s Conception….
(also nsfw)
CHEERS ASSDICKS!!!!!
–
Postscript….
You can all be very happy that unless Travis Kelce is able to tally up 28.09 pts for me tomorrow night, our good friend Don_T, who has undergone quite a bit of tribulations in the past few weeks thanks to weather….
Will have kicked my ass this week in FF without any utilities or electricity.
I can live with that.
–
So much time has passed that now I can only wish they had both killed each other.
Nice pink undies
Thanks man. I wore ’em tonight just for you.
“…and that’s how it happened. I swear!”
– Ezekiel Elliott, trying to explain things to the cops.
I’m just waiting for Rick and Morty to start right now.
How bad is this game that the top story on espn is the giants terrible start.
Turrible
Goodnight, Fat Humps.
Goodnight, Sweet Chintz.
You can have my chins when you pry them from my cold, dead jowls.
So I hope no one took my betting advice on this one.
Looked great until halftime ended. Stupid football.
LOL. Story of my life, man.
Impressive lung capacity.
That movie got really weird, really fast. Not even Christopher Lee could pull it back.
What is it and does she show boob? 2nd answer first please.
Yes.
Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf
You’re doing the Lord’s work. Thank you.
Then there’s that weird part where they’re covered in hair.
Is just my nerves, mixed with the sips of whiskey I’ve been able to sneak in while waiting here, or has this been a bizarrely entertaining game? Not good, but weirdly fun?
Lotsa action…not good team action, but action. So surewhynot.
Fun, yes. Not good. But fun. Especially for someone who hates the Colts.
The fuck you got against gravy and fat globules?
Counterpoint: Derek From Muncie
I’m a Texans fan. It’s in my DNA to hate the other AFC South teams.
HOLY SHIT! YOU EXIST!!
We do. Both of us.
“You wouldn’t know her…she’s in Canada.”
Sometimes, reply timing is just too perfect.
Dammit, you guys messed it up.
Jerks.
That’s on me. I’m new.
Not at all. It’s the format. No worries at all.
Nice beatdown today, btw.
It was pretty fucking sweet. I am in love with Deshaun Watson.
Don’t blame you. So far, he’s sexy as fuck.
Of course, I’m terrified he’s the second coming of Vince Young. But for now, he’s my huckleberry and I’d follow him to the ends of the earth.
At some point, we all gotta stop believing in imaginary things.
Santa is a Texans fan
Nah. Me n’ the Easter Bunny cheered loudly for the game today.
“No, I WON”T share any of my precious alcohol. GET YOUR OWN!”
-Any DFOer to a non-DFOer
Go C-HOX only because of Suicide Pools!
No Al, that ain’t Eddie…unless he lost a whole himself.
Sorry for the Leda joke.
I still haven’t finished Orphan Black. Leda jokes are allowed in my house.
“So…what do you plan to do with this orphan when you’re done with him?”
– Brad Childress
“Yeah, even if he’s black, I’ll still mentor him.”
– Jerry Sandusky
Pictured: Not Jimmy Graham.
How great would it be if we had a real-life Escape from New York scenario involving Trump, but instead of getting rescued by Snake Plissken. A coalition of fat, racist Neckbeards try to rescue him, and fail hilariously.
I would write that.
Old School Zero would option that script in a heartbeat.
Same here. In keeping with horrible right-wing stroke fiction about killing liberals and brown people, each has to be described as “a bear of a man,” but end up being entirely worthless and incompetent because the “bear” they are is the panda – a fat, lazy, stupid animal incapable of breeding without tremendous effort by people who should know by now that Mother Nature wants them all dead.
“But, dude, I totally know what to do, I play COD, and Halo, and Battleground, and…”
/stops, takes pull off inhaler, gulps down Mountain Dew
-Neckbeard, mom’s basement
The first time they try to use their mall katana it shatters into a million pieces because they are worthless for actual combat.
You know they would ignore the guy named Brain. Too Science-y.
*RIP HD Stanton*
I would absolutely pull a Pee Wee Herman in that movie
Jerk off in the theater?
No, he said “pull” a Pee Wee Herman. Meaning he’d give him a handy.
Y’all all still think Apple’s Earpods look stupid, or is it just me?
It’s not just you.
Do we have a pool with how old Vinatieri’ll be when he retires? I’m gonna say 47.
George Blanda kicked until he was 48, and that was probably on a regular regimen of cigarettes and whiskey.
Trick question: he wants to die on the field, so 85,
‘Bout fucking time.
JG’s looking like a better pilot than receiver.
All these players taking a knee for the injured player, such disrespect, they should be fired and deported.
“Those son of a bitches”
Send ’em to some godforsaken foreign country like Puerto Rico!
Puerto Rico. Full of lazy, no-bill-payin’, delinquent brown people.
KICK THE FG NOW!!!!!!
One handed Charmception
Charmslingerception!
Jimmy Graham is a pilot? But I thought he played basketball!
“That’s where she left it, probably unlocked, too.”
-Steve Trevor
Everything seemed fine until landing.
You all missed the joke. F-117? Stealth and shit…
Winner.
I remember when Thurman Munson flew into work. Might want to hire a pilot there Jimmy.
“Still too soon.” -Padre Weaselo
Wait, wasn’t he the lead singer of Sonic Youth?
Yes. Yes he was.
My son just asked me to send him this book.
https://www.brainpickings.org/2011/01/19/edward-gorey-the-gashlycrumb-tinies/
This is what happens when you raise your kids by doing shit like putting red balloons in their rooms after they go see movies like ‘It’. You just keep that in mind WCS.
/Poor, poor Basil
Art style reminds me of this classic
http://pbfcomics.com/comics/the-throbblefoot-aquarium/
Same guy, Edward Gorey. One of my favorites. Hilariously dark shit.
/See banner pic
“I wasted my time on him?” — Cancer
Cancer wins: Friendship. Friendship!? Again!?
Jacoby Brisset is smoking these birds.
Please Fat Humps score on this drive.
This was near the Bob Seger song I posted and I can’t see it and not post it. Kate Pierson’s (yeah, I porbbaly spelled her name wrong. Piss off), voice is fucking amazing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFE-jNeFRKQ
That Pepsi commercial makes me happy for Rob Corddry that he’s got a (probably) well-paying gig, but it makes me sad for him that he’s shilling for Pepsi in a shitty ad.
He’s got a supporting role on football Entourage on HBO.
Oh. I’ve never watched that one. Any good?
Don’t know. Haven’t seen it either. I don’t really have any interest.
Seems a little too faux-testosterone-y for me. Hence the “football Entourage” nickname you so astutely gave it. I’ve got too many other shows, and Tits n’ Drag–err, Game of Thrones is enough for me.
Same
No.
Go TEAM!
Yamamoto’s hideaway?
Nice!
Mitsubishi G4Ma Hamaki, Salomon Islands.
Not gonna lie. I really thought this was a production photo of Endor from Star Wars.
Same
HA! Now that you mention it.
Death in the jungle is probably the same on any planet.
I did too. Like a shot-down Y-wing or something.
Glad to know I’m not the only one.
Didn’t Yamamoto get shot down into the ocean?
/misses the joke entirely
Yes, but a great joke, since he dated Amelia Earhart.
I’m not watching tonight but based on my limited sample size….is jacoby brisset actually pretty damn good? Or am I being charmed by black-Osweiler?
We liked him in Raleigh.
I’m still unsold re: NFL, but he’s doing better than I expected, even as a journeyman so far.
Yeah man, I just like him. He comes off as a more competent Bridgewater (though maybe I’m not giving teddy enough credit). No Manning, No Vick — but a nice little piece who might surprise sometimes like a Mcnabb or a Cam or a Wilson. Seems to have a good head on his shoulders and like, I think people overestimate Luck (at least behind that line), jacoby runs every game like a starter.
I don’t think Indy is his to take but I think he’s ready for his own franchise soon. I mean, fuck, we gave jameis Winston one.
Maybe the jets in ’20 after they’re a couple years into the rebuild.
He’s improved every game…. Brock did not.
Derek Carr is so fired up for the Chiefs game in a few weeks that he’s pissing red.
The badness of SEA this year as the offense just FUCKING STALLS OUT, the 49ers are every bit as terrible advertised, and the fact that RAMMIT is a two-toned, owned by THE WORST, playing in a borrowed stadium in a market that doesn’t care about them, perrineal underachiever…
Fuck. Has me thinking ARI might be hosting a wildcard game the January.
Yeesh. It’s gonna be as bad as whoever wins the AFC South.*
*Unabashed Texans fan. I’m well aware of my team’s division.
No way. Texans are a legit playoff team. ARI, in any other division, ties for 4th.
As a lifelong Houston sports fan, it’s tough not to feel like something awful’s just around the corner. No way the Astros make it to the World Series. They’ll lose in game 7 of the ALCS in heartbreaking fashion.
I hear you. Ari is very much the same (except our Game 7 after 9-11 to beat NYY was one).
That was freaking amazing.
When Gonzalez tweaked that ball I didn’t think it had enough to be honest.
Yes I was there for that one live and in colour. Well, maybe not technically bcuz I’m white, but you know what I mean.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNt3UuDTBz8
Perineal massage is important for a healthy prostate.
Listened to the first half of Clots v Hoxx from the Fat Humps home announcers – I was surprised by the lack of gravy and diabeetus supply commercials during the time outs.
Because they all already have their people in place.
Were you able to make out any of the commentary over chewing and lip-smacking sounds?
I actually could, though there were some words lost as jars and cans clanked together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WoaCkA_OuM
We all know everyone else’s taste in music sucks around here, so in the name of peacekeeping:
I think we can all agree that Bob Seger was involved in some sort of Black Ops Gen Eng experiment in which he was cloned or partially cloned to create Jonathan Frakes:
I can’t even tell which is which!
I wonder if they both banged Counselor Troi.
You just gave me an idea for a sitcom about a former Dallas Cowboys quarterback who becomes a guidance counselor and gives TERRIBLE advice.
I’d probably watch that if I was drunk enough.
Counselor Troi gaves me grate advice! Without him I wouldn’t never have gradumatated to the Hall of Famous!
-Smiff, E.
I’M SEEIN’ DOUBLE: FOUR BOB SEGERS
He’s so good in American Gods. American Gods is also so, so good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sEzRWhxHOc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFRVegQZ_r0
If Russell ends up winning this game tonight, maybe Ciara’ll let him use the back door as a reward.
I hope so. Then we can make fun of the pre-written poetry he posts on Twitter about it.
Was that a Sean Taylor joke? Still too soon, man.
No, it was an anal sex joke. A poor one admittedly.
Both stabbings?
That closeted Giants fan would be better off coming out to his brothers as a flaming homosexual.
Holy shit. Was Cam wearing bingo chip glasses?
He really is living up to his Twitter rep as a Batman villain.
Pumpkin Spiceotope @BuckyIsotope 6m6 minutes ago
More
WCW: I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
ME: dude you are a terrible roommate
Say OJ had a son who was just as good, if not greater than him, at Football as a running back.
Everything still happens, the murders, the trial, the robbery…
Would any of the top colleges recruit OJ Jr.? Would USC? Would OJ be allowed to attend the games? Would an NFL team draft him? Would OJ be allowed to attend the NFL games?
Yes. Yes. No. Hell yes. No
Does the NFL have a legal right to keep him away?
Not trying to argue, I’m honestly curious.
Most venues I’ve gone to that require a ticket, (like your Mom’s house! Bazinga!), usually have some language about management reserving the right to keep people out. As long as it’s for non-bias (race, religion, etc.), they probably could keep him out.
My answer was more that you;d never see him in the owner’s box or on the sideline.
/wonders why they never keep me out
//goes to make sure Horatio isn’t banging my mom again
Glad you edited that.
hehehehe….
It truly was a mistake. I realized….hey, that doesn’t sound like what I meant.
LMFAO
He’d be in somebody’s box. The Old Site might’ve gotten a whole other name, in fact.
Would the kids call him OJu?
USC would’ve recruited him without a second’s hesitation. OJ went to USC games and field training sessions all the time after the trial. And, yes, because somehow the NFL is even more craven and willing to overlook off-field “issues” than goddamn USC. As for allowing OJ into the stadiums, I mean … They let in Boltman, Seahulk, Fireman Ed, and Raiders and Niners fans.
“Holy shit, jet fuel really CAN melt steel!”
Conflicted.
Not using Scruggs technique. 9/10 will teach.
Yeah….teach.
Playing the banjo won’t be the only thing she’s faking when she goes out with me!
Me too. She needs to wash her goddamn feet.
Rex?
Whoops!
http://smg.photobucket.com/component/Download-File?file=%2Falbums%2Fv74%2FNickasinsaltlick%2Fpowerglove.jpg
ProActive DOES work!
Well. Fucking. Done.
Random halftime question: anybody use a dash cam in their car? Driving in Houston sucks and I’m considering getting one.
It works for the Russians.
True. I asked a gearhead friend of mine about that and he said Russians are notably the WORST drivers and driving laws are really lax over there, so it’s kind of a must-have.
I have a camera crew follow me in a van. My lighting guys drive in front of me in a pickup.
The Cops TV show cameras don’t count.
Free Candy.
How exactly will a dash cam solve that problem?
It won’t solve other drivers. But if some dumbfuck cuts me off and slams on his brakes, it’d be nice to be able to have video proof.
Yeah, but it’d also catch you braining the guy with a tire iron.
I prefer my old little league bat. Heavy enough to do some damage, light enough to swing fast.
He had it coming, your honor!
But what kind of gun do you carry as a backup piece?
Oh yeah. We’re all getting eliminated.
“E-C-Dub! E-C-Dub!”
Too bad; I could have used that imaginary money.
Blair Walsh missed, it’s not like he has a history of doing this sort of thing I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Keep using him.
The Illuminati pushed that kick to the right and Pete Carroll is gonna spend all half time diagramming exactly how they did.
Pete is consulting with quality control coach Alex Jones during halftime.