The 2-2 New England squadron suffered its second home loss of the season last week when Cam decided that a.) his shoulder wasn’t that bad after all and b.) perhaps he should pad his stat sheet a bit. Tampa squirted out a last-second victory over the hapless Giants on their home field. What delights will the onset of the NFL’s fifth week of play bring? In order to find out we must go… TO THE GAME!!!
Pats/Bucs: Doug “I’ve Got Two Goddamn First Names” Martin has served the longest 4-game suspension in NFL history if you mark time by the calendar and really, who doesn’t? The general take out there in Intranet Land is that he’ll be eased back into play but that fella has hella fresh legs you know. Muscle Hamster is in but starting lb’s Lavonte David and Kwon “KWONNNNNNNNN” Alexander are out as well as starting safety Keith Tandy. The thing is, all the Bucs have to do to increase their possibility of winning by 74.3287% (your math may vary) is to score 30 or more points. Teams that accomplish that feat are 29-12 against the Pats. If the sheep, er, Pats look up (I’m a sucker for a low-hanging John Brunner joke) they’ll see the mighty Buffalo Bills atop the AFC East at 3-1. Perhaps the blood-dimmed tide has been loosened but it’s more likely that things will fall apart for the Bills and their center will get called for holding. Any English Lit. majors out there? Anyone? Anyone? That’s what I thought.
Ready? Set? Type!
“HAHA Look at that lineman standing there confused after taking a head shot and his helmet went flying”
Hello. Pleased to meet you. I’ll be in your nightmares from now on. 🙂
I’ll be commenting extra to push this shit to the 2nd page
“9/10. Would do again”
– Andy Reid
Phsss…bitch please…I’ve lived in Japan…
Octo would be overcooked; would no eat.
I had the same problem once. I was at the beach and slipped…I swear!
Coq du Pus coming up.
“Oh I been there, believe me!” – Rob G., Foxboro, MA
There’s no way those have the same cook time. That octopus is gonna be overdone and rubbery as all hell
Weenie, afraid of a little botulism from undercooked chicken? Kids these days…
This….. sounds….. somehow….. familiar…..
Sometimes we just know…despite our dreams…rapists fuck young girls. Againgst their will. Aww.
Cam Newton apology at halftime? I’d rather see a fucking marching band
You know what is funny to me…how people still get amp’d up and freaked out over something that a player says during the post game press conference.
I know I am smarter than Cam Newton. I mean does he even have a degree? I can’t throw a football, run for shit, or take even a unpadded practice without pads, but I could memorize the playbook. I don’t think Cam could pull off an engineering degree and career.
I sure as shit could not handle a post game conference.
The first time some asshole reporter asked me a dumb question, I would end up going off on a career killing rant that would end with 20 minutes of uncomfortable silence.
How funny would it be if he had a communications degree?
He’s working on his master’s in women and gender studies.
or smell the actual Tampa Bay
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Well…no fucking sleep for me tonight…
eh, I’ve been ready to die for quite some time
As long as I’m square in the middle of ground zero. Fuck that prepper shit.
yup, I live in a high tech area within 10 miles of a major nuclear power plant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrONIb9gQ-k
The best part is his goldfish-like stupidity ensure he’s already forgotten that he said that leaving those us with functioning brains to quiver in terror!
See Trump is making the White House his own.
I think he’s going to conduct a bombing campaign on Puerto Rico. “I’ll give you Island Mexicans something to whine about.”
Oddly enough, we’ve been bombing that island for decades.
That’s called “practice.” Kinda like the Northern Watch campaign over Iraq in the 90s. I used to see F-15s and Tornados take off from Incirlik AB with full bomb loads at 7AM and be back before noon with clean wings and fuselages. They were ready to go in March 2003.
I’m glad I’m too old to get drafted and all my friends survived their tours. Seriously fuck that guy.
THIS PRESIDENT, I CALL HIM BOZO THE FUCKING CLOWN BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING CLOWN
Some of the conservatives at my bar were planning a group trip to see “It”. They asked if I’d like to join them, but I told them if I wanted to be terrified by an insane clown, I’d just read the daily headlines and save the 12 bucks.
See what?
/sorry.
Nice edit.
I wouldn’t trust Trump to get my order right at Wendy’s let alone bring me back my change.
It’s just gonna rain tomorrow when he was planning to golf
Ook?
Better or worse than current Bucs unis?
Not gonna lie…the nipple tassels are doing something for me…
More of a romper man myself.
I dig it
A sampling of my coaching this evening: “Hey you assholes SHUT UP NOW!” They’re 14 under, so I’m thinking it was inspiring to the little trouser snakes.
That smell is as follows:
– Chili dog
-Cherry flavored Chapstick
– Old milk
– Christy Canyon’s snatch after three hours of filming
Sadly I’m ok with Ms. Canyon.
My old man was an assistant coach on my little league team and people still talk about the time he yelled at our left fielder from the dugout to “GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR ASS!”
It was a different time.
just think of him as an ahead of his time virtue signaler ,, smgdh
Change head to hand and it’s a whole different thing
WOO REDUX!!!!
HOW IN THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK YOU DOING BOYS????????????????????
Fozz!!!
This Muscle hamster is chewing the Patriots’ balls off.
Whoa…that was a hella throw by Finley.
Holy shit.
Shit, he stepped out.
If that’s the only view they had, that’s a shitty reversal.
I think he probably stepped out, but can’t tell.
Irrefutable now has a new definition in the NCAA. Oh no…wait, that’s not new.
Weapons and/or Duck Food at my disposal?
Weaponized duck food.
Do I have a bump stock handy?
Only if you promise not to use it to kill people… Oh ok, just take it anyway.
Orville Update: “I finally chuckled at a joke or two. At this rate, I may crack a smile by Season 4.”
Redshirt’s heart grew three sizes that day, he later went into cardiac arrest and died on that same day.
Won’t have to worry about that.
I think that deserves a fisting, Hippo.
Wait…..
Fisting a hippo, eh? Tell me more (but only if that’s legal in your state).
“A Communist is anyone who believes in the Russian system of government, whereby those who govern own everything and control all the activities of all the people.”
Hmmm……
O we gon drank? WE GON DRANK.
Porky!!!! Great to see you. How are you?
He’s a Pig!! How do you think he is!?
Desperate for a nice slow braising.
Good to see you (type here anyway).
Oh my ME! How the FUCK you be?!
Sir, and I’m pretty sure I speak for ALL HERE BE!
WHY HAVEN’T YOU BEEN HERE, No, Thats Wrong. Even I Can See.
It
Carlos Santana is still playing for the baseball Indians? Did anyone even bother to ask if Rob Thomas is OK with this?
If Dave was still alive this would never have happened.
So how long before “pirate” becomes an offensive reference?
Same time Straw Man does.
The Boston Tea Party was basically an act of piracy, lending some historical line blurring to this matchup
https://youtube.com/watch?v=qTvhTRGovFA
I was watching the Yankees-Cleveland game. I thought they were gonna be competitive against them (maybe take it to 5 games), but if this game is any indication, it looks like the baseball [*Redacted] s are going to push the Yankees’ shit in for three straight games, so football it is.
Awesome!
-A. Rodgers
*ahem*
Dez and zeke fuck children
…as long as we’re making stupid jokes
And my dreamboat sailed on a second set of tanks and all I ever wanted to be…
Even the dog?
No grounding?
Were you shocked?
/sorry
But I thought you told everybody smgdh
Happy I made it in time to catch this football game
Gerald McCoy in skin-tight red pants?
#notmynfl
Finley WOO!!!!!
Fuck yeah!!!!!
Have to admit, seeing Bruce Wayne playing the public role as a teenage rich brat was kind of fun to see.
Seeing Brady get sacked restores my faith in humanity.
…and she cannot lie.
Oh big dumb sex animal. Is ok. Axe bodyspray will survive.
Sequel That You’d Most Like To See-
I’m going with “Debbie Does Ottumwa, Iowa”.
Debbie Mounts Horeb. A Must are sequel.
Goddamnit go Google dumb dumbs! Mt Horeb, Wisconsin.
Gurley: “It’s gonna be a physical game.” Aren’t all the games physical?
When Camus played Kierkegaard it got pretty metaphysical.
Does it matter at all?
F. Nietzsche
When they do these shots of “things too do in Tampa”, how come they don’t show the Mons Venus?
Had it really gone downhill?
I wonder if an audiobook of Hemingway would work instead of commentary?
if Pheeeeel narrated (old-times’ sake)
I’ve just written a chapter…
Warren Sapp was just triggered by that FedEx commercial featuring a Bill showing up to collect things.
These aren’t the worst uniforms we’ve seen…but they’re not good. Just seem kinda wrong for handegg.
the WORST are on display in the JV fixture
I would rather watch JV commercials than hear Nantz eat out Brady’s ass.
Less slurp, certainly.
The reason I drafted Brady first is so every week I could either be happy because he killed it in FF…or being happy that he sucked.
this is right and good
Man, that was a smart, ballsy throw. (JV, to clarify)
I wish it had been a complete throw.
Motherfucker stumbled for 40 yards before stopping right on that cheerleader’s hips.
I WASN’T STUMBLING!!!!!!
Nice ass-grab on the cheerleader there, Simms.
Bao are delicious. I need to figure out how to make these at home. Or Sunday gravy suggestion?
GOAT-ception!
Hey folks. Too bad I’ve got hockey tonight.
*sees pick*
Ok, maybe it’s a good thing I have hockey tonight.
Fucking fruit flies are back. I hate those little bastards.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
I approve of your membership. But why you want to be here is beyond me.
Hey, I’m 58 years old. Masturbation has lost it’s charm.
I’m only a few years behind you, and I find that disconcerting.
Seriously! Is there no solution?! Aside from gas. You Hitler lovers.
I’ll take ’em over mosquitoes.