The 2-2 New England squadron suffered its second home loss of the season last week when Cam decided that a.) his shoulder wasn’t that bad after all and b.) perhaps he should pad his stat sheet a bit. Tampa squirted out a last-second victory over the hapless Giants on their home field. What delights will the onset of the NFL’s fifth week of play bring? In order to find out we must go… TO THE GAME!!!
Pats/Bucs: Doug “I’ve Got Two Goddamn First Names” Martin has served the longest 4-game suspension in NFL history if you mark time by the calendar and really, who doesn’t? The general take out there in Intranet Land is that he’ll be eased back into play but that fella has hella fresh legs you know. Muscle Hamster is in but starting lb’s Lavonte David and Kwon “KWONNNNNNNNN” Alexander are out as well as starting safety Keith Tandy. The thing is, all the Bucs have to do to increase their possibility of winning by 74.3287% (your math may vary) is to score 30 or more points. Teams that accomplish that feat are 29-12 against the Pats. If the sheep, er, Pats look up (I’m a sucker for a low-hanging John Brunner joke) they’ll see the mighty Buffalo Bills atop the AFC East at 3-1. Perhaps the blood-dimmed tide has been loosened but it’s more likely that things will fall apart for the Bills and their center will get called for holding. Any English Lit. majors out there? Anyone? Anyone? That’s what I thought.
Ready? Set? Type!
Holy hell. That was an ugly hockey match.
Well fuck….that didn’t take very long.
(yes make your little jokes)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Oh, I see my HTML tag didn’t take, rendering my already-dumb joke even dumber.
My punchline was perfect tho.
Go back and look at 25 Questions feature from about a month ago.
Ballsofsteelandfury should be happy for the plug.
To get away from the Chicken Fucker.
Just ask around.
THANK YOU!
Why do you always have to ask the chicken’s motives? This never happens to duck.
That’s because we always know what the duck’s up to.
Duck sex is messed up, man. Those li’l fuckers would be doing hard time if they were human.
True story: one time in Hermann Park (Houston), I saw two ducks trying to rape and then drown another duck. Ducks are assholes, man.
I really would love if the Hawks hung 11 on Pittsburgh.
So, at least Conan’ll be okay. My teacher throughout HS’s on. It will be… interesting.
Oi. Fuck you. Wouldn’t let me edit. 🙁
Okay, all done. G’night, folks.
Oh, before I forget, shameless plug: I finally wrote something! It posts tomorrow afternoon. Do tune in!
Of course she’s a fucking Boston fan
I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going
I’m gonna go ahead and guess Nick Folk’s going to be unemployed in about half an hour.
New work schedule: Every day off.
You know, the Bucs should have drafted a kicker!
So I’m guessing the Bucs are going to both lost this game AND get me in trouble with my wife.
See, you’ve just gotta cheat physically, not emotionally.
That is… um… that’s what my friend told me.
[scours old KSK mailbags to try to figure out which letter was Anthony’s]
It was the one about moving in with an ex-girlfriend as “just friends,” then it all completely falling apart. SHOCKER, I know.
Let me know which of my “:how do I get anal?” letters you liked best
The 7th one was heartfelt.
Yeah, that always works.
Chicago stop they already ded
Okay, I’m back! I had to fix my aunt’s shitty computer. Didja miss me?
Jeezus, you’re all still here?
Sticking floppy drive?
If that’s what the kids are calling it these days, then yeah.
Can we agree that Romo is the best coloUr guy?
Get the fuck outta here with that hippie Canadian nonsense, Large Farva.
Collinswerf and Gruden make me rage. I am an Iggles fan and I like Romo. Better than Pheeeel
ANYTHING is better than Pheeeel. Hell, Limbaugh was better than Pheeeel.*
*No. No, he wasn’t.
Michael Neuvirth with an early contender for save of the year. This is gonna be another 10 win then 10 losses kind of season, isn’t it?
I really hate how Twitter handles gifs.
https://video.twimg.com/tweet_video/DLbFBTbXcAE3jbt.mp4
If Tampa doesn’t score on this drive I’m gonna go watch Lost Girl, aka the Cleavage Show.
Passing up a 54 yard FG attempt when I’ve got Gostkowski on my FF squad of shit?
Man, fuck Belichek!
It’s because you have Gostkowski!
I wasn’t gonna say anything…bcuz he’s kicking my ass now (thanks to Tawmmy and Mike Evans both)….but yeah.
Getting closer (giggity)….
Since he Good Doctor had a positive launch, I think I’ll pitch a series about a CPA with Tourettes.
“I don’t normally recommend annuities shit shit fuck COOOOOOOOOCCCCKK!!!!!!!”
Evening, lizard people.
/Sees Yanks down 4-0
//Sees the Ice Giants lost TO COLORADO. AT HOME. IN THE OPENER.
Well fuck, where’s all the alcohol that’s ever existed?
All those things sound good to me.
Holy shit, David Ortiz, A-rod and Keith Fucking Hernandez in one room. That’s more douche than a VD ward in Saigon!
Ah, Dillon Betances; the universal symbol of the Yankees giving up.
Fuck him.
He is cute, but not really my type.
Just throw your balls at his head then.
He’s certainly gonna throw a few towards you, but don’t worry; as long as he’s aiming at you you’re perfectly safe.
James McCann would like to have a word with you about your definition of “towards”. LMFAO
OK, that’s pretty good.
Next week, on “Wisdom of the Crowd”:
“I don’t quite understand it, but a lot of our users are pointing us toward some sort of frog.”
Next week on “Wisdom of the Crowd.”
Everyone anonymously blames the Muslim-looking man even though he’s Sikh.
There we go.
“Someone run an analysis on the term, ‘cuck.’ A lot of those same users with the frog keep referring to us as that.”
“They’re saying the goat is a witness!”
“The goat?”
“Yup, 87% of people are certain that the goat saw something.”
But did you see how that goat was dressed?
Stupid sexy goat.
Let’s check in on the Ice Stillers-Bears score….
HEAR LEMME HALP
Touchdown and two-point conversion, and this thing’s tied. No sweat.
It’s gonna be one of those games where Pens come back and tie and then give up 3 at the end of the game for no reason. They’re good for a few of those a year.
Imagining that much Chelsea Dagger playing actually makes me angry.
I have a keen hatred for the song following 2010.
Caps won in a SO.
(just trynna help)
Wow its worse than Ice Argos-Bombers last night.
I’d imagine that it’s bad karma that I was thinking “tell me he’s hurt, tell me he’s hurt” when Brady was laying on the ground there but Carr is already injured so I’m gonna do it anyway.
ah, if he’s hurt we can’t see him get sacked a bunch more times.
Well this is just a shit sandwich. Walked home after 1st q.
I just flipped over the Yankees debacle in Cleveland. Have we made the obligatory “Oh, the Patriots are all in white with their faces covered” jokes yet?
So, yes?
No but you did, so we are complete.
Wow. back-to-back Flyera. Sadly back-to-back Flyera at 10:30 fucking pm. This is the last national game for them for the next 3 weeks, though. Is it worth getting NHL gamecenter? I always promised myself I’d get it when I could afford it, but now I don’t want to pay for it. Damn these moral quandaries.
Well, maybe I’ll check out the football… OH DEAR SWEET LORD WHAT ARE THOSE UNIFORMS?
I bet Lamar Jackson rapes puppies.
Nice Yeats reference there Mr. Smartypants.
Hippo and Seamus rn
Not yet. Too much time left and we’ve left too many pts on the field.
I’ve seen this movie before.
I think you’re good. Louisville’s still a Pitino school; if they don’t finish you in the first 15 second it’s probably not gonna come for them.
Are they Pats fans, or do they hate TB?
I think Hippo must’ve passed out, btw.
Anything that makes you root for the p*triots is just fucking pure evil, vile shit.
OOOOOH, they are watching THAT game.
So the official stream has a bigger delay than the bootleg stream I found on youtube. I don’t have a witty remark to go with this, I just thought you should know.
So did Peyton go to Recording Engineer school after he retired?
Tampa’s d is getting their dicks knocked in the dirt
YOu know what’s a good song? “She’s Tight’ by Cheap Trck
I concur.
You know what’s a better song?
Looks like Argentina has a good chance of not qualifying for the World Cup.
This is not good.
Well, at least they still have the Falklands…oh wait.
Yep, no NC State fan anywhere didn’t see that one coming.
smgdh
Hooooooly shit James Brown looks like he’s going to due soon.
NOOOOOOOO! Not another music legend! Too soon!
Hmmm…
Relevant XKCD?
If you’re dead you can’t regerte things ppl forget that.
I’m not sure that applies to the comic, unless there’s an unusually lethal strain of Mononucleosis going around.
Spoken like a guy who’s never kissed a succubus before smh
Brocky should have nothing to bitch about as he is playing me and i am awful
Bourble time!
So, help a brother out here; how is the game this close?
That is less than helpful, but still entertaining.
6/10, would probably not reblog
It has a lot to do with the score.
Thank you, John Madden. (See #14)
15. “Mark Brunell usually likes to soak his balls before a rainy game.”
#15 is correct.
Apparently the Cowboys never kick or punt according to #18.
I wouldn’t put it past Harvard Boy
THE LAST TIME I SAW A FLOP LIKE THAT I WAS WATCHING ISHTAR
This game was fun for little Jimmy until Bobby found his dad’s porn stash.
Later Gators, I’ll be in Nepal if you need me for anything
Nepal spelled backward is Lapen.
Safe Travels, Dok.
Dok in Nepal, China looking for the next Dalai Lama, coincidence?