Are we feeling a wee bit boozy/dizzy/pilly/queasy/silly yet? If you’re not you’ve got some work to do, my friend. There’s still a ton of the football left that you can use as an excuse to do what you will. Take advantage. Lock that kid in his room. Take off those damn pants. Open up that bag of (chocolate) chips. The living room is your oyster! TO THE GAMES!
Bal/Oak: What gives? Why does Derek Carr derive so much joy in derailing a promising Raiders season? Was he not molested enough as a child? Whatever went wrong, there’s something not right in that kid’s head (or back, whatever) Actually, he was limited in practice this week and was willing to give it a go but the Oakland braintrust rightfully put the kibosh on that notion. Enter E to the J Manuel. [sound of balloon losing air] How does an offense switch from a capable signal-caller to a proven turnover- and mistake-prone dude that hasn’t sniffed an NFL start since ’14? [pulls sofa closer to tv] Let’s watch. I’m saying the Ravens D rules the roost today.
Sea/LAR: When you go to Jared (Goff) you get over a thousand yards passing and a 7/1 TD/INT stat. Is he available in both my money leagues? Yes. [makes clickety-clicking noises at the ‘puter] No. He is not. If he plays well against the Seasquawkers he’ll be snapped up and you’ll have missed the Goff boat. Be like me and catch your fellow fantasy opponents napping. This is the latest installment in the series, “Scotchnaut advice that could potentially go very, very wrong for you”. I do it as a service.
GB/Dal: This here tilt is your feature. Let’s leer at it as though it was a nubile, semi-nude seventeen year old backstage at the Miss Universe pageant and we had orange hair. Yeah, we can do creepy too, Mr. President! I’d have loved to have Romo announce this game-much like the contestant above, he can be quite cheeky. As for the game, the Cowboys are the more balanced and talented team but their secondary seems vulnerable and that’s where a certain Mr. Rodgers likes to do him some damage.
Go get ’em, Kiddos!
Sparkle dat sparkle, Erin.
Have a cigarette, everybody!
Do you mind if I wipe up first?
Sure, go ahead, Didn’t mean to get it in your hair.
I know that was harsh, but teh funny outweighed it!
That was a lot closer that it needed to be. And when that Packers standing with a live ball, it would’ve been the Derp of the Century if the Cowboys got the TD.
Goddamn, that was a fun last play
So does Witten get hit with the TO there? I started him in FF tonight and that will NOT help me.
technically, DAL turned it over TWICE that last play.
“Blue Bunny for Everyone! Extra for ME!”
-Captain Blue Bunny
Even I have to laugh at that shit.
Jesus, for a second there I thought Elliott had it.
Agreed. I would’ve made an attempt to outrun the secondary there. He has the speed.
Looked like we might get a little three-man-weave action there for a moment…
Aaron rewards himself with that after a win.
Nice beard, Rodgers.
“Thanks!” Munn, O.
At least i have a family to speak with. Eat a hairy puissy Rodgers.
I mean, I’d make that trade in a heart beat
The green bay packers: more hateable than the cowboys since 1996
I’m not bitter at all
Naw. Their olinemen play Settlers of Cataan for fun! The Cowboys beat women! No comparison.
As opposed to the documented rise in wisconsin domestic violence following packers playoff losses?
That applies to 80% of nfl teams.
Gentlemen.
You can almost hear a racist say the “N” word in Dallas for no reason right now…
They was so close to TD right there.
What the fuck are the Packers’ secondary looking at? GET DEEP.
…
Fucking Packers. When Rogers retires you’re the new 49ers.
I know we get sick of the announcers wetting his knob, but damn Rodgers really is good.
Even as a Cowboys fan there is nothing I don’t like about that gif.
Future owner of the Dallas Cowboys.
He looks like the kind of person who’d sell the team for a couple of magic beans.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iqLhdInGrk
ONE TEAM DIVISION BAY BAY
I think I’ll start watching curling. Is there a good curling blog anywhere?
http://www.curling.org/
?
::Pube Joke::
Aaron Rodgers is better than Brady. Fahk you.
I’ll give you that one.
Yes.
Also has been injected slightly less illegal substances.
But probably more bodily substances.
No question. He has Mike McCarthy. Tahmmie has Satan and Grumblelord.
godDAYUM
ALL TEH PILLZ FOAR TEH HIPPO!!!
You know….this is fine. Fuck the Cowboys.
#takeaknee.
eat a dick, jerrah
I think i just came.
Holeee Shit!!!!!!!!!
I’m waiting for Rodgers to retreat 50 yards, to make it a true Hail Mary.
Just like a white guy to quit when the going gets tough, eh Nelson?
loooooooooooooolboys
Wow. Rodgers doesn’t mess around.
Wasn’t a pretty run, but it got the job done.
That’s what Olivia Munn told me.
…
I’m pissed now shanklor, I got to you, I stick up for you. If you don’t help me now, I say fuck you shanklor, I do it myself
Shanklor, and his big brother BLEERGH, will remember this act of Sacrilege.
I love how our media (The Weinstein Company) equates a team turnaround resulting in the lazy guy getting tough, the weak guy getting strong, the asshole becoming a team player, and the foreigner….disavowing his religion for the good of the team.
U-S-A! U-S-A!
“Coming up next, The OT presented by Lowes”
No Spoilers, Fox!
WHOOOOOO Rodgers just got CLOCKED
This Cowboys D is just…not good.
Brilliant Mike McCarthey call.
-Banner
Good time to soften up the secondary there you morons.
Oh yeah. Packers are winning.
Hey Rodgers, Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper are calling for you. RIGHT NOW
set up for another monster hail mary by Rodgers
Gonna be tough to throw a Hail Mary from the 5.
Doesn’t matter how easy it is, they’ll find a way to say it’s impressive because Rodgers did it
here comes the Bullshit PI call
It’d have been funny if he fucked up at the end, but that was an impressive stiff-arm and juke against the defender.
https://streamable.com/ybewt
Rodgers has enough time to score 14 here
That was a hell of a disguised run. I was about to start screaming at Dak for holding the hand-off too long, then I noticed he was running for a TD
Dammit Witten, don’t spike DAK!
Oi. You’re a shit football team from a shit town.
Could you be a bit more specific?
That’s A LOT of time for Rodgers
Yeah, but like they just said they had to take that. D has to step up.
So, yeah. Packers win, packers win etc.
Prescott attribute the comeback to the probiotics in his Dannon yogurt.