Your Sunday Morning/Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Yeah, I might as well acknowledge you folks out west for once. But only just this once! These football-specific threads are always good for several hundred comments but I must tell you, the Saturday JV football/Footy thread is coming along quite nicely. Yesterday was hilarious on many fronts. All Hail King Hippo! and his gracious hosting-ness. Seriously, if you find yourself doing not much more than scratching your balls, you should have a look-see. As for today we must, as always, go… TO THE GAMES!

SF/Was: The Neeners are looking for the upset on the road that isn’t going to happen. Perchance they can take advantage of Dacteds cb Norman not being available. Just kidding-that would require competent play from one Bobby Hoying. That guy on the end of my fantasy bench gets his first call. Rook rb Perine will get the majority of the carries with Kelley out.

Chi/Bal: The Truth Biscuit era begins its second week. Those that dare to watch can tell their bored-to-death grandkids that they were there. I’ve a notion that the Ravens D will be dialing up more than a few looks that will confuse the youngster. Bally ftw.

Cle/Hou: (“They don’t pay me enough to do some of these game intros!”) Guh. Where are we? Right. This could have been a battle of  the “How To Spell Your Qb’s First Name” but Kevin Hogan had to stick his nose in and ruin everything. HC Jackson, in his finite wisdom has decided that benching rook Kizer gives his team the best opportunity to ‘win’.

Mia/Atl: The Falcons have a shot at putting a bit of distance between themselves and Carolina in the NFC South today after booting their game vs. the Bills last week. That high-powered offense you keep reading about has only scored 15 more points than the D has given up. Miami? The most they’ve scored in a game this year is a measly 20.

Det/NO: The Saints have settled quite nicely into their inevitable 8-8 season by going 2-2 so far. You know the old saw-“You win some, you lose some, on alternating weeks for the duration of the season”. Puffy McStuffingface has actually thrown for one more TD (11) than the sentient robot arm that belongs to Drew Brees.

GB/Min: What is Aaron Rodgers going to do this week? I’ve no idea but I think the Packers are my new favourite one-man team.

NE/NYJ: The Jets are battling for first place six weeks into the season?! (“Try to use your words, scotchy”) I…this…NO!… (“Goddamnit!”) A certain Pats wr by the name of Chris Hogan has already surpassed his previous season-high for TD’s. He’s got 5 after just five games.

That’s all he wrote. Get crackin’, boys!

 

 

 

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Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

HOGANNNN!!!

Senor Weaselo

We now take you to our regularly scheduled Jets-P*ts game.

Spur

If the 49ers could score some points today that would be nice.

Petronel

Baby steps…

Doktor Zymm

No no no, all points to the dc d

Redshirt

Braxton Miller scored a touchdown?
Braxton Miller caught a pass?!
Braxton Miller is still playing?!?!

King Hippo

and FUCK, Minny done benched McKinnon

Brocky

My projected fantasy score is plummeting by the second. Apparently every second the falcons aren’t ahead by 30 points means a negative score for the team collectively

King Hippo

damn it, I needed Desahaun in the end zone

Dick E. Phuck

I haven’t seen a Cohen with a throw that long since the Rebbe at my childhood shul threw his Cheeseburger out the window before of his students walked in to his office.

Petronel

OK, that helped a little bit

Petronel

Ah well. Review giveth and review taketh away

Petronel

I think we might get to keep this one though

Redshirt

So who does Hue put in for the 2nd half? Kosar? Sipe?

JustStopDude

A ravens receiver was basically just murdered on the field and because the contact was not to the head but juuuuuuuuuust slightly at the base of the skull, its kosher.

Its getting really hard to watch this sport…we are watching men get crippled for our entertainment.

Sharkbait

The college targeting rule needs to be in the NFL. Plus it will piss off the mouth breathers who think old school, violent, play with a concussion football needs to come back

Redshirt

Agreed in part. As long as the refs won’t be afraid to overturn if its not intentional.

Shogun Marcus

Yes because the league that can’t determine what a catch is will CLEARLY have a definite handle on what targeting is!

The Maestro

Man, who knew Cohen could run, catch, pass, AND sing?? Amazing!!

King Hippo

That 1970s folk versatility shining through!

Col. Duke LaCross

Trickeration!

King Hippo

He touched Zach Miller’s body with his mind!

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

Wtf is with the delayed comments?

King Hippo

Leonard Cohen threw a TD!!

Col. Duke LaCross

Hallelujah!

Smithchez

Patriots sucking? The REFS WILL NOT ALLOW THIS

The Maestro

Not even upset about PI flags extending this drive. I’ll take it.

The Maestro

DION LEWIS WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Doktor Zymm

Why is it called the mile high club? Any flight long enough to join has a much higher cruising altitude

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know, that wasn’t PI in the end zone. Can you challenge the spot of the spot foul?

King Hippo

No TD passes to not-Gronk PLEASE

Doktor Zymm

My halfaworldaway lineup setting skills are adequate, but I did still slightly fuck up, meant to start snead instead of cobb. Oh well

Dick E. Phuck

Titties might be getting kissed this afternoon in Baltimore.

King Hippo

appreciate Davante Adams not getting shut out!

Doktor Zymm

I’m very impressed by state of awakeness and state of still drinkingness. Nfl is difficult in asia.

Doktor Zymm

The scenario : the Jets lead by two scores at the half
The outcome : Pats win in OT
(Probably)

Smithchez

Sounds about right.

Senor Weaselo

No, no. This game won’t go to OT for the Pats to come back, they’re starting it now.

Spur

Another dead Texan.Great.

Dick E. Phuck

– Santa Ana

Smithchez

Bullshit no-calls for the Patriots help assure me that this is not in fact the upside down.

Redshirt

So are the Jets TPKing the rest of the Suicide pool?

litre_cola

Well, it looks like Grat forgot to pick. Balls and I have the Falcons, Jerbear has the redacteds and a bull sheehan has the imaginary team.

Redshirt

Okay. I just figured Pats-Jets screamed “easy pick”.

Spur

We all know the Pats will make this a game. Give it time.

Shogun Marcus

52 pick up? Candyland?

Redshirt

What’s that weird number in front of the Jets name?

Petronel

The number of people in the viewing audience who saw this coming?

Spur

The Jets = The Producers.

Dick E. Phuck

Stafford lost that football like it was a bowl of Quinoa.

Doktor Zymm

So, if the jets be winning this game, I expect we’ll have a Pats fan expose later this week?

Sharkbait

The Maestro and I will be busy in the Japanese suicide forest

The Maestro

I bought real estate there years ago thanks to the Ice REDBLACKS being a constant playoff disappointment.

Doktor Zymm

There are closer places you know, Jersey would be apropos

Sharkbait

I wouldn’t even kill myself in Jersey.

Doktor Zymm

Cmon, it might improve the smell!

The Maestro

Saints D did a… good? Again?

Gratliff

Go home, Fatty

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Big Piece of Fatty would be a good name for a fantasy team.

Redshirt

Hundley was just hit so hard, it killed a lineman!

Spur

Sam Darnold gets to be a Brown now.

King Hippo

A nice, low pressure environment for the re….special young man.

Senor Weaselo
Smithchez

“Brandin Cooks complaining”

He truly is a New England Patriot now.

King Hippo

NAWT FAY-UH!!!

Doktor Zymm

I only vaugely know what’s happening game-wise, but I also have four drinks in front of me, half of which are alcoholic and I just ate a lot of Kyo Kaiseki

Doktor Zymm

Say who now? Does he have heroes of some sort?

Redshirt

Pick-6?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh you’re playing Factory of Sadness bingo too?

Spur

Pats tackling
comment image

Redshirt

Maybe the Patriots are playing with the Jets? Like a larger animal plays with their food before they eat it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[frowns in disapproval]

– Andy Reid

comment image

The Maestro

I need to switch from alcohol to heroin for this game, apparently. Fuck you, Jets.

Gratliff

I didn’t realize they were playing the Seahawks

King Hippo

Heroin is always the way to go, padawan

Brocky

“its just absurd and utterly tasteless that rival fans would cheer Aaron Rodgers injury.” – Cheesehead McFatass, a local packers shareholder

List of injuries I’ve heard packers fans cheer:

Urlacher’s broken wrist

Tillman’s acl

Cutler’s concussion

Ponder’s elbow

Cutler’s acl

Teddy’s knee

Cutler’s broken thumb

AP’s torn all

Cutler’s torn groin muscle

The injuries that made Calvin Johnson retire.

Missed any?

Sharkbait

There isn’t enough liquor in this bar for what the Patriots defense is doing

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I’m not falling for this, Jets. I saw the Super Bowl.

Smithchez

I don’t….I…..don’t…………..understand

King Hippo

It’s the Jets’ world and we’uns all just livin’ in it.

King Hippo

McKinnon WOO!!

Spur

Yes, Vikings rub it in. Those assholes would and have done the same to you in past.

Brocky

Exactly

Senor Weaselo

Second touchdown… Jets?