Yeah, I might as well acknowledge you folks out west for once. But only just this once! These football-specific threads are always good for several hundred comments but I must tell you, the Saturday JV football/Footy thread is coming along quite nicely. Yesterday was hilarious on many fronts. All Hail King Hippo! and his gracious hosting-ness. Seriously, if you find yourself doing not much more than scratching your balls, you should have a look-see. As for today we must, as always, go… TO THE GAMES!
SF/Was: The Neeners are looking for the upset on the road that isn’t going to happen. Perchance they can take advantage of Dacteds cb Norman not being available. Just kidding-that would require competent play from one Bobby Hoying. That guy on the end of my fantasy bench gets his first call. Rook rb Perine will get the majority of the carries with Kelley out.
Chi/Bal: The Truth Biscuit era begins its second week. Those that dare to watch can tell their bored-to-death grandkids that they were there. I’ve a notion that the Ravens D will be dialing up more than a few looks that will confuse the youngster. Bally ftw.
Cle/Hou: (“They don’t pay me enough to do some of these game intros!”) Guh. Where are we? Right. This could have been a battle of the “How To Spell Your Qb’s First Name” but Kevin Hogan had to stick his nose in and ruin everything. HC Jackson, in his finite wisdom has decided that benching rook Kizer gives his team the best opportunity to ‘win’.
Mia/Atl: The Falcons have a shot at putting a bit of distance between themselves and Carolina in the NFC South today after booting their game vs. the Bills last week. That high-powered offense you keep reading about has only scored 15 more points than the D has given up. Miami? The most they’ve scored in a game this year is a measly 20.
Det/NO: The Saints have settled quite nicely into their inevitable 8-8 season by going 2-2 so far. You know the old saw-“You win some, you lose some, on alternating weeks for the duration of the season”. Puffy McStuffingface has actually thrown for one more TD (11) than the sentient robot arm that belongs to Drew Brees.
GB/Min: What is Aaron Rodgers going to do this week? I’ve no idea but I think the Packers are my new favourite one-man team.
NE/NYJ: The Jets are battling for first place six weeks into the season?! (“Try to use your words, scotchy”) I…this…NO!… (“Goddamnit!”) A certain Pats wr by the name of Chris Hogan has already surpassed his previous season-high for TD’s. He’s got 5 after just five games.
That’s all he wrote. Get crackin’, boys!
HOGANNNN!!!
We now take you to our regularly scheduled Jets-P*ts game.
If the 49ers could score some points today that would be nice.
Baby steps…
No no no, all points to the dc d
Braxton Miller scored a touchdown?
Braxton Miller caught a pass?!
Braxton Miller is still playing?!?!
and FUCK, Minny done benched McKinnon
My projected fantasy score is plummeting by the second. Apparently every second the falcons aren’t ahead by 30 points means a negative score for the team collectively
damn it, I needed Desahaun in the end zone
I haven’t seen a Cohen with a throw that long since the Rebbe at my childhood shul threw his Cheeseburger out the window before of his students walked in to his office.
OK, that helped a little bit
Ah well. Review giveth and review taketh away
I think we might get to keep this one though
So who does Hue put in for the 2nd half? Kosar? Sipe?
“I’m Brian Sipe. I can do this!”
-Bernie Kosar
A ravens receiver was basically just murdered on the field and because the contact was not to the head but juuuuuuuuuust slightly at the base of the skull, its kosher.
Its getting really hard to watch this sport…we are watching men get crippled for our entertainment.
The college targeting rule needs to be in the NFL. Plus it will piss off the mouth breathers who think old school, violent, play with a concussion football needs to come back
Agreed in part. As long as the refs won’t be afraid to overturn if its not intentional.
Yes because the league that can’t determine what a catch is will CLEARLY have a definite handle on what targeting is!
Man, who knew Cohen could run, catch, pass, AND sing?? Amazing!!
That 1970s folk versatility shining through!
Trickeration!
He touched Zach Miller’s body with his mind!
Wtf is with the delayed comments?
Leonard Cohen threw a TD!!
Hallelujah!
“Suzanne, I want you to go down by the river.”
Patriots sucking? The REFS WILL NOT ALLOW THIS
Not even upset about PI flags extending this drive. I’ll take it.
DION LEWIS WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Why is it called the mile high club? Any flight long enough to join has a much higher cruising altitude
I don’t know, that wasn’t PI in the end zone. Can you challenge the spot of the spot foul?
No TD passes to not-Gronk PLEASE
The Klink in your armour is my Hogan.
My halfaworldaway lineup setting skills are adequate, but I did still slightly fuck up, meant to start snead instead of cobb. Oh well
Titties might be getting kissed this afternoon in Baltimore.
appreciate Davante Adams not getting shut out!
I’m very impressed by state of awakeness and state of still drinkingness. Nfl is difficult in asia.
The scenario : the Jets lead by two scores at the half
The outcome : Pats win in OT
(Probably)
Sounds about right.
No, no. This game won’t go to OT for the Pats to come back, they’re starting it now.
Another dead Texan.Great.
– Santa Ana
Bullshit no-calls for the Patriots help assure me that this is not in fact the upside down.
So are the Jets TPKing the rest of the Suicide pool?
Well, it looks like Grat forgot to pick. Balls and I have the Falcons, Jerbear has the redacteds and a bull sheehan has the imaginary team.
Okay. I just figured Pats-Jets screamed “easy pick”.
We all know the Pats will make this a game. Give it time.
52 pick up? Candyland?
What’s that weird number in front of the Jets name?
The number of people in the viewing audience who saw this coming?
The Jets = The Producers.
Stafford lost that football like it was a bowl of Quinoa.
So, if the jets be winning this game, I expect we’ll have a Pats fan expose later this week?
The Maestro and I will be busy in the Japanese suicide forest
I bought real estate there years ago thanks to the Ice REDBLACKS being a constant playoff disappointment.
There are closer places you know, Jersey would be apropos
I wouldn’t even kill myself in Jersey.
Cmon, it might improve the smell!
Saints D did a… good? Again?
Go home, Fatty
Big Piece of Fatty would be a good name for a fantasy team.
Hundley was just hit so hard, it killed a lineman!
Sam Darnold gets to be a Brown now.
A nice, low pressure environment for the re….special young man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhXLixYYUQI
“Brandin Cooks complaining”
He truly is a New England Patriot now.
NAWT FAY-UH!!!
I only vaugely know what’s happening game-wise, but I also have four drinks in front of me, half of which are alcoholic and I just ate a lot of Kyo Kaiseki
[smiles contentedly]
-Kyo Kaiseki
Kevin Hogan just threw a touchdown!
Say who now? Does he have heroes of some sort?
He’s a hero to the other team-it was pick sixer.
Pick-6?
BINGO!
Oh you’re playing Factory of Sadness bingo too?
Pats tackling
Maybe the Patriots are playing with the Jets? Like a larger animal plays with their food before they eat it.
[frowns in disapproval]
– Andy Reid
I need to switch from alcohol to heroin for this game, apparently. Fuck you, Jets.
I didn’t realize they were playing the Seahawks
Heroin is always the way to go, padawan
“its just absurd and utterly tasteless that rival fans would cheer Aaron Rodgers injury.” – Cheesehead McFatass, a local packers shareholder
List of injuries I’ve heard packers fans cheer:
Urlacher’s broken wrist
Tillman’s acl
Cutler’s concussion
Ponder’s elbow
Cutler’s acl
Teddy’s knee
Cutler’s broken thumb
AP’s torn all
Cutler’s torn groin muscle
The injuries that made Calvin Johnson retire.
Missed any?
There isn’t enough liquor in this bar for what the Patriots defense is doing
Yeah, I’m not falling for this, Jets. I saw the Super Bowl.
I don’t….I…..don’t…………..understand
It’s the Jets’ world and we’uns all just livin’ in it.
McKinnon WOO!!
Yes, Vikings rub it in. Those assholes would and have done the same to you in past.
Exactly
Second touchdown… Jets?