Here we are, as usual, sitting on the cusp of the next week(end) of glorious football. How’ve you been? Good? Good. I’m glad we got those inane pleasantries out the way quickly. Are you in the mood to briefly scan some silly tidbits that may/may not be relevant to the tilt that is about to fill your eyebulbs? Wonderful! Why don’t we head… TO THE GAME!
KANSAS CITY/OAKLAND: We here at Door Flies Open will never stop making light jabs at His Heavy-ness, the only man that includes an entire chocolate waterfall in his daily diet, the coach that time forgot (sorry, forgets the time), the eater of all the ribs, wings and other things on the Family Feast Plate, the one, the only Andy Reid. Say what you will about the guy but man, does he ever take care of business in the regular season. The Chiefs have a lovely little 12 game winning-streak going against all comers in the AFC West, including 5 frickin’ straight vs. the Raiders. Sure they’re coming off a loss to the Steelers but Oakland went down to the Lawnclippers last week. Sheesh! Many folks (including yours truly) thought that the Raiders would be in the thick of things this year playoff-wise but that doesn’t seem to be the case and the recent Carr crash didn’t help things at all. Statistics say that Derek would be wise to air it out to Amari because the Chiefs have given up the most number of ‘long’ plays (defined as runs of 11+ yards and passing plays of 15+) in the NFL. I wouldn’t sleep on wr Crabtree though-he’s grabbed 5 TD’s on only 25 receptions. Te Kelce has had some ringing in his ears recently (concussion) but the decibels have dropped to an acceptable level so he should bounce back from last week’s lousy game. Biggest surprise I had while prepping for this post was discovering that the Niners’ Navarro Bowman will be starting for the Raiders. Is there a student-exchange kind of thingy going on in the league now?
You know what to do.
Jesus Christ
You see why I complain about how lucky the Chiefs always get?
/unless it’s Yinzburgh
Hey commenters, much like your last girlfriend, I’m going to leave you now. Take heart-for once it isn’t your fault.
/zing!
It’s not me, it’s you.
Can we just be friends?
YOU’RE FRIENDZONED FUCKER!
/call me?
I was gonna criticize them Raiders for running a 205 pound rb up the middle and expecting positive results. Glad I didn’t do that.
Coverage looked clean to me.
How does it affect them? It doesn’t. The other RBs are at least as good.
It doesn’t. They’re better off.
I’ve been trying to rationalize cutting him for two weeks. Last week he tried to make a case to stay. But now this, the suspension which will likely follow, and a bye week thrown in for good measure?
Buh bye Marshawn.
Am I the only one who giggled when she said he’d left the building?
I guffawed, almost chortled.
Bloated Deion Sanders looks like a nascent Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade float.
Years ago, weren’t both Carr and Smith on Dawson’s Creek? If not, they shoulda been.
Fuck you Yahoo! for not allowing me to cut Marshawn Lynch right now.
I hereby smite thee vigorously.
Romo is doing really great. How long until he fractures his larynx and is out for the rest of the season?
One more month and two weeks.
how many damned picks are you shits gonna drop?
(Also an interesting comment when the nouns are swapped.)
/stops to ponder
//reaches for pill bottle
OH GOD, these Nationwide jingle commercials are a SERIES?
/seppuku
Guy built his first Domino’s with his bare hands. What’s with the fucking gloves in the shovel pic, shitty-pizza-vendor?
I maintain that Mahomes is what set this fire under Smith.
Alex Smith: MVP Candidate. These are indeed the End Times
Reason #1,49 this is the darkest timeline.
MOAR Tyreek!!
Tweak?
I haven’t seen an Italian get blocked like that since Mussolini invaded Greece in October 1940.
I’m assuming Buddy handles these “dark web scans” FOAR the Commentist Party?
Wait. Did she just steal that hat?
Silly. When you’re an attractive white lady, you can take anything you want, at any time. It’s in teh rules.
And she’s QUIRKY! Which apparently excuses nearly anything.
oh yeah, they are damned near REQUIRED to shoplift, dontcha know
Yeah. Had she been black, security guard would have gunned her down.
What’s interesting is that Marshawn and Marcus Peters are friends.
Marshawn’s only friends are his Skittles. He’s also on cordial terms with his Grille Artist
I really look forward to the 2nd half riot. It’s like a boost of adrenaline straight to my brain.
Works for me. But not until after Kelce gets five more tgts and a TD rec at least. I gotta make up for the Marshawn stoopidz.
You’ll understand if I’m opposed to that idea, right?
STOP SNEAKING UP ON ME!!!!!!!
Hehehe….and yes, I understand your point of view. Which sucks.
Marshawn is way more effective running North to South rather than East to West.
I enjoy this. Where is your smart-ass quip tonight, Maddon?
I’m sure it’ll end up on a t-shirt at some point.
I am stunned there wasn’t multiple ejections there.
that was really dumb of Lynch.
I think he might be the most popular man in Oakland right now though.
He went into Eject-Mode.
Piece of shit dirty play by Peters.
“I’m just here so I can get fined.” — M. Lynch
That was quite the burst of speed from the sideline though. I’ll give him that.
My mouth is LITERALLY hanging open at that play call right there.
the guy with the broken goddamned back
/imagine Romo’s PTSD
And it was THIRD AND TEN. Carr isn’t running a draw for 10 yards!
inorite??
Yup, seems way past time to unload Lynch I guess.
Goddammit.
Thanks for playing him this week, BTW.
Shithead gained more yards from the sideline to the fight than he would have the rest of the night anyway. I hate my life, LOL.
I’m just waiting to hear how Trump pronounces Niger.
Such a tragedy in N-word, Africa.
Veerrrrrrrrrrry slowly.
“Hey, if they can say it, then I should be able to say it!”
I think Penn just saved Derek Carr’s life with that holding penalty.
That Call of Duty commercial was actually appealing to me.
They should make Call of Duty: Vietnam War. I think that’d be really appealing to American gamers.
Call of Duty: Bowling Green
Bonus downloadable Kent State campaign.
KILL ALL TEH HIPPIES!!!111
Tiger Force Expansion.
Mature Gamers Only.
US/Mexico border wall map
When are you going to enlist?
As soon as the Latina single mom gets a babysitter…
At least it wasn’t Cooper scoring the TD?
That’s just a coaching fuckup there.
Welcome to #Raiders football.
“Hold my BBQ sauce”
–Andy Reid
Welp, that was…efficient.
Average play length 33 yards.
“Houston with the recovery”
Straight outta last month’s headlines.
“A+”
Trump, probably
All 10’s.
fucking dumbass Chefs D
Romo gushing about a great pass-rusher feels a little bit like a battered wife defending her husband.
Requiescat in pace pauci ursi
Crabtree is supposed to get those touchdowns.
Jesus, Khalil Mack.
“Allah. Two can play this game.”
-Muhammad Wilkerson
Who scored the touchdown for the Dodgers? Which Cuban?
Relax, Cubs fans. It’s just a touchdown game.
Looks like regular Alex Smith is back. He’s going to have to tap his Khunt to get this win.
Also fuck Cooper!
RIP small bears
Once that KHunt gets started, it’s hard to stop.