Your “It Looks Good… A Little Too Good” Monday Night Football Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Word broke over the weekend that Jerry Jones is leading a group of 17 owners “reviewing” Roger Goodell’s possible contract extension.
    • Which, of course, has nothing to do whatsoever, no sir, not one bit, with the upcoming Ezekiel Elliott suspension appeal appeal.
  • JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST!
    • Zach Miller almost lost his leg as a result of his dislocated knee in the endzone, implying he tore or otherwise damaged the femoral artery during the injury.
      • They had to get a graft from his other leg to stabilize it.
    • To quote cbssports.com, “to make matters worse: Miller’s touchdown didn’t count. After an official review, the touchdown was overturned, which seems absurd considering there definitely didn’t appear to be irrefutable evidence.”
    • There is no goddamned way I am linking a gif or video of that here. It was gruesome.
  • The World Series outdrew Sunday Night Football in the TV ratings.
    • Well, duh – they had as much scoring, and more exciting plays.
      • Sunday Night Football had Al Michaels making Jerome Bettis references, and Cris Collinsworth shilling his interest in Pro Football Focus without admitting his connection on the broadcast.

Game Preview: Broncos at Chiefs

This game seems part of a plot by Andy Reid to ensure no one wins the AFC West. The quality of opponent the Chiefs have faced during their losing streak is an escalating pile of shit. The Steelers that beat the Chiefs two weeks ago are a much better team today, although only beating the Lions by 5 points could be a troubling sign. The Raiders appeared cromulent in beating the Chiefs during the two-hour final seconds last Thursday, but then turned in a turd against the Bills. Tonight’s opponent has had only two good quarterbacks in the last 10 years, Peyton Manning V.2 & Tim Tebow J.3:16. Future saviour Paxton Lynch is inactive tonight, in favour of Brock Osweiler. The Broncos only average 18 points per game, the 18th best scoring offence in the NFL.

By design, this game should be an easy walk for the Chiefs.

AND YET!

Tonight marks the return of Jamaal Charles to KC, albeit in a Broncos uniform, so his season-ending injury may not occur until after halftime. But before that happens, look for the Broncos to try & get him going and take advantage of his desire to exact some measure of revenge. Denver defence seems designed exactly to mess with Alex Smith’s mind, and Von Miller has sacked Smith 8 times since 2014.  So if the deep routes fail early look for him to revert to his previous title of the Checkdown King. Finally, Andy Reid is their head coach, so expect some quality timeout or time management fuckups issues at least once during the game.

It could either be a Chiefs 30-point blowout or a Broncos 2-point win. At least the NFL doesn’t have to worry about competing against baseball tonight.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • MLS: Playoffs
    • New York Red Bulls vs. Toronto FC (Leg 1) – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN3
    • Houston Dynamo vs. Portland Timbers (Leg 1) – 9:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Spurs at Celtics – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • Let’s see who’s returned from the mumps!

I don’t know who bought MLB’s soul, but the based ball people have managed to put together two consecutive seasons of quality World Series’, and five not-bad ones total since 2012. (The Giants thumping the Tigers in 2012 was just awful; Verlander hasn’t forgotten.) Tonight’s NFL contest may make you long for another Astros-Dodgers game. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bumpity bumpity

_ _ _ _ _ N | _ _ _ _ _ N | _ _ _ _ _ L L _

WCS

H

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No H

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I think we need to buy an E

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good call:

_ E _ E _ N | _ _ _ _ _ N | _ E _ _ _ L L E

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unless that was just an ecstasy joke. I’m not hip.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It wasn’t, but if you have some I’m willing to listen.
But no butt stuff.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have one.

_ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ _

WCS

A category would be nice.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Greedy sonsofbitches

Same as Dok. NFL before and after.

WCS

N

BrettFavresColonoscopy

_ _ _ _ _ N | _ _ _ _ _ N | _ _ _ _ _ _ _

theeWeeBabySeamus

R

Doktor Zymm

R

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like in Boston, no R

theeWeeBabySeamus

L

theeWeeBabySeamus

Copy cat not reading in bed liar.

Doktor Zymm

We got different refresh cycles. Also, I had to brush my teeth first.

theeWeeBabySeamus

😀

WCS

T

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No T

theeWeeBabySeamus

Witten Kitten Factory.
If only there had been T’s

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And a different category

theeWeeBabySeamus

You mean the one you wouldn’t reveal?
I’m still skeptical you even told the truth on that when pressed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH IN FAKE WHEEL OF FORTUNE WITHOUT A WHEEL. IT’S JUST OF FORTUNE

Doktor Zymm

Okay, Imma go read in bed, but I like this guessing lark, we’ll do it agains

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know, You’re all winners!
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WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo, let’s all touch penises!!!!!
No?

Ok, maybe later.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

So remember way back when DFO started and I did PK mad libs? Maybe once I get settled into new job, I should start up something similar again?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw bet the guy who rejected my entreaties to acquire Zeke this past week is feeling dumber than a Jaguars fan in the empty meth lab

Doktor Zymm

Is sadness the same as dumbness?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I wish

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sadly, it can be.

Doktor Zymm

Okay, still half NFL, still before and after.
_ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _

Mr. Ayo

THE|EAGLES|SUCK

Doktor Zymm

Damn, I wish. Next time!

WCS

N

Doktor Zymm

_ _ N | _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _

WCS

R

Doktor Zymm

_ _ N | _ _ _ _ _ R | _ _ _ _

WCS

L

Doktor Zymm

Good one!
_ _ N | _ _ LL _ R | L _ _ _

WCS

Buy a vowel: A

Doktor Zymm

No A

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jon Miller Lite
(shit jon miller is baseball dammit)

Doktor Zymm

Close

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Von Miller Lite

theeWeeBabySeamus

Von.

Goddammit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like taking candy from a wee baby

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only bcuz I GAVE it to you with my guess. 😛

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ron Mexico Flag

theeWeeBabySeamus

LET’S PLAY AGAIN….C’MON DOK!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Okay…stay within NFL theme or branch out?

WCS

Just none of the crossword puzzles. Those are just plain asinine.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think that’s your call, Dok Sajak.

WCS

Is Zymm still doing Wheel of Fortune?

Doktor Zymm

I’ll do another Thursday night. This was pretty fun.

WCS

I missed it. Stoopid kids and dog.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Zymm, is there a C?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And since we’re not spinning, isn’t this just team hangman?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Believe it or not, this was not me.

Doktor Zymm

It’s NFL Before and After, and sorry, no C

Mr. Ayo

Jordy nelson agholor

Doktor Zymm

WINNER
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you Ayo.
You’d have hit Bankrupt in realsies.

Mr. Ayo

Love you too, sweetheart

Mr. Ayo

THERE ARE TWO N’S DOKTOR

Doktor Zymm

Whatevs, I’m not a Doktor of Spelling

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This threw me too. I demand a refund!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

The last time the holoshed was on the fritz I got hit with 3 paternity suits

King Hippo

well, Siemian knows how to pad his stat line in a way I wish Cousins had.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Adding in the ‘L’ and buying an ‘A’
_ _ _ _ _ | N _ L S _ _ | A _ _ _ _ _ _

Sharkbait

G

Doktor Zymm

_ _ _ _ _ | N _ L S _ _ | A G _ _ _ _ _

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I still want a T

Doktor Zymm

You can want one all you want, no T

BrettFavresColonoscopy

_ouché

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NAGGERS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Major Nelson Aguilar

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit never mind….missing A

Mr. Ayo

And the 2nd N

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shut up. 😛

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pretty sure that’s the definition of consistency

Doktor Zymm

Okay, Redacteds have a racist name. Chiefs win on EVERYTHING ELSE.

Sharkbait

What’s worse:

A) A bunch of white people doing the tomahawk chop in Missouri?

Or

B) A bunch of white people doing the tomahawk chop in Atlanta?

Doktor Zymm

Yes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

What are we? Chopped liver?
– White people of Tallahassee

clint greasewood

Trainer Who Accused Peyton Manning of Sexual Assault Speaks Out: He ‘Sat His Anus’ On My Face

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=_M4fKRSq0ZM

Spur

Go on. – Aaron Rodgers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wonder if it was prepared.

Doktor Zymm

Hence the “dingleberry” nickname
oh ew

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And his family and school covered it up; we live in a great world.

Spur

Just to followup on the post below. The Clintons have helped the Republicans more than either of them care to admit.

Doktor Zymm

Wheel of Fortune category Before and After :
_ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Doktor Zymm

Dammit, it took out the spaces

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Still going? N!

Doktor Zymm

_ _ _ _ _ | N _ _ S _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ _

BrettFavresColonoscopy

T

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pat I’d like to solve the puzzle…
Aaron Nutsak Rodgers

theeWeeBabySeamus

I presume that’s not right….but it should be.

Doktor Zymm

a) I would never misspell nutsack
b) it doesn’t fit the format of before and after

theeWeeBabySeamus

Still funny tho.

Sharkbait

S

Doktor Zymm

_ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ S _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sharkbait

P

Doktor Zymm

BUZZZZZZ Nope

Sharkbait

Can I buy a vowel? A

theeWeeBabySeamus

L

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s be honest, Siemian has looked even worse than his stat line. Elway needs to help a brother out and take him out back and put him out of his misery.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And then what? Lobster is worse, Lynchston is worse……. but at this rate maybe when Paxton is healthy see what you have. They also have two TERRIBLE OLmen.

King Hippo

I see the point, clearly Siemian isn’t the only problem by a long shot. But I think you at least try Lobster, see if it gives the team a jolt. There’s only so long you can let such hideous play ride when you have any kind of alternative.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He is worse at this point and even less mobile, but what the hell.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought you were more supportive of shooting broken down horses

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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[cool air blows through grille in Spanish]

King Hippo

Murder ball for Devontae Booker.

Spur

And Zack Miller

theeWeeBabySeamus

He still got both legs?
I kinda feel badly for cutting him last week now.

King Hippo

yeah, the emergency vascular surgery was successful, apparently really was touch and go

Sharkbait

That’s not nice to make fun of him when he’s down. He just needs a leg up and he’ll be back

King Hippo

SIEMIAN IS STILL IN THE GAME. His sister must have taken a shit on Vance Joseph’s tummy or sommet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Hey Shari Lewis was hot when she was young. i feel uneasy thinking about all the harassment she must have had gone through. I bet some exec made her “use the puppets”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbaO_sKmV0U

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don’t be so quick to judge; those in glass houses and whatnot.

King Hippo

Hippo is now in love

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I rubbed heroin on a beaver once….. it was an actual beaver tho.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Beaver to Moose: Hey thanks man. Instead of eating that tree, Imma fuck it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DAM IT!

Sharkbait

Bad quarterbacks are bad

King Hippo

That CB must be going against the KC D/ST. No other reason for why he didn’t score there.

Mr. Ayo

Bring out the curtain and put him down.

King Hippo

quack quack

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

See? Bitches can’t drive!

Doktor Zymm

We had a speaker from legal today who asked if everyone was familiar with the definition of “conflict of interest”

I didn’t yell out anything about the prez, but that’s because I’m only comfortable yelling stuff when I’m drunk and with people I know

Sharkbait

Do strangers in the internet count?

Doktor Zymm

Of course! Hence “Ass Herpes!”

Doktor Zymm

I hope the Russia thing ends up being significant enough that it sparks a whole new suffix in scandals. No more will everything be -gate, it will be -gateski!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Former Trump adviser Carter Page now says Russia ‘may have come up’ in campaign emails.

He has to have a plea deal because if he doesn’t………FUCK… it hurts my mind how dumb these people are. This can’t be real.

Sharkbait

Stupid Watergate is stupid

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

1) It’s embarrassing how stupid our leaders are.

2) Hillary and her people were defeated by them, which makes them even dumber.

3) Meritocracy is officially dead as dogshit.

Sharkbait

I’m rooting for a meteor still

King Hippo

we kind of are getting the meteor. It’s not like HillyBob is coming back, we doesn’t have your fancy-pants parliamentary system

Doktor Zymm

I listened to a lot of NPR on my drive x-country, and they had one guy on who compared the current Republican house/senate/wh conglomeration to a coalition government, since they don’t agree on shit

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know that meritocracy is dead (or any deader than it was 100 years ago). What is dead is the idea of politics as public service. There are many repellent aspects to the idea of noblisse oblige, but it remained a prominent idea in politics up until probably 50 years ago? Whether I agree or disagree with someone, I’ll have a lot more respect for their opinion if I feel like they’re ultimately trying to work for the public good, and I don’t see much of that anymore. I was a Hillary fan, and I thought she had some of that. I was actually surprised she ran, just from the amount of shit she had to put up with.

King Hippo

YUP

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I haven’t seen a Siemian that scared since they brought Amy back to the Congo!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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clint greasewood

Just looked at patriots QB depth chart and practice squad.
>>>erection intensify

Sharkbait

I think I’m the backup

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That clock management was so bad Andy Reid thinks he’s coaching the Broncos

Doktor Zymm

My team won a pub trivia contest on a final answer of “Charlie in the Box”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

RIP

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS FACTOR GRADE I CALL IT JON GRUDEN BECAUSE IT MAKES NO SENSE AND DETRACTS FROM THE ENJOYABILITY OF THE GAME

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Nothing like funerals to bring out in fighting in the family. Glad I’m with the sane ones. They brought booze

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

There are Irish Canadians?

The Maestro

My grandfather is the son of a preacher who was also a potato farmer in rural Prince Edward Island. If that’s not Irish as fuck, I dunno what is.

Sharkbait

I was in Quebec City in March. They have a giant st Patrick’s day/ beer festival. I was surprised at the Irish population there

The Maestro

The English hated those damn dirty Catholics, so the French and the Irish got along swimmingly back in those days, especially since church services were all in Latin, thus not catering heavily to one side or the other. It was actually a pretty effective system… minus all the poverty and systemic discrimination, but, y’know, minor details…

Doktor Zymm

Ah, the good old days, where we were so homogeneous we had to pick other types of Christianity to discriminate against!

Unsurprised

Filthy Prod bastards.

clint greasewood

I hope Brady gets hurts and doom the Pats into a 20 year playoff drought.

King Hippo

I want to see Hoyer Country have to quartered back them. In the playoffs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Banner quote of the year?

Brick Meathook

Banner quote: I hope Brady kills the team and then kills everybody and then they have to cancel the game because everybody is dead and then Brady kills himself.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did Brady’s corpse look at you?

clint greasewood

In come Johnny Football off the streets to to turn the Patriots locker room to a drug den with underage hookers.

Unsurprised

Gronk perks up.

King Hippo

If’n I knew how to make a banner quote, I sure would make this one right fucking now.

– Bitter NC State/Everton/Broncos fan

Shogun Marcus

Quote Emeritus

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Beaver gone wild.

The Maestro

Time to pack it in and go play tiddlywinks or something, kid.

Mr. Ayo

USMT could use a defender that committed and effective.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Yes, that’s all of it.

Unsurprised

This is why I’m afraid to date.

Doktor Zymm

You’re a Mary Ann guy?

Unsurprised

I like both.

I’m just an undateable cretin.

Spur

Noticeable lack of NFL cheerleaders halloween costumes this year. You think the league is discouraging this tradition?

Unsurprised

Every other form of pageantry they touch turns to shit, so I guess they figured “why take a chance?”

King Hippo

Tiny Hands freaks out when a black guy gets within like 5 yards of him

The Maestro

But enough about Donald Trump, folks!!

WCS

You’re referring to Trump, right?

King Hippo

that would be 5 blocks

Unsurprised

He’s the kind of guy who would fire the butler who’s been working in the White House since Truman was president just to give it to some Mar-a-Lago greens manager because the former was making him “too uncomfortable.”

LemonJello

Alright, the give-a-fuckometer has dropped to empty, so I’ll take my leave and bid you all sweet dreams.

Later, Taters!

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Doktor Zymm

Nighty nite!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right behind you.
So to speak.

Spur

Double J has a capable cabal that can lead a coup in the NFL. Unlike other powerful people, he’s seems to know his limits and hires people smarter than him to do is business.

Mr. Ayo
Unsurprised

.

Doktor Zymm

I refuse to pronounce his name any other way than “Boner”
It’s not a mature rebellion, but eh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That issue features prominently in the first half of the piece.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Nope, I’m fine. No problems.

Unsurprised

So is there any particular CBD oil I should try?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do they make a massage oil?

Unsurprised

I have no idea. I know it can be used a couple of ways, but I’m not even sure where to begin.

King Hippo

the “That’s Good Broncos” guy was sponsored by one for awhile, but I forget which. Moose?

/realize this was unhelpful but I am the worst

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No idea; I by teh bud.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We can haz game?
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Doktor Zymm

Ok kitty!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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