Your “Commitment to Excrement” Late SNF Open Thread

With all due apologies to Rikki-Tikki-Deady  and Al Davis’ Re-Animated Corpse….

….for that post title.  Mostly because I don’t want either showing up here uninvited.

And also my apologies for my opinion below of how this game tonight is apt to go.

Please don’t cannibalize me in my sleep tonight.

That goes for you too, Al.

Oakland @ Miami  (+3.0, o/u 44.5)

OK, so neither of these teams is particularly inspiring any feelings of fear in their opponents recently, so something’s gotta give.

I’m not even going to discuss the Raiders’ D.  Yikes.  And offensively, they are a team with a battered and probably still in pain QB who has been humbled a bit recently, and three very mediocre backs.  How do I know they’re all mediocre (at best)?  Because they’ve all been on my freaking FF roster over the past two weeks.  Like seriously, all of them.  One of them twice (no shit lol).

I finally pulled the trigger and cut Lynch after his stupidity of pushing the official and picked up Washington.  Mostly because I thought he had the higher ceiling and that someone with higher waiver priority than me would likely snap up Richard ahead of me anyway.  They didn’t.  So then I had second thoughts and dropped Washington for Richard.  Then that didn’t work out so well (lol) so I dropped him and picked Washington back up.  He’s starting for me tonight, in fact.  smgdh.

tl:dr :  Fuck you Oakland backfield!!!!!

Miami ain’t so hot neither, though.  I know, that’s not news.  But they’re probably still solid enough on D to pretty much contain the stable of mediocrity thrown at them tonight.  And offensively, they do have the potential to at least put some points on the board now, especially if Cutler can find his way back to being even moderately effective.  The bar isn’t terribly high, Jay.  You can do it.  Even without Ajayi.  Especially against this Oakland D, I suspect.

So, what’s it all mean?

Well, if King Hippo  has any money left in his bank accounts before this one kicks off, I’d advise him take the points and the ‘Phins in this one, if only because of home field and the Raiders have literally been on the road for two weeks.  Also, probably take the under (lol).

Then again, I’m wrong a lot.

WHEN:  8:30pmEST

WHERE:  Hard Rock Stadium, Miami, FL

TV:  NBC

Alright, let’s get this one snapped alr…..

 

Shit.  Gimme a mulligan on that one, would ya?

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theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Sharkbait

Onside Trickery!

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Raiders are every other team’s “slump buster”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Great tackling job guys

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Praise SH’ANKLOR

Spur

ok, one more drink.

King Hippo

because Hippo LOVES the Drake!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Peter?

King Hippo

Parker and Landry BOTH hot lava, agreed

Sharkbait

You can take the Raiders out of Oakland…

King Hippo

also, why is teh Kenyan Drake not playing? why they HATE THE DRAKE??

Shogun Marcus

WE HATE THE DRAKE!

JustStopDude

I love Cutler’s body language every time a he calls a time out.

The simmering annoyance is just palpable through the TV.

Spur

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Spur

Cooper has no catches
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Romonobyl

She was good on Breaking Bad too. A shame she ***SPOILER ALERT*** croaked so early.

King Hippo

a girl with that kinda body who’s opium-friendly….

King Hippo

I bet $200 on Fins FOAR TEH moneyline, because WHY NOT go 1-6 for the weekend?

/anybody have some spare organs lying around??

Romonobyl

Does the keytar in my attic count?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why are you gambling on this unpredictable shit? Send it to me and I’ll buy some weed.

Shogun Marcus

Dude?! STAHP!

Spur

Hippo maybe you shouldnt come to DFO Con.

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Time to end it all.

h

ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/60092e04cfaeada7d76b097c30311cc1/tumblr_ore1rvjFEk1us4yveo1_400.gif

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Helmets are critical for safety

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Viva La Tabula Raza

I recently found my poster from Queen’s Jazz album after it had being missing for about 30 years. I went ahead and had it framed, even though that cost me around 90 bucks.
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Spur

Fuck you Cooper

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, that was funny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Geraldo? Why you in make up?

Spur

yeah,her too

Shogun Marcus

I’d like to try to get her to whinny. Amirite?! Uptop.
/ded

Dick E. Phuck

– Edgy Eli Manning

Spur

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thoroughly enjoyed that show and wish it had run longer.

Also what I what say if Krysten Ritter ever let me disappoint her in bed.

Shogun Marcus

Jessica Jones. Watch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Derek Carr floated that pass like it needed to reach a mountain in Galilee

Spur

is Cooper dead? Did the receiver die on the flight?

I hate you Cooper.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You sound like me after that time one of my barrels leaked.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The most irritating thing about the new iPhone (which I’m sure is very very nice) is people trying to claim that “I actually LIKE the notch at the top”.

Spur

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Dick E. Phuck

I didn’t know Black people usually cruise down cities listening to John Cena.

JustStopDude

How much trouble with the league and how many hot teaks do you think would happen if a QB, doing a hard count, just yelled out “nipple”.

I think it would cause America to just implode.

Dick E. Phuck

Disrespecting the troops, who have nipples.

Brick Meathook

WOP 21 . . . WOP 21 . . . KILL! KILL! . . . JEWBOY . . . JEWBOY

Dick E. Phuck

That would probably garner applause in certain circles of society.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Marijuana on one! Reefer on two!”
—Randall “Pink” Floyd, 3rd string QB, Texas Lutheran College, 1979

Spur

The movie should never end.

Viva La Tabula Raza

For me, it hasn’t.
*cleans resin out of pipe bowl*

Dunstan

Depends on the QB.

Black QB: suspended for life. Fox News provides 24-7 coverage of Trump’s reaction.
White QB: Al and Cris ignore it, NBC kills the mike for the rest of the night, everyone pretends he said “nettle”
Tom Brady: Brady refuses to answer questions, pretends he has no idea what everyone is talking about. A thousand hot takes are published about how brilliant Tom and Belichek are to distract the defense with sexual thoughts. Roger Goodell briefly contemplates taking action, then remembers that his contract extension is hanging by a thread, does nothing.

Spur

Does Cutler know the name of the head coach?

Dick E. Phuck

“Hey, Coach…Dude. What the fuck is this stuff?”

JustStopDude

Like Cutler would ever care enough to ask about anything…

I’m betting there is a wall in the Miami front office that has a growing pee stain because Cutler refuses to bother to ask where the shitter is.

Dick E. Phuck

That’s just because they got a Citi Kitty and they don’t know how to get Cutler to use it.

Brick Meathook

LET’S TALK ABOUT BOATS

Spur

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It’s only 5:40!

JustStopDude

Solution to gun issue.

You want to open and carry a gun, that is allowed. You have to wear a bright pink dress to do so, which will allow people to see you coming from a mile away.

It would also serve to remove the whole phallic symbol shit that seems to encourage sex starved losers from stock piling guns.

herodotus450

Jokes on you, I’ll just make the dress OUT OF GUNS.

Romonobyl

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Spur

But the fun of picking a fight and then pulling a gun on someone will be lost.

Sharkbait

How we doing?

Spur

Just 4 full work weeks left in the year. Can’t wait to half ass it.

Gratliff

I haven’t had a boss in 5 months. I just come and go as I please and the salary just keeps coming. I expect my work ethic to drop off come holidays.

Sharkbait

Are you hiring?

Gratliff

Not according to the empty boss’ office

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Oh yes. Begin the sweet torture of the Transsiberian Symphony Orchestra commercials

Spur

How Dare you!
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herodotus450

She could hate me all night long, I’d be cool with that.

Dunstan

She has a novel out. Suddenly I am interested in going to a book signing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My ex-girlfriend’s sister was in that band! She has a platinum record!

Shogun Marcus

Who HASN’T been in that “band?” It’s like 2 or 3 touring symphonies plus full crew.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo! Big rainy messy Sunday Night game between two teams that lost their last game by a combined score of 60 points!

litre_cola

You had better be standin.

Dick E. Phuck

Personal foul disrespecting the flag: Oakland, Number 24, fifteen yard penalty and a loss of down. Number 24 has been ejected from the game.

Shogun Marcus

Seeing as how the latest was in a church…is it just thoughts being sent?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not aware that independent thoughts are particularly welcome in church.

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

and at least half of them aren’t Russian bots.

Gratliff

Replace “enjoyed by” with “forced upon” and you have my Twitter account

Spur
Spanky Datass

Fuck it, I’m drinkin’ it deep!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

The last Arcade Fire album was fire, reflektor blew.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzwicesJQ7E

herodotus450

A FG and a punt return were the only points in the second half of the Cin-Jax game apparently. BUT ITS THE KNEELING THATS DRIVING VIEWERS AWAY!

Spur

Are Ghosts real?

WCS

Just as real as the Houston “Texans.”

Spur

Who am I rooting for again?

herodotus450

A time machine to go back in time 30 years when this matchup would have been relevant?

Brick Meathook

President Nixon welcomes you to 1973.

Dunstan

I don’t know if I could handle living under a President who thinks the Department of Justice exists to protect him from the law and punish his enemies.

So yeah, 1973 sounds good. Thanks!

Brick Meathook

Wait, it doesn’t?

Senor Weaselo

It’s the Department of Justice for His Enemies, duh doy.

herodotus450

Hmm, should I warn/give him advice about anything?

ballsofsteelandfury

Shit, make that 50!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Zeke: “I don’t know anything.”
No Shit? Yup. You and jameis should open a wimmens shelter with all your not knowings. Free seafood and cereal buffet.

...

Random thought: Taylor Swift has never fucked.

WCS

Or, she’s really, really bad at it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Perhaps no one has been able to “untie her golden knot.”

Shogun Marcus

She ain’t gordian.

Shogun Marcus

Eew. Gordian knot. Gordon Ramsay. Ramses condoms (which how the FUCK did that get through R&D?)? Eew.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He prolly sounds like someone with Tourette syndrome when he blows his load into Taylor…….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Would practice; 4/10.

Shogun Marcus

Counterpoint: she has fucked too much and should turn off the “open” sign.
Corollary: Guys…if she wants you…maybe say no.

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So here’s a proposal: how about passing a Constitutional amendment that invalidates the 2nd – BUT – codifies that the federal government will not regulate gun law in any way at the state level. That way we can have gun-free states and slave I mean gun states and see which places end up being better places to live.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t know; in a vacuum with no other variables that sounds reasonable, but it seems to me a lot of folks would migrate to the states that enacted the laws that suited them (pro- or anit-gun), and the country would become even more polarized than it already is.
But I would definitely invest in Bekins, Mayflower, U-Haul, and Penske should this occur.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not really a serious solution. But I sure would like to see what it would be like to live in a society where 20+ people aren’t gunned down every few months.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Which is silly, cause I lived in South Africa and there were guns all over the place there. Not so much in the way of mass shootings, though.

Spur
herodotus450

Is scotchnaut a-partying yet?

Brick Meathook

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Spur

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