With all due apologies to Rikki-Tikki-Deady and Al Davis’ Re-Animated Corpse….
….for that post title. Mostly because I don’t want either showing up here uninvited.
And also my apologies for my opinion below of how this game tonight is apt to go.
Please don’t cannibalize me in my sleep tonight.
That goes for you too, Al.
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Oakland @ Miami (+3.0, o/u 44.5)
OK, so neither of these teams is particularly inspiring any feelings of fear in their opponents recently, so something’s gotta give.
I’m not even going to discuss the Raiders’ D. Yikes. And offensively, they are a team with a battered and probably still in pain QB who has been humbled a bit recently, and three very mediocre backs. How do I know they’re all mediocre (at best)? Because they’ve all been on my freaking FF roster over the past two weeks. Like seriously, all of them. One of them twice (no shit lol).
I finally pulled the trigger and cut Lynch after his stupidity of pushing the official and picked up Washington. Mostly because I thought he had the higher ceiling and that someone with higher waiver priority than me would likely snap up Richard ahead of me anyway. They didn’t. So then I had second thoughts and dropped Washington for Richard. Then that didn’t work out so well (lol) so I dropped him and picked Washington back up. He’s starting for me tonight, in fact. smgdh.
tl:dr : Fuck you Oakland backfield!!!!!
Miami ain’t so hot neither, though. I know, that’s not news. But they’re probably still solid enough on D to pretty much contain the stable of mediocrity thrown at them tonight. And offensively, they do have the potential to at least put some points on the board now, especially if Cutler can find his way back to being even moderately effective. The bar isn’t terribly high, Jay. You can do it. Even without Ajayi. Especially against this Oakland D, I suspect.
So, what’s it all mean?
Well, if King Hippo has any money left in his bank accounts before this one kicks off, I’d advise him take the points and the ‘Phins in this one, if only because of home field and the Raiders have literally been on the road for two weeks. Also, probably take the under (lol).
Then again, I’m wrong a lot.
WHEN: 8:30pmEST
WHERE: Hard Rock Stadium, Miami, FL
TV: NBC
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Alright, let’s get this one snapped alr…..
Shit. Gimme a mulligan on that one, would ya?
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Onside Trickery!
The Raiders are every other team’s “slump buster”.
Great tackling job guys
Praise SH’ANKLOR
ok, one more drink.
because Hippo LOVES the Drake!!
The Drake is bad. Hate the Drake!!!!
Kinda hating the Parker right now too!!!
Peter?
Parker and Landry BOTH hot lava, agreed
You can take the Raiders out of Oakland…
also, why is teh Kenyan Drake not playing? why they HATE THE DRAKE??
WE HATE THE DRAKE!
I love Cutler’s body language every time a he calls a time out.
The simmering annoyance is just palpable through the TV.
Cooper has no catches
She was good on Breaking Bad too. A shame she ***SPOILER ALERT*** croaked so early.
a girl with that kinda body who’s opium-friendly….
I bet $200 on Fins FOAR TEH moneyline, because WHY NOT go 1-6 for the weekend?
/anybody have some spare organs lying around??
Does the keytar in my attic count?
Why are you gambling on this unpredictable shit? Send it to me and I’ll buy some weed.
Dude?! STAHP!
Hippo maybe you shouldnt come to DFO Con.
Time to end it all.
h
ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/60092e04cfaeada7d76b097c30311cc1/tumblr_ore1rvjFEk1us4yveo1_400.gif
Helmets are critical for safety
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085959/
I recently found my poster from Queen’s Jazz album after it had being missing for about 30 years. I went ahead and had it framed, even though that cost me around 90 bucks.
Fuck you Cooper
OK, that was funny.
I knew you’d like that one if you saw it.
Geraldo? Why you in make up?
yeah,her too
I’d like to try to get her to whinny. Amirite?! Uptop.
/ded
– Edgy Eli Manning
I thoroughly enjoyed that show and wish it had run longer.
Also what I what say if Krysten Ritter ever let me disappoint her in bed.
Jessica Jones. Watch.
Derek Carr floated that pass like it needed to reach a mountain in Galilee
is Cooper dead? Did the receiver die on the flight?
I hate you Cooper.
You sound like me after that time one of my barrels leaked.
The most irritating thing about the new iPhone (which I’m sure is very very nice) is people trying to claim that “I actually LIKE the notch at the top”.
I didn’t know Black people usually cruise down cities listening to John Cena.
How much trouble with the league and how many hot teaks do you think would happen if a QB, doing a hard count, just yelled out “nipple”.
I think it would cause America to just implode.
Disrespecting the troops, who have nipples.
WOP 21 . . . WOP 21 . . . KILL! KILL! . . . JEWBOY . . . JEWBOY
That would probably garner applause in certain circles of society.
“Marijuana on one! Reefer on two!”
—Randall “Pink” Floyd, 3rd string QB, Texas Lutheran College, 1979
The movie should never end.
For me, it hasn’t.
*cleans resin out of pipe bowl*
Depends on the QB.
Black QB: suspended for life. Fox News provides 24-7 coverage of Trump’s reaction.
White QB: Al and Cris ignore it, NBC kills the mike for the rest of the night, everyone pretends he said “nettle”
Tom Brady: Brady refuses to answer questions, pretends he has no idea what everyone is talking about. A thousand hot takes are published about how brilliant Tom and Belichek are to distract the defense with sexual thoughts. Roger Goodell briefly contemplates taking action, then remembers that his contract extension is hanging by a thread, does nothing.
Does Cutler know the name of the head coach?
“Hey, Coach…Dude. What the fuck is this stuff?”
Like Cutler would ever care enough to ask about anything…
I’m betting there is a wall in the Miami front office that has a growing pee stain because Cutler refuses to bother to ask where the shitter is.
That’s just because they got a Citi Kitty and they don’t know how to get Cutler to use it.
LET’S TALK ABOUT BOATS
It’s only 5:40!
Solution to gun issue.
You want to open and carry a gun, that is allowed. You have to wear a bright pink dress to do so, which will allow people to see you coming from a mile away.
It would also serve to remove the whole phallic symbol shit that seems to encourage sex starved losers from stock piling guns.
Jokes on you, I’ll just make the dress OUT OF GUNS.
But the fun of picking a fight and then pulling a gun on someone will be lost.
How we doing?
Just 4 full work weeks left in the year. Can’t wait to half ass it.
I haven’t had a boss in 5 months. I just come and go as I please and the salary just keeps coming. I expect my work ethic to drop off come holidays.
Are you hiring?
Not according to the empty boss’ office
Oh yes. Begin the sweet torture of the Transsiberian Symphony Orchestra commercials
How Dare you!
She could hate me all night long, I’d be cool with that.
She has a novel out. Suddenly I am interested in going to a book signing.
My ex-girlfriend’s sister was in that band! She has a platinum record!
Who HASN’T been in that “band?” It’s like 2 or 3 touring symphonies plus full crew.
Woo hoo! Big rainy messy Sunday Night game between two teams that lost their last game by a combined score of 60 points!
You had better be standin.
Personal foul disrespecting the flag: Oakland, Number 24, fifteen yard penalty and a loss of down. Number 24 has been ejected from the game.
Seeing as how the latest was in a church…is it just thoughts being sent?
I’m not aware that independent thoughts are particularly welcome in church.
and at least half of them aren’t Russian bots.
Replace “enjoyed by” with “forced upon” and you have my Twitter account
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UymXRxJPOQo
Fuck it, I’m drinkin’ it deep!
The last Arcade Fire album was fire, reflektor blew.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzwicesJQ7E
A FG and a punt return were the only points in the second half of the Cin-Jax game apparently. BUT ITS THE KNEELING THATS DRIVING VIEWERS AWAY!
Are Ghosts real?
Just as real as the Houston “Texans.”
Who am I rooting for again?
A time machine to go back in time 30 years when this matchup would have been relevant?
President Nixon welcomes you to 1973.
I don’t know if I could handle living under a President who thinks the Department of Justice exists to protect him from the law and punish his enemies.
So yeah, 1973 sounds good. Thanks!
Wait, it doesn’t?
It’s the Department of Justice for His Enemies, duh doy.
Hmm, should I warn/give him advice about anything?
Shit, make that 50!
Zeke: “I don’t know anything.”
No Shit? Yup. You and jameis should open a wimmens shelter with all your not knowings. Free seafood and cereal buffet.
Random thought: Taylor Swift has never fucked.
Or, she’s really, really bad at it.
Perhaps no one has been able to “untie her golden knot.”
She ain’t gordian.
Eew. Gordian knot. Gordon Ramsay. Ramses condoms (which how the FUCK did that get through R&D?)? Eew.
He prolly sounds like someone with Tourette syndrome when he blows his load into Taylor…….
Would practice; 4/10.
Counterpoint: she has fucked too much and should turn off the “open” sign.
Corollary: Guys…if she wants you…maybe say no.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=YAzz-kxs_rk
So here’s a proposal: how about passing a Constitutional amendment that invalidates the 2nd – BUT – codifies that the federal government will not regulate gun law in any way at the state level. That way we can have gun-free states and slave I mean gun states and see which places end up being better places to live.
I don’t know; in a vacuum with no other variables that sounds reasonable, but it seems to me a lot of folks would migrate to the states that enacted the laws that suited them (pro- or anit-gun), and the country would become even more polarized than it already is.
But I would definitely invest in Bekins, Mayflower, U-Haul, and Penske should this occur.
It’s not really a serious solution. But I sure would like to see what it would be like to live in a society where 20+ people aren’t gunned down every few months.
Which is silly, cause I lived in South Africa and there were guns all over the place there. Not so much in the way of mass shootings, though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dZW1C3neao
Is scotchnaut a-partying yet?