Your “Commitment to Excrement” Late SNF Open Thread

With all due apologies to Rikki-Tikki-Deady  and Al Davis’ Re-Animated Corpse….

….for that post title.  Mostly because I don’t want either showing up here uninvited.

And also my apologies for my opinion below of how this game tonight is apt to go.

Please don’t cannibalize me in my sleep tonight.

That goes for you too, Al.

Oakland @ Miami  (+3.0, o/u 44.5)

OK, so neither of these teams is particularly inspiring any feelings of fear in their opponents recently, so something’s gotta give.

I’m not even going to discuss the Raiders’ D.  Yikes.  And offensively, they are a team with a battered and probably still in pain QB who has been humbled a bit recently, and three very mediocre backs.  How do I know they’re all mediocre (at best)?  Because they’ve all been on my freaking FF roster over the past two weeks.  Like seriously, all of them.  One of them twice (no shit lol).

I finally pulled the trigger and cut Lynch after his stupidity of pushing the official and picked up Washington.  Mostly because I thought he had the higher ceiling and that someone with higher waiver priority than me would likely snap up Richard ahead of me anyway.  They didn’t.  So then I had second thoughts and dropped Washington for Richard.  Then that didn’t work out so well (lol) so I dropped him and picked Washington back up.  He’s starting for me tonight, in fact.  smgdh.

tl:dr :  Fuck you Oakland backfield!!!!!

Miami ain’t so hot neither, though.  I know, that’s not news.  But they’re probably still solid enough on D to pretty much contain the stable of mediocrity thrown at them tonight.  And offensively, they do have the potential to at least put some points on the board now, especially if Cutler can find his way back to being even moderately effective.  The bar isn’t terribly high, Jay.  You can do it.  Even without Ajayi.  Especially against this Oakland D, I suspect.

So, what’s it all mean?

Well, if King Hippo  has any money left in his bank accounts before this one kicks off, I’d advise him take the points and the ‘Phins in this one, if only because of home field and the Raiders have literally been on the road for two weeks.  Also, probably take the under (lol).

Then again, I’m wrong a lot.

WHEN:  8:30pmEST

WHERE:  Hard Rock Stadium, Miami, FL

TV:  NBC

Alright, let’s get this one snapped alr…..

 

Shit.  Gimme a mulligan on that one, would ya?

0 0 votes
Article Rating
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
Subscribe
Notify of
365 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I sacrificed my survivor pool for this win. I’m glad the Raiders won, but I can’t believe how unsatisfying this feels.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The last Dolphins touchdown drive was 5 plays, 83 yards, and took 22 seconds. That’s astonishing.

King Hippo

and I would have lost in my money league by 1 goddamned point had Landry or Parker caught it. Garbage time is terrifying in fantasy and gambling.

Brocky

Happy hippo? The only thing I possibly can look forward to all week, and it’s gone

Its like a kid getting a puppy for Christmas. All your siblings get one too, but I know mine is better.

Then a freak accident happens where a steamroller crashes through the living room and only my puppy gets crushed……

WHAT THE HELL DID MY PUPPY DO TO YOU?

King Hippo

pissed on mah lawn, prolly. I shall ask Kruger (teh cat).

/I lost $518 gambling this weekend, if any consolation (but 2-0 in fantasy WOO!)

King Hippo

woulda pushed had I just bet instead of moneylined. SIGH

Wakezilla

Love the Drake!

King Hippo

inorite??

Sharkbait

No big deal. Only need to recover an onside kick. Again.

King Hippo

Fading Parker/Landry VERY HARD now in money league. UGH

Wakezilla

Call it a catch so we can keep watching

Brocky

C’mon drake. Fumble the ball. You can do it!

King Hippo

kneel downs would do it if not for 2-pointer

Sharkbait

Holy damn. What a catch….maybe

BrettFavresColonoscopy

WTF? Did Darren Bevell take over play calling for the Raiders?

King Hippo

garbage time pickerception will make me lose to Brocky unless I get another Drake checkdown

Brocky

Ughh….

Brick Meathook

comment image

nomonkeyfun

God’s plan after he hears Brocky bought a dirtbike?

Senor Weaselo

For once, I agree with Cris. Do we have to go back through his career?

Brick Meathook

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Maybe Gase should bring in a dominatrix since he sure as shit isn’t getting his team to learn discipline

Sharkbait

I bet Bob McNair would pay to beat off in the corner when the whip came out

King Hippo

I need one checkdown to Drake, then a bunch of Parker/Landry avoidance so I can sleep. Bad enough I am 1-6 in money gambling, at least don’t fuck me at the finish line in fantasy too.

Dunstan

“So, they just handed the ball to Lynch in a goal line situation? You can DO that?” ==– Pete C.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hand to heart, you would not believe the number of Raider fans that were screaming for the team to cut Marshawn when he got suspended.

Wait, they are Raiders fans. Of course you believe it.

Senor Weaselo

70%?

nomonkeyfun

I thought it would have sounded like tbis.

“I do say, that Mr. Lynch behaved in an uncouth manner towards the zebra last week. I believe that Mr. Davis would be justified in making his roster spot redundant. Oh, Jose (waiters name is actually David), another Manhattan.”

Unless DFO has been lying to me.

Wakezilla

Did ya’ll see that US flag that had a Dolphins logo and Miami Colours? Screen shot that and send it to the Donald. Maybe we’ll get lucky and the Dolphins will be sent to Gitmo

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow, Fins really got fucked on that facemask.

King Hippo

PLEASE don’t throw to Cook.

Shogun Marcus

Mueller haz indictment of flynns soon?! Sweet. NBC saying so.

King Hippo

he has “enough” to indict, word is papa is singing to protect his idiot spawn

Dunstan

LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!

Dunstan

(sigh) Yes, Cris, Tom Brady is the only QB who ever thought to snap the ball quickly after an iffy play to avoid replay.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair, Tom Brady is the only one who got the benefit of referees saying “What? What?” and pretending not to understand the opposing coach who was screaming for a challenge.

Wakezilla

Was this Carr start expected? I thought he was out until December. Did he get super soldier serum?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

? He only missed one game.

Wakezilla

Really? Yeah, I don’t really follow the NFL as much as I used to. Given how much they struggled, I guess he should have missed more.

Brick Meathook

I didn’t expect much from this game and it has delivered.

Romonobyl

Didn’t even watch, and I’m a better man for it.

Wakezilla

Welcome to Dolphins fandom

Have your favorite beer. . . But lukewarm

Shogun Marcus

Landshark?! Who drinks that?

hippofant

I’m enjoying watching Lynch. Maybe if the Raiders’ receivers could, you know, receive the damn ball….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who’s gonna drop a perfect Carr pass this time? I think it’s Cook’s turn.

King Hippo

Sad trombone

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is this not covering?

Brick Meathook

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

Since it seems to happen so much, maybe they should reduce the offensive holding penalty walkoff to 5 yards.

King Hippo

Every even decent play, these shits are holding

King Hippo

Cooper noe I gots money on dis

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are cigars a positive Cuban stereotype?

King Hippo

depends on the circumference

Viva La Tabula Raza

Si!!!
—William Jefferson Clinton

King Hippo

awwww, Kiko try to be all tricky

King Hippo

That were pretty pointless, Jay. Do you not noe ppl bet on these fixtures?

Brick Meathook

SUH GOT AN OWIE

King Hippo

I’d feel bad for the guy, but it’s Suh

Romonobyl

True dat. That dude caused more owies than barbed wire.

King Hippo

Now make Drake happen. Get to the touchdown place without involving improper ppl, Catler. Help out a crazy cat person

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess taking the penalty was the right choice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

he got it FOAR free ,, imo godbless

Viva La Tabula Raza

Disclaimer needed: “The number you have dialed is no longer in service.”
I was excited for a minute there!

Romonobyl

Damn, my ex-wife answered.

Shogun Marcus

She’s my ex’s lawyer? I KNEW I recognized that voice.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sumo rumble!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s my Raiders! Two fumbles on one play!

Sharkbait

That lineman’s dream of running that fumble back ended abruptly.

King Hippo

Is it in the rules how long you have to change your mind on that?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Oh good, someone on the Internets finally got to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_zSW7qLgls

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Shogun Marcus

Much to the surprise of my neighbors, my moving one house to the right plan to reset my clocks hasn’t worked. Probably for the best. Their tastes are questionable. ASPIRIN?! ROCK HUDSON DORIS DAY PORN?!

King Hippo

try setting fires, that always works

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rock Hudson porn would be way different from Doris Day porn.

King Hippo

don’t rule anything out, we have that Seal Team Six parody to write/direct/produce, after all

Senor Weaselo

Seal Team Dicks?

Shogun Marcus

Zero dark muddy…buddy.

King Hippo

oh, that’s a wein,,,I mean winner!

Romonobyl

Lonesome Doug?

Romonobyl

Sorry, took a turn towards TV westerns.

Shogun Marcus

Ben gaping. NEVAR FORGET!

Shogun Marcus

I KNOW! IT’S LIKE THEY GOT PEANUT BUTTER IN MY CHOCOLATE! PICK A SIDE! WHEN I WANT ONE, IT’S ONE OR THE OTHER.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, they both liked the Big D.

King Hippo

Now, we must feed the Drake. LOVE the Drake. Do NOT make Hippo lose with 150+ (despite injuries and bye week fill-ins galore), that’s just some weapons-grade bullshit.

Senor Weaselo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3rd and short is among the many things the Raiders offense have done very poorly at this season.

King Hippo

I wish the Donks were good enough to even start categorizing what we’uns bad at.