Hey, when you follow up a craptastic day of JV GAMBLOR with a beautiful 6-match unbeaten run (sullied only by a longshot moneyline bet on Los Gigantes, which didn’t play out THAT crazy), you give the number its props.
There’s no luck in Buffalo, where the usual P*ts hammering also came with a late GRONK SMASH and unrelated ded Tyrod. So…I guess we will see Phase 2 of the great J. Peterman era. Glad I didn’t go with Hauschka for my playoff kicker, after all.
MinnySEWta came into the week as the most legitimate challengers to the Iggle throne, and they exit it the same way. Mister Winkles’ Vikes closed out a 14-9 businessperson-like win win a killer 5+ minute drive to burn off every last second off the clock. Not that ATL is the most hostile environment in the League, but it’s a very good road win, and the fashion it was achieved was particularly impressive. Nobody wants to see them in their playoff bracket.
Kansas City jumped out to a 14-zip lead over the Jets, got about 200 2nd half yards from Tyreek Hill…and still lost. That kind of dumpster fire for the Chefs. New York needed 9 plays inside the 5 to score the winning TD, but win they did, 38-31.
#OddWeekJaguras beat the shit out of the Humps because #OddWeekJaguras. Tune back in next week for the continuing saga of Even Week Jaguras.
Oh my poor fucking Donks. Miami started and finished the day’s scoring with a safety. Dunno if I’ve ever seen that before. In between, they also won 31-9, with 6 of said Denver 9 coming from a Catler Pick Six, because, well, Catler. Miami also converted an onside kick at 33-9 late because…why the fuck not? Team shows up with no pride, kick ’em in the teeth, I guess. Just embarrassing. YES, this was one of my successful moneyline bets. Can you believe Denver was a road favourite anywhere??
Yooooooouuuuuston actually controlled much of this game, but Savage Garden is a wet bag of shit. And Derrick Henry scored a TOTES UNNECESSARY garbage time long TD to beat the spread and turn many fantasy fortunes on they heads. 24-13, Tits win ugly again. Just like DonT likes it. /lights cigarette suavely
Packers and MRSA Men went to OT, because who didn’t want more of THAT bullshit? Anyway, I know nothing of this game except that Davante Adams fucked me over after I finally put him back in the lineup (as Tyreek was doing the opposite). And Green Bay won on the first drive of bonus time, 26-20. Who fucking cares.
The Ravens beat the absolute tar shit out of Detroit, and killed Fat Stafford in the process. The non-Vikes portion of the NFC North just gets fuglier and fuglier.
Speaking of fugly, the Bearistocrats! took requests today (h/t – BFC), and were shut out by former cult hero kicker Robbie Gould, 15-14. Folk singer Leonard Cohen deserves a shout-out for his Bananacakes Bowl-worthy video game-ish punt return TD, but it turns out one can only hide one’s QB for so long before it bites one, even home against the Fightin’ Tomsulas. PRO TIP: Maybe draft a QB that can read?
#ThePauls really fucking competed today, and covered to give Hippo win #6, at least. Still gave up too many fantasy points to Melvin Fucking Gordon and Hunter Henry, though. The Shitty Clippers are annoying fucks, but move into a 3-way tie for 1st in the world’s worst footy division.
Yes, pre-Vegas made it to 6-6 as well, beating up on Geno and his fellow not-quite-so-Giants. The scoreline was only 24-17, a damning indictment of just how shitty a football product each team put out there (not including Beast Mode, Khalil Mack, and Evan Engram). Burn after reading, indeed.
N’Awlins beat Charlotte 31-21, and the score doesn’t reflect just how much of a rout this was. The Panthers didn’t belong on the same field with the Saints. Bitchin’ Kamara, winner of all fantasy leagues, was his usual self. As noted in the Live Blog, you can certainly see why the Tennessee staff got fired, not winning any games with a beast like that in the garage.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! went to the desert in what I thought might be a tricky matchup, but as almost always this season – they flattened the team they should beat. There is much to admire about that, even if it does likely mean the ceiling (for now) is well-below Iggles/Vikes.
Finally, an excellent (on paper) Sunday nighter between the aforementioned Iggles and SeaTruthers. Bird on Bird violencia, huzzah! After a boring-as-shit first half, Philly looked to make things interesting, until Dakota Boy fumbled through the end zone inside the one. After that, I took cold medicine and quit caring. I seen this movie before. As y’all now, I be old and shit.
OOOF. Well you made through and still had thoughts.
I just had random synaptic activations.
Nice to see Miami is doing their annual “Win when it’s too late so we can miss out on the top tier of the draft class” shenanigans, again. Who am I kidding, they’d draft a second tier player, anyway.
Dion Jordan says HAI
The curse of Yatil Green’s knee continues!
Forgot about him. Thought he was going to be real good out of uni.
Heads-up – you can currently get the SeaTruthers +3 @ #EvenWeekJaguras (+100, so no juice, even) right now. That’s free money, ppl!!
When’s the intervention?
I will have you know I am within like $250 of even stevens
@Horatio: I hadn’t seen Gronk’s dirty-as-fuck hit when I said I didn’t wish injury upon him. Now that I have, I absolutely wish injury upon him.
McAdoodle is gone-adoodle.
https://www.bigblueview.com/2017/12/4/16730102/ben-mcadoo-jerry-reese-fired-ny-giants-john-mara
As noted on Slack, this saddens me as a Gronk owner who may need to start Engram next week…
It’s not like the O is gonna get any worse… And if it’s true that the team quit on him after he threw a bunch of guys under the bus (including Eli) you might get a wee bounceback action. Or not. Who the hell knows?
Elisha had quit throwing to Engram, Geno did the Savage Garden to Hopkins strategy.
HEY, know who CAN’T lose his job? That’s right, Trevor the Monkey Boy!
/does not matter, the Jets would roll over Brock Lobster too
This was out 1st Anniversary weekend and, since the Mrs is knocked up, it was VERY low key (couldn’t even go get massages without a doctor’s note). I saw zero football but checked Twitter yesterday afternoon to see some tweets that THE AMAZING BLAINE [Gabbert] was over-performing expectations and the argument was about whether ARI should draft a QB high (DUH) or try to sign THE AMAZING BLAINE to a reasonable LT deal and build around him.
Then this morning, reality kicked back in to remind everyone that “Should Gabbert be signed to a LT deal even be a conversion?” is a stupid fucking question.
There are no stupid questions, but “Yes” is a stupid answer to that question.
SIGN ME THE FLOW!!
http://i.imgur.com/OlWzcHF.gif
Fuck the Giants. And the Raiders too while we’re at it
To get that close on a six team parlay and lose on a garbage time 52 yd FG in the last fucking game.
Fuck everything.
Fuck all of you too while I’m at it (you all know you did something at some point to deserve it).
So in closing. Fuck.
(also a hooker tried to hurt my feelings last night, no shit….it was fucking hilarious)
I am genuinely suspicious that Jalen Richard was shaving points last night. He normally has very reliable hands; yesterday he fumbled three times.
I swear to fuck BOTH those sides were aggressively shaving points. Except the Giants’ kicker, obvs
I’d think kicker would be the best guy to pay off. They don’t get paid much, no matter HOW badly they are kicking you don’t have to worry about them getting benched, and it’s pretty easy to “just miss” and make it look plausible. Kick/punt returner could probably have a huge effect in total point swing, though.
Don’t hookers know that they are just like DFOers, dead inside,
Hell, can we hear that story?
Hear it you shall. In about 4 days.
We’re avoiding the meat of the matter. How much NyQuil did Hippo chug?
Nighttime Zarbees hot liquid or GTFO. Hippo is natural outside of his opiates and muscle relaxers (one of each pre-game, chuh chuh).
Just saw Herm Edwards is now going to coach the Sun Devils. If I was a player and he starts his tenure with a talk about how he is going to treat the team members just like one of his own kids, I’d transfer then and there.
Their first choice was Tony Dungy but part of his terms for taking the job included a pious insistence that they change the name.
Shit, I confused Dungy and Edwards, I blame the migraine that is making thinking hurt more than usual.
Herms coaching tree is truly wonderful.
First, he was under Martyball, then homophobic Skeletor. His one assistant to become head coach, 5-Chan.
More like a Deadly Nightshade bush instead of a tree.
Is that for real?
/Puts all his moneys on wolven sort in Border Wars Bowl
Herm coached Trent Green.
“I didn’t know that.”
-T. Green
“That Trent Green played with his heart. I should know, I’m Herm Edwards.”
-T. Green
WHY DIDNT PEDERSON CHALLENGE THE FORWARD LATERAL FOR FUCKS SAKE.
He probably didn’t think you could.
I mean, I didn’t think you could. Since when can you challenge a call that WASN’T made?
Oh yeah, they challenge “past the line of scrimmage” throws all the time. And too many men on the field. As long as not a judgment call.
Bitchin’ Kamara is fantastic, and if I weren’t so superstitious about changing team names that would instantly be the new name for my DFO squad. That man is carrying that team.
The Tits get three false start penalties deep in their territory to get a 4th & 19 in the endgame… And HOU converts a 22 yd. pass. Made me glad DirecTV’s still on blackout; otherwise, I’d have to buy a new TV and cellphone. The inside / outside coverage on Hopkins on the INT was POIFECT. That highlight made my day.
Many in Nashville are LAMENTING the team’s 8-4 ‘cause they won’t fire the coaches who are stunting Mariota’s development. Sorry, but that’s dumb. He came back from a broken leg, played hurt with a hamstring, and now has 5 rush TDs—most in a season for him, thus far. Same people who’ve been saying “Oh we [sic] need Corey Davis to return to the lineup”, as if he’s been Megatron Harrison. Dude’s barely practiced! God I miss the days when the Internet could be used for joy, instead of bitter punditry.
I don’t care if Bob Arum hisself lined up the ‘17 palookas for the Titans faek AFC-S title run. IMGONNA ENJOY THIS DAMMIT.
All you have to do is type in Pornhub…
Did you guys know Jimmy Graham used to play basketball?
that lite is so carefully hidden under a bushel ,, smh