It’s a frosty, uncaring world out there. What’s the point of even holding the door open for anyone anymore? And yet we do it because in our heart of hearts we know that we have to be optimistic, we must believe that there is good out there in the world. We football fans slog our way through the week so that we can be rewarded for our patience with the world at large on Thursday [LOUD RECORD SCRATCH] “Denver at Indianapolis? Denver at Indianpolis!!?? ” You’re trying your hardest to break me, NFL, but I’m not giving in out of sheer unadulterated spite. ‘Spite’ can be be a positive emotional response, right? Right? Hmmm. Ok. TO THE GAME!
Broncos/Colts: Both of these last-place, division basement-dwellers are so pathetic even the ghost of Kenneth Pinyan wouldn’t be able to support them.
Pssst! The Cavaliers are playing somebody tonight.
First off, Carrot Top is giving all the props to human-titanium hybrid Frank Gore. The guy John Riggins-ed his way to 36(!) carries last week to the tune of more yards than I can count.
Hey! You! Yeah, you. The Caps and Bruins looks like a great game.
How can you lose eight straight games when you have the league’s overall best D and the second-best pass defense? Seems impossible, don’t it? Well, Denver found a way to do it.
Do you like JV basketball? #21 Baylor is gonna whup Texas Southern tonight.
So, uh, perhaps you’ve got T.Y. on your fantasy roster or that kicker that’s never gonna retire-whatever your reasons…enjoy.
The Women’s Network is featuring A Song For Christmas at 8pm. A pop singer is gonna get stranded in a small town, be all high and mighty, get her comeuppance, fall for simple-livin’ farmer and give up fame and fortune or something. (I bet)
Do what ya gotta do, kinfolk.
Men! This game has shown us that there IS a place that makes orange leggings tailored for the male body. Go forth, purchase, and start a trend! You may feel ridiculous, but the payoff will come when you can watch many, many others look ridiculous in the future!
I’m not listening to you. You told me you’d give me eyeliner and get me laid in Vegas.
Neither happened. I think you’re just fucking around now.
I totally would have if I had remembered earlier.
So your defense is….”I forgot”.
Thanks for that. 😉
‘I forgot’ and ‘I was too lazy’ are the main reasons I haven’t accomplished lots of stuff. It’s probably for the best, there are lots of people out there who probably wouldn’t agree with my particular brand of world domination.
I had a whole plan. You were going to ask hot chicks on the casino floor if they like my new look. One would eventually have been drunk enough to say yes.
You joke, but I’ve done almost exactly this before. Women make the best wingmen
I wasn’t joking.
Thanks for nothing.
Next year, remind me Saturday night if I don’t say anything by like…10 pm
If you don’t say anything by Sat 10pm, it won’t be because I roofied you.
Honest. You just got a bad batch of absinthe or something.
Ugh, absinthe would be so much better if it wasn’t so damn licorice flavored
In all seriousness…I was gonna let you do it and then see what happened. But we ran out of time.
(once again, that sounds terrible out of context)
I’d made one happen by hand and the other by charm were I been there.
/dealer’s choice
you are gonna need to whip up lots of PCP in yer weekend happiness laboratory
You been talking to my wife?
/orange be her fave. O AN U KNO IT SEXAY.
I already turned my into chaps.
Now you don’t punt, just take a knee. Duh doy.
Gird your loins, Hippo.
This might be where Brock screws the pooch.
bet it’s Bolles again
no, it’s the worse guy
Are you still yay Donks win, or are you rooting for draft picks at this point?
Good question.
Little Column A, Little Column B
I know that a loss is logically better, but I was all WOO!!!! when Brock Lobster scored.
Been there
yeah, ‘Dacteds been down that 5-11/6-10 road before
The whole problem with that philosophy is; If the team sucks that bad, you probably can’t trust them to draft well.
In case anyone is interested, Beastmode and meself are still deadlocked at 4.00 to 1.20. Not the most exciting playoff game in ever, I’ll grant you. BUT I’M STILL WINNING!!!!!!
Remember a few years ago when it was pretty easy to name the starting QB for like, 2/3 of the league?
Hell you just start a with Matt and throw out a last name and you gotta qb name goin: Matt Moore, Matt Flynn, Matt Ryan, Matt Stafford, Matt Hasslebeck,
HIPPO NEEDS FG!!
Somebody tell Brock Lobster that if he cracks he exoskeleton diving like that, they’ll have to pull Manningbot out of cold storage and start the boot-up process and refuel his atomic engine.
Emergency QB is the punt returner/surfer looking honky #4 WR.
/two minute keytar solo
Brockdown?
Brock do a good?
BROCK LOBSTER!!!!
https://www.dailywire.com/news/24673/entire-family-transgender-amanda-prestigiacomo#
Flyers lost 10 straight, and have just won their 5th straight since the 10th loss. Good ol’ streaky as fuck hockey.
I guess he’s not as beloved these days, but I sure enjoyed Bobby BigWheel’s takedown of DoJu’s blithering idiocy here:
https://mobile.twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/941467519222771713
The original tweet. Note that Donald Trump appointed the current FCC Chairman.
That’s only because he hadn’t heard of it until this week.
Also DoJu didn’t even spell “neutrality” correctly.
I thought net neutality was some kind of phishing tool……
/sorry
That is beautiful.
Does DoJu not understand that Obama and his dad are different people? Or maybe they’re not…
It was a wonderful owning. I Just wish Jr wasn’t a sentient fern and could understand any of the words being thrown at him.
What a dumb tool.
I thought my dead ex wife had come back to life there for a sec.
Interception time. You can do this Brock.
I flipped a 2800 lb car multiple times, stopped upright, eventually crawled out, walked around, had a smoke, THEN felt a twinge before finding out in the ER I was .0002 from snapping my cord.
/just saying sometimes these hits are more than they appear.
While our bodies are good enough at signalling serious injury via pain to keep the species going, there’s enough anomalous shit in there (ingrown toenail being waaay more painful than brain injury) that I’m convinced YMMV wildly on an individual basis. Glad you still have enough movement in your hands to type!
I can still yoga into tree, sun salutations, and if right, ankle back to my shoulders. Behind, like limbo jackholes. I’m too stupid to die and smart enough to know when he’s winning. Let’s go.
fuck that was awesome
Seriously. Kinda wish they could give it to him for the awesomeness alone.
Too bad Bolles is ALWAYS holding, and Booker gets like 3 touches a game no matter what he does.
You still in the money fantasy-wise, Hippo?
Semifinals. I did NOT make Top 3 in regular season points. Only player I have going tonight is McManus, at least his miss was 40+ so didn’t cost me.
I am 9.2-point underdog. Fucking Ertz.
Best of luck. 9.2 is nothing. It’s one 30 yard TD.
that was obvious enough
The man immobilized with his face mask removed has a neck injury? Thanks for clearing that up NFLN.
I have a feeling they would’ve rule Joe Theismann as “doubtful with a slight ankle sprain”.
I know Phish is a rather polarizing band, but goddamn, the “Mike’s Song” on Hampton Comes Alive! is a fucking GROOVE.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
I’m routinely amazed they aren’t just scraping these people off the ground on a daily basis.
Natural Selection at work, everyone.
I was reading about this earlier today….dude was gonna use the money to pay for his wedding
Aw. Now I feel like a dick.
well…one can get married for like $100, if one wants to be pedantic about it.
No need. He was the idiot, not you.
Gravity is not just a “theory”…ppl forget that. Like him. Now he’s flat. Like the Earth.
Alternate Response Initiated…
ME TOO!!!!!!
– A. Rodgers
Eh, the wedding would have left him flat broke anyway.
Hey ohhhhh!!!!!!
Thanks Donks D. Back to the waiver wire foar next week it is I guess.
(j/k…they were only a stopgap and the waiver was already filed for an even shittier D next week….which I likely won’t need)
“He has been transported to a local primary hospital.”
Why not just take him to an urgent care clinic?
I bet the CVS Minute Clinic could handle it
surely Irsay knows a quack?
If that means the whole family rapes ducks, then I concur.
Fuck them.
The ducks or the whole family?
Yes?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoHyF6ny3T8
My son’s home from college so I let him use the good TV to play CoD.
I have no regrets.
College age, so I’m guessing the racial slurs are down a solid 15% or so from his early CoD days.
I don’t think I’d been playing more than five minutes before I got called a (bundle of sticks used as firewood).
By my son.
For ruining his Kill/Death ratio.
If your KD is any lower than 2.3, you clearly enjoy sucking dick on the sly. Everyone knows this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSwL9deXNW8
I fully endorse this. Have him show you Hellblade if on Ps4.
Xbox One.
No regrets about the TV, or about having kids? Or letting them go to college?
Just drown ’em.
– A. Yates
(too soon?)
((probably))
Too late?
Yes, that too.
Oh, the TV. When the second one goes next year it’s ramen noodles and hot water 3 times a day for the next two years.
The ol’ poverty diet is the only one that’s ever worked for me.
they must have got maximum shit feedback re “sky cam”
This would be a good time to get good again.
– tWBS talking to Donks’ D ’16
Seriously…I’d even settle for just one sack.
(that sounds bad…shut up)
Seems Moose isn’t here tonight or I would expect something interesting for that reply.
Hehehe….good point.
So, possible scrap of hope, maybe it seems like there are more really bad injuries because they’re being more careful about spine/head stuff and players are less likely to try and push through….(no, I don’t really believe it either, but it is possible)
It’s a factor no doubt.
But sadly, only because they didn’t have to give a shit in years past.
Wooooo awareness.
It’s really amazing how little of a shit they had to give in the ‘glory days.’ The guy who owned my gym in Chicago, his dad played D-lineman for the Bears in the 70s. He had some medical imaging done for one of a plethora of leftover injuries and found out he had a healed vertebrae. Apparently he played a whole season with a cracked one and it was never even diagnosed.
Now that’s scary.
Yikes.
I’m not sure. If I can move my feet pain free, I’m not being put on a backboard. Not for damage; but for the mental image my family would have.
hey, Brock almost made a first down!
Well, I just got myself health insurance. So cross that major life milestone off my list. Let’s see what’s next on the list!
…Be stamped by the boot of our corporate overlords forever? Goddammit.
Oh! Go get a physical and whatever other free crap is covered! Use dem bennies!
I’m not due for a physical until September and an eye exam until October. And I’ll probably only be allowed the one! (Remember Dok, musician.)
You get one a calendar year on most plans, but you get all the fancy bloodwork and everything. Aren’t you eager to learn your magnesium levels??
Madre Weaselo works in the lab, so she knows all that. And then yells at me.
Just walked into the living room to see another body getting scrapped off the field.
So…yeah…this is just a blood sport. I think we all need to recognize that.
They got the players stronger and faster than the safety equipment can handle.
That’s the same vein as the glut of ACL/Tommy John injuries. You can’t go to the gym to work out a ligament.
Agreed. Everytime I saw Aroldis Chapman throw 100+ MPH fastballs, I kept waiting for the one pitch where his forcefully severed arm following a spilt second later going 80.
Well, that almost happened when they shut him down for a couple weeks.
aka “the Dravecky”
For tendon/ligament stuff you can at least work on agility and strengthen smaller supporting muscles. Nothing you can do for spine/brain 🙁
This is exactly why I only gamble on cage fights when the participants are younger than 14.
but it’s our goddamned blood sport
Brock Lobster? What happened to Ape Name?
ded (separated shoulder) via Mingo
I feel like maybe spinal conditions are not something you should try to overcome to play a sport known for awful spinal injuries…
Is it me or is there way more cart trips this year. They are “wussifying” the game but more big injuries it seems.
Seems like it to me too, but no idea if it’s true or not
Wow. This is a lot like Shazier’s injury; didn’t look like much but holy crap.
I went to get a beer.
Who ded?
Us. Inside.
now that you have insurance, that is what is known as a “pre-existing condition”
Heh. Ha. Uh. Well…Ok. It would seem ridiculous illness makes one feel comfy. Like it or not folks, coming soon, how the 2010(?) packers super bowl nearly killed me.
Who was just murderdeathkilled?
special teamer Hump
“We’re not sure how bad this injury is. Let’s break away to a tone-deaf commercial.”
“He isn’t on a stretcher yet-how about a car commercial? You’re welcome.”
So how’s the horse on horse action going?
Catherine the Great would be barely moist ,, smh
Holy shit, that’s funny as fuck.
A far more… explicit answer than I expected but a sufficient one. Thank you.
Needs visuals.
dunno what you’ll get if you Google “Russian lady fucking a horse” but let us know, k?
No, please don’t.
“dunno what you’ll get if you Google “Russian lady fucking a horse””
I do. Arrested.
Can a reply get the banner? Because…(points up)
Oh dammit, more horrible injuries? Is it recency bias or have there been more of these this year?
Injury cart is da real MVP tonight.
I miss the Madden cart that would run over and push players out of the way just to pick up the injured player.
Injury cart is always da real MVP.
LOL There’s a local documentary about Bay Area cannabis activists
They told me there was no film in that camera.
Were you the hippie calling pot ‘nature’s greatest gift to mankind’?
Those people are heroes.
I like how they call the interference, but not the DDT
It was after the play ended, so it didn’t really happen, right?
Everything changes now, the Lobster is in the Pot!
Is that a metaphor or are you actually cooking and consuming delicious lobster?
nah, I am running out of ways to feign Osweiler excite
/is still legit better than Siemian, at least
(insert picture of an ape in an ap(e)ron and chefs hat trying to stuff a lobster in a pot while a giraffe looks on in the backgournd)
I think they should totally pump up the color rush idea by playing the game in blacklight and having the teams play in different colors of blacklight responsive uniforms. Also there should be obstacles on the field and crazy music playing. Also the teams should be playing laser tag instead of football.
Sparkling Rose and butter sandwiches for dinner. O AN I HEALTHY
From where? Nawt the butter sandwiches.
I’m trying the Trader Joe’s private label. CA blend.
Let it dribble some…O SHE SEXY LIKE MY DYING WIFE NOW!
(we recovering from plague. I’m good now, she’s one night away).
Keep dreaming, Pal. You be dribbling for awhile.
– Lady Shogun
GIT OUT OUR ROOM LEST YE TAPING OR PARTICIPATING!
/naw you just want out at the moment. Sleep and fever dreams.
What’s with the cart for an arm injury?
It’s the only thing the NFLPA managed to negotiate this year
I guess that’s one you still don’t wanna jostle (seemed like shoulder separation)
Loooooooool. Simian getting John Cena’d off the field