Your “Zoinks! I Could Have Sworn The NFL Was On Tonight” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Gosh darn it, Scoob.

NFL News:

  • The NFL’s taking people’s money:
    • The Seahawks have been fined $100,000 for not properly observing the concussion protocol in Week-10 when Russell got popped in Arizona.
      • coaching & medical staff will have to undergo “remedial training” on the procedures.
    • Marshawn Lynch has been fined $24,309 for yelling at an official after Derek Carr’s fumble Sunday night.
      • This, combined with the one-game suspension he got for bumping an official, has gotten him a “repeat offender” designation.
    • Texans cornerback Johnathan Joseph has been fined $18,231 for a horse collar tackle against the Jaguars.
  • Speaking of the Jags, Blakes Bortles is unconcerned with Jadeveon Clowney calling him “trash”.
    • Jacksonville’s fans, however, are having a delightful time with it.

  • The NFL has now declared Gene Steratore’s paper manoeuvre “against protocol”.
    • Al Riveron said. “I will advise them not to use it again. I’ve already done that.”
    • It’s now supposed to be “eyes only”.
  • Good news:
    • Bears TE Zach Miller began walking yesterday, as his physical therapy enters a new stage.
      • Apparently, he still has one more knee surgery scheduled, but he has to build up leg strength first before they can operate.

Better Know A Broadcaster – Bowl Game Edition

With Bowl games on the docket pretty much every night there isn’t NFL action between now & New Year’s, I thought I’d make #content quota by trying to figure out which C-list announcing teams are trying to climb the broadcasting ladder. I will rely on the American commentists to pass judgement on the quality of their work, as most bowl games aren’t shown on Canadian TV, and the Seattle stations only show the majors and games featuring Washington state teams.

The broadcast tandems are courtesy 506sports.com.

Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl – Temple vs Florida International

Broadcast team: Anish Shroff, Mike Golic Jr.

Anish Shroff:

  • Personal stuff:
    • Born in Bloomfield, NJ
    • B.Sc in Broadcast Journalism, Syracuse University (2004)
  • Broadcasting history:
    • 2004 – Was featured on the second season of ESPN reality show Dream Job
      • Was one of the three finalists.
      • Turned that into a job as an anchor, talk show host and play-by-play announcer at WHEN Radio in Syracuse, New York.
    • 2005 – Sports Director at KNDO-TV in Yakima, Washington
    • 2008 – Joined staff at ESPNews
  • Signature play-by-play events:
    • None
    • Has given a TEDx talk about “Ethnic Identity and the Power of Being Undefined”
      • about the cultural issues he faced pursuing his career.

  • Previous bowl games called:
    • 2014 Belk Bowl
    • 2016 AutoZone Liberty Bowl

Recent Tweets which show level of commitment to Bowl Game accuracy:

Mike Golic Jr.:

  • Personal stuff:
    • B.FA in Film, Television and Theater
  • Football career?:
    • Yes – O-line
      • College: Notre Dame (2008-12)
        • 2012 – Capital One Academic All-America Football Team
      • Pro: 2013-15
        • signed with Steelers, Saints, Alouettes & Rattlers; never played a regular-season down
  • Broadcasting history:
    • 2016 – present: ESPN nepotism
  • Previous bowl games called:
    • N/A

Recent Tweets which show level of commitment to Bowl Game accuracy:

Prediction:

Ugh. Chucklefuckery of the highest order. Shroff will try and keep it professional, but Golic – based on the limited times I’ve heard him on the radio – will eventually want to BRO DOWN! on his first bowl broadcast and will drag the kid down with him.

Over/under on Golic’s famous references:

  • His dad: +6.5
  • His mom: +4.5
  • Manti Te’o: +2.5

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blue Jackets at Penguins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at 76ers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Celtics at Knicks – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Spurs at Jazz – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Football:
      • Gasparilla Bowl: Temple vs. Florida International – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Men’s basketball:
      • American at Marquette – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Fairleigh Dickinson at Maryland – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Connecticut at Arizona – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
      • Miami (Ohio) at DePaul – 9:00PM | FS1
      • Kansas at Stanford (in Sacramento) – 11:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4

Last day of school for me today. TIME TO PUT THE “BEER” IN BEERGUYROB!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Oh fuck. Dick Enberg died. So much a part of my So Cal sports influence. He announced for the Angels for years before he hit the big time.
Dammit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Makes sense that Jacksonville’s fans are sending trash cans since trash is their city’s number one export.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy balls I’m tired.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Balls? Retort?

yeah right

I guess I’m taking requests for next season’s Sunday Gravy.
I’ve got some ideas but I’m here to appease the masses.

So far I’ve got Sauerbraten, fish and chips, jambalaya, gyros and a whole lot of work in front of me.

Thoughts?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I love sauerbraten and would love to see it in Sunday gravy. For other ideas, what about an old school pot roast? And have you done a meatloaf yet? I don’t have the index memorized/know if there’s an index.

yeah right

I’ve actually done both early on. My tag system wasn’t up to par back then but I think my yeah right tag should work.
Also check out my brisket recipe. It’s solid.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hmmmm let me think then. Do you have your own Mac n cheese recipe you’d want to share? How about a good fish dish? I always feel like I’m just making salmon and should branch out.

yeah right

If you want mac and cheese look for my Jamaican jerk chicken recipe and enjoy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I wanted to jerk off a Jamaican I’d go on vacation in the Caribbean

yeah right

How about a nice crusted filet of halibut. Now I can do that.

Wakezilla

Has Green Stefani ever sung last Christmas before 2017? Apparently it was released in September, but I could have sworn she sang this song years ago. Did she have a previous Christmas album with this song? I heard this song on the radio today and I made a comment about how it’s been years since I heard this song, and people looked at me as if I had 3 heads.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hellooooooooo?

Senor Weaselo

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire is on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OJ is at it again huh?

Senor Weaselo

So some lady “accidentally” put the Elf on a Shelf in the oven. I’m going to leave that as is and not quip about it.

Doktor Zymm

My oven has a shelf in it. Seems legit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was this elf Jewish? Because that would be slightly worse.

Senor Weaselo

So did anyone win the Gasparilla Bowl? I mean I know the answer is “no,” but it was worthy an ask.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So I’ve been doing other things and not really paying attention to this game.
But it appears it must’ve kinda sucked so far?

Wakezilla

Was the other thing you were doing also involving something getting sucked?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sort of I guess.
Tomorrow’s TGISF.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Strawberry rhubarb Pie sounds nice rite now…

King Hippo

damn it’s short “in season” season

/also how fat and sometimes migraine-y it makes me

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Here’s a little nugget to take away from the #meetoo campaign. Apparently, NDA’s don’t amount to a pile of shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not when it turns into a criminal matter.

Romonobyl

And when the timing is convenient.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, that too I guess.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Although I have to say, if you’re trying to hush someone regarding one’s own indiscretions with dough, you’ve already left the barn door open anyway (often in more ways than one) so I don’t have much sympathy.

King Hippo

well, they make one seem even creepier and less remorseful in retrospect. So that means sommet?

/this is an area of law-talkin’ guy stuff me no really get

rockingdog
rockingdog

Listening to some songs.

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herodotus450
herodotus450

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta do the last minute stuff tomorrow I guess.
I should probably save the booze shopping until last this year tho. No one wants a repeat of last year.
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Romonobyl

Whoa-Whoa-Whoa…..

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Welcome to Portland!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Naming your kid Adonis just seems unfair. Why not more conservative, possible-to-live-up-to choices like Napoleon, Pharoah, or Shawndarrius?
/All names featured in this Temple game.

Romonobyl

I too found myself strangely disappointed about the lack of the footballing tonight, especially considering how critical I have been about the quality of the preceding contests.

rockingdog
rockingdog

same here.

King Hippo

don’t know whatcha got till it’s gawwwwne

herodotus450
herodotus450

Can’t sleep? This Gasparilla Bowl has a healthy serving of Ryquell, it’ll put you right out. RB Ryquell Armstead.

Doktor Zymm

Oh hey! Vacation reading recommendations! Need em!

Romonobyl

I like the dictionary…all the other books are already in it.

Doktor Zymm

SO MUCH PERMUTATION

Fronkenshteen

“The Great Shark Hunt” by Hunter S. Thompson.

Doktor Zymm

Already read that, but good call, rereading some HST is not a bad idea

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Charlatan by Pope Brock about a doctor at the turn of the century was implanting goat testicles in men with ED.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

“Death In the City of Lights” by David King.

Doktor Zymm

Weirdly enough I’ve also read that one, I think it was an Amazon recommendation after reading Devil in the White City

Romonobyl

“The Art of the Deal”, bet you haven’t read that one.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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Doktor Zymm

I would rather read “The Dart of the Eel”

Doktor Zymm

Wait, what? Okay, that’s 100% on the list

theeWeeBabySeamus

I guess that’s better than the other way around.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Carter Beats the Devil? It was recomended many moons ago by someone from this one football blog dick joke site…

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Ever read any Ian M Banks?

Doktor Zymm

Not always sure about author names, but don’t think so

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Excellent SF. “Player of Games”, “Consider Phlebas”

rockingdog
rockingdog
Doktor Zymm

Looks good, but that’ll go in my work reading category (Kindle = vacation, internet = work)

Wakezilla

My Master’s thesis?

King Hippo

see below, but everything by Emily St. John Mandel if you haven’t already

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Anything by Alan Furst.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just finished Radium Girls. Depressing as fuck all but a good read.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

I’m not aware of both the neighbor above me *and* the neighbor below me fucking just feet from where I sleep.

Romonobyl

Just finished watching A Charlie Brown Christmas, don’t even try telling me that’s not the penultimate animated Christmas special. That show still stands the test of time, very few productions that are almost as old as I am can make that claim. It respects the origin of the holiday without being heavy-handed about it, and no cartoon dog will ever come close to Snoopy, don’t even bother arguing…you’ll lose.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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Romonobyl

Sacrilege!

herodotus450
herodotus450

ppl forget he’s a six year old bald kid who gets picked on all the time,,,, maybe if hed had a safe space hed still have hair

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It was the cancer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT BASED ON YOUR SUBJECTIVE OPINION; DON’T EVEN ARGUE!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So then what’s the ultimate animated Christmas special?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Dan Archibong sacks Maurice Alexander and does NOT call him a smoker or a toker.

herodotus450
herodotus450

This Florida International team I call them Beth Emmanuel because they are coming after Temple.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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Romonobyl

One of the few pics that I go out of the way to show The Dame, CUZ CHICKS LUV TEH BABY PICTURES!!!11

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

After drinking a bottle of Bourbon County I’m ready to do something crazy like order some stools.

I could use some stools.

King Hippo

have a mango/kale/spinach smoothie instead, that’s how I orders stools!

Romonobyl

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herodotus450
herodotus450
herodotus450
herodotus450

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King Hippo

Booky Books!!! Too bad Scotchy went to bed even MOAR old-manlike than I plan to, for I have found a good one. “The Last Policeman” series, by Ben H. Winters. Basically a rookie detective in Concord, NH, a conscientious introverted type, doing his best as the world dissolves around him (a giant asteroid is on collision course with the earth, 100% likelihood of catastrophic impact).

Mystery, dark humour, end of the world triple threat. Heavenly.

And yes, I found from yet another list of “Books similar to Station Eleven.” Emily St. John Mandel is QUEEN of all literature.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

But I am closer, fwiw.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Someone called for sexy elephant gifs?
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litre_cola

better than sexy elephant gilfs!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Elephant: You’re a strange trunkless. small eared creature but I still love you!

ballsofsteelandfury

Usually that’s $50 extra

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I learned recently that elephants view humans as humans view puppies which means TAKE ME TO THE NEAREST ELEPHANT I WANT TO BE CUTE.

King Hippo

/I would be rejected and stamped flat immediately

Doktor Zymm

Some elephants just have no maternal instinct…smh

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what the elephants WANT you to think!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

They are both smart and tusky.

NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Down with Big Elephant!

King Hippo

soooooooo cute, but that thar a lot of poo to pick up and put in wee baggies

Doktor Zymm

So I really ramped up my Silicon Valley Asshole levels this week. I got my smog test done at a discount while I worked, used the complimentary laundry service, created my equity account and accepted my RSUs, and had my first meeting with a nutritionist (24 sessions/year are covered on our insurance).

Doktor Zymm

Oh, and I mailed a package from our shipping center, using our discount, and booked a hotel using the our discount code, cause we’re allowed to use that for leisure travel.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Six months from now Dok Zymm is fired for actually using these services and not working herself to death in a gilded cage.

King Hippo

many things about that sentence confuse and frighten Hippo

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

*prolonged fart sound*

Doktor Zymm

They have some excellent brussels sprouts at the BBQ shack that could cause that

King Hippo

you see, here’s the thing, nutritionists of the world – I know what’s healthy. I just tend not to like it. Also, personal trainers? I know how to exercise. I just don’t want to. And I can not want to exercise and hate myself for free, thanks very much.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

*stains underwear deep brown color*

Doktor Zymm

I was kinda in the same camp re: nutritionists, but I also like free stuff so I said what the heck? It actually wasn’t like that at all, it’s more about getting you to be aware of what you’re doing, and then giving you little tips and tricks and things to think about to help you make little changes. Plus the dude is super nice and it’s a fun sort of chat.

Doktor Zymm

I actually really like personal trainers though, I’m a fan of exercise but I’m shitty at self-directing. I end up doing like, three things then getting distracted and wandering off. I can get myself to the gym, it’s nice to not have to make a plan and then try to stick to it. Plus, again, they’re usually super nice, and they really do know their shit, so they’re fun to chat to while doing stuff.

King Hippo

Ha, I have no breath whilst I exercise and am in no mood whatsoever. Must have sports or a very good documentary to take my mind off it.

King Hippo

well, at this this low-budget NFL methadone is a barnburner…

Doktor Zymm

FOR I HAVE BECOME SPRAYOR – SLAYER OF ANTS

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Can you get rid of Ian Miles Cheong for us? Plz?

herodotus450
herodotus450

THIS DOK ZYMM I CALL HER KAISER WILHELM BECAUSE OF ALL THE CHEMICAL WEAPONS BEING DEPLOYED

scotchnaut

It’s 8:41 and I’m done.

/see ya!

nomonkeyfun

This is the 10th edition of this game. They’ve now had 7 different names.
It has been magicjack St. Pete’s, the St. Pete’s presented by Beef O’Brady, the Beef O’Brady, the Bitcoin St. Pete’s, plain old St. Pete’s, and now the overcompensating lawnmower mythical pirate game.

I guess we’re living Idiocracy now.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Nah, that’s just what unadulterated capitalism looks like.

King Hippo

You’re both right!

NC State played in the “sell grandma’s expired medication money” bowl!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That made me laugh like an idiot.
Well done.

King Hippo

all I can think of is that scene in Mad Men where they cut off part of that guy’s foot

#Drunk60sOfficeFuckery

herodotus450
herodotus450

Not regretting EVEN MORE my decision to bail on that show

King Hippo

guh…dunno if we can be imaginary pals no more, I can get past the tOSU thing, but no likey Mad Men??

herodotus450
herodotus450

I’m not in the nostalgia window for it and got sick of the 60s stroking after a few seasons. And I hate all things advertisement SO MUCH that it bleeds over.

Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that Roots?

King Hippo

#TobyShudBeenQuietsmh

scotchnaut

nomonkeyfun

If you will excuse I must go bite some ankles at the White Horse Tavern.

theeWeeBabySeamus

(don’t make Rex Ryan Joke…don’t make Rex Ryan joke….don’t make Rex Ryan joke)

Senor Weaselo

Hey the Trop is in its bowl best! So, still a turfy shithole.

nomonkeyfun

The only stories I want to hear from Golicito are about his Uncle working with our fearless internet Dad.

scotchnaut

/Senators are up 1-0

“Golly, how will they fritter away this lead?”

scotchnaut

Is anyone showing up to work tomorrah?

I gots to go in to do some inventory and get some commodity pricing. Otherwise, she’s a really short day.

Senor Weaselo

I should be ashamed because I’m only playing one Christmas Mass. And I’m doing double duty and have to sing. But it’s for a friend, and she’ll owe me for this, which will put me back in the single digits of what I owe her I think, non-food division.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And I’m doing double duty….

— Andy Reid on Wednesday mornings after hitting the all you can eat buffet on Tuesdays?

Senor Weaselo

No, that would be a half-day for Andy. But I will be in oversized red clothes (we get church robes, she promised to wash mine).

King Hippo

sigh…YES. I actually have a big deliverable

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet you do, big boy.

Senor Weaselo

Oh, this bowl game is gonna be good. Okay, good is not the word. But, something. But I’m watching Rangers-Devils. Which has been the good kind of something.

Wakezilla

Here’s my “I’d like to stay longer and see how this story ends, but I’m way too tired” story from last night:

Kid (18 year old guy) takes girl’s (18) cell phone and won’t give it back. So, teacher grabs his phone and refuses to give it back. Guy gets mad so he somehow logs into the girl’s phone that he stole and starts watching porn in class. He was in the office with the principal, teacher and some admin when I decided to bail. I look forward to hopefully finding out what transpired when I left.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like the beginnings of a porn flick.
Whatever those are.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Blue Comment Bar gone? I hope he didn’t take my attempt to destroy him too seriously…

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s the what bowl?
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scotchnaut

small batch simple syrup?

When did developmentally-challenged small people get into the maple syrup game?

herodotus450
herodotus450

The rich kind I expect; I’ve seen a similar thing at the store for like $15.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oh wait, I just got the joke. I guess we know who’s simple now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!!!!!1

Wakezilla

The war on Christmas is real! Look at this Christmas internment camp happening in America right now.

Time to go to Starbucks and make a worker earning minimum wage say Merry Christmas. #ThankyouGodbless

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Thought that banner was gonna say “Prepare your Anish” for a second.

scotchnaut

“Got A Small Dick? Can’t Afford A Corvette? Have We Got A Riding Lawn Mower For You!”

https://www.badboymowers.com/

Petronel
scotchnaut

“Little Dick Corvette” is the closing number of Bret Farve’s Prince cover band.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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