Your “3 Games But Only 1 Really Counts” NFL Football Open Thread

Is everything going to plan? I hope you and yours (if you’ve got a ‘yours’-I didn’t for the longest time and it was a mixed blessing) have got your shit together and are in the home stretch as far as getting organmazized. I only just now figured out that there’s no nighter tonight due to the double-header on tap tomorrow. I’ll not likely be able to catch the first one-I’ll be chained to a stove cooking my buttocks off or chained to a boring conversation having my ear chewed off. (“Do you know Fred Sassafrass? No? Let me tell you some juicy gossip about him anyway.”) I DON’T CARE! Guh. It’s the same damn thing every time. Are  the in-laws happy for someone when they do well for themselves? That would balance things out a bit. But no, that never happens. Forget about this silly tangent of mine. TO THE GAMES!

Jacksonville/San Fran:

Both have won 4 of their last 5 so it’s a bit interesting but not all that much. It’s good to see that there is life in the Niners after the acquisition of The World According to Janine Garoppolo. He’s been hitting at a 69% rate and will likely end up being the team leader in throwing yards having started a measely five whole games! He might end up being what Jerry Richardson calls “one of the good ones” but for now he’s simply hopped over a very low bar.

Seattle/Dallas: 

YAY! The “FEED ME” gesture is back and ready to make this cranky old fart toss something towards the TV tube. (not that close-she’s a beauty) With Atlanta crapping all over the field as of 3:48 EST, this game looks like a “separating the wheat from the chaff” type game. That excellent Seahawks run D you’ve heard about over the years gave up almost 250 yards vs. the Rammers last week. Oof.

New York Giants/Arizona:

Many have said that… Blech! Why bother? You’re not watching this travesty unfold.

Game on, Frenchy!

 

 

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King Hippo

FGs, the way, the truth, and the light

rockingdog

just found this….
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Coach andy Reid says Merry Christmas!!!!!!!! AFC WEST champs!

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Where’s the ham?”

– Everyone not named A. Reid

Spur

DOINK!

Spur

Dak got popped on the keeper.

King Hippo

send out the FG unit, Princeton boy

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I think I’d really enjoy spending an evening with her.
No, not like that. I just find her very engaging and humorous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Am I mistaken, or did Dak Dak Dak get worse again?

JustStopDude

Back from mass…Haslam has not died in agony…

I must find a new deity to worship.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe look through history for one that was big into human sacrifice?

JustStopDude
King Hippo

Feeling liek another FG!

Spur

stop saying that!

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Anyone here have any experience with tinnitis? I’ve had it for about two weeks. Any suggestions other than going full Van Gogh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That won’t work.
It doesn’t help the voices either. Or so I’ve been told.

(in all seriousness, anything changed in diet recently? More alcohol can do it fwiw, but I’m not judging)

Horatio Cornblower

No real changes that I’m aware of, other than continuing to age gracefully. It’s in my left ear and it is maddening, especially when trying to sleep. Which I guess is probably what the Xanax is for. I better get a referral to a specialist on the next visit or I’mma start setting fires.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The fact that it started suddenly is significant I would think.

Doktor Zymm

Dance like no one else is listening, because they aren’t? Though Wikipedia says that some forms of tinnitus can be heard by someone else, called objective tinnitus

Doktor Zymm

If it’s really bothering you, seeing a real medical professional that isn’t the internet is probably your best move

Horatio Cornblower

I saw my new doctor, since my old one retired. He pulled on my ears and asked if that hurt, looked at each ear for a good, oh, five seconds apiece, and then gave me Xanax for reasons I don’t fully understand. Whole thing took 5 minutes. I go back 1/3.

Figured the internet could do at least as well as my soon-to-be-former doctor.

Doktor Zymm

O-line? More like NO-line, amiright?!

Spur

wee, ride the Wilson pony!

Horatio Cornblower

As a Cowboys fan I am very excited to turn on my TV and find that, for geography reasons, I will get to enjoy the 2-12 Giants take on the 6-8 Cardinals in a game that not even the mothers of the players on the field have any interest in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But nawt Papa John’s.
AMIRITE????

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Even after the P*ts win, I thought benching Brady was smrt.
I might have been mildly mistaken.

The Maestro

Howdy folks. Merry Christmas Eve to y’all. Hope Santa brings you everything you want!*

*Not you, Roy Moore

theeWeeBabySeamus

Waiting for a ride from Mom?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Grumble grumble Did someone mention mothers? Grumble

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least I didn’t say anything about wives.
Yet.
😛

Doktor Zymm

He can’t be a mall santa. Since, you know, the whole banned from the mall thing

King Hippo

WOO!!!! That’s how you offense, DAL

King Hippo

in comes the NC State guy to make all teh defensing penalties

theeWeeBabySeamus

He learnt it honest.

Gratliff

Controversial opinion: Megatron > Fitzgerald > Rice

King Hippo

I probably still have Rice above Fitty but I agree with the Megatron part

litre_cola

Mitchell>Pinkston>McMullen.

Gratliff

Correct.

Spur

Rice played in the west coast system, his receptions were basically handoffs.
Moss > Megatron > Rice

Spur

the guy just wants to go and open his gifts.

WCS

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King Hippo

Think FG, Dallas. TDs are stoopid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO

Spur

Hippo speaks poison. do not listen to him.

King Hippo

you can win 15-14 on 5 FGs. I would accept that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Benching Fitzgerald was obviously stupid too.
Jeebus….if these guys would just do good on the right weeks I’d be fucking unbeatable.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Ifs & buts
Nuts
Happy Christmas
Etc.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought Don Meredith was ded.

Also…shut up.

rockingdog

theres my JAX defense…. oh yea!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

What the hell? I might win my HRTF matchup this week?

C’mon, Hippo, I expect better of you.

King Hippo

yeah, you beat me ded, hearty congrats

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh relax…it’s just the match up of who gets raped by Brocky next week.
Settle down.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That’s my point! I don’t wanna get raped by Brocky! I was leaving that for Hippo!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re the commish. You can kick him out of the league this week then win by default.

King Hippo

please to start guarding Fitty, Los Gigantes

Spur
Spur

what’s up with the Jags?

King Hippo

Back on their Even Week Bullshit?

/or just a bit of a letdown week with not much realistically to play for since NE won, plus SF playing super well of late

Doktor Zymm

Is there some embarrassing term that sounds like vaqueros?

Spur

Ouch, that hit on Dak looked nasty.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s terrible idea was it for me not to start Ted Ginn?

King Hippo

I was the one who said you should

Doktor Zymm

Common sense’s? I mean seriously, who guessed?

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, time to break open the bourbon I guess.
But first, Advil.

Bourbon gives me a headache.

...

NAMESAKE MENTION!

...

This is the only thing I like about Cowboys games.

Spur

Taco with pressure? Seahawks must have a shitty line.

Gratliff

Wilson’s legs are Seattle’s entire O-line

Spur

Taco did a good?

King Hippo

I really don’t give two shits if DAL wins, so long as they don’t cover. Pretty sure RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! would just murder them again in the Wild Card round.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t want Zeke getting a playoff bonus

...

Honest show of hands: Who would watch Vince McMahon’s XFL-revival?

Spur

it would need to be spring ball.

litre_cola

Can I gamble on it? Then yes.

King Hippo

I watched like 10 minutes of the first match last time, got super bored and never watched again. Don’t care for “sports-themed entertainment.”

No NBA, no rasslin’ etc.

Gratliff

Huge wrestling and football fan and watched less of it than this. The only good things to come out of the XFL were He Hate Me and Skycam.

King Hippo

I liked rasslin’ when I was younger, but I never liked McMahon’s outfit. Too soap opera-ish. I watched the other (NWA?) where Rock ‘n’ Roll Express and Dusty Rhodes competed. At least at first.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Which one is Alexa Bliss in again?
Doesn’t matter, that’s the one I like even tho I don’t watch.

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Gratliff

Alexa’s development from standard eye candy diva to one of the best workers in the company in a few years has been a great surprise. Also, best expressions in the business by a country mile.

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Gratliff

NWA still exists with Billy Fucking Corgan running the show. It shared the same talent pool as WCW early on, but was a separate entity throughout. It’s more like an umbrella for all the smaller territories to operate under. AAA in Mexico does similar, with Lucha Underground being a territory within it for example. Where I’m going with this is that WWE brought in Ron Killings to be Road Dogg’s happy rapping black friend for a while. He then went to NWA and became the first Black NWA Champion, 50 years after its creation. When he went back to WWE with that accomplishment and legacy, they…made him R-Truth. The fun dancing rap guy, except when he wrestled against John Cena, then they put him in a flak jacket and made him dangerous black dancing rap guy. The point is, WWE is fucking awful, but it has all the performers I like, even the ones from the indies and Japan I’ve loved for years.

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Spur

NBA is great Hippo. it’s going to overtake the NFL.

King Hippo

no and no

rockingdog

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Jaguar Defense attack!

Doktor Zymm

They can hold their breath for longer than I would have thought!

King Hippo

My fantasy lead is 54. I have Bailey and Engram today, Hopkins on Shitsmas.

Fading FItty, Baldwin, Basketball Jones (Graham). Would like not to need ANYTHING tomorrow, eh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think it’s rather ironic I get to yell JuJu tomorrow.
Then again, I’m a hellbound asshole.

Doktor Zymm

My first thought is always JuJuBees

King Hippo

Christ was a Jew ,, (really stupid) ppl forget that

Doktor Zymm

Giants/cardinals in english, or seathruthers/moocows in spanish. Easy choice!

King Hippo

I would be interested to know how the “truther” concept translates en espanol, por favor.

Doktor Zymm

Sadly Fox Sports en Espanol has not adopted our alternate team nicknames

King Hippo

que lastima

Petronel

Hate the Boyz, can’t cheer for them.
Hate the Truthers more.
So, rooting for maximum chaos.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I should start drankin’ fo’ realz now I guess.

Spur

i just started myself.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I gotta be ready when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down the chimney later.
I got a bone to pick with that guy.

Gratliff

I am here for the pre-Post Season Dallas Playoff Collapse

litre_cola

Well here we are, I have to cheer for the Seatruthers. What a world.

Doktor Zymm

It’s hard, but it’s for the best

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that…..

King Hippo

Make me money, SeaTruthers!!

/also Fighting Tomsulas. youse another moneyline

Spur

Here we go Cowboy haters.

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