Are you footballed out yet? If you are this site is no place for you. Gird your pyjama bottoms, eat some processed sugar product, find some caffeine, (have you tried that coffee enema yet? Maybe now’s the time) get rid of the family and lock the doors. You’ve got some watchin’ to do! TO THE GAMES!
Chicago/Minnesota:
When Minny wins (are you saying there’s another possible outcome?) they will have earned a first round playoff break. John Fox’s 14-34 record as coach of the Bears will be Exhibit A when his firing is announced tomorrow.
Cleveland/Pittsburgh:
Looks like them Steelers are without Antonio and that Ben and Bell will be pulled early if they play at all. Once again, if your fantasy league plays its champeenship on week 17, you’re a schlmiel.
Dallas/Philadelphia:
The Cowboys playoff aspirations went down last week vs the Seahawks and all the haters (myself included) were sated temporarily. If they can just pull off another loss today Jason Garrett will achieve the 8-8 record his coaching ability deserves.
New York Jets/New England:
The Jetskis are going to roll over like a puppy that wants its belly scratched. The Pats, like the kid that is a nascent psychopath, will see this gesture and respond by “punching that fucking puppy right in the goddamn face!”.
Green Bay/Detroit:
Turn off the lamp Jim Caldwell, the party’s over.
Washington/New York Giants:
Eli might be putting his helmet on backwards for the last time as a Giant today. At least he’s got that 3 game starting streak to brag about. A D that has given up 378 points so far will be without starters Collins, Jenkins and a certain cancerous Apple. Take the over, Hippo.
Houston/Indianapolis:
The Texans have no choice but to start TJ “19 of 47” Yates today. Watch this one for the intercepts and giggles.
Give me that thing you got down below. (I’ve had my shots)
Ha ha ha ha ha Cleveland.
I wonder if balls still wants to bet on this one?
Of course, being in LA, I do not get the game. What’s happening?
Yinz up early 7-0 with ease.
Browns now Browning on offense.
The expected shit-show-circus starting for JuiceBoxHotWheels v [*Redacted] s.
DARKWA DUCK!!
I’m looking at the 506 sports map and far, far too much of the country is being exposed to Bears-Vikings.
That sounds like it could also be a map of medieval Finland.
That’s a lot of exposure.
Get me points JuJu!!!!
Oh right, I’m not playing today because I suck.
Sunny and snowing. Only in Pennsylvania FFS.
Chris Hansen is so psyched that ALLLL the teams are playing at THE SAME 7HR TIME WINDOW!
“We were built for days like today!”
……….hahahaha thats great.
coke is GREAT for enthusiasm
I think the Bears will win this game because it’s utterly pointless and probably harmful for them to do so.
Nope. Not enough competence to keep it close.
Last Heroic RedZone Muzak Montage of season. I sad.
don’t be sad cause its ending, be happy cause it happened!
There is no point in watching DAL/PHI, yet here it is on my TV box. This isn’t voluntary, there has to be an outside influence. Time to break out the tinfoil hat.
Yea football & beer time! horray!
DeBruyne ded?
Bears vs. Viks is on. WTF. At least let me hate watch my Cowboys team one last time Fox.
Today, we are all Bearistocrats.
just a suckin’ and fuckin’ and shittin’ all over the place…
Mostly just shittin’, to be honest.
The Browns radio feed is just depressing.
They are seriously trying to sell the theme that the Steelers give a shit about this exhibition game despite the provable fact that the Pittsburgh is sitting every single starter and has activated an intern from the ticket department as starting TE for the game.
Gotta have something in the cognitive dissonance chamber for the L
Redzone just showed a Spurs fan at the Pats game. Cool.
Some people just like champions.
There is currently enough laundry detergent in our house to do ~200 loads of laundry. My wife’s response to this: “I think we need more laundry detergent.”
Your wife will be ready for the zombie apocalypse. Laundry pods will be better than premium brand cigarettes, then.
How many loads can she take?
You bastard.
Sounds like mine. Sometimes she’ll come back from the store with enough stuff to restock a cruise ship. I don’t understand why she does this unless she knows more about the upcoming apocalypse than the rest of us. Women go to the bathroom in groups for a reason you guys.
I always assumed that was because they were worried that THE BEN might be lurking in there.
Such a strange dynamic with today’s games. Outcomes from the early games can render the late games almost entirely moot.
I suppose that gives us license to drink earlier!
If you need an excuse to start drinking, it’s almost midnight in Bangladesh.
well, not entirely moot HAIL GAMBLOR
Think one needs to pace themselves today. Lots o drinking time today
Already ahead of you. Now I’m going to have to walk to get more.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/7n8ocd/every_single_hour_of_my_2017_recorded_oc/
If I did that and looked at it, I would have to kill myself and it would be entirely justified. I’ve wasted the last 15 months of my life.
Oh God, I’m thinking about what mine would be like.
this is why we watch a metric fuckton of sports, takes our minds of how shitty life is!
So much of mine time would be pure shitposting.
Hey, it snowed last night.
I would have known that sooner if I’d bothered to leave my apartment before now.
It fogged here.
we have three days in a row of high 31-32, low around 12. No precip, just weenie shrinking awfulness.
Now I can blend in better.
#BlackPanthers up to +165 @ Megatron’s Butthole, that’s pretty good odds for another Falcons shitting they dicks, $55 on that to round out the GAMBLOR day. 5 bets is nice.
Wow, I missed that one.
Heck yeah…2 bills on that.
Again, how big are your bookies’ homes?
I will be about dead even if Boomer Sooner loses, have doubled my $2500 stake if they wins.
I’m more cautious (and way stupider) than my Hippo friend.
$200 layout yesterday netted a +400-ish return. Now I’m just fucking around with the $600 more or less to make things interesting.
I still can’t believe you’re riding that much on that game.
at least it’s essentially house scrilla now (thanks, JV exhibition season!!)
Ha…even got in at +175. Even seeing it as high as +190, but not with my service.
Yellow card for that!? (Only saw the one replay though.) Don’t they wear shin guards anymore?
Bungles/Ratbirds line has shrunk to 8.5. Wondering why…
#ThePauls all the way down to +5. The ppls BELIEVE!!
Dean Pees retiring?
Nah, that can’t be it.
Gronk is going to get hurt today.
as long as he scores first so I beat “he of many resting dudes” Brocky
“Wait, what did *I* do?”
Alternately:
Sorry, 2017 already got him.
I can’t see the word “whore” anymore without hearing “hoor”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RC7hZY3sVxE
God willing. But God has long since abandoned us.
Morning Folks.
[Nick’s family, at a funeral]
Anyone watching the West Brom vs Arsenal match?
As long as there absolutely no follow up questions, yes; yes we are.
Now I actually am watching it thoug–and it’s halftime.
wait, City lost their streak to fookin’ PALACE??
SNOW in Yinzburgh. YAY!!!!!
that is the Raleigh, NC local game for some unknown reason, too
Seamus, meet me at the boozehound store in 10.
Since it’s Canadia, I presume I have 15?
Fine, 15 then.
But that’s still only 11.3 after converting from metric time.
As long as he doesn’t get Modelo sloppy again, and I get my puppy this time, it’s all good.
Stupid sexy metric system.
I bet alien species laugh at us for using a base-10 system instead of base-12.
If that means my penis is bigger, I’m willing to listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa9YUDNHobE
I love the idea of him redlining his new, faster wheelchair.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Holy shit. Nice.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Oh my fucking God. I’m dying.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
I love Danger. I wish he would come hang out. He was very complimentary of my “Breadsport” pitch.
Johnny Bower passed away on Tuesday? I thought he was immortal!
Hey Scotchy, may the Schwartz be with you.
Hopefully he’s got all that Lions stank off him by now.
The biggest piece of suspense in this morning’s games will be whether deviantBastard’s quote can hold up for an unprecedented FOURTH week in a row.
Hippo would like to bet on that plz, k thx.
A polite reminder that the Texans, like the Browns, Packers, Cardinals, Dolphins, et al, all had other choice7 this season.
They all can eat shit and die.
Heh, remember when everyone was pissed off about the anthem, for one reason or another?
It’s simply a really crappy song is all. Nothing to get that upset about.
Anyone who doesn’t know the second and third verses verbatim should be amputated and shipped to Gitmo smh
— F. Scott Key
It was something about wanting to disrespect the troops, right?
https://compete.kotaku.com/police-kill-28-year-old-after-prank-swatting-call-1821648110#_ga=2.265520335.1525835507.1514687054-1159891751.1485051291
Next time a lady friend asks for “swatting”, I’ll think twice.
He’s the wrong colour and worse, he has an opinion about something-why would anyone take a chance on someone like that?
#Uppity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdulIKhCC3Y
He’s gotta makes his plllllaaaaaay to make his lovah sttttaaaaayyyyyyy
What wud an angel say the devil wanna knoooooooowwwww???
Also, early ACTION is as such (I’m being all restrained):
Chi**** +12.5 (down to +11 now)
#ThePauls +13.5 (down to +6 now)
Did NAWT bet moneyline, though #StriveFOAR1 is alive and well by the lake.
o/u on CLE/YINZ down to 38.0.
Holy shit.
Chefs/Donks down to 37.5. Yikes.
Imma put a bill on Donks to cover -3. What the hell.
Really? That’s the one rivalry that always seemed to be worth watching.
That seems like a good bet to me.
Paxton Lynch is starting. I have $$ on KC ATS and moneyline
I don’t trust either side to be honest.
Betting with house money and this will be fun.
You do realize that the Vikings are going to play balls out for a first round bye yes? Also I REALLY like the Redacteds over the Jersey Gents today. Really really.
Vikes have a 99% chance of the bye according to 538. They and 2-3 other teams have to lose and the Panthers have to win for them not to get the bye.
But they are going to throttle the Bears anyway.
eh, SO MANY stars have to align even if they lose. I expect Bearistocrats! to keep it close and Minny to play pretty conservatively. Definitely not surprised if Teddy Ballgame plays at least Q4.
In honor of the last week of the Regular Season, please post a meme, GIF or picture that best describes your team’s season:
Ratbirds:
Houston Texans:
Do they?
What a tragedy.
LMFAO.
(sorry…not laughing at you or the Silver and Black attack…just your humour)
Trying to figure out why the fork is there
Finally, a group that gets me.
The Pope doesn’t use toilet paper?
Grreat some plumbing for me to do as the toilet won’t stop running. DO NOT say go catch it or we are internet friends off.
Running water is sooooooo over rated
Yeah it is only -35 C here so heading to home depot is not a hassle.
Just turn off the water supply valve after you flush, should work until it warms up enough to go to the Depot!
With baby and wife I have kept turning it on and off but it rattles the pipes (heh) for the 4 floors in our building. I will fix it now so I can get stoned and drunk this afternoon.
Proper Motivation Level: Achieved.
Well, at least you know how to piss off your neighbors should it become necessary.
“Only” -21 C or so here. I’ll run out and get it for ya
But I did have to replace the guts of a toilet a few months ago. Pretty easy job. And spring for the “good” one.
This LED light strip I bought, I call it Michelle Bachman’s husband because it needs to straighten out.
It is time to completely dissolve the Pac-12. Fuck Larry Scott, fuck his multi-year history of tampering with officiating crews, and fuck his bullshit tv network that he forces great conference match ups to be broadcast on at the expense of the needed exposure that would come from nationally televised games .
The hoops last night was great. Not the result I wanted but you must have been pleased.
Winning is everything.
Trying to get some money down but the lines are all so wonky
No money, down.
Obligatory:
Yeah, I was looking too. I mean I gotz to lose yesterday’s winnings somehow, right?
But nothing looks good.
Don’t bet on PAC-12 action this year. These games have Larry Scott’s fingerprints all over them.
HAHAHA
Arians ghosting on the Cards would be the most fitting way for the team to end the year because so far they haven’t been sufficiently humiliated as befits their incompetence.
Another Joke:
2018. This is gonna be the year that I memorize more than just the chorus to Take On Me.
EDITED: To improve the joke…
Don’t worry, you can have it memorized in a day or….twooooooo!!!
“Doo-doo-doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo-doo-doo-doo…talking away…um…[shit what comes next]…DAMNIT!”
♫ I’ll be gone!
In a day or… ♫ (sings high note)
(dogs howls joins in the melody)
I think this guy has a question…
Gonna send this one out to my boy Eli.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poo2xaEhrHE
“I’m not sure that’s something my Eli would enjoy. Here’s something that’s more his style. Gotta shake those sillies out before the big game, Eli!” – Olivia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrxDKhiL1aY
Sad to hear that Pins & Needles magazine has had to fold due to poor circulation.
“Wait, WHAT? I could live without the pins, but…damn.”
– Todd Marinovich
I’m walking on air this morning. Why? Cause shitty 2017 is about to end. CAN’T WAIT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnG06-oYcg
“Can’t wait.”
– LeSean McCoy’s evaluation of his server at the restaurant where he ate lunch
https://twitter.com/BortlesFacts/status/945757128698007553?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E0
Why no, I haven’t tried to link to a tweet before!
LOL, I hate trying to link twitter in comments or in posts.
Twitter suck all teh ass.
So you’re telling me there’s a chance.
Wow, some nice shitty footed ball today!
Can Hue pull it off? If he goes 1-15 again, he has to jump into Lake Erie (he promised this last year when a reporter asked him why he had the nerve to cash checks after going 1-15). One has to wonder, if he goes 0-16, will he use that as an excuse to not jump in the lake?
Knowing Hue, the answer will be yes.
Can the NFL just, like, fire the Browns? Instead of firing a head coach, just fire the entire organization. There’s plenty of candidates out there to replace them – Clemson, Alabama, Georgia…
The Browns are everything wrong with the NFL. With revenue sharing, they are never in danger for going under.
They most likely make MORE money being utter shit than consistently going 7-9.
I have a hard time seeing relegation working within an NFL context, but I’d sure love to see them try something like that with college ball.
Hue? Shit that went down there was even worse than Khe Sanh. Fucking Tet.
Does anyone (a wobsite for example) keep track of season long individual player incentives? Probably not since they would need access to contracts. But it would be about the only thing to make these games watchable, to know whether some third string linebacker is gonna get his 100k bonus if he plays 20 plays, knowing that the coach will bench him after 19.
@Doktor Zymm – is that something you guys track?
Haha, nah, but Amazon probably can tell based on what they buy with their bonuses
Amazon sells drugs now? Sweet!!!!!
/logs onto Amazon
Fun fact: a wopsite is where Tony Sparano met his wife.
Hey ohhhh!!!!!
I love this idea. Because you can also see the Tyrod Taylor corollary of which team is limiting touches to prevent an escalator clause…