YOUR 2017 HOUSTON TEXANS: A COMPLETE UPDATE

Romonobyl

Romonobyl

Romonobyl is a shameless Cowboy homer who considers himself “one of the good ones” as far as fandom goes.He lives in deep South Texas and worries when German immigrants will be targeted next for ICE raids.
Romonobyl

WHO CARES?

This is actually your Lesser Footy Open Thread for Saturday morning,  Wild Card Weekend.  A thing that the Houston Texans,  whatever they are,  will NOT be participating in.

Good morning everyone! This is Balls here and I’m taking a hilarious post template that Romonobyl put together and finally letting it see the light of day.

The EPL is taking the weekend off because… reasons? Well,  they WERE the only league fully playing during the holidays,  so maybe that’s it.

The Spanish league is back from the break and we have some good games super early. Is this an early Día de los Reyes Magos present? MAYBE!!

For those of you that didn’t grow up in this tradition,  January the 6th is like a second Christmas for certain Spanish-influenced cultures. As all good Catholics know,  the baby Jesus

was visited by the three Kings (or wise men,  alternatively) who brought him gold,  frankincense,  and myrrh as birthday presents and to pay him homage.

In that spirit, little kids in many Spanish-speaking countries wake up to little presents brought to them by the three Kings.  FUCK YOU I’M GETTING PRESENTS SO YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I BELIEVE IN SANTA AND THE THREE KINGS!

There is also Rosca de Reyes.

This is a Mexican tradition in which families gather together on the 6th to share presents and a slice of a specially-made sweet bread with at least one plastic baby Jesus inside. Rosca goes best with hot chocolate,  coffee,  or milk.

The tradition is that whoever gets the slice with the baby Jesus inside MUST host a party before a month is gone.

Since we are a Christmas Eve family and we, frankly,  couldn’t wait,  we had slices last night (It was the 6th in Australia,  ok?!?) and my Dad got the baby! Party at my Dad’s house!

Also,  our Rosca has 3 babies,  so there are still two other chances for a party! Don’t you wish you were Mexican now?

But I digress.  What games are on today? Let’s see…(All times Pacific)

And what about beautiful Canadia, you say?

Uh, what the fuck is a Fanatiz? That doesn’t sound like the Mexican league is readily available in The Great White North,  which is really a shame.

This is Week 1 of the Liga MX Clausura season,  so we are starting fresh! Defending champion Tigres,  you remember Tigres,  right?

Janet, no te preocupes. Te veo pronto y te sentirás MUCHO mejor!

lost their first game,  so once again the league is wide open for anyone to claim.

Besides,  what else are you going to do this morning,  go outside in the cold?

We’ll see you later for the Wild Card Open Threads…

Romonobyl
Romonobyl
Romonobyl is a shameless Cowboy homer who considers himself "one of the good ones" as far as fandom goes. He lives in deep South Texas and worries when German immigrants will be targeted next for ICE raids.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Returning to his home planet.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Escape velocity.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Jeebus Christmas.
Raffy….I just don’t know what to say here. Especially considering the real reason you’re probably doing this.

I wish I knew you were gonna do this two years ago so I could have shown my derision in person.

https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/look-heres-proof-the-53-year-old-rafael-palmeiro-wants-to-make-a-comeback/

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And btw Dayn Perry….I look pretty goddamned good hitting off a batting machine too.
Does that mean I should make a comeback at 51?

Wakezilla
Member

He knows they test for steroids, right?

Senor Weaselo
Member

Jesus Christ, St. John’s is losing to DePaul at home. I guess they lied about this year being a bubble team if things broke right!

King Hippo
Member

DePaul at home?? That’s Full Dotard territory, eh?

Senor Weaselo
Member

It’s currently 13 with 3 minutes to play!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I guess things broke left.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Kinda shitty last few secs there Mizzou.
But you never shoulda been in a position where it should have mattered.

ESSSSS EEEEEEE SEEEEEEEE

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Somewhere, John Swofford and John Clougherty are taking notes.
smgdh

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Seriously Hippo. I know ACC officials are….well, you know.
But this SEC crew in the Mizzou/UF game need to be investigated.

Holy shit.

King Hippo
Member

The SEC plays hoopsball, PAAAAWWWWWWLLLLL?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And Clark Kellogg is still an imbecile, btw.

And that was total goaltending on UF. Was it called? Nope.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Poor U*NC. It’s gonna stink having to go back to Chapel Hill and go to class after that one.

Hehehehehe….never mind. I’m not explaining that one.

King Hippo
Member

Fucking Wahoowa didn’t score for like the last 4.5 minutes, still won by 12. What a fucking joke.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

0 wins jersey. That’s classic!

King Hippo
Member

U*NC taking it up the pooper in Hooville. They barely won their home opener v. shitass Wake Forest, otherwise would be staring at 0-3 in league play.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I haven’t seen a massacre like this in Charlottesville since….

Never mind, I’m not gonna finish that one.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Since Bowling Green, I’d imagine.

King Hippo
Member

#AirballFreeThrow

King Hippo
Member

now, #AirballLayup

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Wow, shocking. Officials trying to screw Mizzou and give this game to UF.
But UF too stupid to take it.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

CTE (Canine Traumatic Encephalopathy) protocol?
Yes, horses are dicks.
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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

The parade held for the 0-16 Browns was … interesting. pic.twitter.com/QguadjGzkJ

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 6, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Shit! THE PARADE!

Is anyone watching?

King Hippo
Member

JSD better be giving us a Boots on the Ground…

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I don’t live in Cleveland.

King Hippo
Member

This was worth travelling for. #ThePauls #LivingHistory

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I don’t live in Cleveland.

That’s just what someone who lives in Cleveland would say.
Hmmmmmm…..

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

In this weather, my house could catch fucking fire and I am not trying to escape…

King Hippo
Member
King Hippo
Member

youse really should read, he hits the nail right on the head

Wakezilla
Member

Refresh my memory again, what happens when teams tie 0-0? The Stevenage/Reading fixture turned into a grade 8 dance because try as they might, they didn’t score.

King Hippo
Member

FA Cup, you get a replay at the visiting side’s ground for any kind of draw.

Wakezilla
Member

Seems like a waste of time for the bigger squads, even if they send out their C squad

King Hippo
Member

In the olden days, they did that FOREVER. At least now, there is only one replay (if tied again, you get added time, then shootout).

It’s hard on smaller squads, too. As Litre and I were discussing, the year Wigan made their miracle run, they also went down, and they ain’t never been back.

As Robbie Earle loves to say about all extra competitions…poison chalice

Wakezilla
Member

It’ll never happen, but, I think it’d be amazing if the winner gets an automatic promotion into the EPL for the following year.

Imagine Notts County going on a magical run and getting bumped up like 6 divisions

King Hippo
Member

Much better prize than entry into CL/Europa, where they just play 4-5 matches and get butt-hammered, too.

King Hippo
Member
Wakezilla
Member

I mean, it worked for Eric Garland. . .

But seriously though, it’s probably his intern doing this in order to sidetrack Americans from the insane accusations from Wolf’s book

yeah right
Member

As stable as francium.

King Hippo
Member

with a YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE wee-wee two!!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

you chelsea futbol lawn ferry dandies
why dont you score a damn goal!! come on!!!!!!

give it to the guy with the hair that looks like ramen noodles. he seems like he can get a point!

King Hippo
Member

I assume Chelsea rolled out the B side, with a smattering of Cs for this’un

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Little known fact: When entering the manger, one of the three wise men stepped on a rake. The handle flew up and smacked him in the face. Eyes tearing in pain, he held his hands to his face and exclaimed “JESUS CHRIST!!” Mary looked up at Joseph and said, “Oh, Joseph, I like that name so much better than Murray!”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Vizier Sideshow Bob

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

@Hippo…

As you know, the WPC and myself are on the outs, in spite of the fact that they keep calling/writing/etc trying to schmooze me. Just one moar individual/organization which now hates me, but still wants money. Meh…fuck ’em. Who cares? But as I’ve told you already I believe, my season baseball tix have not and will not be renewed this season.

That being said, I did purchase a mini season ticket pair yesterday for the Bulls. My point being, I am dragging your ass kicking and screaming to at least one game this summer. We will reprise our drunkeness behind the “hit bull win steak” sign, and ogle young lovelies.

So prepare your anus. Figuratively speaking, of course.

You know you want to. Don’t say “no”. (wow, flashback to my last date)

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Plus, my “membership representative”…Courtney….sounds very cute on the phone.

something something sail off on my member ship something something

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Plus…BoTG minor league baseball post.
You know you want a photo of you posted with the tWBS boob censor over your face.

Hehehehehehehe

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

The Wasted Penis Consortium?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That means two things.

LOL, so does that.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Wolfpack Club.
NCSU booster/fundraising organization.

They lied to me one too many times. Sounds familiar, no?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Yeah, I wouldn’t trust those assholes…

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

The funny thing, well not funny really but appreciated…

When I ordered these Durham Bulls tix yesterday, I did it online. Literally, within 15 minutes, Courtney called to check in and ask if I had any questions or if she could help in any way.

It’s a refreshing change to give money to an organization that actually values the source of where the money came from. Very welcome change from my recent dealings with the WPC.

King Hippo
Member

Once Lifetime Rights came into play, they started treated “shareholders” like a captive audience instead of valued customers, even (as noted above, I think university supporters should be treated like shareholders, especially since you never know who is going to turn into a bidness big shot).

For example, the Goodnight husband and wife team who run the SAS empire – NC State graduates. They don’t give a plum nickel to athletics. Talk about a once-in-a-generation (or several generations) lost opportunity. That’s all the Down East pig money put together, times ten. AT LEAST.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Agreed. You have no idea how happy I am about the timing of me leaving the area for a while, thus giving up season football tix and not being tempted by the LTR bullshit.

I guess my insane and now dead ex did do me some good after all.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And remind me to tell you sometime (if I haven’t already…sorry, my memory is shot) about how I almost got in on that down east pig money.

Biggest mistake of my life. I’d have smelled like hog shit for five years and then been a rich muddafukka.

And would have avoided a lot of the figurative shit life threw at me anyway.

And been closer to the beach too!!!!!!!!

King Hippo
Member

maybe

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I don’t wanna hear about no muddafukking maybe’s…Alls I wanna hear from yo’ ass is I’m on the muddafukka. LOL.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Senor Weaselo
Member

WPC? White people club?
/Go Railriders!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’m excited for all the rare moon action at the end of the month.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Butt

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I love shorty short skirts…

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Wow, it’s really cold. And this is a lot of snow.

FUCK IT LET’S PLAY!!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Our dog is a lab-mix with ridiculously short hair, and no body fat. Currently 12 here, feels like -4 with the wind, which is a real issue for him.

He keeps wanting to go for a walk and I keep bringing him outside and we get to the end of the driveway and he says “fuck this” and heads back.

For the record the outdoor cat’s fort has been buried in snow and is essentially an igloo. She is thriving and someday will kill us all.

King Hippo
Member

my cat insists on shitting/pissing outside. We got like 1.5 inches Thursday evening, but it ain’t been over 30 since (and gets down to 10-12 every night). So…it’s been challenging for him.

Thankfully, he’s held it pretty well. No piles of stink anywhere. He’s been going out maybe twice a day.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Igloos don’t get no colder than freezing.
Ppl forget that.

(glad she’s doing well bcuz I’d have felt kinda bad if my advice had led to your jerk cat freezing to death….woooo for the kinda smart vet advicing!!!!!!)

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I am not going to be at all surprised to walk by the fort one day and see that she has installed a wood stove in it.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Robot

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I prefer Crouching Tiger, Hidden Penis

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

If I wanted to watch a robot swinging a sword around I’d watch Pacific Rim.

And I *do* want to do that, so I’m going to go watch Pacific Rim.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nah, because then I think about how long they waited to pull that out of their asses and it makes me angry. Dumbest monster fighters ever.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Season 3, goddammit!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

I’m most impressed your phone was at 62% at 2am

King Hippo
Member

I start to panic if my phone gets below 80%, I don’t know how you Millenials live that way ,, smh

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

My iPhone can’t go below 30% because it’s only an iPhone 6 Plus and Apple fucking sucks.

King Hippo
Member

BlackBerry 4Eva!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You do know that thing is probably gonna die before you do….right?

Sorry, didn’t mean to depress you further.

😛

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Not if he keeps making stupid bets.

King Hippo
Member

when

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

That’s what I meant.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ditto.

It’s the only thing I hate about flying, truth be told. My recent layover in ATL (coming home from Vegas) I was sprinting around to different gates trying to find just ONE goddamned outlet which wasn’t already in use.

Meh.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I know someone who travels with a surge protector extension cord in her carry-on just for this reason (and because she’s a good person).

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I do this. It works great.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Good man.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I have one of those somewhere, but I always forget to pack it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Keep it next to the “furniture.”

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Vice made a Gorilla Channel. https://www.pscp.tv/w/1DXxyEeArRExM

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

found it. hahahahahahahahahaha
this joke has officially jumped the shark.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It’s amazing it took that long. The funny thing is that most people probably have no idea about the Gorilla Channel tweet yet or may not ever know.

As an aside, I wonder why so few people have noted that gorillas have small genitals relative to their size, possibly smallest of all the apes.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

gonna keep my eye on that Vice feed.
I last checked and they have 350+ viewers.
about 2 hrs ago they had 90…….

litre_cola
Member
Horatio Cornblower
Member

Man for man they’re better than any fuckin’ club in the league!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

oh shit.
Man city with the 2 goals in under 2 minutes!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

“I’m, like, really smart. A stable genius.”

hahahahaha

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Fuck it.
$200 on RAMMIT to cover. $50 on the over.
Go go Goff n Gurley. Make tWBS some scrilla.

NO ACTION on Tits/Chefs. Don’t trust either side to not fuck it up.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Take the over on number of ribs consumed by Andy Reid t half-time. Easiest money ever.

King Hippo
Member

We understand betting has now been suspended…

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Did Kansas City run out of ribs AGAIN?????

Horatio Cornblower
Member

“Southhampton have been cracked open…”, now let’s all feast on the goo inside!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I do not understand rugby at all. “Scrum foul”? It’s a scrum; I thought fouling people was the whole point of a scrum!

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

If one bathes regularly, it reduces the foul of their scrum.

litre_cola
Member

I hate everything. I am such a child but this will bother me all day. Fuck.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Welcome to the club.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Man city is shook.

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litre_cola
Member

I have to say the title caught me and I was saying who’s week is it for Hippo’s hiatus?

COME ON YOU WHITES!!! (fulham nawt raycess)

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

I think Burnley has a shot at breaking the streak.

King Hippo
Member

oh, DO BETTER, whites

Horatio Cornblower
Member

-Carib Indians, 1492

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

nuclear winter is nice
cause I still haven’t lost power!

King Hippo
Member

EPL are on breakfor the “everybody plays” round on the FA Cup.

I will be cheering on Litre’s mighty Fulham whites (no ofence) against evil bastard man’s side on FS2 in 2 minutes.

Also, I hate parties so wud be a bad Mexican MOAR LIEK a Mexican’t smh

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’m having a craving for Sponch.
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Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

Bimbo must translate to something else

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It’s a giant food company in Latin America.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And pronounced “Beeembo”…which makes it cute and not insulting.
Mostly.

Don T
Member

¡Feliz Día de Reyes! A big BIG thank you to all that cooperated with the toy drive for kids here in Puerto Rico. Over 30,000 toys are to be distributed; the original goal was 10,000.
You’re the best, folks.
https://www.toysrus.com/toys4PuertoRico

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That’s awesome to hear. Definitely puts a smile on my otherwise sourpuss face. Well done, Don T.

You’re the best, folks.

But you obviously have mistaken us for someone else.

Wakezilla
Member

If you’re looking for a random team to cheer for, you should support Valencia. Their logo is essentially Batman’s.

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Wakezilla
Member

iVamos Pumas! . . . and any team that is playing against that rat bastard, Camilo, who plays for Queretaro.

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litre_cola
Member

Wow, just wow.

Wakezilla
Member

I’m inclined to cheer for Hellas Verona because of these ladies (Lee Seung-woo plays for them)

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Also, Wakezilla posted this last night and I thought it merited a repeat since the game is about to start:

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Wakezilla
Member

They have a friendly fan base

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