Much has been made of the chicken wing donation and the $300,000+ that has been donated to Andy Dalton’s “Spare The Red Child Foundation” and rightfully so. It’s makes all the rubes out there feel good in all their feeling places and might just do some concrete good in the world. Does this translate to a win on an actual football field for the Bills? To answer that we must go…TO THE GAME!
Buffalo/Jacksonville:
Here’s the thang-it looks like a bad matchup for the squadoo from upper New York State. The Jags lead the league in rushing offense and the Bills are ranked 30th in stopping that there run. That’s a double “Oof!” as I read it. Weaknesses and strengths tend to magnify themselves in the playoffs and I can’t see the Jags regressing that much.
Injury:
There’s a report out there that Shady McCoy, following a strict regimen of spa treatments and the ingestion of a stewy concoction of various flightless bird juices, (“try the emu, it’s got a nutty aftertaste!”) is ready and raring to go. Otherwise, it’s a long way down to Mike “He’s in the league still?” Tolbert and some Murphy kid and all of his 8 career carries.
Positive Bortles(?):
The fella has some good numbers at home including a 64% completion rate and a nifty 15/5 TD to intercept stat.
My Hot Takeaway:
The Bills will have to force turnovers early in order to offset the steady, belly-filling diet of Fournette that will be stuffed down their gullet. If the Jags get up by two scores early, no amount of broken tables can bring the Bills back.
Pound that keyboard like the champ that you are!
a shady thing has happened!
they found Shady a new foot?
SHADY LIVES
Justin Blackmon is very interested in buying this truck that is also a bar.
Truck bars sound like the next big thing to take affluent, trendy neighborhoods by storm.
good way to infiltrate and START TEH BLOODLETTING
He’s allowed to purchase one, as long as the brand is affiliated with the NFL.
http://ticats.ca/statement-from-tiger-cats-providing-update-on-johnny-manziel/
Canadian DOLLAR BILLS Y’ALL!!!!
Seriously…the most Browns thing ever is if somehow Manziel ends up in the playoffs before them…
I wouldn’t trust him to throw a dollar coin into a hipster’s guitar case.
Disagree-the most Browns thing ever would be their home field suffering from Spontaneous Stadium Combustion.
Good morning, fellow Commentists.
/see highlights & score
Farewell, fellow Commentists.
I agree. That first down play worked far too well, definitely needed more WR screens and handoffs to the backup RB.
I mean, already in prime punt position yo
It would appear both our teams have confused the postseason with the preseason.
Understandable mistake, really.
I would like to see CBS do a show with Shemar Moore playing himself in a fictional version of the CBS backlot. The premise is his day job is an actor on these shows, but on the side he’s a private eye and the CBS lot is actually a massive shithole of seedy people robbing and killing each other, and he has to catch them and kick their asses. Other stars from their big shows can cameo often. It’ll be like a big meta crossover show. I’d watch that.
The Purge: CBS.
This is a great idea
This game is the zenith of Mularkeyball.
Best game I’ve ever seen-wadda you got?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZtlCtDsrdU
The. Fumble.
NFC Champ. game in Seattle, the Sherman – Crab beef.
Bengals-Chiefs 2003. Only because it was the first game where it was first sign the Decade of Debacle was over.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh87IxpYoD4
…also because I wasn’t old enough to watch the Freezer Bowl.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHHyJsVIF6Q
I watched it, twas amazing
There’s only a 1% chance of this game ending in a scorigami, but the most likely score, 18-9 sure seems more likely than that considering how these teams are allergic to touchdowns.
Phil actually seems credible, likable and knowledgeable now -_-
Must be a malfunctioning Life Model Decoy.
So, Even week Jaguras?
My phone charge is at 69%.
All together now….
Nice
NICE!
NIce!
“Have you ever been to Nice?”
-France’s Bureau of Tourism
Niiiiiiiiiiice
This is your halftime reminder that Roger Goodell is a national disgrace.
And time to drink!
311 song seems relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjfT2joaJxs
One half of football is over with one more to go. Who will come out on top? Will Blake Bortles figure out the secret art of throwing a football? Or will the duo of Shady and Tyrod put an end to Sacksonville’s Super Bowl ambitions?
These questions will be answered on the next exciting episode of Dragon Ball Z!!
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/are-they-still-on-namek
One thing I do know: the number of drops will be over 9000.
College Football Playoffs: “There are not enough teams!”
Pro Football Playoffs: “We may have too many teams.”
At 3-3, this game isn’t likely to end in a scorigami, but’s definitely a BORE-igami!
Thanks folks, please contribute to my Patreon!
this game is sucking out my will to live.
Well folks…we will be going into overtime now…
Xmas ape is smart ape:
Bengals pull into the parting lot, then goes inside to use the free toilet while the kids cry.
Well that was certainly something resembling football.
It’s a shootout!
5-3 final score?
“Uh, the over/under in this game actually refers to Bortles’ passing.”
-Las Vegas line-makers
bortles with 69 total yards. NICE!
shit. I was wrong. its actually 68.
Ok, I think I’ve come up with the ideal Brady/Belichek breakup:
Belichek leaves and is promptly hired by the Jets. This time it lasts more than a week. The Jets win both regular season games against the Pats, in the second of which they knock Brady out for the rest of the season.
Jets go on to make the Super Bowl, but during the hype week it is revealed that they have been breaking numerous NFL rules. Goodell promptly bans Belichek for life, and the coach-less Jets get trounced in the Super Bowl. They are docked so many draft picks that they go back to sucking for another decade.
Pats fans declare that the season DOES NAWT COUNT due to Belichek’s cheating (“I alwahs knew he was a cheetah!”) and claim they are the TRUE CHAMPIONS. Brady retires due to injury. Pats also suck for a decade, during which the Bills and Dolphins battle it out for the right to lose in the divisional round each year.
One year later, Brady is convicted for selling fraudulent products with his dumbass trainer, and Belichek is on the Sunday night panel where his sole job is to mumble a single sentence that contradicts whatever Dungy just smugly claimed. He becomes a grudging favorite of DFOers.
I don’t want to live in a world where Belichick is a DFO favorite.
Beautiful.
Needs more all-consuming fire.
Well, I did forget to include a fate for Robert Kraft…
… at the team part to celebrate their claimed championship, Kraft’s stupid dress shirt sleeve catches on fire from one of the many many tiki torches brought by their most loyal fans. Gronk tries to help by dousing the flames with lighter fluid. Now resembling a human torch, Kraft stumbles blindly into the propane tanks. The resulting all-consuming fire takes out the most annoying Pats players, including retired ones like Rodney Harrison, along with the entire Boston sports media and a decent chunk of their most annoying fans.
View from space of the above:
Bortles deciding if his arm can’t win this, he’ll try his legs.
There’s your answer, he needs to STOP THROWING.
Are the QBs going to be the leading rushers on both teams?
trick plaY to open up the 2nd half.
im calling it…
A complete forward pass isn’t a trick play anymore…
Bort best strength as QB = when he doesn’t throw
Tony Romo is the best QB at this game
Now, now, let’s not rule Nance out just yet.
“See how its almost get to the line?”
There’s you answer right there, Romo.
if you squint at ONE weird angle, he ALMOST makes it!
Not a catch!
There Is No Catch
/and the ppls said AMEN
And stream is dead….
How much effort do I really want to put into trying to watch this game?
I think typing that question may have been too much effort.
Myself I’m heading to the gym with hopes that the late game is better.
None. Just hang out here and drink.
Stupid climate change…
Not even close
Greetings, all. It would appear I’ve missed precisely nothing so far.
It’s actually been quite hilarious
besides bort being hilariously terrible, even for him
Elisha is gonna get a ring for the jags next year
“Defense Battle” = PC term for shitty offenses.
BLERRGH
“Okay Taylor/Bortles, we’re going to force you to win the game. Wadda ya got?”
-Bills/Jags D very successful first half gameplan
Well, the Jags’ plan is primarily murder, but otherwise yeah!
Blake Bortles passing motion offends me spiritually
Yahweh apparently agrees.
SWAT needs to be more realistic before it catches on… they should heroically gun down some unarmed innocent people.
“I thought he had a wallet gun!”
He was thinking about a gun as he opened the door with nothing in either hands.
Only if it plays it equal and shows a cop getting shot down. Just to show the harsh reality and the paradox of the situation.
“If I don’t hesitate, I could go to jail. If I do hesitate, my spouse could be getting a folded flag.”
More cops die in car accidents every year. Working in a restaurant is more dangerous than being a police officer.
The last cops to go to prison were a serial rapist and a man who only got caught murdering someone by shooting him in the back before planting a taser because it was recorded on video. Get the fuck out of here with that “I could go to jail” bullshit. It doesn’t happen. I never happens.
Seriously, cops are the worst people in the world. Fuck them.
Yeah, but it makes all cops look bad. That’s something I don’t like.
Bad cops? Yeah, throw these guys in jail because they’re betraying the trust we put in them.
But good cops shouldn’t be put in the same pile.
Good cops protect the bad ones, making them worse than bad cops. Rotten apples spoil the bunch. So once they stop protecting the bad ones we can talk about whether there are actual “good” cops.
You have a point, but I still support my view.
How hilarious would it be if Belichick tried a post-coaching broadcast career?
Even better, what if he was gracious, insightful, sarcastically funny, yet warm?
Can I live in your alternate universe? I’d love to bang super models on the reg.
Grumble to Grumble.
mumblegrumblemumblegottacoachhardermumblemumble