It Ends Tonight! Titans @ Patriots Divisional Open Thread

Don T

Don T

Poor choices, mixed results.
¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Titans4Eva
Don T

2015 was Mariota’s rookie season and the Titans finished 3-13, being shredded by Johnny Manziel in the process. How times change; now Tennessee stands to be destroyed by Tom Brady on his ascension to Unparalleled Excellence. That’s forward progress even Jeff Tripplette can’t deny.

Last Saturday the Titans won its first playoff game since the 2003 season. New England has had a first round playoff bye for eight straight years, and been AFC Championship perennials ever since. The line for this game has been 13.5 and more. All predictions were sanctioned by The Sure Thing Coalition, in Chalk City. Patriot haters might wanna skip this game for more uplifting fare, like the first 100 minutes of “Midnight Express”.

Yeah yeah, I don’t buy it. Crazy shit happens in the playoffs. The Rex Jets and the Ravens defeated the Pats at home, memorably. The Titans defense has been consistently OK all year and has brought more pressure on QBs in the last five games. Everyone knows how Brady gets skittish when hit–an  obvious bone I gladly throw to the vast majority of NFL fans in the US:

Via @WTP sports

Being a Titans fan, I’ve had to watch their games. Tennessee was a boring team: seldom scoring in the 1st QRT;  dependable special teams (spectacular punting); a D that doesn’t allow many TDs after a turnover; and, the odd long run or pass mixed between plays for little or no gain—mostly out of bunched formations. TEN beat the Browns 12-9, in overtime, and did not record a convincing win in a schedule that featured crap team after crap team. Titan coaches started to get heavy flak for playcalling after the slog that was the 12-7 Week 14 loss at Arizona. And then it happened: Mariota got healthy and started getting the chance to dictate, calling plays and improvising. This defeated the Jags and clinched the playoffs for TEN in Week 17:

Via tenor.com

That play even prompted a pro like Delanie Walker to chime in: “Sometimes you gotta overcome coaching. That’s what makes some players great when they know how to do that” (via @CameronWolfe). On the other hand, I can’t see Patriot players overcoming their coaching, because they’d stand to be cut. Or flayed.

The only angles against the Pats are: (1) the TEN offensive line has been playing at the 2016 level the last three games; and (2) the tension between Kraft, Belichick, and Brady. Seth Wickersham’s recent KBB piece was a notable entry in the “Are the Patriots / Brady DUN?” canon. (It’s never “Belichick is done”.) So the Jimmy G trade seems like a vanity move for Brady’s sake that balances the Alex Guerrero skullduggery—big deal. All of that alleged crap is inconsequential for the Pats. Unless Brian Hoyer becomes involved, or Tom Terrific fails to get a “Patriot of the Week” T-shirt after posting a 100+ QB rating in this game.

The Titans had actual drama. Stories came out that Tennessee was going to fire Mike Mularkey if they lost to the Chefs right before the game. To the dismay of many Tits fans, their own team won in Kansas City. Goddammit: why even cheer? Pining for an uncertain but “better” future instead of enjoying present playoff success is greek tragedy shit. Like, I dunno… Being more concerned with potential…

/points dramatically to a dumpster

…HEAD COACHING GIGS?

That’s right: the New England brain trust of McDaniels & Patricia will showcase tonight their genius chops against a TEN team that, so far, is -21 in points differential after 17 games. (-66 between two blowouts: Deshaun Watson Texans in Week 4, Steelers in Week 11.) Both NE coordinators might outsmart themselves, since the stakes for them go beyond eking out a win in an expected walkover:

Via InsufferableMassholes (redundant)

Yes, the Pats have playoff experience, but Tennessee has been mentally tough all season. The players saved their coach through an 18-point comeback on the road. Dick LeBeau’s record against Brady isn’t good, but this current batch of TEN DBs are decent, including former Patriot Logan Ryan. (If it’s against The Man, it’s not snitching #JustSayin) And for all that is made about Brady being the experienced one, he’s the one who has tantrums during games, not the even-keeled Mariota (40 and 24, respectively). OK, Marcus won’t be a fantasy top dog, but is competitive and aware enough to catch his own TD pass and make an actual block—instead of, umm…

Via giphy.com

For New England, Schefter reported that questionable RBs Mike Gillislee and Rex Burkhead “are not expected to play”. Pencil them down for the majority of the carries over Lewis and White. (Kidding; maybe?) DeMarco Murray is out, the only way TEN coaches would deign to give Derrick Henry more than 10 touches a game. Accountability Note: after the Week 17 win over the Jags. Henry said he “ran soft”. He did, and then ran possessed the next week in Kansas City. Henry should do well against NE, provided he doesn’t miss the blitzer that gets Mariota KILLT. But even being optimistic, the Brady-Gronkowski battery is unstoppable. For tonight, I’d trade only two Gronk receptions for 60 yards in defensive PI, gladly.

Gotta admit: the “Ooh a win over Andy Reid; how cute!” and Patriots Patriots PATRIOTS talk got the best of me early in the week. So I called it Titans 30, Patriots 27, likely after reading “we should really rest [Chris] Hogan for next week”. I’m sticking to it, and to my rationalizations above—which may turn out to be kinda inaccurate after the fact. A cordial “‘Sup” for all decent Pats supporters, the ones here and the other 7 of you. But that’s it: No. 1 FACKIN GREATRIETS fan is Marky Mark, who deserves no good will. So enough of New England. It* ends tonight!

* The Patriots reign. Alternatively, the 2017 Titans season.

Now it’s your turn. DO YOUR WORST!

Banner pics via blewiskewl.blogspot.com and @MattNicroneRPO

Don T
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta go eat something.
Night folks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
theeWeeBabySeamus

Stop denigrating my angry white boy music. It’s all I have.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And whoever wrote that is really reaching on some of those.
And probably never written a song.
And doesn’t understand that artists are influence by those who came before them and it’s unavoidable.

Now Imma go cry in the corner.
And maybe masturbate a little.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Your wish is my command. Go forth and be angry white boy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gratliff

This is still the quintessential angry white boy song in my mind. It’s a good thing he did exactly this one song and stopped doing music forever.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Alright, this is GREAT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.
And he does country now. And it’s good.

Gratliff

Booooooooooo. Also, let’s not forgive him for the public torture that was “It’s Been Awhile”

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

What!?! Boo this man! There’s nothing wrong with that song.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s booing that Aaron Lewis has gone country, I think.

Gratliff

Little bit of just country in general, little bit of his non-mudshovel music.

Gratliff

And you can say that with confidence, because, like me, you were forced to hear it the same 43,326,851 times the rest of us did.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did someone say 80s?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oooohhhhhhhhh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s true love right there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Apropos of nothing:

theeWeeBabySeamus

Foar Ayo.
He’s bad.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Smartass. LOL.

yeah right

Strange night. Really hard to focus on the early games due to what’s at stake tomorrow.
Just be sure that I will be there even if I don’t comment.
I’m not a religious person by any means and that won’t change but I’m thinking good thoughts.
Fuck the Saints. They owe us from 2009.
This time it’s in our house.
SKOL.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Vikings will roll. Try to enjoy it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Case Keenum experience continues to confuse and astound

Gratliff

Rooting for Minny because I got super tired of hearing about the Keenum-led Vikes during the regular season and I want to just get the Vikes-Eagles bullshit over with already.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I still say if there was a real world DFO Clubhouse, this would pretty much be it.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wow, if you blindfolded me and asked me to guess I would have said Green Day.
I think you have a type.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You suck.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’m kidding. This is unique and interesting and good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think you might be lying.
LOL

herodotus450
herodotus450

herodotus450
herodotus450

(only 7 more songsg to go to complete my “The Years of 1980s” Concept album. Will it have an album cover?)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, glad I didn’t bother to watch most of that one. Will try and check in tomorrow on the periphery of Sunday wedding shenanigans.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(not my wedding to be clear)

theeWeeBabySeamus

She said “no” again, huh?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m basically listening to hold music every day in the phone call of life

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes. Sorry. I was only joking.
I’ll shut up now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nah, it’s ok. She and I are really open and honest with each other. So when she’s ready, we’ll get on it.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

We were all very worried there for a moment. Good to hear.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is better in video form. https://gfycat.com/DimwittedBlissfulFlatfish

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Gratliff

I know how all this ends.

Gratliff

WCS

Oh, crap. Just got IT. Maybe I’ll join those two weirdos, Balls and Seamus, on a Men on Film for this one. I’m actually excited for this.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The book was better

Gratliff

I just can’t take any version of IT seriously that doesn’t involve a group of boys bonding by railing a middle school girl.

WCS

The book is always better, except in three cases:

Jaws (book was eh, movie is fantastic)
American Psycho (Bale was brilliant, book was long-winded and boring)
Fight Club (seriously, the book was garbage)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’ve read that The Godfather is a mess that spends more time on Sonny’s big dick than on the empire building schemes from the first two movies.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I completely disagree on #2. But #3 makes up for it and I’ll allow this post to stand.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That would be awesome.
Tho admittedly I haven’t watched that one yet and I doubt he has either.

Agreed with Ayo in general tho, book usually is better.

yeah right

As a life long Stephen King fan. I was entertained. A solid rendition.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hey

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At least we got to see pussy.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m convinced those are giant pictures of herself on the wall.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Biker bar was boring as fuck and my favorite little bartender wasn’t working. She’s funny. And kinda hot in spite of too much ink. Meh.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Cool. By the way, do you have the time?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, this guy again.
THEIR SONGS DON’T ALL SOUND ALIKE!!!!

(mostly)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Trump International hotel in Washington D.C.

In gif form:

https://gfycat.com/NervousRemorsefulEwe
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Oh, I thought this was the Continental

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I should’ve made that clearer in the first post.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why am I not reading? It’s too late to see a movie, which I already fucked up, and I’m bored looking at porn and random photos.

SonOfSpam

Been gone a bit. Did the Titans come back and win?

Yes, I am quite drunk!

theeWeeBabySeamus

So were they.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Spur
Spur

The Maestro

I have an erection thanks to this win. God bless Lady Maestro for putting up with my insufferable ass.

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

i got a survival bracelet, toothpaste and some potted succulents for $60 from lord Bevos

WCS

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Trent, can you be more specific?

Redshirt

Well, we all knew this would probably happen.

Fuck the Patriots and Good Night.

King Hippo

the song for the heartbreak that NEVAR heals (over 5 years for me):

King Hippo

there is the woman, the curve of whose body is burned into your mind’s eye forever. It’s not about SEX, it’s about connection, and FUCK why am I telling this to imaginary ppls?

Horatio Cornblower

Because you need help, and you should go out and get it. And it’s not at the titty bar either. Not that you shouldn’t go there tonight but tomorrow? Tomorrow, my friend, get some help. Psychiatrist, psychologist, acupuncturist, masseuse, whatever.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good advicing right there.
Sounds familiar, in fact.

Tomorrow.

Redshirt

Hippo’s comment

Horatio Cornblower

Elvis hit that when she was 14.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Granddaughter

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ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

I just got home from work – was either game worth watching? I was able to catch a play or two every so often at the restaurant next door, but had the games set to record if they were good games. It seems I might as well delete them.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The first one was good. Nawt the second one though.

King Hippo

first game was excellent *2nd half) footbaw, if’n you like footbaw

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

The first five minutes of the late game were competitive, then devolved to blowout. Early game was kind of clunky, but was better in the second half and close till right up to the end.

ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

Well fuck it. I’m deleting both games and preparing my liver for the football and dick jokes tomorrow.

And by preparing, I mean drinking some fine fine fine scotch until I pass the fuck out from exhaustion… which should be in about 30 minutes.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

+21 OR BUST

King Hippo

how does one know if one is too crunk to go to the tittay bar v, JUST RIGHT CRUNK to go to the tittay bar?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

If you have to ask, you’re right in the wheelhouse to go.

King Hippo

this guy is a REALLY GOOD shoulder devil

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

When you’re balls deep in that stripper, let her know it’s because of mayo.

Wait, no. Don’t tell her that.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

SonOfSpam

This is the greatest song ever.

Horatio Cornblower

If you’re safe to drive, you are not too crunk to go. if you’re not safe to drive, well, that’s what Taxis and Uber are for.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

How much funds do you have on your ATM card?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I work with the singer/songwriter shown here. He’s a pretty funny guy, and the Skunkweed discography bears investigation if you aren’t familiar with this local San Antonio band.

King Hippo

FOAR MARC:

The Maestro

Been at a dinner party all evening with the game on in the background, but just wanted to pop in and say…

SUCK IT, BITCHES.

(Also, my apologies, Don T. The Titans had a pretty solid season and I’m sorry it had to end for you the way that it did.)

WCS

You buy that square-wheeled car yet?

The Maestro

Which one? They’re all square-wheeled up here.

King Hippo

GET AIDS AND DIE

Gratliff

The Titans were winning at one point. That felt like another life.

Horatio Cornblower

Mariotta is a really bad QB, you guys.

Horatio Cornblower

35-7 and Belicheck challenges a call with 4:15 to go. To (mis)quote Stephen King, I hope he dies of stomach cancer in some part of the world that has no idea what morphine is.

Spur
Spur

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hi!

Spoiler

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King Hippo

so cru-eeeely you kissed me

/same girl from story before

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Just because I am drunk and this game is putrid….

Trump is going to use the N-word as some point in his presidency right? I mean not during the state of the union, though holy shit…those things are going to be fucking dumpster fires. Has he ever delivered a speech longer than 10 minutes before?

King Hippo

His entire Presidency is a stomped foot and “nigger nigger!”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m banking on it happening during the next State of the Union address.

Gratliff

There is a 1000% chance he uses it daily right now

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

And has done so all his life.

WCS

He’ll be the first President to cancel the State of the Union addresses.

“NAWT WORTH MY TIME. AMERICA KNOWS I’M MAKING IT GREAT, SO WHAT’S THE POINT? BELIEVE ME.”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe his speechwriters will throw in some kind of red meat dog whistle, like, “I’m gonna catch all them illegal aliens by the toe, and no matter how much they holler, I’m not gonna let ’em go, unless they go back to their shithole countries of origin.”

Spur
Spur

time for some drunk amazon shopping. that’s how i got this clicky click keyboard.

Horatio Cornblower

Along with 3 butt plugs.

Horatio Cornblower

I was complaining about my tinnitus and my son offered to set up a Make-A-Wish for me.

Anyone want a slightly used 19-year old?

WCS

Tinnitus is a cruel mistress.

King Hippo

WHUT??

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Should we set up a Go Fund Me for the Burn Center?

Spur
Spur

King Hippo

most underrated song EVAR (at least in the NW of England):

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Of course. That soundtrack had so many great songs that eclipsed it.

Horatio Cornblower

There was some pretty stiff competition.

Horatio Cornblower

Patriots coaches are literally napping on the sideline right now.

Spur
Spur

King Hippo

shld ah flip a coin for the tittay bar?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Heads: Titty bar
Tails: Bar with titties

King Hippo

I knew i liked how this guy thinks!

Horatio Cornblower

Nah. Add it to three other quarters and see if the stripper can get them off the top of a bottle without using her hands.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Subic Bay! Bangkok! Angeles City!

Horatio Cornblower

Or, you know, Waterbury, CT.

Spur
Spur

just go

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Heads you go, tails you go and get head.

King Hippo

deffo should go to ATM first then

Horatio Cornblower

Ass to mouth? Buddy, we’re way beyond quarters now!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe it’s quarter-Krugerrands.

Redshirt

You sure? The Tits already let you down once today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Couldn’t have made the choice BEFORE I hit the biker bar?
smgdh

Horatio Cornblower

I like this GEICO ad because it’s literally every conference call I’ve ever been on. Everyone talks over each other, no one has any idea what the final decisions were and a week later we get to do it all again.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought the very same thing since the first time I saw that ad. One difference from your end result is that in the military, we always summarize everyone’s “action items” so no one can say later “oh, I didn’t know I was supposed to do that.” But the talking-over and “Sorry I was on mute” shit really rings true.

Horatio Cornblower

I have started to make sure I get the last word in, which is “OK, so we’re decided that we’re going to do X, Y, Z” and then I send an email confirming that. It’s a pain in the ass and I’m a dick to do it but if it eliminates a follow-up call and/or any second guessing later it is worth it.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I know that most of you are very disappointed in the results of tonight’s matchup, and to be honest I really wish that if the officials are going to affect the game, they would make it so it was more competitive and not a blowout.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

As annoying as the refs were, the P*ts didn’t need their help to crush these pretenders.

WCS

We’re talking about New England. You knew that would/will never happen.

King Hippo

You really do seem a good dude, PRAY 4 JAGURAS, who can give you an actual game, as opposed to PIT

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

On the one hand, I have nothing against the Jags, and would love to see them upset Stillers. On the other hand, I’d love to see “my” team go to the Super Bowl on the strength of another defeat of Big Ben and Co., rather than of the upstart/underdog Jags.

King Hippo

of course, you know odds of beating The Ben = 98%, The Bort = 60%

strange, but true

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

And if the Jags should upset the Steelers tomorrow and my beloved Pats next week, I would not be bitter and would even root for them in the SB.

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur