A hale and hearty “Hullo!” to all my fellow pigskin huffers. Boy, did you ever hunker down to the funkiest spot on the net for the football watching. Say, here’s a trivia query: “When was the last time the overall #1 seed was a home dog?” No googling! If memory serves, you’d have to all the way back to 1935 or so when the Camden Meat Maulers hosted the Decataur Drooling Horde. What happened was that the Horde’s general manager up and snuck Notre Dame’s recently-graduated triple threat quarterback Sonny “The Ukrainian Tornado” Poroshenko onto the roster thus ensuring the victory. Apparentlly, the story goes, Commissioner Judge And Jury Kenesaw Mountain Landis (his billfold bursting at the seams with a very recent infusion of sawbucks) saw nothing wrong with this cheeky maneuver. The rest we’re all very much aware of-meat was mauled, hordes drooled, the body count totaled 3 and the final 0-0 score left the crowd chanting (for the very first time) “GO, METEOR!”. Will events unfold in a similar matter today? For the answers we must go… TO THE GAME!
Atlanta/Philadelphia:
She’s gonna be a cold one for the players today-it’ll be about 20 degrees with the windchill or what Canadians would call “a day at the beach’.
Injuries:
Yeah, there’ll be a few.
Good King Wentz Is Lost:
The before-amentioned Nick Foles has quite a bit on his plate today. Them Eagles finished up 13-3 but their brand new-ish starting qb finished up 23 for 49 in their last two tilts. (That 2013 Pro Bowl appearance back in ’13 seems like a two careers ago) On third downs over that two game stretch the news doesn’t get any better-he’s 1 of 17 passing on third downs. Did I mention that he’s fumbled in each of his last three starts?
Keep An Eye Out For:
The Falcons D, per the last eight weeks of the season is a top 5 unit overall. Most impressive has been 2nd year lb Deion Jones. He’s the one that intercepted Brees in spectacular fashion to save the Falcons playoff hopes and also batted down a potential TD score while shadowing Sammy Watkins in the end zone.
My Hot Takeaway:
It’ll take some time for each offense to get going so the first one to 20 wins. Falcons over Eagles 20-13.
I’m done but you’re just getting started-“GO GO GADGET FINGERS!”
quite the hurry-up, this!
This is just awful
“I’ll show him…” – Doink
Philadelphia just paid the troll toll
.
Foles definitely wants in that boy’s hole, I guess!
Why is this being reviewed?
play stands as called
YAY WAS WRONG
That’s not getting overturned.
It should. But it’s not. Not clear enough.
OK…I guess I have less faith in them than I should.
He fingerbanged it.
Hooooooooooly shit. Theese refs.
Jeff Triplette retires and the officiating gets WORSE
He carried their burdens.
Flag. Killing the kicker
Oh god fuck damn. Again with this shit.
OH GOODIE, Iggles call timeout so they can muff another punt. Jesus, how could they imagine anything POSITIVE could possibly come from this situation??
The Gang Attempts a Punt Return, Part 2
Dude is muthafuckin ON POINT tonite!!
If Wentz was in this game, Foles would still be playing at this point, because they’d be up by 30.
matt ryan smacked by cox
He had Cox all over him you would think he was in Hungary.
It’s gonna be weird seeing Elisha throw to Jags receivers next year.
It’ll be more weird for Jags receivers seeing balls thrown near them.
Why on earth are they showcasing that Raiders-Giants play?
All of the NFL’s film archives were deleted except for this one.
Why, is another Patriots scandal about to break?
-Billy B.
And now, another word from our sponsors:
Both Sides: The List
HUZZAH for (t), how anyone and could say that after Nov. 2016 is beyond me. Murrika has forfeited that FOREVS and then some.
/also MATT RYAN
Tag yourself: I’m (v)
DFO is (b)
Every swear is goddamned motherfucking necessary.
Fuck yeah it is!
Huh, look at that, I’m:
B E N G A Z I
What are the odds?
/not really
At least my under bet is looking good so far.
Both sides suck.
Greetings from the West side. Here as we battle through the depths of Winter it’s…
82 at the beach.
Someone get me a goddamn beer before I die!
Noice run
Making movies about Soldiers is the only way Clint Eastwood can get a boner anymore.
They have pills for that
they make his pills shaped like M-16s
I do not wish in any way wish computers were more like phones. Stop doing this, chromebooks.
my asshole vegan kid INSISTED on a Chromebook instead of a laptop identical to the one I bought off Amazon
/6 months later, she borrows my laptop every other day
The only good gift for kids is emancipation
Ok, pick 6 coming here, or Matt Ryan gets hurt, then pick 6.
Your average high school QB should be able to hit that. Put some goddamned air under it.
/even Al said the “air” thing, and he’s 80% gin
Great looking float Foles
Nick Foles looks as prepared as a Mormon missionary on his first night in Tijuana
11 pass attempts to make 59 yards
welcome back, alex smith!
Did Andy Reid and Alex Smith secretly infiltrate the Eagles’ sideline?
bored with bbq, he back for cheesesteaks
fuck fucking fuck
We all know what happened the last time a Reich offensive encountered winter? I am of course talking about the 1993 AFC wild card game. What’d you think I was going to say?
where are these 20-yard passes Foles can allegedly throw? Shit, I’d settle for 10.
I was previously annoyed my ex-wife chose 4:15 to have serious parenting discussions, leading me to miss Q1.
OK with it now.
Just do the same to her during the Oscars red carpet.
You should call her back in the 3rd quarter to make sure you covered everything.
“Have they a felony or a mortal sin? If not, it can wait until halftime.”
abortion did come up!
/no, one isn’t preggers, but one apparently does have a “body count” as the kids now say?
Ah. I see. Incoming Conservative Rant. (Get the thumbs down ready!)
Just remind them that sex isn’t just a thing to do when your bored; its a gift from God that is to be shared when two people love each other so much that having sex is the natural way to express it. Also, conception isn’t the risk of the action; its one of the main purposes of the action (everything else we do simply tries to avoid that result). If they chose to lie down, they should be able to stand up and face the consequences.
If that doesn’t work, just remind them that the family reserves the right to replace you with the significant other.
just about everything about this game is ugly as shit
GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
that is one fuckin yuuuuge head
This jabroni lives in Kentucky?
It’s amazing how far up his own ass he can shove that thing, too.
hoping the extra v-profen will help
/if not, there’s always #3
I guess when you get 43 fucking plays inside the 20, you’re bound to score
“Damn straight.”
– Derek Carr
That was ugly. How did thr Rams lose to this team?
Your right. Wait, why does Chris Collinsworth think that that was actually GOOD QB play?
I have an idea, let’s not fucking turn the ball over. How does that sound????
No! Do the opposite
Spur, we are internet friends off today
Bullshit conquers all.
Says a lot that was the best pass of the day
Dumb fuck luck Ryan
Cox up the middle, Cox from behind, Cox down their throat all day long.
Is this Sasha Grey’s version of “Live, Laugh, Love” ?
BLERRRGH!
I HATE THE FUCKING EAGLES!
Not really, I just love The Big Lebowski.
What the fuck was that Ryan? The guy was open
That was another bad call. It was close, but he let go in time.
I’m sick of this shit. Imma cook dinner.
matt ryan is garbage
5 yard automatic first downs is the dumbest shit
Oh fuck off you fucks.
BLEERRRRGH!
I love it when football games devolve into battles of supremacy between DFO deities.
There is no god before BLEERGH!
As flies to wanton boys are we…