Your “Spinning My Tires Out Of Here” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Todd Haley – GONE!
    • Speculation is he’ll be replaced by Mike Munchak, who declined a second interview with the Cardinals once this news came down.
      • How unpleasant is the Cardinals head job when guys are choosing to decline in order to stay as a coordinator?
    • If you want to see how outrage turns to catharsis, check out #FireHaley on Twitter, something I didn’t feel like including in an already lengthy “Hope Clicks” for tomorrow.
  • To answer the question about Jeremy Lane’s DUI arrest despite registering a 0.039 on the breathalyzer: his lady friend, Mary Jane.
    • Lane admitted to hitting the pipe before getting in the car.
    • Also, the cop observed:
      • weaving & unsignalled lane changes
      • driving with the hazards on
      • slurred speech & bloodshot eyes
      • “a strong odor of burnt marijuana inside the vehicle”
  • Fuck – Thursday Night Football is here to stay.
  • To lure fans back, the Jets have lowered ticket prices by an average of 11%.
    • Also, they’ve eliminated the PSL for all tickets on the mezzanine level, a savings of $2-4000.
    • They allegedly had the third-highest volume of ticket sales this year, but this Bills-Jets game indicates otherwise.

  • The Bengals are paying it forward.
    • As Bills fans donated to Andy Dalton’s charity, Bengals fans have been encouraged by local sports radio to donate to Blake Bortles’ charity as thanks for the Jags beating the Steelers.
  • Also getting pwned is Ben Roethlisberger, who this week received a gift of seven turnovers from a Jacksonville bakery.
    • Seven turnovers for the seven turnovers he committed in the two losses to the Jags this year.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Canadiens at Bruins – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
    • Penguins at Ducks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Pistons at Raptors – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Lakers at Thunder – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Nuggets at Clippers – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Villanova at Georgetown – 6:30PM | FS1
    • Arkansas at Florida – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
    • Seton Hall at Creighton – 8:30PM | FS1
    • Iowa State at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU

Tomorrow, the hype begins for the Championship games. Mr Scott?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamusUnsurprisedWakezillaBrick MeathookSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Holy fuck. I didn’t mean to stay up this late for nothing. Well, good morning east coasters.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

HIYOOOOOOOOOOO !
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, well, well…another west coaster who’s dry and warm.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I’m just jealous.
NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, I really am going back outside I guess. Beats doing it in the morning.
And this way, I earn the right to get really drunk upon coming back inside tonight I guess.
/thinks warm thoughts
Night boyz.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go shovel the walk.
Later Taters.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m Okay!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

-Blair Walsh

Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile Dave dreams happily of doing this:

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think he’s happy being safe, dry and relatively warm in the garage.
he’ll get his shot in the morning tho.

Senor Weaselo

You’re mounting a flamethrower? Badass!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Keep Portland stupid.
Wait, I mean weird.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You were right the first time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

A photo I took at dusk this evening. I like it, though it hasn’t proven to be as popular on dA as I thought it would. Meh, fuck those assholes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-T3pn5shcg
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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesome!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re just saying that to get into my pants, aren’t you?
Don’t answer that.
😛

In all seriousness….Thank you, sincerely. It’s the first photo I’ve captured in a while I’ve truly been proud of.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

How many likes on Instagram and Facebook?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t do Instagram.

I post some to Facebook to friends, but not much lately and not this one yet.

WCS

RE: Unsurprised’s BAC situation

For the record, I’m reaching to into the “Old/Odd Memories bag” twice tonight. In 2011, wifey and I were living in Charlottesville, VA, when we were working for UVa. I had a Friday night off, and decided to clean and get wasted, since she worked an overnight shift at the hospital. Around 01:00, after I’ve been drunk for a while, wifey calls me, and says she’s volunteered me to give one of coworkers a ride. I know this is a shitty idea, but, apparently, there are favors owed.
I’m not pleased about the developments, but, do it, anyway. UVa’s hospital was only two miles from our house, so I figured, okay, no big deal. There and back, easy.

WRONG

Co-worker lived ten miles in the opposite direction. I get this person home without a problem, thank God. HOWEVAH, on the return drive home, there is now a DUI checkpoint. Of course there is. Knowing I’m boned, and with no other option, I get in line. When it’s my turn, I blow a .07. The officer looks at me, and says, “Son, you’re luckier than you know. Go home, right fucking now.”

“Sir, that’s exactly where I’m going.”

Got home without incident. NEVER DO THIS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate those checkpoints even sober. I hit one many many years ago when almost home while driving from PA to NC. Hadn’t had a drop to drink, but also hadn’t slept in a while. Cop gave me a hard time about it.

WOULD YOU RATHER I WAS WELL RESTED AND DRUNK????

He actually said yes.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I know people who died because they fell asleep while driving. You really shouldn’t drive while tired. I’ve done it. It was stupid. Anyway, don’t do that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Final Measurement: Slightly more than 12 inches.

(also, we got a lot of snow)

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Only if you begin measuring at the anus.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

To answer the question about Jeremy Lane’s DUI arrest despite registering a 0.039 on the breathalyzer: his lady friend, Mary Jane.

Also, the BAC limit simply creates a legal presumption of intoxication. There are people who’ve blown 0.00 and still been arrested for DWI/DUI.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lady BFC and I have been slowly working on a 1000 piece puzzle.

Do not recommend.

WCS

Back in 1994 or so, my family was visiting our mom’s cousins in Detroit. The four of them (my mom, dad, mom’s cousin, and her husband) decided to do a 5000 piece puzzle. They got it together in about three or four days. Once they were victorious, my old man shouted out, “Let’s throw Nicky* in the fire!” This idea wasn’t immediately shot down.

*Nicky was my mom’s cousin’s incredibly awful toy poodle that nobody liked, who had a wonderful habit of running through the house, diarrhea running out of ass; that dog was horrible

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hide 3 pieces and tell her it’s her fault.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is that a euphemism for a Sting sex trick?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Our pieces don’t last that long

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think I might be getting cabin fever.
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I should probably drink more.

WCS

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Solid plan.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit. Niece wants to go back outside. I was finally warm. Meh, fuck it.
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WCS

Senor Weaselo

Dammit Brothers Chaps, I will know your obscure as fuck Homestar Halloween costume references!
/Homestar was Dale Murphy this year, I shit you not.

WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

tWBS tries skiing.
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‘Tis true, I’ve never been good at skiing. Snowboarding I got. But skiing? Nope. That’s a good way to break your pelvis in half.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The problem is you pizza’d when you were supposed to french fry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dunno why, but anything where the feet/legs are separate I just never could master. Same with water skiing. One slalom ski with both feet, fine. But pairs? Nope

Used to skateboard like a fiend as a kid. But roller blades can also suck my nuts.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And somehow you’re a double fisting pro? Weirdsville!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Ok, that’s just impressive.

Senor Weaselo

But does your new suit make you feel like you’re wearing nothing at all?
/Stupid sexy Seamus…

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d like to think the cameraman saw this coming and just thought…meh, fuck this dick.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

On one hand, this would be funnier. On the other, having seen that video of the anchorman shooting his former coworkers, they were so consumed by the task of being on camera that they did not even see him pointing a gun at them until they were shot.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I have to believe that the only reason they have people do remotes during heavy weather specifically hoping for footage like this or getting swept away by wind or getting shot in the face by a disgruntled ex-repor— Oh, scratch that last one.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Not the type of plowing I’m used to seeing around here. But still quite good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Honey, the good news is I got the snow off the roof.
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WCS

Well, most of it. Also…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Also, that damn tree is finally down!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Time to call …
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Too cold, baby

theeWeeBabySeamus

BeeGuyRob is giving his pups skating lessons I see.
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WCS

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WCS

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“I cut through a whole goddamn room of the labor department! They’re all Jews!”

Nixon as Rogue One Darth Vader is pretty fucking funny.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I know you’re a fellow Gray Wolf, but goddamn, that line was good.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Grey, Gülen scum!

But, no, really. I thought that was good and hilarious. Another one being,

“Our greatest import is flag-draped coffins.”

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

So last night I went to a community meeting involving the long delayed second phase of a train station reconstruction project that I care about because I use the station, Let me tell you, these meetings bring out some interesting folks.

First comment complains about how the completed part of the station is a haven for “thugs” who do horrible things like smoke pot in the waiting area.

Second comment is from a dude who has to escort women off the platform since, you know, those “thugs” are so threatening. Then I get a question about making it so the entire platform is visible from street level because a woman heard someone getting the shit kicked out of them on the platform because I guess seeing someone from 100 feet away is the key to ensure we bring them to justice.

And then there was the guy complaining about the ADA-compliant ramps being too steep and he would know because even though he’s 65 now, he used to be an athlete and even though now he’s aging and fat and couldn’t push his elderly mother up the ramp without almost losing control. I, a skinny fucking non-athlete pushed an adult male in a wheelchair up ramps steeper than this without problem so I wanted to turn and tell the guy he just needs to admit he’s weak and stop pretending it’s an engineering problem.

Never go to community meetings.

WCS

The community meetings in Parks & Rec weren’t fiction, they were documentaries.

ballsofsteelandfury

I have to go to those for work and I tell ya, it’s really hard to do your speech without being distracted by the hot single mom in the crowd.

There is always one.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Can confirm. there was a quite attractive wife in the crowd worried about vibrations from the passing trains.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Settle down, toots. We’re not taking your dryer away”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

1″ rise to 12″ run. A tape measure will shut that guy up, unless, of course, it wasn’t built to code.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

He said he was aware of the ADA code but still thought it was shit. He just needs to admit he’s grown weak with age.

I considered piping up with my tale of pushing someone in a wheelchair up steeper ramps without a problem–or that my dad who is also in his 60’s–also did so without a problem but I wasn’t in full asshole mode.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Am I the only one who wants to see a runaway wheelchair on the too steep ramps? Yes?
OK, I’ll defer then.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It’s funny, but the same guy made a joke about it being easy to go down because you just let ’em roll. From experience, I can tell you that’s a bad idea.

I kinda wanted to chime in about how I pushed an adult male in a wheelchair up some of the steeper slopes of San Francisco without losing control, but I wasn’t going to Dick Level: Ultra.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My ex was in a chair for a while towards the end.
It’s not difficult to keep control. Sounds like this guy just wanted to whine about something.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Exactly.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

And we come around full circle to how these public meetings attract the worst or craziest people in the world.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Never go to any public meetings. The most mind-numbing one I ever attended was a statewide Democratic platform committee meeting in 2004. Watching a bunch of craven Democratic assholes opposing the dozen or so variations of “Impeach Bush and his Cabinet” made me want to kill myself even more than the kooks, though.

Gratliff

Slow night. Good time to catch up on Botchamania. There is nothing I love more than watching people fuck up the one thing they supposedly can do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The one regret I have about not having any children is seeing them do this like this.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You could always become a Big Brother.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I can’t even commit to a cat, let alone a human.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Little Brothers are much less hassle than cats. And you only have to keep the kids alive for a couple of hours once a week. Or you can just meet them at school over lunch and then the keeping them alive part is the school’s problem.

SonOfSpam

(Don’t say revenge…don’t say revenge…)

theeWeeBabySeamus

I (intentionally) never made any but I’ve raised a couple I didn’t make.
It is indeed very fun when they do stupid shit like this, and you can laugh at ’em.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

So… anyone on the Vikings bandwagon?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shouldn’t that be a bandlongship?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Perhaps it’s because I’m a Cubs fan, but I empathize with overcoming horrible futility.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Wheeee!

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SonOfSpam

Tennessee Titans immediately sign him as kicker.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Nuts.”
— Blair Walsh, missing kicking the can right up against his foot.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Good evening, everyone.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I saw that one a few days ago and it still confounds me.

Who the fuck buys milk for cats?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, stop asking questions.
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SonOfSpam

Older cats with good fake IDs?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

No, that’s cat wine.

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It won’t surprise you to know that Rogue is an Oregon brewery (on the coast, though. Not in Portland.)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

People who panic when told that cats may have some lactose intolerance to regular cow milk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not laughing now, are ya kid?
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SonOfSpam

Dogs owning kids in a painful manner is high on the Best Kind o’ GIFs list.

Wakezilla

Wow, Barkvaious Mingo has really improved since leaving the Browns

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m cold. My niece wanted to go play in the snow. She’ll think twice next time.
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Don T

Total peacock move by Munchak: worried that other candidates are in the running, he pulls the “I already interviewed; hire me or not” (or “family”). I think he’s angling for Tomlin’s job, but Munch would settle for OC. For now.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Never tweet.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

What are “two worlds spoken to the President every 10 minutes”
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“But then how will I track down my dinner?” – Jay Cutler

Gratliff

So El Dreamboat just got x rays on his throwing hand. FOLES-BORTLES CONFIRMED

WCS

I’m sure if he drinks enough water, it’ll fix itself in a few hours.

litre_cola

No nightshades mister!!!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

JSD Fan Fic….

Pats tank. In the uproar, Bellijerk leaves New England. Jimmy Haslam is indicted, convicted, raped and murdered in federal prison in shocking speed. New owner quietly convinces Bellijerk to come back to Cleveland.

In a shocking turn of events, the Browns trade down like crazy, ending up with almost all of the 3rd, forth, and fifth round draft picks. They do not select a QB. The sports media has a collective seizure.

First season, they go 7-9. with using Kizer, who is showing tremendous growth but the team is still young. Second season…Browns dynasty begins. All those late draft picks start hitting like crazy. By universal degree of the city of Cleveland, all history from ’99 to the present is wiped from the history book and mentioning the previous seasons is grounds for tar and feathering.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
WhyEaglesWhy

I imagine Gwyneth has some solutions he’ll be interested in. Maybe a jade egg in his ass.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The Ghost of Bernard Pollard strikes?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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SonOfSpam

How does the guy in the background keep from sadly shaking his head?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Those sunglasses are to hide how he never opens his eyes because no good could ever come from that.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

It snowed like 2 inches this morning. I have a sports car. And both roads out of my neighborhood are steep inclines. But it’s only two inches…and it stopped snowing like around 3pm. Surely they have plowed the street…I mean I am in a fucking city.

Nope. Looks like I am walking to my goddamn physical in the morning.

WCS

One time when I was living there, it snowed about four inches. Immediately after unearthing my car, the plow came by, and reburied it. I told the guy to get my car out, since you just wasted 20 minutes of my time. The guy asks for the shovel I had, and starts to shovel the mountain of snow manually for about two minutes. Then Super Genius realizes he can just plow the snow away with his truck. “I’m just going to plow it away,” he tells me.

SMRT

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Here is what I don’t fucking get….why do they allow people to park in the streets during snow events?

They have it on the books that its a ticketing offense…but the never fucking bother with it. My street is filled with fucking cars from people that refused to parking in their goddamn drive ways.

WCS

This was in an apartment complex off Orange Ave. I honestly didn’t know that about street parking.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

“Nice try, bitch!”

-A Thousand Monkeys

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

“What’s a typewriter?”
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WCS

I HOPE SOMEONE SMASHES THAT IPAD INTO YOUR SMUG-ASS FACE

litre_cola

YES. AGREED. WATCH ME TAKE A HAMMER TO YOUR IPAD TOO MISSY!

WhyEaglesWhy

#metoo

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

DFO editor’s office?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There are editors?

scotchnaut

“That moment in Under Siege when the stripper kills Colm Meaney to save my character? You can’t make that stuff up!”

-Steven Seagal

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
WCS

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Kevin Smith movies do not age well at all.

Anyone else ever notice he cannot write dialogue for female characters at all? Its kind of weird when you notice it.

scotchnaut

He’s at the bottom of a long, long list of dudes that can’t write dialogue for women.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right below me, in fact.

Wakezilla

It’s a good thing the American populous doesn’t pay attention to the news on a regular basis. The Democrats enabling Trump to have undisputed surveillance power would normally result in the Republicans winning in a landslide, but, most aren’t paying attention.

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Wakezilla

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yeah right

Hey Wakezilla, Got your DFO Insiders picks ready?

We’re nearing the finish line!

Wakezilla

Oh shit! Tonight. Where do you want me to submit the picks? Here?

yeah right

Here is good.

Wakezilla

Vikings v Iggles: It’s hard picking against Philly at home, especially with them embracing the whole ‘we get no respect’ chip on their shoulder. With that said, I think I trust Keenum more than Foles. As a result, I’ll say Vikes’ vicious defense fills Foles’ holes in mostly boring 17-13 win.

Sacksonville v P*triots: With Brady supposedly having an owie, I fully expect the refs to be a little more lenient with the P*ts’ o-line holding so Timmy doesn’t get a bruise. But you know what?

IT’S NOT GOING TO MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE! Aaron Colvin is getting 2 picks and that defensive line may get held, but Myles Jack is going to take Brady to pound town early and often.

FUCK THE P*TRIOTS. FUCK THE P*TRIOTS. FUCK THE P*TRIOTS!

The Jaguares winning is my big stick pick of the week.

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That’s a pretty large stick, baby.

Jaguares stuns the world and wins 42-20 in a laugher.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, whether or not it’s legal isn’t really relevant; if the Trump administration wants to do it, they’ll fucking do it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If it weren’t, it would be one of the millions of provably criminal reasons to impeach him. I’m guessing they have come to accept that under no circumstance will any Republican Senators will defect even if they do retake the House and impeach him.

It’s also just really bad optics to give A FOREIGN SPY AND TRAITOR unlimited power to spy on Americans. That is if the Democrats had any political intelligence. Instead, they are just lucky that Trump and his cronies are such cheap, shitty grifters that they don’t grasp the extent of the corruption and evil they already have the legal power to wield against their debtors, enemies, and any random people that annoy them. I mean, NSA spies were trading nudes from these illegal wiretaps and a pervert like Trump could exploit the fuck out of it if he had any brains.

WCS

It’s going to be Randy Finchter to replace BOSS TODD. He’s been the QB coach since 2010, and he and THE BEN enjoy COCO TACOS together.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Does he drive a Ford Mustang or Toyota Supra?

WCS

He looks like the kind of guy who willingly bought a Wagon Queen Family Truckster.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The important thing is that Tom Brady has an owie, and there’s still a chance of Hoyer Country being back in force!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope it gets infected and turns black and falls off.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Send Schiano to rehab him. Remind him to bring extra MRSA.

SonOfSpam

Sure way to lose Trump as a fan.

scotchnaut

Boss Todd: “I’M OBLIVIOUS TO CRITICISM AND TEND TO MAKE BAD DECISIONS!”

GOP: [slips hands down pants] “Go on…”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Their own pants or Boss Todd’s pants?

WCS

It could be both.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes.