It’s Saturday morning and there’s fútbol! Huh. Looks like a slate for the hardcore, in La Liga and the EPL. And, c’mon: it’s mid January. Even if Liverpool were playing Man City for the top of the table, with the losers getting full body waxes after the game… I’d still be obsessing about the Jax D being more good than cocky, and Nick Foles’s ceiling—Andy Dalton? Improved bank shots?
Xavier Rhodes deflection sends Alshon Jeffrey to the med tent
All times Central, listings per my TV. Primary source, baby!
Atlético Madrid (2nd) vs. Girona (11th) – 9:05 AM, BeIn Sports
La Liga is at the midway point. Girona, a Catalonian club founded in 1930, is on its first year in the top flight. Their goalkeeper is a Moroccan named Bono. (“Only in New York.” —PK) After being bounced from the Champions League, El Atléti is a respectable second in Spain, with 42 points—nine behind Barcelona. However,
“Wanda Metropolitano” is Atlético Madrid’s home stadium, and last Wednesday’s stabbing was about control of Frente Atlético, nazi ultras who cheer for the team. (Fun Fact! Atlético is coached by an Argentinian nicknamed Cholo.) The team recently signed Diego Costa for a second tour of duty. EPL fans know about Costa. Say what you will about him; regardless of form, Diego is a world-class head case.
Villarreal (5th) vs. Levante (16th) – 11:20 AM, BeIn Sports
The Valencia derby! Which would impressive if it involved the prime club of the region. What team is that?
Las Palmas (20th) vs. Valencia (3rd) – 1:35 PM, BeIn Sports
Valencia CF, who aim to get three easy points and a beach day on their trip to the Canary Islands to meet a Las Palmas destined for the Segunda: 19 matches, 11 points, 14 goals, 46 conceded. A Las Palmas fan sums up last week’s 6-0 at Girona:
Via the outstanding @Opiumtv (timeline NSFW)
Over in England,
Brighton & Hove Albion (16th) vs. Chelsea (4th) – 6:25 AM, NBCSN
Chelski’s hanging in there, with two wins and three draws in the last five games. Brighton might as well be called the blasé boids:
Via premierleague.com
Keep it stoic, lads [vacant stare].
Burnley (7th!) vs. Manchester United (2nd) – 9:00 AM, NBCSN
These two teams drew 2-2 three weeks ago. Take away those two goals, and Burnley has only 15 in 22 games. Manager Louis C.K. truly is the EPL’s Mike Mularkey.
Via Wikimedia.org & wn.com
The other 9:00 AM games, presumably in NBC For Pay, are:
Merseyside Boycotts (redacted) vs. West Bromwich Albion (19th)
Sam Allardyce—
West Ham United (11th) vs. Bournemouth (13th)
Mid-table fixture. In culinary terms: overpriced burger and a seltzer.
Arsenal (6th) vs. Crystal Palace (12th)
I forgot to say that Arsenal transferred Alexis Sánchez to Manchester Unit… OK. I refuse to believe Tom Coughlin has some sort of Patriots kryptonite. His Giants teams could crush a QB with four linemen rushing, among them Justin Tuck. The Jags may do the same, but that would unleash the “Tom Coughlin: The Genius That Wasn’t Washed-Up” narrative before the Super Bowl. Nobody wants that.
Leicester City (8th) vs. Watford (10th)
On the other hand, the whole Cheatriots thing: I don’t buy it. Year after year, New England starts slow, makes solid contributors out of waiver wire pickups, and then ends up on the AFC Championship. Belichick and McDaniels (in Denver) got caught videotaping a long time ago. My guess is both fellas value their rep enough to engage in that again. Deflated balls? Yeah, there was malfeasance—at the very least, a coverup. Now, the competitive advantage gained by a few psi eludes me, but I’m gonna guess it amounts to
And I’m sure Brady’s stats are better after the 2nd half of that Colts game. What else is there in the CHEATERS file? The, uh, TB12 non-traditional health services. The other principal has a past, but his current methods haven’t been found illegal. (As far as anyone knows.)
Stoke City vs. Huddersfield Town
The breaks the Patriots get from the officials seem lopsided compared to the other teams. And yet, the overall officiating is terrible, and the convoluted game rules disfavor common sense and the naked eye. On the other hand, this is certain: Gronk is incredible; Belichick is the best coach; Brady is Another Level; and their most vocal fans are insufferable. I’ll feed my spite only as to those fans. As to the rest, I’m done. There’s too much bad shit in the real world to spend time resenting actual excellence in sports.
Manchester City vs. Newcastle United (11:30 AM – NBC)
Last week’s defeat at Liverpool (4-3) ended Man City’s streak of 22 straight EPL games without a loss—during which City earned 62 out of a possible 66 points. Newcastle is just three points above the relegation zone. I see Newcastle employing an 8-1-1 formation in this one.
Finally, gotta say I’m in Balls’s Camp: I think there’s nothing lesser about fútbol. But goddammit, there’s only three games left in the NFL season! And, AND, Jags @ Pats can turn out to be competitive. Vikes @ Philly looks pretty damn exciting—and the Linc being filled with dog masks promises to be hilarious and terrifying.
An Iggles fan pleads with The Rog for compensatory picks due to Wentz injury, via Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
So, sorry; I can’t help myself. Championship Sunday is the best single day on the sports calendar, IMHO. And should New England win, at least we’ll be spared the Doug Marrone Bills to Jax arc packaged as a prepotent-diva-to-humbled-grinder narrative. ?.
Gifs via giphy.com banner via i.ytimg.com; substance-y #content via Wikipedia, elpais.com, premierleague.com, theguardian.com, and dailytelegraph.com.
But the conference put (3)ASU (then-undefeated) at (14)Arizona on the PAC-12 Networks.
Did you parlay those, Hippo?
nope
SMRT
Also, is Vegas’ success an indication most NHL GMs have no clue what they’re doing?
Yes, yes it is.
I know I wouldn’t have a clue if I were an NHL GM.
So the Sabres are on pace to have a season on par, if not worse, than when they were straight up tanking.
“BUT TANKING IS AN AFFRONT TO THE GAME”
Effort is a major stat.
I am going to wake up very, very early to see some Atalanta-Napoli tomorrow.
Colorado got a fucking steal in dealing Duchene.
Brady Man with the Shaky Hand: The Prequel (just after 18-0):
Sooners now covering (I gots in at -2)
So is the Community guy just going to stop acting and just be in Enterprise commercials, a la that chick who does all the Capitol One commercials?
And John Hamm for tax returns.
Isn’t he Negan?
No, that’s this guy:
Jeffery Morgan
it would be upsetting, had he ever done anything of note other than his portrayal of Jeff Winger
and secondary/cameo douche in forgettable movies! (his level of smarm and douche-ness make even his cameos of note!)
On the bright side, he’s a Seahawks fan, so he’s still PTSD-y from the interception 😀
I’m waiting for the Russos to have him cameo in Infinity War
Is anyone in this WV/TX game worth paying attention to? Any NBA talent?
Jevon Carter, Sags Konate, and Esa Ahmad for the Tracksuits. Carter’s a senior, and is probably a second-round pick. The other two are a year away, but, Ahmad could end up a lottery pick. He’s that good.
there’s always supposed NBA “talent” on TX, just no skill
So how drunk is everybody so far?
None.
Gonna go rip a bowl tho.
Now I’m jealous. You jerk.
I suggested to my oldest son that we get high together and watch Donnie Darko. I was drunk when I threw that out. He’s super excited about doing it. I scared now.
?Be sure to link the facebook Live.
JV: Herm Edwards (new CEO-Coach of ASU) gave this interview. My favorite quote:
https://www.azcentral.com/story/sports/ncaaf/asu/2018/01/19/q-and-asu-coach-herm-edwards-discusses-ceo-role-potential-changes-and-more/1047703001/
oh this is going to be such a shitshow
I feel the same way but I assume that is just rivalry hate. Then I think some more and….I don’t see how this works.
No, I think you’re spot on, dude. This is comedy gold. Get ready to laugh heartily at Sparky for the next 3-4 years.
I appreciate his honesty.
Huggins will be the next coach at the ICU. Book it.
Damn! Huggins is still at WVU?!
The King of Track Suits shall NEVAR leave his mountains (and cousinfuckers) behind
I need to learn how to cook asian food. I love this shit. Way better than Mexican.
Basically Trump’s immigration policy right there
It’s really not that hard. Fresh garlic, ginger, green onions, a sauce and some protein dredged in corn starch fried hot in peanut oil with a splash of sesame oil. Boom.
I like how one of us will say “I’d like to learn to cook [X]”, and Yeah Right comes in with, “Hey, no problem, I got you. Just do this, this, that, this and some of that, and by the way here’s six recipes with pictures to guide you through it” and we’re all “Hey thanks! Gonna try that this weekend!” and on Saturday the fire department is sifting through the ashes of what used to be our kitchens.
Shaka Smart should have never left VCU.
he can cry into his wheelbarrows full of moneys
fuck, $100 on Stanford, $100 on ND. Each getting MOAR than 2:1 v a verrrrry overrated side that has lost to NC State
Them’s good odds. Don’t think I’d take STAN straight up but, hey, you do you.
I prefer moneylining when I can in hoopsball. Too easy to lose a marginal spread with free throws down the stretch. Rather have the added payout. Spread only like 5.5, but ML +215. ND is 6.5 and +250 @ Son of Clem
It’s a balmy 55 degrees. Overcast, windy, crisp — I went and got some chinese takeout and I am so stoked.
My bad — another 45 mins (damn time zones).
WHEW, we didn’t forget to pretend to care yet!!
/should I bet Stanford ML??
I mean, you fookin’ lost to NC State FFS!!
UA is clicking pretty solidly. I am admittedly unfamiliar with this Stanford squad but, since Alkins is still only a likely (he did not play on Thursday), I don’t think I’d start flinging around cash.
Come On, You Sooners!!
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2018/01/20/rex-burkhead-was-the-patriot-who-accidentally-injured-tom-bradys-hand/amp/
More like Rex Tomshand amirite?
“A little high on the body but I do like the end result.”
-Bernard Pollard, judge on America’s Best Injuries
Moar liek Rex Notgonnabeworkinghereanymore.
Maybe not the hero we wanted, but perhaps the hero we needed.
/still believe this is all theatre
This thread staying up a while? Cuz UA/Stanford for top of the SHITTY Pac-12 is starting on CBS in 15min.
I couldn’t find the clip online, but there is a pregame ritual that the Girona team does that goes along the lines of
GIIIRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA
GIIIRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA
GIIIRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA
It’s intoxicating. I found myself chanting it.
Found It! It’s actually My Shirona…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1T71PGd-J0
you could also do to L-L-L-L-LOOOOOO-LA!!!!
Eggceptional!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTE1z4SbyTk
“I hate how stupid you are.”
-Me
Egggscellent!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTE1z4SbyTk
Btw, this is good insight on a valid perspective on the Pats, but they can still go fuck themselves. Come in, Hoyer Country!
Best stand up comedian you’ve never heard of? I give you Jon Steinberg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nER5D8oWuq8
Noles win!! 5 in a row, ninjas
Have you given up on the Puppypack this year?
YES
Jason Bourne can run faster than you and I combined!
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=-N5cgxzc-4k
When you think about it*, isn’t Ice Cube a really, really lame rapper name? If he hadn’t been in NWA (Nigeria Without Awareness) he’s wouldn’t a had any credibility whatsoever.
*when I think about it
Setting himself up for his 21st century existence
[eagerly awaits his upcoming Frigidaire commercial]
Frigidaire would be a good rapper name. Don’t you think?
“Agreed.”
-Whirlpool Dryer and his posse
VPI making my ass twitch (and put a hunny down on Boomer Sooner, before remembering NEVAR trust those sacks of shite again)
Hehehehehe. Sorry, but this made me giggle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPlQpGeTbIE
Who did Hippo bet today? Glad you asked, Other Hippo! FSU Moneyline, +116 @ VPI!
/this would be 5 hoopsball in a row, including 3 MLs
I don’t even think the ‘Noles can blow this one at this point.
Well done Hippo.
Does anyone else get Franka Potente and Famke Janssen confused because their first names are vaguely similar, they’re both European and I’m stupid?
Famke Janssen. hnnghhh
“She’s taken.”
-Liam Neeson
/this morning
*knock on the door*
Jehovah’s Witness: “Sir, do you feel that the world right now is out of control?”
Me: “Yes…”
JH: [smiles]
Me: “But I feel it’s always been that way.”
JH: “…” [quotes Bible passage, looks at me meaningfully]
Me: “Great! Goodbye” [closes door]
JH: “He’s coming soon!”
FIN
I’ll be coming soon too, but you don’t see me bothering the neighbors about it.
I’ll be coming soon as well, hopefully in a theatre near you.
Didn’t work out that well for Pee Wee Herman.
[makes mental not to yell out “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, AUNT BRENDA?” next time]
This was a perfect opportunity to tell them about the true god, BLEERGH.
Well shit. I ran a valiant race but it looks like the cold/ flu finally caught me.
Not too terrible yet but sore muscles and foggy brain.
Just in time for the weekend!
REMEMBER, only have to live 15 MOAR days!!
I hope you do better with it than I did – it’s been a week and I’m only now at the phlegm-spitting stage.
I’m going to have to force myself to get moving and get to the grocery store before this shit gets worse. I’m in need of plenty of fluids.
Are you in the mood for booze? Anyone? I am.
one pill ahead of ya! Who L’Orange got today? AND SHOULD I BET??
Sadly, no Cuse action until Tuesday(?) I think. Any game they play bet the under because they can’t score but play half-decent D.
in other words, they’s post-Melo Syracuse?
Given how many they’ve missed, I think The Nose-Picker-In-Chief hasn’t run a layup drill yet this year.
Kind of, yeah. I just got over the flu (well, my lungs are still lagging behind a little) and can’t wait to fall off the wagon. I had a martini last night. Maybe tonight I’ll have two.
as noted, the best case scenario for Everton would be to stay up either by one point or on Goal Differential. Anything else risks that fat, corrupt sonofabitch getting a summer window, and laying the foundation for an inevitable going down in a season or two.
am disappoint, a home loss to FOOKIN WEST BROM would have been perfect to get the Merseysiders out FOAR blood.
Assuming a height of 6’1″ (that is what I’m settling on based on photographic evidence), I’m setting the OVER/UNDER of Trump’s true weight at 275. Whattaya got?
260
261, Drew!
/Price Is Right strategy
281
Don T, you’re treating it like it’s a binary thing. In the absence of all of their malfeasance, the Patriots would still be an incredibly good football team. Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are among the best to have ever coached/played the game. But there’s this notion that once each of them got caught cheating, they stopped cheating. That’s usually not true as far as cheatin’ husbands go and I doubt it’s true here. It just means they’ve gotten more careful. As far as using these past incidences to detract from their legacy, I absolutely WILL do that, because cheating is dishonorable and is a very valid reason to diminish someone’s accomplishments.
As far as the favorable calls, go…that’s a lot more subjective. I’d like to see an analysis to show whether or not controversial calls (or blown calls, or replay reverses) help the Patriots’ win percentage in a statistically significant fashion.
As far as last weekend goes; it would have taken somewhat of a miracle for the Titans to beat the Patriots – the Patriots are clearly a much better team. But from the way the officials ignored the blatant pass interference on the first Titans touchdown pass, it was evident that the league wasn’t taking any chances and that the fix was in.
Also, my feelings are hurt that you didn’t use this image.
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! God dammit.
FIXT! What a pic.
I feel ya. I don’t think Bill or Tom or Josh (or, while we’re at it, Bob Kraft), have become sticklers for rules after being caught. My impression is that all 32 teams try to get an edge however they can, whether exploiting gray areas or breaking rules.
I can concede that the Pats seem more cavalier employing the Dark Arts—from injury report bullshit to getting the skinny on Martellus Bennett before he was cut by Green Bay. But I don’t think that stuff can reasonably explain the Pats’ run of greatness.
As to the officiating, I may have taken the high road unnecessarily, despite the history. But I’m putting my trust in KARMA BITCHES over conspiracy thinking, and waiting for Belichick to go apeshit like he did against the replacement refs back in BAL (the SNF the day before “Touchdown Seahawks”). If that happens, and it will, Bill’s gotta be suspended.
GREY AREAS?!?
– THE BEN
The last time anything was hung out to dry as badly as Crystal Palace’s goalkeeper they were doing a bed check on Aaron Hernandez.
“Man, drying out is the WORST.”
– Justin Blackmon
“Yeah, put me firmly in the ‘getting wet’ camp.”
– Aaron Hernandez
4-0 Arsenal, 21:28 in.
3 nil Arsenal in the first 12 minutes.
Jesus, Arsenal might go for double figures today.
When you said “double figures” I thought you were talking about Donald Trump’s figure.
I’m about the same height as Trump, 6’1″ vs 6’2″+, and I walk around at 214 these days.
There is no way at all that he weighs 239. None.
I am the same height as well abour 2 bills and there is no way that guy is only 30 lbs more than me.
Mornin futbollers, shit night sleep and am going to Ice football game today, Ice Stampeders and Ice Bombers who are both coming off their 5 day break. Should be a fantastic 1st period.
Welp, now that the sun is up I should prolly sleep for a coupla hours I guess.
Fuck yo 24 hour diurnal rhythms.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-RBJNqdnoM
But enough about the sonic attacks on American diplomats in Cuba…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vE4VlA_9OrI
Whooo gooo Chelsea! 2-0
3 min in!
and at 6 min!
Ahh. I am amazingly tense for not doing anything important.
That is one relaxed pussy.
So to speak.