Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!
Jacksonville/New England:
Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.
Injuries:
Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)
Stratergizering:
Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.
Here’s a Problem:
Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.
Old Adage is old:
War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.
Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.
Need points here. Preferably with a lot of clock chewed up.
I’d take a 9+ minute FG drive
Telvin Smith blows everything up. ISIS is gonna have to trade up in the draft if they want him….
I’M CLUB FUCKIN’ FOOTED YA ASSWIPE!
Romo needs to shut it a wee bit. We do not need all the time filled with babble.
3 and out. yeah.
oh fuck you, sign boy I hope you get hit by a bus on the way home
Ne Wengland Vs Everybody.
Hate it when admin walks into the room, spews out some buzzwords they picked up at their latest all-expenses-paid conference, and asks, “Are we doing this?”
The response I usually go with is “Why the fuck would we do this?” It is why I’m so beloved by the handful of nerds and disgust the non-technical management type.
The response I tend to get to that is usually along the lines of “It’s a good idea/ our competitors are doing it / because it would make so-and-so’s work .0005% easier”. Persistence usually results in an accusation of being “afraid of change” (why yes, I do work in academia).
I’ve had better luck with “Me and what army?” style approaches.
“Profit Margin,” “Revenue,” “Pending SEC Audit,” aren’t these all just fancy words used by stupid people to sounds smart?
47 net is a great punt under the circumstances. Jagura special teams have been great this post-season.
go nuke
https://twitter.com/M5Hansen/status/955196377696522240
That it references another joke account makes that perfect.
My beef with every Brady puff piece is that it pretends that he’s anything more than an incredible athlete with great longevity. He’s not a leader or wise or even interesting but because he hits the checkmarks of our society’s dumb fucking values he’s lauded.
I hope his stupid quack dietitian tells him to eat nothing but MAGA hats until he dies.
Love too be a stable genius who single-handedly keeps a roof over the head of a glorified witch doctor
Can we get Lil’Danny a dose of what Gronk got?
that’s fine. no mistakes Jags.
Jags offense rolled over like a Dog doing tricks for a treat.
Brady burnt his son on a pyre at half
Wow the clock is slowwwwwww!!!!!!
I don’t feel tardy
Patricia’s got his pencil…
What’s coach gonna grumble like this week?
Now is the time on Sprockets when we contemplate suicide
Lee was open. Gotta set your feet and hit that, BORT
Romo: Brady’s got to throw those balls into some tight windows.
lady snow: Yeah, when dose nuts on your face.
I’m thinkin’ she just might be a keeper!
<3 <3 <3 <3
Keep ‘er? I hardly… wait, no, that’s not right.
It’s what he learned from his coach, who goes balls deep in tight widows
I seriously hope Air Force One crashes into Tom Brady’s house.
its on the way to Mar-a-lago?
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
Come Jags, get a TD here.
any sort of points, and a metric ton of time off
brady and facebook
perfect match
filming for that ad is the most time he’s spent with his son in the past 5 years (combined)
Oh what is this bullshit
Screen pass on 3rd and 6? Sure, why not.
-Offensive Guru Josh McDaniels.
Man, I’d give up one of tWBS balls for a pick-six on TB12.
and I volunteer the other, let’s make it a matched set just to be safe. Imagine the tantrum at 10-31!
Well he does have 3.
Gravity is a bitch.
OK, I’m not sure I like this conversation anymore.
Meh fuck it….I ain’t using them anyway.
Ol checkdown Tawmmy. GOAT
PUNT SAFE, assdicks
/Gronk in locker room
Gronk: “How many porn stars have you fucked?”
Doctor: “Asshole. Yeah, he’s really concussed [under breath] Fucker.”
Shiftless Dahkies do it again
Every time the Pats don’t make a catch the booth asshole say “and no flag” like it’s fucking supposed to be.
And he sounds surprised too.
Cooks: too dark to drop that pass in NE.
not enough pressure, Jaguras. Dreamboat is comfy again
Man, if Wentz was still alive, Eagles would be favored to win the Super Bowl by 50. What a clusterfuck these playoffs are.
It is the darkest timeline, after all.
The Norsemen might have something to say about that.
I’m including them in this alternate timeline. They’d have been the ones getting overlooked by everyone if Wentz was still upright.
every incompletion they’re looking for a flag
every. time.
That’s coaching.
Cooks was gangbanged. NIce
Brady throwing into double coverage is Sex Cannon-esque.
A patriot wr complaining? Well I never.
There already is a Most Valuable Performer awards ceremony. It’s called the AVN awards.
every pass play will just be bomb and flail, eh?
Can they only show a shot of Brady’s hand being worked on because part of Alex Guerrero’s settlement includes not showing his face on TV?
THIS ANNOUNCING TEAM I CALL THEM JOE JACKSON BECAUSE HE UNDERSTOOD THE IMPORTANCE OF A STRONG RIGHT HAND!
KILL KILL KILL!!!!!
LOOK AT OWAH FAHKING BALLS!
Nantz HAD to find a way to make it about fucking shitass golf
So Ready Player One is about a rich person fucking with everyone just because they’re rich?
No, you’re thinking of Fire and Fury.
From beyond the grave, too.
Well art does imitate real life.
Like you’re gonna become king of twitter at your age.
God didn’t create Lambo. I made him.
“Lambeau leap? That guy’s leg just did a Lambo sweep!”
/adjusts tie
//shoots self in the head
took some bollocks to try ‘at one, mate
romo is drunk
As we all should be.
Never a doubt!
I would be too if I had to share a booth with Nance.
Hell, I plan to be soon anyway and I’m NOT sharing a booth with Nance.
-Thomas, lying thru his teeth