Your “We Are All Jags Fans Today” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/New England:

Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.

Injuries:

Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)

Stratergizering:

Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.

Here’s a Problem:

Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.

Old Adage is old:

War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.

Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Need points here. Preferably with a lot of clock chewed up.

King Hippo

I’d take a 9+ minute FG drive

King Hippo

Telvin Smith blows everything up. ISIS is gonna have to trade up in the draft if they want him….

Spur

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Col. Duke LaCross

I’M CLUB FUCKIN’ FOOTED YA ASSWIPE!

litre_cola

Romo needs to shut it a wee bit. We do not need all the time filled with babble.

Spur

3 and out. yeah.

King Hippo

oh fuck you, sign boy I hope you get hit by a bus on the way home

Dick E. Phuck

Ne Wengland Vs Everybody.

Petronel

Hate it when admin walks into the room, spews out some buzzwords they picked up at their latest all-expenses-paid conference, and asks, “Are we doing this?”

Gratliff

The response I usually go with is “Why the fuck would we do this?” It is why I’m so beloved by the handful of nerds and disgust the non-technical management type.

Petronel

The response I tend to get to that is usually along the lines of “It’s a good idea/ our competitors are doing it / because it would make so-and-so’s work .0005% easier”. Persistence usually results in an accusation of being “afraid of change” (why yes, I do work in academia).

I’ve had better luck with “Me and what army?” style approaches.

herodotus450

“Profit Margin,” “Revenue,” “Pending SEC Audit,” aren’t these all just fancy words used by stupid people to sounds smart?

King Hippo

47 net is a great punt under the circumstances. Jagura special teams have been great this post-season.

fleshwound_NPG
...

That it references another joke account makes that perfect.

...

My beef with every Brady puff piece is that it pretends that he’s anything more than an incredible athlete with great longevity. He’s not a leader or wise or even interesting but because he hits the checkmarks of our society’s dumb fucking values he’s lauded.

I hope his stupid quack dietitian tells him to eat nothing but MAGA hats until he dies.

Gratliff

Love too be a stable genius who single-handedly keeps a roof over the head of a glorified witch doctor

LemonJello

Can we get Lil’Danny a dose of what Gronk got?

Spur

that’s fine. no mistakes Jags.

Dick E. Phuck

Jags offense rolled over like a Dog doing tricks for a treat.

Gatoraids

Brady burnt his son on a pyre at half

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow the clock is slowwwwwww!!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

I don’t feel tardy

LemonJello

Patricia’s got his pencil

Spanky Datass

What’s coach gonna grumble like this week?

King Hippo

Now is the time on Sprockets when we contemplate suicide

King Hippo

Lee was open. Gotta set your feet and hit that, BORT

makeitsnowondem

Romo: Brady’s got to throw those balls into some tight windows.
lady snow: Yeah, when dose nuts on your face.

King Hippo

I’m thinkin’ she just might be a keeper!

...

<3 <3 <3 <3

makeitsnowondem

Keep ‘er? I hardly… wait, no, that’s not right.

Old School Zero

It’s what he learned from his coach, who goes balls deep in tight widows

blaxabbath

I seriously hope Air Force One crashes into Tom Brady’s house.

Spur

its on the way to Mar-a-lago?

litre_cola

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter

Spur

Come Jags, get a TD here.

fleshwound_NPG

any sort of points, and a metric ton of time off

fleshwound_NPG

brady and facebook

perfect match

King Hippo

filming for that ad is the most time he’s spent with his son in the past 5 years (combined)

Petronel

Oh what is this bullshit

Spur

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Dick E. Phuck

Screen pass on 3rd and 6? Sure, why not.

-Offensive Guru Josh McDaniels.

LemonJello

Man, I’d give up one of tWBS balls for a pick-six on TB12.

King Hippo

and I volunteer the other, let’s make it a matched set just to be safe. Imagine the tantrum at 10-31!

litre_cola

Well he does have 3.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gravity is a bitch.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I’m not sure I like this conversation anymore.
Meh fuck it….I ain’t using them anyway.

blaxabbath

Ol checkdown Tawmmy. GOAT

King Hippo

PUNT SAFE, assdicks

Gratliff

Shiftless Dahkies do it again

Duchess

Every time the Pats don’t make a catch the booth asshole say “and no flag” like it’s fucking supposed to be.

Mr. Ayo

And he sounds surprised too.

blaxabbath

Cooks: too dark to drop that pass in NE.

King Hippo

not enough pressure, Jaguras. Dreamboat is comfy again

Gratliff

Man, if Wentz was still alive, Eagles would be favored to win the Super Bowl by 50. What a clusterfuck these playoffs are.

LemonJello

It is the darkest timeline, after all.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Norsemen might have something to say about that.

Gratliff

I’m including them in this alternate timeline. They’d have been the ones getting overlooked by everyone if Wentz was still upright.

fleshwound_NPG

every incompletion they’re looking for a flag

every. time.

LemonJello

That’s coaching.

Spur

Cooks was gangbanged. NIce

...

Brady throwing into double coverage is Sex Cannon-esque.

litre_cola

A patriot wr complaining? Well I never.

Dick E. Phuck

There already is a Most Valuable Performer awards ceremony. It’s called the AVN awards.

King Hippo

every pass play will just be bomb and flail, eh?

blaxabbath

Can they only show a shot of Brady’s hand being worked on because part of Alex Guerrero’s settlement includes not showing his face on TV?

Col. Duke LaCross

THIS ANNOUNCING TEAM I CALL THEM JOE JACKSON BECAUSE HE UNDERSTOOD THE IMPORTANCE OF A STRONG RIGHT HAND!

King Hippo

KILL KILL KILL!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

LOOK AT OWAH FAHKING BALLS!

King Hippo

Nantz HAD to find a way to make it about fucking shitass golf

Spur

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...

So Ready Player One is about a rich person fucking with everyone just because they’re rich?

makeitsnowondem

No, you’re thinking of Fire and Fury.

LemonJello

From beyond the grave, too.

Dick E. Phuck

Well art does imitate real life.

blaxabbath

Like you’re gonna become king of twitter at your age.

Dick E. Phuck

God didn’t create Lambo. I made him.

Smithchez

“Lambeau leap? That guy’s leg just did a Lambo sweep!”

/adjusts tie
//shoots self in the head

King Hippo

took some bollocks to try ‘at one, mate

fleshwound_NPG

romo is drunk

...

As we all should be.

Mr. Ayo

Never a doubt!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I would be too if I had to share a booth with Nance.
Hell, I plan to be soon anyway and I’m NOT sharing a booth with Nance.

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