Your “Satan Has Taken His Toll, And He Took It Out On Me” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The Cardinals have hired Steve Wilks, Panthers 2017 Defensive Coordinator, as their new head coach.
    • He also interviewed with the Titans and Giants, likely as Rooney-rule fulfillment.
  • Pat Shurmur is expected to become the Giants new head coach.
    • It’s his second crack at being a head coach. His first dance was with the Browns, going 9-23.
  • New Titans coach Mike Vrabel has future endeavored Dick Lebeau.
    • Lebeau had a 59-year NFL career as a player (Detroit) and coach (plenty).
      • He still ranks 10th all-time in terms of career interceptions.
  • Fire up the Camaro – it looks like Todd Haley to the Browns!
    • FINALLY, Cleveland has a chance to cover the spread against the Steelers.
    • Ooh, and he’s got references:
      • Hall of Fame quarterback Kurt Warner endorsed Haley last week, tweeting, “I know if I had anything left in this old body, I would sign up tomorrow to work and play for Todd again.”
  • ABC has backed out of the bidding for Thursday Night Football.
    • They don’t believe they can make a profit on the broadcasts, which CBS & NBC paid a combined $450 million for in 2017.
    • It looks like the Shonda Rhimes broadcasting block is safe, for now.
  • Raise a toast to Jimmy Garoppolo’s agent.
    • Under his contract, he’s due to receive $79,000 for the Patriots making the Super Bowl.
    • He stands to earn more depending upon the outcome of the game – $56 K if they lose; $112K if they win.

Finally, there is an actual asteroid expected to pass close-to-earth on Super Bowl Sunday.

  • Asteroid 2002 AJ129 will miss earth by 2.6 million miles, so I guess we have to root for tidal wave now.
Or Typhoon.

I’m actually depressed about the Super Bowl. Well, maybe not “depressed”, because I don’t want to diminish the term. Frustrated doesn’t seem like enough, and it’s definitely not anger. I find myself just not wanting to watch the game. I can’t even muster the sentiment to want to hate-watch the game. I don’t know what’s wrong.

Luckily, I found the answer in my metal collection.


Tonight’s sports:

  • WWE – Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet 360
    • Tonight is a combination “go-home” show before the Royal Rumble this Sunday and celebration of being on the air in this format for 25 years.
      • Expect lots of cameos but few actual mean-anything matches.
    • They have a pretty good promo video for it.

  • NHL:
    • Red Wings at Devils – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Lightning at Blackhawks – 8:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Heat at Rockets – 8:00PM | TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s
      • Maryland at Indiana – 7:00PM | FS1
      • U*NC at Virginia Tech – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • Michigan State at Illinois – 9:00PM | FS1
      • West Virginia at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • Women’s
      • Ohio State at Maryland – 7:00PM | ESPN2
  • Tennis:
    • Australian Open: Quarterfinals coverage – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN

Maybe my mood will improve over the next two weeks.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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UnsurprisedWakezillabk109Brick MeathookFronkenshteen Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s cold out.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Fronkenshteen

Think I’m sitting out the Supe too. Who needs to see the same predictable result AGAIN? NFL should be ashamed to have conspired against JAX, but they’re not. I even think the fucking SPREAD is fixed just to keep people interested. Might be smart to just bail until B&B retire, then just re-connect with what’s left.

Wakezilla

Wrestling: Good wholesome fun for the entire family

https://i.giphy.com/media/NUTasuWzsaAk8/giphy.mp4

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Children’s programming.

Wakezilla

Why on earth did they break up American Alpha only to put Jason Jordan with Seth Rollins on a tag team? Da fuck are they doing?

Also, is Seth Rollins an arsonist now? What’s the deal with the whole ‘Burn it down’ bit?

Wakezilla

Me after watching that Reigns/Miz match.

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Wakezilla

Started watching Raw 25. This is the first Raw I’ve watched since the Raw after Mania, which was the first Raw I watched in quite some time. It’s been fun, but the wrestling is still pretty bland.

With that said, I still love me some Asuka

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Wakezilla

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

For some reason, the headline keeps bringing me back to this:

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m sure this won’t possibly come back to haunt Philly.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I spent way too much time recutting the video these are from last night, which is to say that I spent any time recutting it because it’s a stupid waste of time.

https://gfycat.com/UnhealthyContentHoopoe
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(This is especially awesome in fullscreen mode) https://gfycat.com/ThatWigglyHyrax
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https://gfycat.com/ThoroughBraveBunting
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Wakezilla

My god.

/Needs to learn how to make gifs

Don T

The one fucking guy I didn’t want for TEN. FIVE YEAR DEAL!11!! Who the fuck wanted him? Nobody. HOU D sucked with Vrabel as coordinator. I remember him being a dick on Hard Knocks. He’s supposed to be CEO and let the offensive guy do his thing—who? I dunno; some college guy, I guess. Being boss of LeBeau would’ve been awkward.
I don’t like this. The learning curve has 7-9 written all over it.

WCS

Yeah, sorry about that one. Vrabel was a terrific linebacker for the Stillers and the Pats. No so much as a coach.

Wakezilla

On the one hand, at least it’s not a coaching retread. On the other hand, woof. Maybe he’ll start using Belicheck’s old tricks to cheat out some extra wins for you guys?

ballsofsteelandfury

There was a girl working out next to me today wearing almost the exact same outfit except the shorts were translucent grey and I could see her labia every time she went down.

Best day at the gym EVER!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did you offer to spot her? It is the gentlemanly thing to do.

Booty Day: https://gfycat.com/BadUnselfishAdeliepenguin

Bonus: https://gfycat.com/BeneficialRaggedIguanodon

Wakezilla

Legit only reason why I still go to the gym. Well, when I was consistently going. I haven’t gone this year as I’ve been battling a bitch of a cold

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thing I learned today: Spanish Cedar is neither Spanish nor Cedar. Discuss.

Don T

Where’s the ‘r’ in colonel?

Gratliff

D-Generation X is extremely old and depressing right now. Also, fuck Hunter for using Chyna for a pop when he wouldn’t give her the time of day while she was alive.

Petronel

Just flipped over to RAW. Been a while since I watched wrasslin’ much. Don’t know any of the new guys, don’t care about any of these old guys. (Remember ’em, just don’t care any more.) Agree on all those points.

Gratliff

Nothing Worth Seeing: The RAW Story

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Wakezilla

Looks like someone doesn’t use $7 body moisturizer to stay hydrated

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Stacy was there in spirit.

https://gfycat.com/TerrificShrillAnchovy
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Wakezilla

Holy shit, I just heard Enzo Amore has been accused of rape.

Gratliff

It almost feels like his entire 2017’s been building to it

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Gratliff

Torrie Wilson is somehow more attractive 20 years later

Wakezilla

Did Kharma come out and finish off the Bellas?

monty this seems strange to me

Alec Baldwin could play Bob Huggins in the movie.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He looks more like Daniel Baldwin.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. I was flying before sunrise this morning and am fucking exhausted.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Coming into every evening thread. https://gfycat.com/UnawarePerfumedBudgie

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Senor Weaselo

Awwww…

WCS

Tracksuits-Blood Eyes has been fun so far.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hooray for Super Bowl indifference! This is totally NOT why the league is getting lower ratings.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“We can still say it’s black people, right?”
–Every NFL owner except Shad Khan and maybe 2 others.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shad Khan is a Trump supporter. I’m sure he doesn’t give a shit about black people.

Wakezilla

Black people are treated like shit everywhere, especially in MENA

Wakezilla

On a whim, I picked up a used copy of WWE 2k18. The soundtrack is excellent.

Question: this is the first WWE game I have played in 8 years. Do you have to Press something to get your wrestler up? As soon as my wrestler hits the mat, they can’t get up.

Gratliff

It’s why I only use wrestlers who have the ability to cowardly escape the ring when they’re on the mat in the new games. They’re trying to make them more like the actual matches that they’ve pace to seem more like the new wrestling games. Also, the pinning is counterintuitive and punishes button mashing. Was kind of disappointing that my kid struggled because of how the finishes work now. Better to just go back to the N64 games.

Wakezilla

Well shit, that’s depressing. Not sure when I’ll play the game again, but I’ll try to mess with the sliders or something

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Try pressing the prostate.

Wakezilla

That’s your answer to everything

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Because it works.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish I could be in the courtroom for that.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I want to be on their legal team.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Good. Fuck “Christians” blaming their evil and dickheaded ways on a religion that says the exact opposite of what they think and do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooo….I hate my iPad.

Not that it’s not a fine piece of arrogant electronic dumbfuckery. It just doesn’t suit my needs. If I’m traveling, the laptop is much more my style. If I’m not “traveling”, but truly “mobile” the iPad is not convenient and the phone is much more my style.

Sooooo….I “gave” my iPad to my niece for her to play with. More or less. (“Gave” means she can use it here but not take it elsewhere…I’m not that stupid)

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH TIME I’VE SPENT TODAY HELPING THAT LITTLE IDIOT PUT GAMES AND SHIT ON THE IPAD SHE WANTED TO PLAY BECAUSE FUCK ME I GUESS THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO OCCUPY HER AND GET HER TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE SO I COULD GET DRUNK ALREADY!!!!!

So in conclusion…fuck you Steve Jobs.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Back in my day we got 4 MHz and we had to write our own register transfers, AND WE LIKED IT!

bk109
bk109

4 MHz? You lucky bastard – I had to make do with a (clone) 6502A at 1MHz! :p

LemonJello
LemonJello

I’m not sure it’s the iPad that you hate…

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Be a cool uncle and introduce her to air plane glue.

Don’t need to charge a plastic baggie…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell you say. I need that foar meeeeee!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Any bets on what tWBNiece downloaded? I’m guessing Animal Crossing.

Gratliff

If you’re looking for All The Stunners, you’ve pretty much missed the boat. Steve’s gotta get to bed soon.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Some hockeyed parents just got interviewed about their kids first game, but I am not convinced that they weren’t actors from the next season of Fargo.

litre_cola

That is filmed here!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Oh donchaknow!

Doktor Zymm

I think the phrase you’re looking for is ‘filled with ennui’

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Remember kids…Hammerin’ Hank Aaron only smokes camels!

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Gratliff

The Walk Off Homerun of Wrestling

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Ah, the golden age of cigarette advertising.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Sadly its the high water mark of advertisement as an art form. Advertisement today is fucking awful.

Gratliff

Oh shit. There’s an ICOPRO banner at RAW. They’re really going all in on the steroids.

rockingdog
rockingdog

So this is a thing…. yea football! yea Snoop Dog!

WCS

Instead of handing out game balls, he gives game blunts.

Redshirt

So let me get this straight, because I’m confused. Democrats voted to shut down government.

Democrats refused to reopen government unless DACA’s involved.
Republican refused to consider DACA until government’s reopened.

Democrats voted to reopen government with DACA to be considered later.

Did…did the Republicans win this one?

Gratliff

As a rule of thumb, whichever side Chuck Schumer is on is losing

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Not really.

Effectively they got CHIP off the table. It was a smart move, abet not satisfying to most supporters.

CHIP was going to shutdown tonight without funding. That was going to hurt a LOT of people.

Rather frustrating, I am willing to bet the majority of those folks support the GOP.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I also don’t see what the Democrats LOST here. As far as I can tell the Democrats got CHIP and some empty promises, but all the Republicans got was three weeks of peace until we’re right back where we were two days ago.

Senor Weaselo

What can’t the Democrats find a way to squander?

Wakezilla

Dems capitulated on most things. GOP definitely won

WCS

The original Mustang from “Bullit” has been found.

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IT’S AN AMERICAN ICON! YOU PHILISTINES!

rockingdog
rockingdog

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ARCHER!

Col. Duke LaCross

Them Fiacci-knockoff drawers!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Gonna have to be a mighty big tidal wave to take out Minneapolis, although I guess Lake Superior could provide the necessary volume of water.

Senor Weaselo

And then an entire category about mezzo roles, and no, Nancy Tang is not in presidential opera Hamilton, god fucking dammit.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Came across this fun article about Beer and breweries….
https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2018/01/craft-beer-industry/550850/

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Bud Light Ad Executive, after reading that piece: Uhhh, okay folks! No reason to panic! Let’s just come up with another catchy tagline and do nothing to change the taste of our product! ….I think I know just the thing!

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#frillyfrilly

WCS

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

How drunk does one have to be blind…but also still be sober enough to run?

WCS

#MysteriesOftheUniverse

Senor Weaselo

Holy hand grenade reference, drink!

WCS

At least the Iggles (the team, certainly not their fans) are somewhat likable.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Spur
Spur

so what’s the final death toll from Philly last night? that might cheer me up.

/finds out the Democrats rolled over.

ballsofsteelandfury

Cheer up!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. I think I just came a little.

Col. Duke LaCross

There was no hotter woman on the planet than late-90’s-early 2000’s Hurley. And she can still get it.