Your “Umm…So, How Was Your Day?” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • This was dumped late-Friday like so-much bad news, but the Jags have locked up Blake Bortles for three more years.
    • Three years at $54 million, with $26 million of that guaranteed.
      • He will make $20 million this year.
      • He could make a maximum of $66.5 million with all incentives and escalators included.
  • Hilariously, the Bortles contract has also given rise to speculation about collusion in the QB free-agency market.
    • Work with me here as I parse Florio’s logic:
      • Blake Bortles is an average quarterback, but has been average with the same team for four years.
        • Team’s need consistency at QB to remain competitive.
        • Signing Bortles with a certain amount guaranteed was essentially a home-team discount.
        • They have built an excellent young & cheap defence via the draft
      • Coincidentally, unemployed.

        Kirk Cousins has had a couple of good years, but plenty of other middling ones

        • He is going to cost a lot of money to sign, given his recent franchise-tagging
          • which will then hurt the ability of those teams to built playoff-calibre teams around them, no matter the cap.
        • This will trickle-down to other, less-attractive options like Case Keenum & AJ McCarron.
          • meaning it will take longer for all free-agent QBs to get signed, and likely for less money
      • Teams look at the declines endured by organizations like Detroit & Seattle after they came to grips with having to sign long-term deals with above-average quarterbacks.
        • They will then have to decide whether to suck it up & pay someone or hope they catch lightning with one of their picks.
          • Which is one reason why Washington traded for Alex Smith, and KC decided to go with Patrick Mahomes for four more (cheap) years.
  • The Cowboys, Packers & Bengals each got four picks in the NFL’s dispersal of compensatory draft picks for free-agency losses.
    • To qoute the arcane logic of both the process & nfl.com’s explanation:
      • As a general rule, a team losing more or better free agents than it acquires in the previous year is eligible to receive compensatory draft picks.
  • On the topic of the Cowboys, I’m just going to quote Rapoport here, because I kinda don’t care at this point:
    • Commissioner Roger Goodell and the NFL are expected to compel Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to reimburse legal fees the league incurred this past season.
    • Rumours are that it’ll be in the $2 million range.
      • It’s not a “fine”, because Roger can only impose up to a maximum of $500K.
        • Otherwise, he opens himself & the League up to more lawsuits.
  • Making an already scary defence even scarier, the Rams talked the Chiefs into trading them Marcus Peters, and for just draft picks.
    • The rumours are it’s a 2nd in 2018 & a 4th in 2019.
      • It’s not real until March 14th.
    • Peters, last seen returning BLEERGH to his home planet, was a 2015 first-round pick of the Chiefs in 2015.
      • He was due to begin negotiating an extension after this season, so it seems like a pre-emptive salary dump, given he’s entering his fourth-year & had already made two Pro Bowls.
    • Nice to know before I pay my season ticket deposit that the Seahawks are already fighting for a wildcard spot.
    • He Instagrammed his farewell earlier today

  • On top of everything mentioned above, this year’s salary cap is expected to be over $178 million.
    • Based on past & projected revenues.
      • Helping matters is the increased sum FOX paid for the Thursday Night package, which flew in the face of declining ratings.
  • Finally, Peanut Tillman is now a G-man, after completing his FBI training at Quantico.
    • He does have a criminal justice degree from Louisiana-Lafayette.
    • According to The Sporting News, the 13-year NFL veteran entered the 20-week program last year, as first reported by the Chicago Tribune, and had until his 37th birthday (Feb. 23, 2018) to earn his badge due to a stipulation that a new agent must be appointed before he or she reaches that age.
    • As delightfully summarized by Deadspin, Tillman is the first former football star to pursue a career with the FBI after a devastating knee injury cut short his playing career since Johnny Utah.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • the trade deadline was noon today. I wanted to live-blog it, but too many students showed up.
    • Big deals:
      • Evander Kane to the Sharks from the Sabres, for a 2019 1st rounder, 2020 4th rounder, & a player
      • the Rangers went all-in on the future (sorry Henrik):
        “Sorry, no Cups.”
        • Rick Nash to the Bruins for a 2018 1st & 2019 7th rounder, plus three players
        • Ryan McDonagh & JT Miller to the Lightning for a 2018 1st rounder, a conditional 2nd & players
      • the Habs made a couple of trades:
        • notably, Tomas Plekanic & Kyle Baun to the Leafs for two players & a 2nd round pick in 2018
      • the Jets got Paul Stastny from the Blues for a 2018 1st rounder & conditional 4th round pick in 2020
    • Games:
      • Flyers at Canadiens – 7:30PM | NBCSN
        • BTW, another hearty “FUCK YOU!” to Gary Bettman & Rogers/Sportsnet, because this game is only available in Quebec.
          • other ‘regional’ games today unavailable for viewing across Canada:
            • Caps at Blue Jackets
            • Leafs at Lightning
            • Canucks at Colorado
      • Vegas at LA Kings – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
        • Vegas made a bunch of trades today that will hilariously sink their deep-run playoff chances.
          • a 2018 1st, 2019 2nd & 2021 3rd round pick to Detroit for Tomas Tatar
          • Brendan Leipsic to the Canucks for D Philip Holm
        • Just watch. People will talk about “changed team chemistry”, because all those Cups George McPhee won with the Capitals mean something.
  • NBA:
    • Warriors at Knicks – 7:30PM | NBATV
    • Pistons at Raptors – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Timberwolves at Kings – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s:
      • Duke at Virginia Tech – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • Marquette at Georgetown – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Texas at Kansas – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • Texas Tech at West Virginia – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Women’s:
      • South Florida at Connecticut – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • West Virginia at Baylor – 9:00PM | FS1
  • WWE:
    • Raw – 8:00PM – USA / Sportsnet360
      • It’s THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA, BROTHER!
      • Miss Bliss won the Women’s Elimination Chamber last night, so expect fallout from that.
        • Probably Sasha turning on Bayley.
      • Oh, and Roman looked strong.

With the Olympics over, many people have lost another incidental conversation piece to help get through their day, and now have to return to remembering what people are actually saying during conversations. SORRY, WHAT?!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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rockingdog

found a funny:

Every sauna is a private sauna when you ask “are you the guy from Craigslist?”

Unsurprised

What happens if he says yes?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His joke dies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Angela from The Office is a lot hotter than I assumed she was.

h

ttps://s18.pixxxels.org/xis0znra1/2a532e761707503.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

Why is Trump in a sidecar, while Ken Mehlman drives him around?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t make any sense of it or the world either.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, what year was 2015 first-round pick Marcus Peters of the Chiefs in 2015 drafted in?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

mary carey for 03 ca governor

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Carey has her beat on morals and intellectual honesty, but not on presentation.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I miss the good old days when kids in Florida were talking about shooting, it involved finding porn in a tree next to a Publix

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and the missin’ ones was jus’ et by gators.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So now Tatar’s going to go on a tear, just because it’s Vegas.

I still think they could’ve swung something for Erik Karlsson, even taking Bobby Ryan’s chastity belt of a contract.

WCS

“Ryan’s Chastity Belt of a Contract” is a great FF name.

Gratliff

Flyers win a shootout, defying all belief. They went from last place in the metro to first in 2 months.

WCS

boooooooooo

Gratliff

Much like the football, hockey is officially good again

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

uuuuuuurns.

Gratliff

MOAR BETTMAN POINTS (and first place Flyera)!

Gratliff

Petr Mrazek is apparently in statement mode, unlike the rest of this fucking team. Oh my god. Someone score a goal.

herodotus450

No goal support for Mrazek, at least he’s used to that.

Gratliff

Anyone watching the Leafs-Lightning game? I’m suddenly hearing that players and refs are throwing shit at each other and I’m intrigued.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Literal shit? Hell what damned channel?????????????????

herodotus450

Someone besides Crosby threw shit on the ice?

herodotus450

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I’ll be happy to provide a cache of 27 8×10 colored glossy photographs with circles and arrows on each one if requested.

herodotus450

When I am elected dictator for life, all trade deadline deals, for the NHL, and other, lesser sprots, shall simply be decreed by a duly appointed minister of trades. The rich will get richer, for the nonce, and all playoffs will be glorious affairs.

King Hippo

Pete Gillen turned black so gradually, I hardly even noticed!

theeWeeBabySeamus

C’mon TT, get it to single digits before half and we got something to work with.
(sorry WCS)

WCS

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Sooooo sanity check scenario here:

A friend knowingly keeps a secret that is very important from you for a day longer than they should and knowingly prods you during that time to see you squirm. You find out later they knew that secret the whole time they did that and so you fucking flip out on them. They give you a half apology for not telling you, and then say that you need to apologize to them for flipping out. Are you crazy or is this person not actually your friend?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m the wrong person to be answering this.

But in this hypothetical with way less information than needed….

I say fuck ’em.

Please also bear in mind I have a fever, and as always even without a fever, I could be wrong.

(but fuck ’em)

WCS

That “friend” is an asshole.

King Hippo

what WCS said. But this applies to most ppl.

Gratliff

Yup. Friend may be a friend, but friend is definitely a cunt.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s funny because Roommate Commander used that exact word multiple times to describe this friend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I always did like that girl.

Tell her I said “Heeyyyyyyyy”. She’ll know what it means.

herodotus450

I’d tell that friend a secret of my own: “you’re a worthless piece of human garbage and I hope you get tetanus from swallowing a bag of rusty nails.”
But then again I might be crazy.

Unsurprised

Kill them just because you can.

Gratliff

Flyers have a chance to take sole possession of the Metro division tonight. So of course, they’ll lose to the fucking Habs.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Because… Actually, I don’t need a reason.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wAGTE4NlmY

King Hippo

NJIT student section is straight ought of a Kevin Smith movie

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Buncha savages?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Porch monkeys?

Senor Weaselo

They’re having a massive heart attack?
/Too soon?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, he survived, he’s fair game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey you guys, hey look!!!! Only 10 minutes gone in the UT/KU game, and I’m already losing that one too!!!

FFS GAMBLOR YOU FUCKING WHORE DOG BITCH ASS SHITMOTHERFUCKER!!!!!

Imma go rehydrate with more beer. Fuck this shit.

scotchnaut

I’m up past 9pm on a weekday! This is amaz….

/zzzzzzzzzzz

King Hippo

How can NJIT be the Highlanders? We know there can only be one!

scotchnaut

West Virginny up 14-0 on Texas Tech. “Behold the power of the prodigious beer belly!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, I’m glad I wasn’t stupid enough to bet $150 on the TT moneyline.
/was totally stupid enough to bet $150 on the TT moneyline

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are you sure you’re not accidentally watching a football game?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe so. 6.5 minutes in, TT trails 21-3.
Holy mother of Jeebus. Guns are definitely NAWT UP!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Still my favorite cheerleader in EVAR tho!!!
(the one on the left)
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I thought finger guns was more of Balls thing.

King Hippo

you can tell they’re both sorta batshit insane, too. HIPPO LOVE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That crazy girl on the right is right up your alley.
She looks like she’d murder you in your sleep.

The cutie on the left is awesomely quirky cute all day long. But probably totally sane. Well, sane-ish.

King Hippo

at least they kicked the FG, got points on the board before half

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO.
Fuck you.
(and I mean that very lovingly, of course)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooo….when the doctor tells you to drink plenty of fluids and stay hydrated, a shitload of beer counts…right?
/asking foar a friend

WCS
scotchnaut

Beer all night, water all day. It’s all about balance.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s water in beer tho, right?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There is, but the alcohol content will dehydrate you if the beer is approximately 5% or more.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooo…vodka then?

King Hippo

HOW does GT keep leaving Rowsey open??

theeWeeBabySeamus

That little dude is amazing. He’s a shithead, just like Cruz, Jr. But amazing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This was a helluva read, but I just can’t stop thinking about how pissed off Glover must have been to give this interview to a dude named Tad: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/03/05/donald-glover-cant-save-you

King Hippo

Ends on a Ted Cruz, Jr. airball, even

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, he looked like he was gonna cry, so….bonus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

HippoCash!!!!

You’re having a good fookin’ night my friend.

King Hippo

Hokies WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

ok, VPI – you GOT ONE JOB!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta be VT ball there.

King Hippo

what an ending at GT! Going to OT, after coast-to-coast layup in 3.5 seconds

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s been a heckuva game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

TT ML just jumped to +275. $75 more on ’em.

Edit: Sorry, it popped up to +285 before I got the bet down. Yay.

litre_cola

Stastny waved a no trade clause to go to Winnipeg. First one ever. I am very pleased with that deal.

WCS

The Western playoffs are going to be otherworldly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go ‘Yotes!!!!
/looks at standings

Shit, never mind.

litre_cola

I am attempting to get a work trip to Winnipeg during the playoffs. I am not teaching all that I should to people there so that they send me for face to face learning in April.

Unsurprised

I would assume most people hear “work trip to Winnipeg” and would volunteer to do anything NOT to go.

litre_cola

Very much so. I was born and raised there so a free trip home and a playoff game is totally worth it. Summer is fantastic there but winter is the worst.

Unsurprised

Something about Red Sparrow seems exciting to me, but I can’t put my finger on it.

Spoiler

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh I hate those stupid rain showers, 2/10 would not share sexy shower with Jennifer Lawrence in.

Unsurprised

Everyone loves hula hoop.

https://gfycat.com/AmbitiousLoathsomeEsok
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Unsurprised

Time to relax and change into something comfortable.

https://gfycat.com/PoisedNimbleKoodoo
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theeWeeBabySeamus

She does look very comforting….errrrr, comfortable.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, fuck it.

I went ahead and put $75 on TT ML +265, and $75 on UT to cover +12.5.

King Hippo

I could see Georgetown winning the NIT and claiming #69

King Hippo

Marquette is a bunch of chuckers. Bracket/bet them accordingly. They can beat anyone when hot (especially a foe that plays weak perimeter D), but can lose to absolutely anyone.

WCS

I hope you GAMBLOR Addicts didn’t bet on the Tracksuits.

King Hippo

I ain’t touch that one. No read whatsoever. Had the spread gone bonkers, I may have bet Guns Up!! small. But it’s sane.

King Hippo

plus all teh Kool Kidz are betting the A-Sun ,, obvs

King Hippo

yep, bare minimum I will be up to $3100, enough for the max $3K cashout plus fee. Bonus bucks aplenty if TX wins, got $50 on them at +525, $50 more at +650. Similar $50 lotto ticket on Stetson.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice. Wish I’d gotten in on the NFla run.
They be kicking some tail. Nice call.

King Hippo

DIgging deep for value. My maths brain likes that.

King Hippo

Dan Dakich has a voice made for the silent film era.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah he does.
But admittedly, I was LMFAO’ing when he was rightfully ragging on Bagley III.

King Hippo

for being an overrated piece of shit or being a “highest bidder” dude who only won’t get dealt with because he’s at Most Favoured Nation?

theeWeeBabySeamus

For being a selfish player, more or less. He said, and I quote…

“Watching him, you can see all he cares about is himself. The ball goes into him and never comes back out. He doesn’t play defense. And people wonder why they went on a run while he was out?”

King Hippo

sounds a lot like similar hired gun Dennis Smith, Jr

theeWeeBabySeamus

Apt comparison, yes.

litre_cola

Heard him today and his voice does not match him whatsoever.

King Hippo

I also bet VPI when their odds went all the way down to +330 (in the live app), so this night could kick ass. I also hedged my bets a little when Marquette and NJIT got super behind, so it can’t mathematically be a shitfucktastrophe like Saturday.

I learn slow, but I learn.

Gratliff

loooooooooooool they cut out every word of Ronda Rousey’s 5 minute promo for the recap package. Like she just showed up, beat up Triple H, and then chased Stephanie away.

Gratliff

I guess the Sabres game wasn’t a turn around for Washington

King Hippo

the Ice Bills are still a squadron?

Gratliff

The city of Buffalo needs employment in the spring

King Hippo

Does Marcus Peters like to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT?

/yeah!

Gratliff

As much as I enjoyed Miss Bliss doing next level crowd heeling yesterday with a fake face turn ending with her nuking the crowd because they’ll never achieve anything in their lives, Sasha Mufasa’ing Bayley is still the best part of the match.
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Gratliff

Also, there’s no reason for her to be taking these kinds of risks, but it’s better that she does
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King Hippo

I am the happiest fucker in the world that North Florida is leading NJIT 21-7 in the A-10 quarters. FLY OSPREYS FLY!

#Degenerate

/guessing tWBS ain’t take Hippo’s advice?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I fell asleep. tWBS is a sore and tired mofo and is also getting sick.

Still watching TT ML, up to +265, but probably gonna pass on that too.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go throw up.

King Hippo

I would wait for +300. MAYBE +280

herodotus450

After following the trade deadline today
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Ryan Hartman for a 1st? But Evander Kane’s first is conditional on him signing?

ballsofsteelandfury

It will be interesting to see how this affects Vegas. Maybe the Kings have a shot at the division now..