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Your “Nobody Owes Nobody Nothing” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • Eagles punter Donnie Jones has decided to retire.
    • Makes sense when you consider he’s a 14-year vet, has played 208 consecutive games, and only punted once during the Eagles Super Bowl win.
  • Jags DB Jalen Ramsey is mad at Texas A&M & Jimbo Fisher for including him in their marketing campaign.

  • Because the Vikings want to kill loyal fans for their decades of patience, all signs point to them trying to land Kirk Cousins.
    • They’re not going to franchise-tag Case Keenum
    • They’re going to let Teddy Bridgewater be a free agent
    • Sam Bradford
    • I tried checking Drew’s social media for his reactions, but he’s staying away from it – except for one ominous tweet:

Followed by a bunch of @ tweets going, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!1!!1!1!!” & “LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL!1!!1!1!!”

I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Devils at Penguins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Blues at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Kings at Golden Knights – 10:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Nets at Cavs – 7:00PM | TSN2
    • Wizards at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
    • Clippers at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Florida at Alabama – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Missouri at Vanderbilt – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma State at Iowa State – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • DePaul at Creighton – 9:00PM | FS1
    • Miami at *North Carolina – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • Oklahoma at Baylor – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Kansas State at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • MLS:
    • 2018 CONCACAF Champions League: Round of 16
      • Toronto FC vs. Colorado – 8:00PM | TSN
  •  WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Minnesota looking to shed three QBs for one big risk is your reminder that the Free Agency deadline is two weeks Wednesday. Commentists, WE’VE FOUND OUR SUCKERS!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Kings score late to go up 4-1 on the GOLDEN SHOWER KNIGHTS.

Ha ha Vegas, you lose, good luck having any kind of fun the rest of the night.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-pUaogoX5o

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SonOfSpam

Bad songs, good bewbs.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT QUINCY JONES TOLD ME THAT NIGHT???????

2
SonOfSpam

That is entirely believable. New life goal is to get high with Quincy and just listen for about 12 straight hours.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Right?

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Mr. Ayo

Can we all just ignore her for like two years and force her into porno? Please?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

With a camera and some GHB I can accelerate that schedule.

Just try not to stare at my ass again, Ayo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzZAYnoMLUI

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Mr. Ayo

You’re not my supervisor!

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh crap. With everything else going on tonight I completely forgot the tip my hat to BeerGuyRob tonight for his title choice.

Paulie: You’re wrong!!! Friends owe!!!!

Rocky: FRIENDS DON’T OWE!!!! They do because they wanna do!!!!!

Nice pull, my friend.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Foar everyone’s reference….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R84HDbsHp8Y

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SonOfSpam

Is that from Rocky or Party At Kitty And Stud’s?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s no way in hell I’m googling “Party At Kitty And Stud’s”.
LMFAO

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SonOfSpam

It starred the estimable Mr. Stallone, and was not rated PG. For realz.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that supposed to convince me to google it?
‘Cause it didn’t.

Hee hee.

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SonOfSpam

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhmzji

Trailer.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nope. Not clicking that.

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SonOfSpam

It’s like I don’t even know you.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

My blood alcohol content will soon be too much to be estimable.

I don’t think I used it right, huh?

Estimatable? That’s the word I was looking for.

Fuck you State Troopers!!!! You and your breathalyzer can suck my balls!!!!!!

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SonOfSpam

“You heard him, boys. Suck his balls.”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

No idea why, but I’m laughing my ass off at that. And I haven’t even started drinking yet.

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SonOfSpam

I’m almost done and on the other coast. WEIRD.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, it’s been a weird coupla weeks ’round here on the right coast. I drink when I can these days. And yes, I have now begun.

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SonOfSpam

Atta boy. Don’t be a quitter!

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SonOfSpam

Also, I’m gonna start using “estimable” more. Classy word.

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Beerguyrob

The picture is Stallone’s high school football photo.

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SonOfSpam

Evening gents. Watching traditional hockey powers Los Angeles and Las Vegas.

And I’m prettay sure my kid’s acceptance letters will be in this week, which means I gotta cash in that sweet DFO stock and start paying for education. Did you know that California public colleges offered free tuition to all residents until some governor thought education was for homos? That governor was Reagan.

So, when I say fuck your desiccated corpse Mr. President, I mean it with all the hate I can engender.

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Beerguyrob

The origin of “no homo”? No ofence.

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SonOfSpam

“I’m getting my degree next year – NO HOMO”

Seems legit.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

BULLSEYE!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo and I just watched Searching for Sugar Man and apparently the guy occasionally tours nowadays, so good for him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6bjqdll7DI

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SonOfSpam

Former Expo Henry Rodriguez is a musician? Good for him!

(Is the movie worth watching?)

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Senor Weaselo

We thought it was interesting, and Padre Weaselo was impressed by his songwriting.

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clint greasewood

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

That’s a grower

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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If you don’t have wire cutters in the Amazon Basin you can easily use other methods.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I guess she practices… nunjutsu.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YMPAH67f4o

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what’s fun? Booking a bunch of flights for personal travel when you’re not sure where you’re going to live in two months.

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litre_cola

So you are saying the climates of LA and Colorado are different?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also yes

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The summer clothes are about the same.

Except in the moootains.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You’ll be fine.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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There no such thing as “good” techno.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

I stand by my statement.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I get the great opportunity of 3 days in Red Deer Alberta this week so I should pack for Tucson, got it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is that the furthest one in the back? The one where the toilet is basically right behind your head…….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HA, guess I was tied into your travel mode. Depending on the plane; 2c ain’t bad.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Cave Johnson approves!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8ufRnf2Exc

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently some people are talking about how that Korean guitar kid wasn’t plugged in during the closing ceremonies performance. It’s a shame that a country that makes the most advanced electronics in the world couldn’t figure out a way to transmit the signal from the guitar to an amplifier some other way, without needing wires. Wirelessly, if you will. Oh well.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If it was only possible (possibrur); maybe in the future when we have them flyin’ cars.

1
rockingdog

Last funny:
WIFE: Wanna split the last slice of pizza?
ME: Nah, you take it
KING SOLOMON (entering dramatically): You, sir, are the pizza’s real mother!
.
.
I’m out.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

For those wondering, the “Liam McPoyle Solves the Biggie Murder” thing starts soon

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WCS

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He’s got his eye on the killers.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

“Biggie Biggie Biggie, can’t you see? Sometimes your murd’rers hypnotize me.”

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litre_cola

I hope that Nashville and Winnipeg meet in a series. This is fantastic.

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Spanky Datass

Ice Stamps @ Ice Cowboys is … entertaining, but not fantastic. But I’m Bourbling so, good.

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litre_cola

Waiting for Mrs. Cola to go to bed to have both on.

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Romonobyl

Yeah, I’m waiting for the wife to go to bed before I “watch hockey” too.

3
LemonJello

Gonna “slip one between the pads” so to speak?

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litre_cola

Well, yeah, that too.

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Spanky Datass

My “Fantasy Hockey League” folder is quite swollen. Turgid even.

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Spanky Datass

And Ice Cowboys make it 2 — 0 while I was typing so … fantastic!

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litre_cola

Sports radio is better when the Ice Stamps lose in my town.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You wanna explain yourself here, Colin?”

– Tim Tschida

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Mr. Ayo

What kind of psychopath uses that naming convention for documents?

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WCS

Kind of surprised all of his files names aren’t johnwallsux01, johnwallsux02, etc.

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Senor Weaselo

Well, according to the Twitter account…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

So Papa Johns just got Ginger-hammered. Whetever will Peyton-Bot do for spending money?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mine bitcoin?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Eli’s piggy bank?

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Gratliff

I love all the bullshit involved. Apparently, Papa John’s cited a 3.9% drop in sales that they’re blaming on “negative consumer sentiment”, presumably the negative sentiments of consumers who’ve actually eaten Papa John’s in the last 10 years.

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Gratliff

lol even awful racist ass yahoo comments section is just slam dunking on it being terrible. It’s truly the awfulness we need to reunite this country.

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Senor Weaselo

Make America Have Pizza Standards Again?

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Unsurprised

Peyton can go fuck himself.

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LemonJello

Not until the 3.2 upgrade gets installed.

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Romonobyl

He’s running the beta version now, but the neck isn’t working right. Apparently it still has a few…kinks.

/orders a Papa John’s Family Pack as penance.

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rockingdog

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Gratliff

Oh hey. Sens suddenly down one and on the PP. Yep.

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WCS

Cruise ships, eh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjjKN4k7mLE&ab_channel=Listopia

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Unsurprised

I read The Perfect Storm and the part about how big a wave needs to be to capsize a boat head-on was interesting. The short answer is, it would take a big fucking wave to actually flip a cruise liner.

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...

I think online is basically the same as lead in that consuming in over long periods of time damages your brain and drives you mad.

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King Hippo

pretty short drive for most. ok, FOAR me

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Romonobyl

I really miss the edit button, even though I’m sober I still have fat fingers.

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King Hippo

Toggle below the word “edit” in your sentence. It’s still there, just shy.

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Romonobyl

Thought I checked there already. It is shy!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well at least it’s not a myth, like the female orgasm.

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King Hippo

Now, for the upset bets I really thought had a chance – Miami and DePaul! All house money now. Very profitable week after Black Saturday,

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You bet the ‘Canes? What was the line/ML? I never even looked at that one.

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King Hippo

+425. Opened at 10.5, went down to 10. Miami is uneven, but really good when they’re on. Figure they have a chance in 3. Creighton is due for a letdown after beating Noval, struggles with bigs, and favourable odds (+360)

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Best of luck, my friend. I’ll be rooting for your wins, especially because it would make some Chapel Hillians cry.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I was tempted to bet Oklahoma ML (+170) at Baylor.
Then I remember how shitty any bets involving the state of Oklahoma have turned out recently.

Plus they suck now.

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scotchnaut

It’s 8:57 and I can’t stay up until 9 two nights in a row lest my miscarriage turn into a pumpkin.

/Nighters, fellas

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, I wanted to see you shit out a dead pumpkin!!!!!
Now I feel cheated.

Nite dude.

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scotchnaut

Very, Very First Key To A Happy Marriage?

Two separate duvets on the marital bed. There’s no struggle for blankies. Everyone gets as much coverage as they want. If you want to snuggle you still have that going for you. Happy sleep means happy wake up which means happy morning which leads to happy day.

/can’t believe I’m the first one to figure this out…

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herodotus450

Even better: sleep in separate beds. In separate rooms. Of separate houses. Having never met nor actually gotten married.
Signed, a very happy Mr. Katie Nolan.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The key to my marriage becoming a happy one was divorcing her.
Her later dying was a plus as well.

True story, bro.

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Romonobyl

The Dame and I went on a cruise for our honeymoon. The bed was actually two twins pushed together with a strip of foam rubber to cover the seam.
We found this out the hard way doing what newlyweds do, the laws of motion were in full song as the beds did the Red Sea thing. We were careful to avoid the center of the bed for the rest of the trip. You think on a ship the furniture would be secured to the deck in some fashion, just make sure to use short nails.

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King Hippo

sleep on a cruise ship is…unpleasant

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Romonobyl

No problems for me. We got lucky and had calm seas most of the time. Not to mention we wore ourselves out pretty much every night saynomore saynomore wink wink nudge nudge…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Shuffleboard?

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Romonobyl

Too advanced for us. We never went any weirder than The Spartan War Helmet.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Romonobyl

You probably don’t wanna Google that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Especially when they capsize.

1
King Hippo

Phil Martelli does not look happy. His side is up 36 on the road with 6 minutes to play.

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King Hippo

This really is just a savage, savage beating.

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King Hippo

Think this might just be a camera strapped to Litre’s head as he wanders aboot Canadia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5P1SzaJ3jk

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rockingdog

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Senor Weaselo

Cheeky buggers.

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Unsurprised

So the whispers about a chicken shortage are true.

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scotchnaut

The sens don’t belong on the same ice as the CAPS.

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Beerguyrob

Until the playoffs, when neither belongs on any ice.

1
scotchnaut

“Playoffs? Playoffs?”

-Sens Fans

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Being the only Caps fan around, you guys really make it difficult not to tell you all to go eat the whole bag of dicks.

Just saying. 😛

0
Gratliff

There is a third period coming up. Lots of time to be stripped of that belief.

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scotchnaut

Anyone want to join me in bed? It’s not a sexual thing-it’s just that the wife is out of town and this multi-thousand dollar thingy is the most comfortable sleep-oriented furniture that has ever existed ever and I’m trying to be a good samurai. Samaritan? Whatever. I freaked out when she told me the price-I passed out soon after I laid down on it.

Don’t skimp on your bedding shit, folks.

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Senor Weaselo

Think about it this way, you have the entire bed and all the covers!

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King Hippo

I got the 3″ Memory Foam like 10 years ago. Is one suppose to replace that ever? Maybe that ‘splains my recent sciatica.

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herodotus450

Once your memory foam is old enough and loses it’s memory it will make a great quarterback.

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Gratliff

I got one of those Purple mattresses for my birthday. It’s ridiculously good.

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King Hippo

Holy fuckballs, this is FIRE. Methinks if Horatio is around, he will especially like. Perhaps even punk enough for Dok?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-Bka7yNyKA

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King Hippo

hey, I feel good if rockingdog likes it. I get the impression he’s a young Commentist, so he’s likely cooler than most of us. WOO!

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herodotus450

Noooo thank you. I’ll take some Lawrence Welk and a nice glass of turnip juice if you have it.

4
King Hippo

YES, I am old enough to remember watching the Lawrence Welk show. At my grandparents’ house, but still…

1
herodotus450

My favorite part was not being able to tell when that show was made. It looked like it was all from the 50s, but I think it ran into the 90s.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, no shit. Between that and Hee Haw, I wanted to murder meself at a very young age.

Glen Campbell records didn’t help either.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Likely? We’re a buncha losers. I thought you knew that.
rockingdog is the tits.

1
Gratliff

Goddamn, facebook is annoying. I got to the point a few months back where I just log in once or twice a week to see if there’s anything worth catching up on (hard no), and facebook has taken it upon itself to start sending me email notifications every time someone I know likes something. They must realize the grasp is slowly weakening and it’ll soon be nothing but baby boomers and generation x’ers arguing over which minority is actually the bad one.

2
rockingdog

Hahaha Tru that.

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nomonkeyfun

Don’t understand what all the fighting is about. We all know the answer. LEFTIES!

https://goo.gl/images/kygcjM

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...

It was sending me texts until I turned that shit off.

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Unsurprised

You can turn that shit off, you know.

0
Gratliff

Oh, I did. It’s just shocking how fast they went from “WE ARE THE KINGS OF ALL THIS SHIT! GIVE ME YOUR INFO, PEASANT” to “Please come back. We can’t survive without you. What about this picture of a funny cat? Will that get you to log in? Just once, please? Our advertisers are making fun of us.”

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Unsurprised

That second half sounds like quality schadenfreude to masturbate to.

0
scotchnaut

Ottawa Senators Management and My Buttocks-sponsored by Siouxsie: A Special Message

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySGSb3pCUEM

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Unsurprised

I’ll be honest, I prefer Christina Hendricks’s non-union Slovakian equivalent to her.

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Unsurprised

It’s a hard choice sometimes, though. https://gfycat.com/OblongSkinnyBovine

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Redshirt

I just love the fact that she already has lovely tracts of land but she still feels compelled to prop them up further.

1
Unsurprised

She’s a good actress, but no one gives a shit about 30-year old actresses just because they can act.

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scotchnaut

“Sorry, not enough breast!”

-Prurient Chickens, everywhere

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Romonobyl

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scotchnaut

The Sens are the dinkiest of all the dinkbag teams in the NHL.

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Unsurprised

Angela from The Office is hotter than I imagined, probably because I never imagined her naked or really anything because I thought that show was garbage.

h

ttps://gfycat.com/SpectacularDefensiveCleanerwrasse

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Redshirt

Its always the quiet one or those who fade into the background. You don’t even realize they’re hot until you see something like that.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember seeing her do some (non-naked) thing unrelated to The Office and remarking “wow, she’s beautiful.”

0
King Hippo

Who put $58 on St. Joe’s ML at RI (+850)? 😀

/the $100 ATS (+14) really looks safe

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

My $200 on UF ML +105 looking pertty safe at the moment as well.

1
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

GAMBLOR FOAR ALL!

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Assuming the Gators can’t blow this in the next 6+ minutes, it puts me back north of $1,100. I have a free withdrawal after tomorrow. I’ll probably be cashing out for realsies at least until football again.

We’ll see. Probably depends upon how much I drink between now and 3/1.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

That being said, I might look for a high risk/high return ML tomorrow night for $100 to try to bump it up above $1500 first. Then take the grand when I lose, lol.

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rockingdog

Found a funny:
The guy who won’t take a raindrop for his own kid is going to take a bullet for someone else’s kid?

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scotchnaut

“Ha! Why don’t you try climbing onto Air Force One with non-existent bone spurs while a light rain falls? You’re just a stupid commenter. I’M MAGA! YOU’RE SAD!”

2
Unsurprised

He has a fear of stairs, so he must be loaded with tranqs and pissed as Hell that the USAF won’t build him an escalator to get onto Air Force One.

2
King Hippo

that’s the doorman/bodyguard’s kid and everyone knows it

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You stole that from my facebook, apparently.

0
Redshirt

Hey, when did the Up Comment, Down Comment and Reply Buttons go stealth mode?

1
WCS

Couple nights ago; Dad still hasn’t figured it out.

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rockingdog

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Unsurprised

Just have him delete lines 242-43. For some reason there are two font colors assigned to the css sheet for comment footers and one of the colors is white (#ffffff).

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Somebody knows how to rock the “inspect element” option…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually, the font color is fine. It’s the background-color that isn’t showing up.

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Senor Weaselo

Contra code.

0
Unsurprised

Jags DB Jalen Ramsey is mad at Texas A&M & Jimbo Fisher for including him in their marketing campaign.

He didn’t even go there!

3
Beerguyrob

Exactly. “Come play for me, and see how much pro money you’ll make after we’re done. Look what I did for guys at my old program.”

1
scotchnaut

Gene Hackman grabbing balls in “Hoosiers” is an extraordinary foreshadowing of his work in “Mississippi Burning” two years later.

2
Redshirt

People suck. Family sucks. Society sucks. Republicans suck. Democrats suck. Independents suck. The future sucks. We’re all screwed.

I got the sump pump working though, so its not completely bad.

4
WCS

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Beerguyrob

I wasn’t aware Meteor had beaten Plague in the primaries.

4
Unsurprised

Filmdrunk is promoting Skull Face Bear With A Human Voice (from Annihilation) and there’s always the overlooked but promising Pistol Drone who ran in 2016.

1
LemonJello

Counterpoint:
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3
scotchnaut

As a youngster hanging out with oldsters, I think you might be learning this lesson a bit too soon.

1
Unsurprised

When will Internet Dad fix the color error in the comments? This is the erroneous CSS, BTW.

#wpcomm .wc-comment-footer{ color:#ffffff; }

Just delete it or change it from white to anything else.

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Unsurprised

Looking at the surrounding CSS, you probably want to delete this.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but why did it suddenly show up? We need to figure out where it came from in the first place or it will undoubtedly rear it’s stupid ugly head again in the future.

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rockingdog

Jammin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ocfE8Ua-7U

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