NFL News:

• Unexpectedly, Jerry Jones has given up & will repay the NFL the $2.0 million they say he cost them fighting Zeke’s suspension.
  • Can we now officially call Jerry Jones a “quitter”?
  • Somewhere behind a closed door at 345 Park Avenue, Roger Goodell kicked a small puppy & cheered himself.

• The Rams are sending LB Alec Ogletree to the Giants for 2018 4th & 6th round selections.
  • It’s a pure salary dump, as they need space to pay all the young talent coming due in the next couple of years.

• The Patriots are releasing Martellus Bennett.
  • Because
    1. He was as hurt as the Packers said he was, and
    2. He’s owed a $2.0 million roster bonus March 17th.
  • And the Patriots paying anyone a dollar more than they’re obligated to?

• Salary cap chicanery in Pittsburgh, as Antonio Brown agreed to turn his base salary into a signing bonus.
  • He converted most of his $7.875 million base salary and his $6 million roster bonus into signing bonuses, making his 2018 salary $915,000.
    • It frees up $9.7 million in cap space
      • To quote ESPN directly, “the addition of Le’Veon Bell’s $14.544 million franchise tag puts the Steelers $8.7 million over the salary-cap line. The Brown restructure brings the Steelers $1.022 million into the positive.”
        • And Peter King’s got issues with Le’Veon Bell’s value of himself, BTW.

Finally, here’s how you know I renewed my Seahawks tickets yesterday:

• The Seahawks this afternoon announce Michael Bennett will be traded to the Eagles for WR Marcus Johnson & a fifth-round pick.
• Richard Sherman is texting goodbyes to teammates, and the Seahawks are looking to trade him.
• Walking PED suspension & former Pete Carroll Trojan Brian Cushing is visiting the team as a free agent.

THANKS FOR THE MONEY, BEERGUY! HOPE YOU ENJOY 5-11!

God, someone fire me into the sun.

Thanks NASA.

You can get yours here.

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Flames at Sabres – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
  • Penguins at Flyers – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • Coyotes at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1

• NBA:
  • Raptors at Pistons – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN4 (The Brier is on the main network)
  • Cavaliers at Nuggets – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN5

• NCAA:
  • Tournament games:
    • ACC:
      • Virginia Tech vs. Notre Dame – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • North Carolina vs. Syracuse – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Big 12:
      • Oklahoma State vs. Oklahoma – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Texas vs. Iowa State – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • Big East:
      • Georgetown vs. St. John’s – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Marquette vs. DePaul – 9:30PM | FS1
• Futbol:
  • 2018 CONCACAF Champions League:
    • Quarterfinal – Leg #1: Toronto FC vs. Tigres – 8:00PM | TSN2

With the imminent end of the Legion of Boom in sight, I thought I’d use Low Commander’s photoshop one last time. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES!