Hello, peoples of DFO. I am back from semi-sabbatical to provide hoopsball tourney coverage. Please, for the love of God, use whatever analysis comes out of Hippo’s ass for amusement purposes only. You have been sternly warned.
Warning #2 – this year’s selection show will tip off at 6p EST/5p DFO on TBS – I actually had to use teh Google I was so confused. At least I can put of finding truTV again until Tuesday night. That would have given me palpitations.
In advance, I will predict that the #1 seeds are clearly UVA, Nova, Kansas, and Xavier. Always a small chance Xavier gets bumped, but can’t imagine who would possibly do it. Arizona is on the naughty list, and their conference is shite.
As always, I have printed a blank bracket so I can fill it in as the 68 are announced…but the fuckers haven’t announced who plays who in the Final Four yet, so I can’t know how to arrange the stupid thing, unless there are clues on the show before the reveal. Dickmonkeys.
South: Once amateur hour at TBS finally ended, we see a pretty tough road for Wahoowa – should the #1 seed be some kind of advantage? Creigh-Creigh, Kentucky, and Arizona. That’s three sides with Top 10 potential when they play at their best. On the bottom side, Cincy should cruise to the Elite Eight, unless Da U gets super hot. As they might.
East: WVU and Scary Wheat could rough up Nova a beat, but I don’t see an upset here. In fact, the whole bracket is pretty much ass, if one doesn’t think much of Texas Tech or Florida (and I don’t). The committee really wants a Nova/Purdue matchup of guards v. Nazi big men.
Midwest: Kansas gets a rough bracket this year. Clemson would be a rough opponent in the Round of 16, and Seton Hall could even cause problems in Round Two. Duke is in the other half, with a murderer’s row of Rhode Island, Sparty, and TCU to contend with. Whoever comes out of here will have earned their ticket.
West: Xavier was presumably the last #1 seed, and they got the toughest overall bracket. That said, U*NC (the 2 seed) got the harder half, with Michigan, underseeded Houston (the winner of their really tough opening match v. San Diego State could go a long way), Texas A&M, and Providence – certainly has no easy outs after Lipscomb. But the Musketeers best not overlook Florida State nor Gonzaga in Rounds 2/3.
That’s that. Smack me in the head, I’d go with Cincinnati, Villanova, Michigan State, and Xavier.
The only way I’m going to Mars is if someone can guarantee me three-tittied mutants.
+1 Kuato
“Mars is a shithole planet with a super lot of space crime by foreigners.”
-DT
http://www.swapsale.com/666pho10.jpg
If I was younger…. space chicks.
I realize that all of you think I’m stupid for wanting to go to Mars.
Or maybe you think I’m just joking.
I’m not joking. I would go in a heartbeat. The technology will be there in about 10 years. I’ll still be in good health and could be very contributory for the overall mission.
These people they’re considering as finalists are ticking timebombs. Yes, it pisses me off.
Yes, I know I sound insane. I don’t care. I want to go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvkzoqQ5Oak
No, I don’t think you are stupid for wanting to go.
I don’t think so either.
I’d go, but as a teacher all they’d see is another Christa McAuliffe. Apparently, teachers are dynamite……people.
Ouch.
At Expo 86, I got kicked out of the USA pavilion at age 18 for waiting until 55 seconds into their Space Shuttle launch video – right after the “go with full throttle” line – to scream “BOOM!”
I was banned from the facility for the rest of the Exposition.
I might be an ass.
Q: Did you know that Christa McAuliffe was blue eyed?
A: One blew left and one blew right.
Q: What do Playtex tampon users and Christa McAuliffe have in common?
A: They both should have stayed on the pad.
Q: Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
A: Ocean Spray – It was their second choice because they couldn’t
get 7-UP.
I remember most of these; hadn’t heard the tampon one before.
Solid flashbacks.
Q: What does NASA stand for?
A1: Need Another Seven Astronauts
Q: What do Christa McAuliffe and Donna Rice have in common.
A: They both went down on the challenger.
How many astronauts can fit in a Volkwagen? Eleven – four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.
YOU GUYS! FUCK MARS! RTD is gonna do a porn parody with Stormy Daniels!! He’s gonna take advantage of the orange hair!
tWBS already did the Kristen Bell TGISF, so clearly he wants to do that too.
I think the mop bucket is for the Guatemalan….
I’ll tell you one thing: Ain’t gonna be no Mexicans on Mars! Not until there are jobs there…
You’re thinking 250 years too late. Gonna be LOTS of Africans there first.
Slave trade again?
China’s been in the indentured servant market in Africa for a decade.
Would you like a Space Taco (TM) or a Space Brat (TM)? Large Tang?
Honestly, it really amazes me that my application to go to Mars has been ignored, while these antisocial morons get featured. Do we really want these types of antisocial people, who can’t relate to the others and who have no real world experience being the first to go?
Holy shit. I give up.
It will make it a lot easier to bear when they get halfway to Mars and run out of food because someone forgot to convert kilograms to lbs.
“Run out, you say?” -George Donner
Where the fuck are you getting this?
http://www.mars-one.com/faq/selection-and-preparation-of-the-astronauts/what-are-the-qualifications-to-apply
I guess it’s fit in or fuck off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1cpA4M0Hgo
So no idea what to think of UA in this bracket?
They’ll be fine for a week.
I’ll take it!
“Fuck.”
DFO lawyers: This is a serious question. Regardless of the status/results of her NDA lawsuit, can Stormy Daniels legally do a porn parody featuring a Trump lookalike?
I took the LSAT and I say yes.
I didn’t sleep in a Best Western, nor make porn in one, but I took and nap and I certainly hope she can make a cuckold parody.
Yes.
I’m no lawyer, but I know this answer.
It’d be covered by that Flynt lawsuit, right?
That’s a precedent, yes.
But more than that.
“6/9, too realistic of a parody”
Need a film crew?
WAIT A SECOND! Someone I know just got newly-orange hair!!!
That’s not what they mean by “Key Grip.”
What the shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-fSQm7ApR0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhC1pI76Rqo
Hey TWBS, got a dime?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw8hcXBA7X4
Elon Musk, you’re a pussy.
Call me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8na3oQzcwCk
Yeah, instead of sending me…someone who has life experience….let’s send a guy who masturbates ONLY to reduce prostate cancer risk.
Do these people even understand what real world realism is?
And we wonder why this shit is gonna fail?
Trust me, that guy would snap in a heartbeat and kill everyone on the lander.
Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know.
But it really annoys me. I’d give my left nut to go. And I can’t even get a call back.
Um….. guess I’m getting my SpaceX news from a different source than you are. The five year time frame for launch of a cargo ship is way optimistic though.
Yep…it’ll be in the 30’s.
Which is why I’m being ignored. I’ll be an old man by then.
Hey, wait a minute, I could become the best violinist on Mars!
Yeah, but I have things to write first, and that won’t come back to Earth.
I’ll become the best violinist on Mars… eventually!
“ALRIGHT YOU PUKES, EVERYONE IN LINE!”
Last one is named Pvt. Pyle.
How to tell when lunch was GREAT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0nhKmutDIk
This is so great, although Bugs Bunny confuses me.
Bugs Bunny; nice guy and everything, but refuses to do proper car maintenance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZj2nJkZ81k
https://www.edmunds.com/dealerships/Volkswagen/Kentucky/BullittCounty.html
Holy fuck; through the looking glass.
“Oy, get out of the street!”
I’m having my weekly shot & beer. But since the bartender is my friend, my shot becomes a small juice glass of whiskey. Fuck it. I’m doing good.
Kinda fun watching Isaiah Thomas stick it to the Cavs. Also, the Lakers are really fun to watch right now. Just a bunch of young guys (and Brook Lopez) playing fast and whatnot.
Also, the Lakers have Cleveland’s first round pick, so beating them is extra-primo-good.
The taint-to-balls back kick is one of the most devastating.
Cringing involuntarily.
Dutch Master-baters?
OK, so this happened in the mid 90s. I’d been out of Vet School a few yrs. My colleague and I had been doing pro bono work for the Museum of Life and Science in Durham, NC for a while by this point.
http://www.lifeandscience.org/
They also had other animals. Most of which would not be a worry in any case. But also wolves, coyotes, and other assorted predators. None of which also I’d sweat much, considering a rabid Rottweiler once tried to take me to the ground and eat me. But bears are a different story.
I don’t know if you guys know what a pole syringe is, but it’s more or less to get a sedative into an animal that will otherwise kill you. Once they are contained and dosed. So, we arrive….
We went whenever one of the animals had a problem. But twice yearly, on a rotating schedule for the different animals, we’d go and draw blood and check general health.
Sooooooo…..
On this day, we’re doing the Bears. Three bears. Yes, I know.
We draw blood from the first two…no problem.
Then we go to the third bear. Just so happens to be the biggest of the three. I grab him and roll him over, with syringe in hand to draw blood.
Fucker stands up and rawrs. He’s prolly about 8 feet tall.
OK, fuck this shit.
I got my ass outta that enclosure faster than you can imagine.
I didn’t shit my pants, but it was close.
Nice try, BIll Cosby
A friend’s daughter was getting married in a mountain ski town and he had most of the reception food locked in the house they rented. During the night they heard pounding on the door….. that stopped for a while, then they heard the window crash, he went downstairs and was confronted by a full grown black bear chugging lemonade from the big container they bought, doughnuts, bread, potato salad was gone including containers. They were yelling, but eyeing escape routes. Next morning the park ranger was there setting a bear trap outside the house; he did NOT think my Yogi picnic basket joke was funny at all.
It all ended well as the beer and liquor were safe.
Phone call to the clinic later…
Dick who didn’t sedate the big bear properly: So how do we know he’s OK?
Me: HE’S FUCKING FINE TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!
Buzzed bearing is still drunk bearing.
Also, how was the porridge?
This is pretty fun:
https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/2018-march-madness-predictions/?addata=espn:ncb:index
Penn has a 5% chance to beat Kansas! Woooo!
That’s downright Carl’s SCLotCotW by 16 vs. 1 standards!
Did I ever tell you guys my “Oh shit that Bear gon’ kill me” story?
I didn’t know you’d ever gone to a gay bar
Hee hee.
But no.
Well played sir. Well played.
You shut up if you wanna hear the story. 😛
I guess you tell one of them you gon’ call the next day, you best CALL
LOL.
It was a steel mill.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzTXYNrAxX8
If you can watch this without saying “D’awwwwwwww”…then you suck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3zgYW_FAM
Evening commentists. How the fuck can Polish people drink so much vodka and feel fine in the morning. I feel like death and they were all fine at lunch. I vomited, I haven’t done the day after puke in 10+ years.
Pray for mojo.
The answer is moar vodka.
Always…moar vodka.
Imma have some moar vodka meself, actually.
Woooooo!!!!!!
I like her.
She said “Go deep.”
“Easy for her to say with those massive hands.”
– A. Smith
usually the vomit is what saves me. Once I do that, the worst is past.
But I also have a pretty strict “no vodka” policy. Since university, only once. One shot, to impress a goal in front of a bunch of younger ppls. So I didn’t look like a weak, lame-assed old man. Which I obvs was and am, but still. I took that shot like a boss. And it was yuuuuuge.
Welp, there is the first loss on this current six-game road trip for the Ice Cowboys. They are soooo fucked.
I want them to finish ahead of the Ice Vikings so the Ice Bombers get them in the 1st round.
Tough ask for this squad considering only four of their final 13 games are at home.
I’m not complaining about tonight’s result.
oh and here is the bracket FOAR the Quest fer #69:
https://www.landof10.com/big-ten/nit-bracket-schedule-teams-tv-channels-2018
every catch up on your sleep so youse ready for play-in game fever Tuesday and Wednesday.
Fucking Syracuse is going to the Elite Eight, aren’t they?
I mean, the least deserving usually does.
But they are REALLY bad this year.
No. No they are not.
Not a ray gun and the speed control is not for the backpack.
Is 9:45pm on Sunday too late to start drankin’?
I’m in the mood to drank a lot of things.
DAMN YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!!!!!!!!!
Nope
/checks DFO bylaws
Maybe some Jello would make you feel better.
Do you have anything Monday? If not, go for it!
Nothing that can’t wait.
Pain in the ass Aunt who reneged on her agreement for my house is showing her shitty face in town (from Alaska) on Thursday. But I won’t have to kick her bitch ass until then.
Woooooooo!!!!!! Vodka it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I’ll still get half, which will buy a nice boat to be parked in a SoCal marina somewhere eventually….but that wasn’t our deal….she’s a money grubbing piece of shit)
I’m drinking caipirinhas and pretending I’m in Rio … where it’s warm.
They see me rolllin’
They hatin’
These emotional support animals are getting out of hand…
HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE THE LEGITIMACY OF THE ORANGE VEST I BOUGHT WITH NO ACTUAL QUALIFICATION?!?
Deleted scene from Smokey and the Bandit?
Don’t you bastards judge me. It’s lonely at closing time.
LMFAO
You gots two dates!!
I have just entered my bracket in the DFO challenge based on having watched absolutely zero college basketball.
Naturally, I will win.
You’re a poor excuse for a UCLA alum.
John Wooden’s ghost is judging you from hell.
Worst STD ever – R. Grossman
John Wooden can rot in hell. He is the worst thing to have happened to UCLA.
He disguised cheating the system with his “principles” Fucking con artist…
Yeah, I said it.
Totally agreed.
Hacking Rex Ryan’s laptop now, are we?
He and Balls have a few things in common.
If that’s opera nowadays, I might go back…
That is not opera nowadays. Although my friend’s gf (now fiancée) sang a main role in a lesbian opera at Stonewall. My friend normally doesn’t like her kiss scenes, but he was more okay with this one.
What’s basketball?
World Cup Foot-Ball?
Before cups.
“OW, MY BALLS,” the pre-TV years.
Boo everyone!
Oh yeah?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcC1f1jqCPI
Two 1-seeds, the Big East is back!
/Naturally they’ll both lose in the Round of 32.
I should also plant tomatoes for the spring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNsVpL8TDLA
Heya
Network TV does that to people.
Melted my brain. Sorry. But you’re right.
Family is a pain in the ass.
That is all.
Thankfully the Grim Reaper is working to alleviate my pain.
Hmmmmm….I want to ask.
All of my asshole uncles, aunts and cousins are aging out, and I made a point not to keep up or talk to the rest of them. How to put it, they had a family get together to raise money for Trump’s campaign. One uncle has set up his TV to watch Fox news. Of course the family members I like have already died off to old age.
OOOOF.
Holy shit. Throw in a handful of sociopaths and brother pulling life in prison and I’d swear we’re related.
Remember I am from the mountains of NC, best thing I ever did was moving the hell away and staying away. Before you move to the west coat would like to get together and have a few drinks.
Sounds good to me my friend. And no worries, I can’t pull up stakes and hit the left coast permanently until I convince my mom to come with (the only one of them I care about still, and sadly she won’t let go of the rest of them yet bcuz she feels ‘sponsible), or until she dies. Whichever comes first. Then I’m outta here.
But yeah, I’ll reach out and we’ll figure out a thing. I’d love that.
Maybe we can even get Hippo out of the house too.
Wow; your cousins are aggressive. Maybe they just need lube.
Someone should stab Bill Self in the dick. PLEASE. Why would any media outlet want to interview his boring ass?
Which do you want stabbed; his dick or ass?
He probably tucks. You could probably get both in one shot.
John Calipari is awesome.
Daylight savings time is catching up to me. That and the skiing.
“Nailed it!” — Blair Walsh
I agree with these regional rankings so far.
I disagree at the end, West is the Best.