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Your Sunday Funday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

A reminder from your friendly neighbourhood Beerguy – US taxes have to be filed by Monday at midnight.

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Education audit that sidelined me for two days last week passed without much of a hitch. The auditors themselves had those genial, shark-toothed smiles that you stay wary of, and I followed the Board’s three key guidelines:

  1. Stick to the facts.
  2. Try to reign in the boisterous parts of my personality. (“Try not to be so-much you”.)

It’s like they’ve met me or something.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Jets at Wild – 7:00PM | USA / Sportsnet
    • Blue Jackets at Capitals – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360
    • Vegas at Kings – 10:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • NBA:
    • Jazz at Thunder – 6:30PM | TNT / TSN
    • Timberwolves at Rockets – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Indians – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Rangers at Astros – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2

Just remember – we’re four days from NFL schedule release, and 11 days from the Draft. IT’S SLOWLY HAPPENING PEOPLE!

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Fronkenshteen

This last 10 min is gonna be so fucking Washingtoney.

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King Hippo

Ovie missing an open net?

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Fronkenshteen

He already did! A rebound from his spot in the left circle. I thought he broke his stick. Oops! Caps equalize!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

RIP R. Lee. You weren’t the best actor on the planet. And you were kind of a dick, even in real life.

But when it came to portraying an E-5 D.I. on film, there was no one better. Thank you for disturbing me and making me think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqvCA4c80GQ&t=26s

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Charles Barkley is trying to explain basic basketball strategy to Shaq. He’s not having much success.

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King Hippo

Its amazing that, at one point, that man attended an actual, non-U*NC college.

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Horatio Cornblower

Welp, so much for Colon finishing anything other than an 8 course meal.

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Brick Meathook

HE’S GOT THE PUCK IN HIS OWN END

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King Hippo

million to one shot, Doc!

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Gratliff

Still so happy Flyers got Penguins by virtue of being better than Columbus

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Fronkenshteen

Did you say earlier the Saginaw was flowing backwards?

/apologies if you responded earlier

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Gratliff

Oh, yes. The storm surge off Lake Huron was actually strong enough to reverse the flow.

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King Hippo

perfecto is kaput, no-no still going

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Mr. Ayo

One no down

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King Hippo

all noes are no

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Mr. Ayo

No no-no now?

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King Hippo

Louie Louie, album version

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King Hippo

“Dacteds will probably go into the Horseshoe on Tuesday and win 5-nil. Then lose the series in 5, like tWBS said.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

If there is one thing I hate, it’s an unlocked footlocker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NP8y63Ms4o

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King Hippo

a truly delightful film – or films, I should say

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Fronkenshteen

Listening to the soundtrack is bizarre. Mentally connecting those songs to the BRUTAL scenes they show up in.

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King Hippo

M-I-C! K-E-Y! M-O-U-S-E!!

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Horatio Cornblower

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JESUS!!!

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Fronkenshteen

I’ve read the theory that the Trump for President campaign was just a giant Russian money laundering ring that wasn’t supposed to win. But they won, and now they’re fucked. Thoughts?

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...

Eh. Trump has talked about running for president for far too long for that theory to hold up.

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Fronkenshteen

You think they’ll be able to link trump to organized crime in NY?

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...

I spend little time pondering him to be honest as every “revelation” about him is that he’s a stupid, vulgar, spoiled crook which everyone already knows.

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Horatio Cornblower

Settle down on Trump. Trump in the WH is aggravating, but nothing we can’t overcome in a few years. Trump gets impeached or arrested and then we’re dealing with Pence, who is even more of a lunatic but vastly more competent.

If you want to stop Trump focus on the mid-terms, get the Dems control of the House and maybe the Senate, ride out the next two years and get someone else on the Oval Office and then we can all start trying to pretend that 2016-2020 never happened.

Assuming, of course, that we’re not all nuked to a crisp* by then.

*I refuse to believe that they gave Trump a nuclear briefcase that’s connected to anything other than a Fisher-Price phone.

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herodotus450

They’re fucked?

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Fronkenshteen

Well, wheels in motion & all that.

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...

Well none of them expected Trump to win and put their naked crookedness under scrutiny

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Horatio Cornblower

Nah. Trump’s ego made him run, good old American stupidity got him the win.

MAGA!

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Mr. Ayo

Gabe Kapler would definitely pull him now. Way too many pitches.

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King Hippo

the tubby one el perfecto through 7

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Horatio Cornblower

Current drink: Water, and a lot of it.

Fucking Mondays.

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rockingdog

found a funny:

[the undertaker’s theme plays from the bathroom for the second time]
wife: what’s going on in there?

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WCS

#LOLCAPS

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Brick Meathook

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.

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Horatio Cornblower

“When I was in prison I used to fuck guys like you” is a line in that movie that someone wrote and then sat back, cracked a beer and said “Nailed it”

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Brick Meathook

They sat back, looked at the finished script, and said “This is it. This is my masterpiece.”

And it was

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BEST line in the movie…by far.

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, there’s no doubt about it.

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...

Where does that line rank in relation to Keanu Reeves decapitating Dennis Hopper in Speed and saying, “Yeah well I’m taller.”

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herodotus450

Huh, thought I’d closed all my porn tabs…

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Fronkenshteen

Just flipped on the Caps game. Fuck happened to that ref?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Drugs.

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Horatio Cornblower

Looked like he made a sudden turn/stop and his knee decided that it had had enough.

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WhyEaglesWhy

Back of his skate got clipped by another skate and his leg pirouetted while his knee remained in place.

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King Hippo

Bartolo Colon is throwing a no-no through 5.7. Holy merde.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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And that’s a very good offense too.

Bartolo truly is The Ageless One.

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yeah right

The announcers said the Astros hadn’t seen “a ton” of Bartolo Colon.

Don’t they see it whenever he takes the mound?

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Horatio Cornblower

Call me in the 8th.

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...

He has it through 7 so…

Also, Verlander is throwing a one hitter.

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Horatio Cornblower

Jamie Gertz in ‘Lost Boys’. Oh, you say she’s a vampire? Fuck it, I’ll take my chances; pretty sure I’ll have enough wood to lay out a flock of demons.

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SonOfSpam

The R in R. Lee Ermey stands for RIP.

Gonna Full Metal Jackoff in his honor, regardless of steel shavings in the pubes.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, really?

GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY OBSTACLE, PYLE!!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ICfpjoevP8

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well at least maybe the Orioles won today….

OH GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!

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Horatio Cornblower

At least they played.
/Turns on Yankee game
//Mistakes white-out conditions in Detroit for signal interference
///breaks hand smacking TV

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King Hippo

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

/I wants my $1000

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Now you can buy that blow job you wanted.

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Horatio Cornblower

Here are the casualties from this evening.

At the bar: 3 Shebeen Baby Seal Dance Party

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At the house, (personal consumption varies while pouring various cans into glasses held by 3 people)

2 Treehouse Green

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1 Hanging Hills Chester Goddammit

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1 Treehouse Hurricane

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1 Odd 13 Noob, (which is fucking delicious, and thank you very much BFC)

http://brewtallyinsane.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/13043243_1118229254865682_5406687587394310040_n.jpg

2 Thomas Hooker Ode To Blumpy, (a very good beer and a tribute to a dead cat)

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Planning to sleep well tonight.

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yeah right

I don’t throw the term “Hero” around lightly but…

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Horatio Cornblower

“Hero”, “alcoholic”, whatever.

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King Hippo

I mean, tOSU ain’t even guarding Ovie, and the ‘Dacteds still can’t close the deal.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Shut the fuck up, Rick Perry.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

it’s also a tomb in that arena

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Mr. Ayo

Use of the toilets has declined precipitously this period.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

It’s a good thing it’s the Caps year, otherwise their fans might overreact right now.

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King Hippo

tWBS reacts reasonably

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry, I missed it. There’s a tornado in my ear. But yes, I see the score now.

I’m revising my prediction. Columbus in 5.

Interesting that CenturyLink’s connectivity has actually improved in the tornadoes. Just an observation.

Now I’m going back to the basement for a coupla hours.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

There’s nothing like having your brother and father come over and clean out your beer fridge while your father ruthlessly mocks your brother while you clean him out on the pool table.

Also, please send more beer.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is very true.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK, looking forward to another solid day at work tomorrow!

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Horatio Cornblower

Got an early Court appearance against a pro se plaintiff who is batshit nuts.

Mondays, amirite?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Not United.

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...

Your reminder than Ovechkin means “sheep” in Russian.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, caaaaaaaaaaaaaaan’t bleeeeeeeeeeeet!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Goooooaaaaaallllll!!!!! Caps.

Now I need to go to an interior room in my basement. Holy shit. I’m really not kidding.

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nomonkeyfun

Be safe. Also, you can save both Helen Hunt AND Jamie Gertz, so you can get that hot survival threesome action later.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m neutral about Helen Hunt, (as I am sure she is about me, at best), but Jamie Gertz is a goddamn all-timer.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Cow!!!!!

Another Cow!!!!!!!!

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King Hippo

eh, what are the odds? I’m just annoyed by the blaring sounds that keep coming out of the teevee and my cat is pissed he can’t go outside.

Put $50 on tOSU at +1900 about 1:00 of ice time before their 2nd goal! 😀

GAMBLOR has been very, very nice to Hippo today.

/didn’t get in the “win the 2nd period” $30 bet, though. Was +1500. Que lastima.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Goddammit you stupid sexy tornadoes. You’re screwing up my TV hockey watching.

Oh and also, please don’t kill me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Hey everyone remember when the Patriots lost the Super Bowl?

That was great.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I do, because I literally watched it again three days ago.

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...

I too save my favorite porn for future viewings.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Hey… hey, Tom? Re-re-remember when you lost the Super Bowl?”
“I do, Chris.”
“That was three times, right?”

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Brick Meathook

PATRICK SWAYZE FACT: HIS GHOST CAN FUCK GIRLS AND MAKE POTTERY
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...

Greeting from Chicago where *squints at his phone screen* this joke format has gotten as tiresome as the perpetual winter we’re doomed to experience.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was hoping that this Jazz-Thunder game would get interesting. It has not.

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yeah right

Then again Jazz head coach Quin Snyder would make an excellent villain in a Dick Tracy movie.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Starring Hank Gathers as Breathless Mahoney!

/is sorry

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litre_cola

Thunder Jazz was a steamy romance novella about the forbidden love of Karl Malone and John Stockton.

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herodotus450

“How do you know about Thunder Jazz? Did she talk?”
-Donald T.

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...

This reminds me of those incredibly bizarre skits Jimmy Kimmel did as Karl Malone.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I predict that in two weeks Karl Malone will be summoned to the White House where he’ll be instructed to stop giving Amazon such a good rate on their shipping charges.

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King Hippo

In other words, it remained a modern NBA fixture?

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herodotus450

If Winnipeg doesn’t met LA in the playoffs, and I am deprived of the chance to make a clumsy Chan ho Park/Parks/Illya Bryzgalov joke, might be time to pack it in. Take a long walk into the woods. DeAngelo my Barksdale. Do as Socrates did. Seppukku.

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litre_cola

That would be the conference final then, fine by me!

1
...

Behind every great man is a woman Winnipegging him.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well any time a Jet plays you can make a Cory Lidle joke.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I really enjoy laughing at sports commentators who take such a strong stance on things, then replay immediately proves them wrong, and then they try to make excuses for why being wrong wasn’t their fault rather than just saying “Oooops, I was wrong”.

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King Hippo

Not looking like the Bombers night

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herodotus450

Minnesota seems to agree, and are committing penalties hither and thither to even the odds.

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litre_cola

This game is being reffed completely different from the 1st 2 games.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is anyone drinking tonight? I am not planning to, but I need someone to try out my Dark & Stormy Daniels cocktail recipe:

One part Jack Daniels
One part sour mix
One part ginger beer
Either: Dash of orange bitters
OR: Garnish with a tiny slice or orange or orange peel.

Still trying to decide on the last two.

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yeah right

Maybe a small wedge of mandarin orange.

Yes, I’m drinking but don’t have the cocktail makings.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, tiny orange. I like that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I plan to drink tonight, but I have no Jack Daniels in the house.

If I drink beer then watch porn, does that count?

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herodotus450

I fuckin hope it does.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It doesn’t help me make a final decision on the recipe, but that is not *at all* to say you shouldn’t do it.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well fine dammit. I’ll pick up some Jack Daniels tomorrow.

THEN I’ll watch porn.

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herodotus450

Garnish with silver spoon? Or serve in solid gold goblet.

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Spanky Datass

Fray the orange peel to make it look more like Drumph’s “hair”.

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Mr. Ayo

Of course.

I made a few tweaks and it’s fantastic!

3 parts vodka
2 parts 7-up
1 part Rockstar
0 parts bitters or garnish or peels

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Gratliff

I can not put into words how much I love getting snow days as an adult. Fully paid, and not required to work from home. After years of near death experiences getting to work for shitty private sector jobs, they’re just magical.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I too enjoy the occasional snow day.”

– Jim Irsay

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Caps up early. Columbus has ’em right where they want ’em.

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litre_cola

Anyone watching the Ice Vikes Ice Bombers game?

Crickets eh?

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LemonJello

It could be worse…
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herodotus450

Promo for a show called “Shooter” during this hockeyed game; can only assume that it’s about the villain from Happy Gilmore and his fall from grace and resulting ptsd, schizophrenia, etc.

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LemonJello

I’d watch the ever-luvvin shit out of THAT show.

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Mr. Ayo

comment image?w=750

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hot Taek: Skyfall was a great 007 movie.

3
scotchnaut

“Skyfall? Been there. Done it”

-Chicken Little

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rockingdog

found a funny:

Just turned wine into barf.
Your move, Jesus.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I may or may not have filed for an extension this year. Pandemonium.

1
Brick Meathook

ROADHOUSE IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE THIS IS A FACT

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JustStopDude

Patrick Swayze was a pretty fucking good actor. The Beast was a fucking awesome show that had he lived, would have gotten better known and I think really would have taken off.

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Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

Tornado warning for Lynchburg. Surely Liberty University is safe because of God’s will and their anti-gay stance.

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Fronkenshteen

If they occur, will we be live blogging the impeachment hearings or criminal trials of “the president”?

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scotchnaut

I doubt it. All that champagne spilled on the keyboards? That’s gonna fuck everything up.

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herodotus450

Right, “champagne”

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litre_cola

Is that code for cheap malt liquor?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s a weird euphemism for semen.

4
yeah right

I’m your huckleberry.

I’ll take vacation time for that shit.

I’m currently reading a compilation of Hunter Thompson stories from his time at Rolling Stone and he was pissed that he wasn’t on Nixon’s enemies of the White House list.

Thompson said once Watergate started that everybody was piling on Nixon but he wanted people to know he was kicking Nixon BEFORE he was down. Although he did say he had every intention of kicking Nixon after he was down too.

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