Your “Luckily, The Car Was Okay” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

(Not the actual car)

NFL News:

  • Josh Gordon has signed his exclusive rights tender with the Browns.
    • Good thing – 4/20 is this Friday.
    • Bad thing – Because of all the suspensions, he only has credit for four seasons.
      • He becomes a Restricted Free Agent in 2019, and a UFA in 2020.
  • Ziggy Ansah has signed his franchise tag, and will report to Lions OTAs on Tuesday.
    • It will earn him $17.14 million for 2018, unless he & the team work out a long-term deal.
  • Deebo is done! Again!!
    • James Harrison announced his retirement (again) today.
      • He previously retired in 2014, but was lured back when the Steelers ran into injury trouble.
    • He retires the Steelers all-time sacks leader with 80.5.
  • The Dez Bryant Saga:
    • Suitors:
    • Smartest guy in the room – Cole Beasley, when declining comment on the whole situation:
      • “I’ll say somethin’ I shouldn’t have and be next.”
  • Somebody teach Mr. Ayo some Polish – Sebastian Janikowski is now a Seahawk.
    • So we’re clear:
      • A kicker who bar fought in college & was arrested with GHB = fine
      • A QB that takes a knee during a song = banned
  • Danny Amendola, on why he signed with the Dolphins:
    • “When free agency broke, I came to the realization that he (Belichick) wasn’t going to really come close to any of the other offers I had.”
    • “It’s not easy (playing for Bill), that’s for sure. He’s an a–h— sometimes.”
  • Finally, starting Monday by again Stealing from Crimebeat!:
    • Newly acquired Daryl Worley has been released by the Eagles after being arrested & tazed this weekend for DUI, weapons and disorderly conduct charges.
      • Per ESPN,  he faces six charges in all: DUI (first offense), firearms not to be carried without a license, carrying firearms in public in Philadelphia, possession of an instrument of crime, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct/engaging in fighting.
        • He was found passed out in his car, blocking an intersection outside the team’s practice facility.
        • The cops had to rouse him, then taze him when he resisted their efforts.
    • He was acquired from Carolina in exchange for Torrey Smith.

Riga & Lambeau

Rough times in the Beerguy house on the weekend. On Sunday, Winewife & I were taking the dogs out for a hike. Lambeau, the pup, decided to jump over my wife while she was getting him out of the car & ran into traffic. He ran into a car as it drove by at 50 km/h, putting a small dent in the sliding door of a Honda Odyssey.

My dog’s head dented a car.

The goofy little fucker walked around like Trent Green for a few minutes, and then merrily continued on his way. [We monitored him all night; nothing. Good thing I used the old NFL concussion protocols.] Winewife, however, decided that we needed to have an immediate, one-sided discussion about proper dog-unloading procedures. Needless to say, I employed one of the few “say nothing” cards I had at my disposal, and by bedtime all was resolved.

Except for Roger Goodell taking away one of my draft picks. Looks like I have to give up stout.

Riga, meanwhile, was frustrated that her attempts to finish off the interloper remain unsatisfied. She will begin anew next weekend.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Bruins  – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC (Bruins up 2-0)
    • Lightning at Devils – 7:30PM | CNBC / Sportsnet (Bolts up 2-0)
    • Predators at Avalanche – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Preds up 2-0)
    • Ducks at Sharks – 10:30PM | CNBC / Sportsnet1 (Sharks up 2-0)
  • NBA:
    • Heat at 76ers – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Spurs at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Cardinals at Cubs – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Royals at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1

  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • The annual “Superstar Shake-up”, where performers are rotated between the two shows, is tonight.
        • So plenty of cross-over debuts.
      • John Cena & Nikki Bella broke up via press release yesterday, so expect lots of cat-calls tonight if Big Match John shows up.
        • They were due to have married May 5th in Mexico, according to People.
        • I guess “Never Give Up” doesn’t apply to relationships.

It’s 10 days to the Draft, with schedule release expected this Thursday. Mr. Scott?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WakezillaMoose -The End Is Well NighUnsurprisedrockingdogBrick Meathook Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

tips for spotting a narc:

– refers to cocaine as “the cocaine”
– introduces self as “Narc–I mean Mark”
– removes mustache when eating soup
– shouts “let’s make a drug deal!” too often
– heart tattoo that just says “The Law”

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Now THAT’S a decisive referee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

🎵WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE 🎵

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Getzlaf just got a misconduct for something, so that’s pretty amusing.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just finished my THIRD powerpoint of the work day. I can’t believe I’ve only had one cocktail.

Gratliff

“I’m Ready,” said Player One, raising his cybersword.

The gate opened, and a snarling Tony the Tiger barreled through, his dick swinging freely.

— Daniel Kibblesmith ☃️ (@kibblesmith) April 16, 2018

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, sweet baby Jesus. I just read a decent argument that Hannity disclaiming Cohen is his lawyer is a de facto waiver of privilege and I just came a little.

Senor Weaselo

Is the argument “if you’re not his client there’s no attorney-client privilege”? I actually asked that earlier.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Generally, no.

Gratliff

Apropos of nothing, Pro Wrestling-Twin Peaks meme crossovers thread.
https://twitter.com/wresnocontext/status/977789176870526976

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rockingdog
rockingdog

thats a good funny.

Gratliff

Maybe my favorite of the bunch:
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rockingdog
rockingdog

Im thinking about asking my boss if he could play this song in the office some random time in the day to let us know to take a break. Thoughts?

Senor Weaselo

Do you work in bullet hell, or do you owe the mob and/or the devil money?

Senor Weaselo

Also I started to figure out the chords because that’s what I do, and I realized at 15 seconds the chord does not quite seem in tune and I’m trying to figure out why.

Edit: After realizing the bass hasn’t come in yet, it makes even less sense. Either it’s way too sharp of a major 6th between the two middle voices (if you tune to the bass) or it’s the root of the chord so that should be what you’re tuning to (if you tune to the root, it’s up to discussion and is the source of many a chamber music argument.)

/Nerd snipe

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Trying to make sense of a YouTube video is the definition of insanity. Stop for your own sake.

Senor Weaselo

I know it’s from the Cuphead soundtrack which has been lauded praise, but that chord was sticking in my craw and I had to figure it out. (I have perfect pitch which means as my students play out of tune I wince and they can tell which way they’re off depending on which eye twitches. No, seriously.)

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Haha. I was kicked out of choir class because the teacher thought I was intentionally singing off key.

I was actually trying.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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.

rockingdog
rockingdog

*checks sharks score… YES up 3-1!!!! Zap those quackin Ducks!

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WCS

rockingdog
rockingdog

just scored now it 4-1. YES!
also there was a bit of a fight gloves and helmets off…. Cool!

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rockingdog
rockingdog

warriors not looking good this first half

Senor Weaselo

Lizard people.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening

rockingdog
rockingdog

Yea basketball!
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blaxabbath

I don’t get this. Now he’s finding his dead self in the crashed moon rover?

blaxabbath

Oh – it’s Sam Bell.

blaxabbath

Who dat?

That’s the same guy.

Brocky

dude are you fucking high watching this?

blaxabbath

Little.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have you figured out what the deal is yet?

blaxabbath

I think he’s like expiring.

So now I think he’s calling home.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

AVS!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

game 2 warriors spurs. lets go DUBS!!!

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Brocky

not sure how to interpret a dead pornstar gif.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

With your pants off. They’re already dead on the inside anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sweet Sugar (1972)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

OOK OOK

Brocky

one more for seamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

This is hypnotic. I just ponder how it didn’t fly out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Sheer force of will of every dipshit prude in America.

Wakezilla

Tape, then glue

litre_cola

The Sixers have a lot of white dudes on their team.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Trust the Process

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

I’m watching Moon on Netflix. I’m not sure if I want to keep watching or not.

WCS

It’s a good movie.

Brocky

just keep watching.

blaxabbath

ok.

he crashed.

Brocky

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Coleman puts this game… on ice.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Victor Hedman (heh) giving Marchand a run for his money in the “Top Piece of Shit” competition.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate my family. I have to put on pants and go out.

This is gonna eat into my drinking time later.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

No one makes me put on my own pants!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

DaDDario! Love them … er, love her.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:

“The snozberries taste like snozberries.”
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Smockin!

rockingdog
rockingdog

?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did he stop growing at 6?

I hate this story, this kid, this company, all cryptocurrency, nerds, the Internet, and the world. Fuck it all.

blaxabbath

Fair.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Evening Moose.

Brocky

@sheamus I got you bro

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Who is the blonde chick with the fake lips, faker boobs, and trying to look smart but obviously isn’t.

I like her?

Gratliff

Dana Brooke. She’s doing an accountant gimmick because reasons.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, two white guys just sneaked up on, and kicked the crap out of two black guys.

That just seems wrong.

Gratliff

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This really happened in my house earlier…

Mom decided to cook Chicken Piccata tonight. Which is a good thing, because she makes it better than I do and also I didn’t have to cook. But after a few minutes of her pounding the chicken….

Me: Hey!!!! Why are you banging that chicken so loud?

I wasn’t even trying to be funny this time. Totally accidental. But damn, she was pounding the shit out of those breasts.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, I just did it again I guess.

SonOfSpam

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE MOM DOES THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU POUND THAT COCK?”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brocky

did you miss alexa?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup.

Brocky

you didn’t miss much

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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herodotus450
herodotus450

What a sellout rosa parks not even on teh list smh

herodotus450
herodotus450

Also, you leave Christopher Steele out of this! His movies are enjoyed by millions!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You mean Riley Steele.

Brocky

I only recognize 1,2,3 and 15.

there fore I assume the other 11 are also clients of Michael Cohen

herodotus450
herodotus450

Didn’t number 8 die in the Challenger explosion?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

The Dirt Cowboys aren’t as much fun without Bartolo Colon the mound … I mean ON the mound.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I swear to god I dated a woman that looked dead on like Ember Moon.

Sans the crazy red eye contacts of course..

Brocky

@sheamus Alexa on after the commercial break

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, I wasn’t paying attention.

I just clicked over to a Popeye’s commercial.

Gratliff

Then you got the essence of RAW