Your “I’m Watching You” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Earl Thomas is not attending voluntary off-season workouts.
    • The Seahawks won’t be concerned until June, and the mandatory veterans workouts are held.
      • If he doesn’t show for those, he could be fined, and that sets the stage for a training camp holdout.
        • This year, the maximum fine amounts are $14,070 for the first day, $28,150 for the second and $42,215 for the third day, for a total of $84,435.
        • Teams can choose to waive the fine, or not impose the maximum.
  • Booger McFarland will be joining Jason Witten on the Monday Night broadcast.
    • Booger will be in a “field analyst” role, whereas Lisa Salters will continue to serve as a sideline reporter.
      • Think Tony Siragusa from FOX broadcasts.

It just makes money off claiming to be a civic asset without being asked to provide proof. If football weren’t an American obsession, the team would have been thrown in the recycling bin long ago.

Good people can cure dysfunction. Smug men who show only cursory concern for humanity cannot rinse off their deplorable stench.

  • In the best example of irony I will teach all week, Jim Irsay purchased the founding document of Alcoholics Anonymous this week for $2.4 million. That’s over 343,000 6-packs of Bud Light.
    • He will both host the document at AA’s world headquarters in New York, and will send it on a naational tour to various meetings across the country.
    • The story notes Irsay attended his first meeting over 25 years ago.

Finally, if you hate yourself, Peter King has a short treatise on his decision to leave the MMQB, and how he expects it to continue going forward after his departure.

  • Here’s a taste:

You’ve been with me through some opinions you hate, through over-Favring and excessive Bradying, through some bad poetry, through a Westin-lobby-near-fistfight, and even through a little bit of football thrown in there.

  • Nothing’s said about whether the staff have to keep drinking Allagash White or if they can switch to another brand.
  • THANK GOD it’s not because of a sex scandal. The mental images of that alone might sterilize half of American males.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Capitals at Penguins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
    • Predators at Jets – 9:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at 76ers – 6:00PM | TNT / TSN2
    • Raptors at Cavaliers – 8:30PM | TNT / TSN
      • a mercy killing awaits the Raptors
  • MLB:
    • Twins at Cardinals – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
      • pour one out for Yadier Molina. After “groin surgery”, he’s out for a month.

  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Hopefully, Winnipeg can work their magic. DON’T WAKE DECILITRE!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

What a piece of shit.

Brocky

fuck it i’m sleeping

Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

The Met Gala should have invited Michael Palin to wear all red and surprise everyone else when their guards are down. For nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Unsurprised

They should have invited someone with the balls to tell Cardinal Dolan that if God was just he would be dying in a prison cell.

Brocky

Much like a dead baby joke, this never gets old

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Brocky

When someone else trys to tell me why the bears will suck this year:

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Mr. Ayo

They all start with Trubustski right?

Brocky

pretty much. either he’s gonna score 2 touchdowns or 58. Depends on who you talk to

Brocky

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Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

O/U on the number of hours Litre has before he gets kicked out of the house for waking decilitre for drunken angry yelling?

Go!!!!!!!

rockingdog

found a funny:

HER: help I’m drowning!
ME: what’s the magic word?
HER: *gurgling* PLEASE!

[Later]
ME: *quietly to coroner* it was abracadabra.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Steve Miller likes this +1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QyoRzZrF00

BrettFavresColonoscopy

On the whole Yadi thing, HAWT TAEK and all but if you’re a professional athlete and you don’t wear a cup then you deserve testicular tortion and worse.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not sure I’d go so far as “deserve”.

But as a catcher especially….one cannot exactly be surprised.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I said the taek was hawt

litre_cola

Well this fucking sucks smelly Flacco scrotum.

Senor Weaselo

But is it an ELITE scrotum?

King Hippo

well, that was disappoint, Western Canadia. Not looking forward to collecting that $27 series bet on Cornpone any MOAR than the $20 wager I put on the Craps when the Yinzers equalized tonight (fortunately I didn’t make it a regulation bet, getting better at hearing my intuition).

Brocky

So….

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I imagine this was the feeling when the caps won in overtime

rockingdog

looks like they are 8-2 since the death of Barbara Bush.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The judges also would have accepted….
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Long fucking day so I’m back at the Cuban joint in Culver Brick recommended.

Brick Meathook

Nice!

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Tonight’s Menu: Salmon marinated in vinaigrette with lemon, ginger and garlic.

Stupid sexy salmon, with your swimming upstream and going from freshwater to saltwater. You got what you deserved you assholes. And tasted damned good doing it.

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(fuck you stupid bear…you snooze you lose!!!!!)

King Hippo

This is just stunning. Really fucking gross and way more disappointing and important in its fallout/ramifications than Sen. Franken:

https://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/ny-attorney-general-eric-schneiderman-resigns-after-abuse-allegations

Unsurprised

Is there any New York elected official who isn’t a piece of shit?

Senor Weaselo

This is part of why I was very tempted to write Madre Weaselo in for mayor. Hermana Weaselo, who’s up at school, is very supportive of this idea and we should start campaigning now I think.

King Hippo

You can have all 12 of mah imaginary dollars FOAR the campaign!

Unsurprised

Take my imaginary dollars, too.

I wrote in a non-candidate for a judicial position because I trust a judge I know in that position more than the ones on the ballot. Sometimes the best person has to be thrust into the job.

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. I feel either a disturbance in the Force, a glitch in the Matrix, or one too many uses of the portal gun (either one, I guess). Is my ESPN app right?

WCS

GO WINNIPEG AND/OR VEGAS

Fronkenshteen

In the above GIF, Yadi seems rather…unprotected, no?

Gratliff

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Fronkenshteen

Holy shit! Why?

Gratliff

Nak’s entire character since Mania has been “Uppercut the MAGA chud in his dick”. It’s the natural conclusion of that arc. Ignoring the fact that they’re giving two of the 10 best wrestlers in the world goofy comedy finishes, it’s truly a great wrestling gif.
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Gratliff

Also hilariously bad: this spot where AJ’s supposed to counter a knee by throwing a chair at it, but Nak ends up just kneeing the chair back into AJ’s face and busting him open
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ4KJi4c4LE

Fronkenshteen

Jesus, wrasslin’ has come a long way since the Boston Crab.
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Unsurprised

But Vince McMahon is the biggest dick MAGA chud in WWE

theeWeeBabySeamus

His dingle did seem to dangle excessively, now that you mention it.

King Hippo

the scariest part is he WALKED OFF THE FIELD under his own power. Before having ball surgery. One may hate him, but that’s one bad motherfucker.

Gratliff

Here they come
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, and those banners have gotten a lot more expensive since Philly had to worry about buying one.
(sorry, I had to)

Gratliff

Toronto needs to go get an old priest and a young priest

ballsofsteelandfury

Is Elisha Cuthbert the daughter of Chris Cuthbert, the announcer for the Winnipeg-Nashville game?

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Mr. Ayo

I’m going to research this on the internet for a bit.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s not a good front man, FWIW.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwv-iRvyDZg

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

Well, she’s Canadian. I mean, Wakezilla and Litre_cola comprise like 12% of the population, so I would assume so.

Unsurprised

Wikipedia says that she is not his daughter. So …

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisha_Cuthbert#Early_life

Fronkenshteen

#capsyear

Gratliff

Caps achieving some level of post-season success is an unfortunate occurrence, but more important than that, eat a dick, Yinzers

ballsofsteelandfury

Wow! That actually happened?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit….what world is this I’m living in?
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Fronkenshteen

Was that a high stick?

herodotus450

What kind of lobotomization would lead one to name one’s kid Rickie with an ‘ie’?

Unsurprised

Total

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s about time for 2 or 3 Yinzer goals.

Alternate timeline: 1 Yinzer goal but 3 OTs from now.

herodotus450

1-1 in game 6, is it time for the Caps to give up a patented back-breaking, series-losing goal?

herodotus450

No, it’s time for another fucking commercial.

LemonJello

What channel is showing the game where you are? Spice?

herodotus450

Well I am watching it online, so everytime there’s a commercial I switch over to milfhub

scotchnaut

Whoa, whoa, whoa. The Caps have a spine?

scotchnaut

“Looks like the Caps are trying to put the Pens away in the first five minutes. That’s a bold strategy.”

-Cotton

Unsurprised

Look at this asshole.

Spoiler

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scotchnaut

Not so much asshole as ‘deer in the headlights’.

Unsurprised

No lights on. Nobody’s home.

Gratliff

Tom Brady as Dr. Moreau and his failed Wahlberg cloning experiment

LemonJello

What am I, a proctologist?

ballsofsteelandfury

These assholes

Redshirt

What is something an Adult Movie Director would say?

I’ll take Animal Genitalia Audio Clues for $300, Alex.

Gratliff

Another game show Drew Carey ruined

Gratliff

Also holds a special place in my heart for routinely getting uncensored titties on my TV at 5 pm as a teenager
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwQi8yRFtDM

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Dr. Harold Borstein, context unclear

rockingdog

Penn and Teller sure do look different…..

scotchnaut

Caps are playing as though destiny isn’t a thing.

scotchnaut

Bernie Parent. The only goalie above him is Hasek in his prime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BCybztvnQo

Gratliff

Never forget the Mt. Rushmore of Flyers Goaltending:
Bernie Parent
Ron Hextall
Drunk Porsche Kid
Alternate Timeline Sergei Bobrovsky

LemonJello

So, Caps gonna Cap it up tonight or will they put Pittsburgh away?

Mr. Ayo

#CapsYear

Gratliff

Honestly, Caps getting swept in the finals by an expansion team would be an amazing schadenfreude singularity

litre_cola

Fuck if I wake that baby there will be no Mrs Cola anymore. Both are sick and I have to leave out of town for work tomorrow….

Gratliff

How the hell do you start a game at 6 pm on a Monday? Wasn’t expecting to turn it on with 1 min to go

scotchnaut

This might just be a fave hockey memory thingy thread. This is the time that the Sens first made the playoffs. I was there. I busted a nut. Hasek was so fucking dominant at the time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kijOAMpZFQA

herodotus450

You gotta watch out, sometimes Tugnutts are left-handed.

Redshirt
Unsurprised

I can’t exactly disagree.

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LemonJello

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LemonJello

You were spared by Thanos.

But now I’m doing the work of what, two-three thousand other beings?

Unsurprised

So double that.

Senor Weaselo

I died, but Hermana Weaselo survived.

scotchnaut

Curtis Joseph was beyond insane in this game

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9gIqHFwzgM

scotchnaut

Gilmour finally figured him out.

Unsurprised

I love how the Post got mad at the Redacteds, but the Times got the story because the other 364 days of the year the Post lovingly carries water for Snyder and his buffoons.

herodotus450
scotchnaut

I found this just now and I’m dying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffXJtOimHF8

herodotus450

Is he wearing a gas mask?

scotchnaut

He’s got his spine, he’s got his Orange Crush.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Garrett Reid, holding up a bottle of pills he found in the trainer’s office

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Ho-LEE SHIIIIIITTTTTTTT!

And now the other half of my work thinks I’m (more) insane.

scotchnaut

Bobby Clarke’s slash might be why the Canucks won the ’72 series.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRlnqthpTbM

scotchnaut

“Not quite sure that could really be called ‘a slash’.”

-The NFL

herodotus450

Henderson!

scotchnaut

“Ovie, can you see, the goal judge’s red light?”

-Cap’s fan most desperate wish

JustStopDude

Fucking Irsay and AA…awesome.

Every AA meeting I have been forced to go to, the room was filled with people with a lot of problems way worse then drinking. Its one of the things I have always detested about AA is that its a band aid. The alcoholism is usually a symptom of trauma and dysfunction. Simply not drinking doesn’t fix shit.

And has there every been a pic of Irsay where he doesn’t look fucked up?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

over-Favring…

So…like 5″ of Favring?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“That’s pretty generous.”

— Jenn Sterger and Deanna Favre in unison

scotchnaut

over-Favring? excessive Bradying?

Has the uber-shill reached peak awareness?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m so sorry everyone, he’s just not AleManRon anymore. It’s what he would have wanted.

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Good night, sweet prince.

Redshirt

Don’t you ever…EVER…besmirch Skyline Chili by associating my city’s beloved meat sauce with Roger Goodell!!!

LemonJello

my city’s beloved meat sauce

What is “substance actually in Buffalo Bill’s lotion in the basket”?