NFL News:
- Earl Thomas is not attending voluntary off-season workouts.
- The Seahawks won’t be concerned until June, and the mandatory veterans workouts are held.
- If he doesn’t show for those, he could be fined, and that sets the stage for a training camp holdout.
- This year, the maximum fine amounts are $14,070 for the first day, $28,150 for the second and $42,215 for the third day, for a total of $84,435.
- Teams can choose to waive the fine, or not impose the maximum.
- If he doesn’t show for those, he could be fined, and that sets the stage for a training camp holdout.
- The Seahawks won’t be concerned until June, and the mandatory veterans workouts are held.
- Booger McFarland will be joining Jason Witten on the Monday Night broadcast.
- Booger will be in a “field analyst” role, whereas Lisa Salters will continue to serve as a sideline reporter.
- Think Tony Siragusa from FOX broadcasts.
- Booger will be in a “field analyst” role, whereas Lisa Salters will continue to serve as a sideline reporter.
- The Washington Post goes all-in on the current [Redacteds] scandal involving their cheerleaders.
- It hauled out the word “deplorable” and closed on these nuggets:
It just makes money off claiming to be a civic asset without being asked to provide proof. If football weren’t an American obsession, the team would have been thrown in the recycling bin long ago.
Good people can cure dysfunction. Smug men who show only cursory concern for humanity cannot rinse off their deplorable stench.
- In the best example of irony I will teach all week, Jim Irsay purchased the founding document of Alcoholics Anonymous this week for $2.4 million. That’s over 343,000 6-packs of Bud Light.
- He will both host the document at AA’s world headquarters in New York, and will send it on a naational tour to various meetings across the country.
- The story notes Irsay attended his first meeting over 25 years ago.
Finally, if you hate yourself, Peter King has a short treatise on his decision to leave the MMQB, and how he expects it to continue going forward after his departure.
- Here’s a taste:
You’ve been with me through some opinions you hate, through over-Favring and excessive Bradying, through some bad poetry, through a Westin-lobby-near-fistfight, and even through a little bit of football thrown in there.
- Nothing’s said about whether the staff have to keep drinking Allagash White or if they can switch to another brand.
- THANK GOD it’s not because of a sex scandal. The mental images of that alone might sterilize half of American males.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Capitals at Penguins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Predators at Jets – 9:30PM | NBCSN / CBC
- NBA:
- Celtics at 76ers – 6:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- Raptors at Cavaliers – 8:30PM | TNT / TSN
- a mercy killing awaits the Raptors
- MLB:
- Twins at Cardinals – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- pour one out for Yadier Molina. After “groin surgery”, he’s out for a month.
- Twins at Cardinals – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- WWE:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Hopefully, Winnipeg can work their magic. DON’T WAKE DECILITRE!
Fuck this guy: https://www.denverpost.com/2018/05/07/pete-coors-colorado-craft-beer-war/
What a piece of shit.
fuck it i’m sleeping
The Met Gala should have invited Michael Palin to wear all red and surprise everyone else when their guards are down. For nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
They should have invited someone with the balls to tell Cardinal Dolan that if God was just he would be dying in a prison cell.
Much like a dead baby joke, this never gets old
When someone else trys to tell me why the bears will suck this year:
They all start with Trubustski right?
pretty much. either he’s gonna score 2 touchdowns or 58. Depends on who you talk to
O/U on the number of hours Litre has before he gets kicked out of the house for waking decilitre for drunken angry yelling?
Go!!!!!!!
found a funny:
HER: help I’m drowning!
ME: what’s the magic word?
HER: *gurgling* PLEASE!
[Later]
ME: *quietly to coroner* it was abracadabra.
Steve Miller likes this +1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QyoRzZrF00
On the whole Yadi thing, HAWT TAEK and all but if you’re a professional athlete and you don’t wear a cup then you deserve testicular tortion and worse.
I’m not sure I’d go so far as “deserve”.
But as a catcher especially….one cannot exactly be surprised.
I said the taek was hawt
Well this fucking sucks smelly Flacco scrotum.
But is it an ELITE scrotum?
well, that was disappoint, Western Canadia. Not looking forward to collecting that $27 series bet on Cornpone any MOAR than the $20 wager I put on the Craps when the Yinzers equalized tonight (fortunately I didn’t make it a regulation bet, getting better at hearing my intuition).
So….
I imagine this was the feeling when the caps won in overtime
looks like they are 8-2 since the death of Barbara Bush.
The judges also would have accepted….
Evening. Long fucking day so I’m back at the Cuban joint in Culver Brick recommended.
Nice!
Tonight’s Menu: Salmon marinated in vinaigrette with lemon, ginger and garlic.
Stupid sexy salmon, with your swimming upstream and going from freshwater to saltwater. You got what you deserved you assholes. And tasted damned good doing it.
(fuck you stupid bear…you snooze you lose!!!!!)
This is just stunning. Really fucking gross and way more disappointing and important in its fallout/ramifications than Sen. Franken:
https://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/ny-attorney-general-eric-schneiderman-resigns-after-abuse-allegations
Is there any New York elected official who isn’t a piece of shit?
This is part of why I was very tempted to write Madre Weaselo in for mayor. Hermana Weaselo, who’s up at school, is very supportive of this idea and we should start campaigning now I think.
You can have all 12 of mah imaginary dollars FOAR the campaign!
Take my imaginary dollars, too.
I wrote in a non-candidate for a judicial position because I trust a judge I know in that position more than the ones on the ballot. Sometimes the best person has to be thrust into the job.
Evening lizard people. I feel either a disturbance in the Force, a glitch in the Matrix, or one too many uses of the portal gun (either one, I guess). Is my ESPN app right?
GO WINNIPEG AND/OR VEGAS
This is a chilling article:
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/05/adam-schiff-lays-out-his-colleagues-plan-to-oust-robert-mueller.html?
In the above GIF, Yadi seems rather…unprotected, no?
Holy shit! Why?
Nak’s entire character since Mania has been “Uppercut the MAGA chud in his dick”. It’s the natural conclusion of that arc. Ignoring the fact that they’re giving two of the 10 best wrestlers in the world goofy comedy finishes, it’s truly a great wrestling gif.
Also hilariously bad: this spot where AJ’s supposed to counter a knee by throwing a chair at it, but Nak ends up just kneeing the chair back into AJ’s face and busting him open
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJ4KJi4c4LE
Jesus, wrasslin’ has come a long way since the Boston Crab.
But Vince McMahon is the biggest dick MAGA chud in WWE
His dingle did seem to dangle excessively, now that you mention it.
the scariest part is he WALKED OFF THE FIELD under his own power. Before having ball surgery. One may hate him, but that’s one bad motherfucker.
Here they come
Yeah, and those banners have gotten a lot more expensive since Philly had to worry about buying one.
(sorry, I had to)
Toronto needs to go get an old priest and a young priest
Is Elisha Cuthbert the daughter of Chris Cuthbert, the announcer for the Winnipeg-Nashville game?
I’m going to research this on the internet for a bit.
She’s not a good front man, FWIW.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwv-iRvyDZg
Well, she’s Canadian. I mean, Wakezilla and Litre_cola comprise like 12% of the population, so I would assume so.
Wikipedia says that she is not his daughter. So …
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elisha_Cuthbert#Early_life
#capsyear
Caps achieving some level of post-season success is an unfortunate occurrence, but more important than that, eat a dick, Yinzers
Wow! That actually happened?
Holy shit….what world is this I’m living in?
Was that a high stick?
What kind of lobotomization would lead one to name one’s kid Rickie with an ‘ie’?
Total
It’s about time for 2 or 3 Yinzer goals.
Alternate timeline: 1 Yinzer goal but 3 OTs from now.
1-1 in game 6, is it time for the Caps to give up a patented back-breaking, series-losing goal?
No, it’s time for another fucking commercial.
What channel is showing the game where you are? Spice?
Well I am watching it online, so everytime there’s a commercial I switch over to milfhub
Whoa, whoa, whoa. The Caps have a spine?
“Looks like the Caps are trying to put the Pens away in the first five minutes. That’s a bold strategy.”
-Cotton
Look at this asshole.
Not so much asshole as ‘deer in the headlights’.
No lights on. Nobody’s home.
Tom Brady as Dr. Moreau and his failed Wahlberg cloning experiment
What am I, a proctologist?
These assholes
What is something an Adult Movie Director would say?
I’ll take Animal Genitalia Audio Clues for $300, Alex.
Old “Whose Line” is always a solid Youtube rabbit hole.
Another game show Drew Carey ruined
Also holds a special place in my heart for routinely getting uncensored titties on my TV at 5 pm as a teenager
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwQi8yRFtDM
– Dr. Harold Borstein, context unclear
Penn and Teller sure do look different…..
Caps are playing as though destiny isn’t a thing.
Bernie Parent. The only goalie above him is Hasek in his prime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BCybztvnQo
Never forget the Mt. Rushmore of Flyers Goaltending:
Bernie Parent
Ron Hextall
Drunk Porsche Kid
Alternate Timeline Sergei Bobrovsky
So, Caps gonna Cap it up tonight or will they put Pittsburgh away?
#CapsYear
Honestly, Caps getting swept in the finals by an expansion team would be an amazing schadenfreude singularity
Fuck if I wake that baby there will be no Mrs Cola anymore. Both are sick and I have to leave out of town for work tomorrow….
How the hell do you start a game at 6 pm on a Monday? Wasn’t expecting to turn it on with 1 min to go
This might just be a fave hockey memory thingy thread. This is the time that the Sens first made the playoffs. I was there. I busted a nut. Hasek was so fucking dominant at the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kijOAMpZFQA
You gotta watch out, sometimes Tugnutts are left-handed.
http://www.didthanoskill.me
I’m alive!
I can’t exactly disagree.
But now I’m doing the work of what, two-three thousand other beings?
So double that.
I died, but Hermana Weaselo survived.
Curtis Joseph was beyond insane in this game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9gIqHFwzgM
Gilmour finally figured him out.
I love how the Post got mad at the Redacteds, but the Times got the story because the other 364 days of the year the Post lovingly carries water for Snyder and his buffoons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPIIk79gNyU#t=1m10s
I found this just now and I’m dying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffXJtOimHF8
Is he wearing a gas mask?
He’s got his spine, he’s got his Orange Crush.
– Garrett Reid, holding up a bottle of pills he found in the trainer’s office
Ho-LEE SHIIIIIITTTTTTTT!
And now the other half of my work thinks I’m (more) insane.
Bobby Clarke’s slash might be why the Canucks won the ’72 series.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRlnqthpTbM
I think you can remove the “might be”.
“Not quite sure that could really be called ‘a slash’.”
-The NFL
Henderson!
“Ovie, can you see, the goal judge’s red light?”
-Cap’s fan most desperate wish
Fucking Irsay and AA…awesome.
Every AA meeting I have been forced to go to, the room was filled with people with a lot of problems way worse then drinking. Its one of the things I have always detested about AA is that its a band aid. The alcoholism is usually a symptom of trauma and dysfunction. Simply not drinking doesn’t fix shit.
And has there every been a pic of Irsay where he doesn’t look fucked up?
So…like 5″ of Favring?
“That’s pretty generous.”
— Jenn Sterger and Deanna Favre in unison
over-Favring? excessive Bradying?
Has the uber-shill reached peak awareness?
Like I said, just a taste. I read too much, and now I feel like eating Skyline chili with Roger Goodell.
I’m so sorry everyone, he’s just not AleManRon anymore. It’s what he would have wanted.
Good night, sweet prince.
Don’t you ever…EVER…besmirch Skyline Chili by associating my city’s beloved meat sauce with Roger Goodell!!!
What is “substance actually in Buffalo Bill’s lotion in the basket”?